fallenheart Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 Couldn't agree with Frank13 more. OP is being selfish and heartless. "I am in no way attracted to him but I love the constant attention he gives me so I'll just use him and string him along for my own needs as long as I want!!" He doesn't want to be your friend. Leave him alone and go find some random douchebag at the bar that will cheat on you and treat you like crap, that's what you really want anyway.
Imajerk17 Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 So 9Lives, how many dates have you gone on w him? How did you meet him? What are your interactions with him like? You actually said very little about him. Talk about him some more and we might have some idea....
wwwjd Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 I knew this was coming. My sarcastic suggestion was going to be to friend zone him, lead him on, have him fall in love with you, and then tell him you will never be more than just friends. It amazes me how women will knowingly let a guy suffer because they don't want to lose his friendship or stop talking to him. It;s called selfishness and it sounds like you are full of it. I call this "them keeping a Backup Guy": if they are desparate and nothing better comes along, all of a sudden he can become a real attachement, but gotta keep him in the corral until then. I guess maybe BACKUP GUYS is part of what the whole Friend Zone thing really is, huh?
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 Let me get this straight: You are concerned about keeping the friendship after ONE date? WTF? You aren't friends so there is nothing to keep. You know he is a great guy after ONE date? I have met many guys that seemed absolutely perfect after few dates...then in turned out they were major a-holes. 1
Professor X Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 Let me get this straight: You are concerned about keeping the friendship after ONE date? WTF? You aren't friends so there is nothing to keep. You know he is a great guy after ONE date? I have met many guys that seemed absolutely perfect after few dates...then in turned out they were major a-holes. I never thought I'd like a post from ES...
ThatDudeXO Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 Wow I feel sorry for this dude he's been friend zoned and you still wanna date him? Damn. He's in for a shock.
SJC2008 Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 I say give it a few more. Kudos to you and the other girl for thinking outside the box. The way I see it is that a lot of people believe in chemistry and a lot of people are divorced. She didn't say she was going to force anything or lead him on. She just wants to give it a few more dates to make sure a good one doesn't slip through the cracks. 1
Author 9Lives Posted April 8, 2012 Author Posted April 8, 2012 Just because he treats you GREAT on a first date you think you know him and everything you need to know to determine that he'd be a great guy to be in a relationship with otherwise? You don't know anything about him, he's putting his best foot forward, appears to be doing the right things...stop being so naive and act like you've known this guy on a close and personal level for years. Besides that, put yourself in his shoes...is this how you would want to be treated If you went out with someone you really liked and they were so-so about you and didn't really feel it? would you rather string them along or just let them find someone who deserves the same interest level. Just remember, what goes around comes around! Go on a few dates If you must, but don't mislead the guy because I don't want to hear you whining when a guy does it to you and you had all these "hopes and dreams"....It's funny how people are ok with doing it to others but when it comes to them being on the other end they question it and feel like it's so wrong. well first of all, I havent done anything wrong! You sometimes do not feel someone at first and then they grow on you. I just wanted to see if anyone has been in this situation and how did they handle it. Im not going to do him wrong. Im just trying to understand it
Author 9Lives Posted April 8, 2012 Author Posted April 8, 2012 Don't give up on him! I was the same with my current BF; he was way too nice for me and I wasn't attracted to him (he looked "nice" and I like the bad-boy look). I gave it several more dates and now I'm head-over-heels. It just took a while and I was ready to write him off... See this is why Im not trying to run him off. I like the way he treats me and I dont want to just send him off like that.
Woggle Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 Just let him go instead of torturing him down the road.
Author 9Lives Posted April 8, 2012 Author Posted April 8, 2012 Let me get this straight: You are concerned about keeping the friendship after ONE date? WTF? You aren't friends so there is nothing to keep. You know he is a great guy after ONE date? I have met many guys that seemed absolutely perfect after few dates...then in turned out they were major a-holes. Let me get this straight? WHO said we only been on one date? hmmm
Author 9Lives Posted April 8, 2012 Author Posted April 8, 2012 I say give it a few more. Kudos to you and the other girl for thinking outside the box. The way I see it is that a lot of people believe in chemistry and a lot of people are divorced. She didn't say she was going to force anything or lead him on. She just wants to give it a few more dates to make sure a good one doesn't slip through the cracks. Thank you for sticking to the fact here. I have learned on LS some people read WAY more into it or ADD more to the story. I am not trying to lead this guy on, I am trying to see WHY i feel this way and clear my head so I DONT play with this guy. I do think he is very good and I dont think you should be in a rush to run of good people. If I see it isnot going to work, I will let him know but I want to be sure. That is not a crime
Author 9Lives Posted April 8, 2012 Author Posted April 8, 2012 Just let him go instead of torturing him down the road. This guy is not being tortured. We just met. He is just really excited about us and I am trying to get to know him. he acting like he already knows me and I dont like when guys move too fast. It kinda scary
Author 9Lives Posted April 8, 2012 Author Posted April 8, 2012 How much dates have you been on? 3 dates Been dating for less than a month..month will be April 16th He told me he loves me today have not had sex
SmileFace Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 3 dates Been dating for less than a month..month will be April 16th He told me he loves me today have not had sex Wait up... Love? Were you guys talking or familiar with each other prior to dating? How are you feeling about this love thing?
Author 9Lives Posted April 8, 2012 Author Posted April 8, 2012 Wait up... Love? Were you guys talking or familiar with each other prior to dating? How are you feeling about this love thing?[/QUOTE] About to vomit!! It hasnt even been a month. he just moving too fast. THATS THE PROBLEM. Now I know. I need time to get to know him and he is doing too much. this is why I am feeling uncomfortable. I will talk to him.
SmileFace Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 About to vomit!! It hasnt even been a month. he just moving too fast. THATS THE PROBLEM. Now I know. I need time to get to know him and he is doing too much. this is why I am feeling uncomfortable. I will talk to him. I am all for giving people chances. I understand wanting something to work since it seems silly for it not to but I don't think that is enough. You are still trying to find your initial attraction and he is talking love. Its good you want to make this work but do you think there is a chance when he is so far in? You can continue to try but if it is never there you are going to feel guilted into a relationship or hurting him. 1
LZ2000 Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 This guy is GREAT!!! It would definately be my loss. I feel so heavy about it but I dont even be wanting to kiss him. He seems more like a great friend I think what you should do is to give yourself a peaceful moment or amount of time for contemplation to calm your emotions down and really look into your feelings, sort them out. Well. Just take one step at a time. 1
Author 9Lives Posted April 8, 2012 Author Posted April 8, 2012 I am all for giving people chances. I understand wanting something to work since it seems silly for it not to but I don't think that is enough. You are still trying to find your initial attraction and he is talking love. Its good you want to make this work but do you think there is a chance when he is so far in? You can continue to try but if it is never there you are going to feel guilted into a relationship or hurting him. BINGO! That is what I am talking about. I am still trying to get into the relationship. he wants me to meet his mom, tells me he loves me, talks about our future, etc. I need him to just chill out and let us have a relationship!!! We are just getting started. I want to get to know him but I dont like the feelings I am getting. I cant help that.
Author 9Lives Posted April 8, 2012 Author Posted April 8, 2012 I think what you should do is to give yourself a peaceful moment or amount of time for contemplation to calm your emotions down and really look into your feelings, sort them out. Well. Just take one step at a time. yeah that is what I came to LS to kinda do and I am being demonized. I just wanted to sort thru my thoughts and understand why I was feeling like I am.
SJC2008 Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 Ok he says he loves you already? That's not a good sign, probably means he doesn't "know" his emotions if you will. You have hooked him, meaning something about you has struck an emotional/subconscious cord with him, making him feel strongly for you. This happened to me with the last woman I dated but sure as heck didn't think I was in love with her. Hardly do I meet a woman where right off the bat she hooks me and I get sprung. At least you are willing to communicate with him and tell him to slow down and take one things one step at a time. As far as meeting the parents, good rule of thumb (from a successful matchmaker) is to not meet parents for AT LEAST 3 months into things. Don't worry about being demonized here. Some posters will spin what you write or if you don't explain things the right way (I'm guilty of that) they'll take what you write and run and hammer you, even when you re-word and apologize. BTW for background purposes: How old are the both of you? 1
Author 9Lives Posted April 8, 2012 Author Posted April 8, 2012 Ok he says he loves you already? That's not a good sign, probably means he doesn't "know" his emotions if you will. You have hooked him, meaning something about you has struck an emotional/subconscious cord with him, making him feel strongly for you. This happened to me with the last woman I dated but sure as heck didn't think I was in love with her. Hardly do I meet a woman where right off the bat she hooks me and I get sprung. At least you are willing to communicate with him and tell him to slow down and take one things one step at a time. As far as meeting the parents, good rule of thumb (from a successful matchmaker) is to not meet parents for AT LEAST 3 months into things. Don't worry about being demonized here. Some posters will spin what you write or if you don't explain things the right way (I'm guilty of that) they'll take what you write and run and hammer you, even when you re-word and apologize. BTW for background purposes: How old are the both of you? A big turn on to me is when we just take some time to talk and build some excitment. he just doing too much. I aint meeting his momma! I been on LS for a long time and it has actually gotten worst with the mean comments. People will say things on here they dont have the guts to say in anybody face. They are internet gangsters! I laugh at them because they are not that big and bad! Just finger strong! lol! I just look for real comments
LZ2000 Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 yeah that is what I came to LS to kinda do and I am being demonized. I just wanted to sort thru my thoughts and understand why I was feeling like I am. 9Lives, most of us here on this forum is here because we all have some emotional baggage of some kind from our relationships. I'm no exception. Although I do have a little, I can deal with it relatively well enough (i believe so.). True, some people here are judgmental. That's understandable, some of us stand very firmly behind their values, opinions and hurtful life experiences. Sometimes, I have some relationship problems with some of the people in my life that I don't even want to share here and to see what responses and solutions I would get. But I take it all on my stride. I realized that if I do so, I do get wiser from it. And some times I do find the answers within myself. And of course, I am no one to criticize anyone on this forum, but to only help as best as I can. So keep on staying strong and be happy!
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