Princess71 Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 Whenever I break up with someone, I have tremendous trouble believing I will ever meet someone I care about as much. I know a lot of people go through this. I know that ultimately I do find someone else, even if it is years later. Everyone tells me I will meet someone else. And yet I'm not desperate for a boyfriend, I feel desperate for THAT PERSON. Its been a year now and I still don't want to meet anyone else. I just want HIM. If you read any of my other threads, you'd see I didn't even have a relationship with him. We were friends and then fooled around ONCE !!! Yet I can't stop thinking about him. What's wrong with me?? 1
Jane2011 Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 A year is way too long to still be hung up on someone you "fooled around with once" (even if you were friends with him previously). I was hung up for four months on a guy who was also a friend of mine who I "fooled around with for one month." Four months of being hung up (under those circumstances) is plenty, I say. You have to find another man. Start putting yourself out there and realize the magic of other men.
Kamille Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 I quickly browsed at your past threads. What I find surprising is that you seemed to still hold out hope that things would eventually work out with him, in spite of him telling you and showing you it's not going to happen. Any idea why you're hanging on to the idea things will work out with this guy?
Author Princess71 Posted April 8, 2012 Author Posted April 8, 2012 Kamille, Because I knew he had some sort of social anxiety problem. He told me about it when we were only friends and I witnessed it myself when he interacted with other girls. This guy just lost over 300 pounds and I figured maybe that had something to do with his insecurity. When I called him a few months ago he called me back right away and sounded very happy to hear from me. I guess I just was hoping that if his reason for not seeing me was his hangups, that he could get past it. Its not like he's seeing anyone else. Again, our mutual friend lives with him and told me he doesn't go out on weekends or socialize much. But since he didn't return my last phone call, I really have lost hope for this.
Kamille Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 And that unreturned call incident is recent right? Giving up hope is hard. Our minds will often rationalize hanging on to someone. You gave this guy plenty of chances. If ever he gets over his hang ups, he'll know how to find you. I would recommend you play with the idea of meeting someone else. Challenge yourself when out in public. Force yourself to check out guys, even flirt with them. You may not feel ready for a relationship yet, but there's no harm window shopping.
wwwjd Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 What's wrong is we weren't designed to "break up" from someone our heart, body, mind and SOUL have MATEd with. It's unnatural so it hurts.
Frank13 Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 Any idea why you're hanging on to the idea things will work out with this guy? It's because people want what they can't have.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 How are other parts of your life going? I think you are creating this fantasy relationship with this guy to escape something else.
wwwjd Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 It's your biology trying to get you to procreate. hahahahahaha! As much as that is 2000% scientific proven reality, women NEVER want to acknowledge this concept consciously instead of the farey tales we've implanted since youth.
SmileFace Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 Force yourself to start dating. If you aren't ready to date... Start working on improving yourself. Clinging to someone for so long is usually a rooted problem within yourself. I have fell pretty hard for guys in the silliest situations however I find working on myself helps me get out of the ... "how can I find someone better" stage. A year is far too long -- I am not saying dont take time to be sad over a heart break ( one sided or not ) but a whole year isn't healthy at all.
Nikki Sahagin Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 hahahahahaha! As much as that is 2000% scientific proven reality, women NEVER want to acknowledge this concept consciously instead of the farey tales we've implanted since youth. But then how do we make sense of women falling in love with women or men falling in love with men, when there is NO way they can procreate naturally? If we take it further into a little bit of a warped direction, what about dudes that fall in love with horses, or the woman that fell in love with the Eiffel Tower? I've always thought love is a trick of nature to make babies, but the fact is a lot of people that don't want babies or can't have them still fall in love. Maybe love still exists for that reason originally, but clearly we hang onto it for reasons outside of procreation.
soundofviolet Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 Sounds vaguely familiar. I liked a guy for eight years hoping we would end up together, thinking that we belong together, even though I "knew" that we didn't. And we were never even friends, just classmates. My guess is a cliché, but maybe you're holding on to a dream of a guy you can't have, because you're scared of commitment? Or of getting close to someone who actually wants you? Forcing yourself to date other men won't help. You have to know what's making you act this way. It's usually something very obvious and staring you right in the face, yet you can't see it, because you're in denial.
dasein Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 I don't think there's anything wrong with you, would imagine most of us have felt similar things. The solution is to get busy and create a good social life for yourself, remove all reminders of the love object from your life, and the pining feelings will fade over time. Good luck.
123321 Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 But then how do we make sense of women falling in love with women or men falling in love with men, when there is NO way they can procreate naturally? If we take it further into a little bit of a warped direction, what about dudes that fall in love with horses, or the woman that fell in love with the Eiffel Tower? I've always thought love is a trick of nature to make babies, but the fact is a lot of people that don't want babies or can't have them still fall in love. Maybe love still exists for that reason originally, but clearly we hang onto it for reasons outside of procreation. Why do fat people still get hungry? The urge serves a purpose even if it's an imperfect solution.
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