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Learned a big lesson about dating years after a breakup.


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Posted

Long story short - I was in a 5 year 4 months relationship.

She emotionally cheated, I left her. She's with said dude.

 

It's been 3 years since that break up. A relationship I thought was ture love and forever.

 

Since then I've been with 3 other girls - casually.

 

I never "Loved" them, it was just to date.

 

FINALLY I fall in love again. I'm proud that I still could have those feelings.

She seemed to be giving all the signs she liked me. I suck at reading things.

 

I asked and she gave me her number, she would flirt.

 

The whole time it's almost like falling in Love was hell - I was full of fear, numb.

 

I asked her once to go out, she said no cause she's not ready after her long time break up. She was broken up for years too. I thought it was perfect.

 

Basically this is my lesson "Don't invest so much emotional energy into a person - ask, if nothing then stop.

 

Forget games, forget signs.

 

I called her cause so many people said do it cause shes probably shy and terrified. I waited 3 months after she kept talking to me.

 

Now she says she is kinda seeing someone and it would be inappropriate.

 

That's fine at least she was honest.

 

But honestly, I will not ask another girl out for a long time. I can't take it.

I get those butterflies and I'm not ready for rejection again. It's like I'm walking around with a big wound on my heart.

 

Too sensitive.

 

I don't want to end up startting to hate women. I know there are good ones, and it's my hope to get one.

 

People say it happens when it happens not to look. Then I stop looking and it doesn't happen.

 

Then like here - she seemed to come into my life like a blessing - and it didn't pan out.

 

Lesson - see whats up - ask up font and then let go. Do ont invest so much emotional energy. It's just a waste of time.

Posted

It sounds like you are realizing an important truth: get to rejection quickly :)

 

Once you know what you want, lay it out there. If she doesn't want the same thing or wants to play games, walk.

 

;)

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Posted
It sounds like you are realizing an important truth: get to rejection quickly :)

 

Once you know what you want, lay it out there. If she doesn't want the same thing or wants to play games, walk.

 

;)

 

Exactly. I'm happy I learned it now. I don't tolerate poor relationships.

I hear of people in horrible marriages, getting disrespected - life to too short to deal with that. People get rejected while in relationships all the time.

Getting back to love is key. If no love is shown at the start - I simply don't deal with that type of relationship.

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Posted

I hear of people in horrible marriages, getting disrespected - life to too short to deal with that. People get rejected while in relationships all the time.

Getting back to love is key. If no love is shown at the start - I simply don't deal with that type of relationship.

 

The lesson you learned is a valid one, but don't you think you're being a bit extreme? Love at the start? How does that work? I don't care if it's Miranda Kerr, if a woman told me she loved me from the start, I'd start walking away. Fast.

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Posted
The lesson you learned is a valid one, but don't you think you're being a bit extreme? Love at the start? How does that work? I don't care if it's Miranda Kerr, if a woman told me she loved me from the start, I'd start walking away. Fast.

 

Sorry. What I meant was this - love as in I see signs she likes me like

- eye contact

- smiles

- talking

- texting or calling where sometimes she starts

 

I have to change a pattern I see in my relationships where I gave way more love then I got back. Like with this new girl I blew her up in my mind.

I texted her, she never texted me first. I called her - she never called me first.

 

So it has to be mutual, I put too much in.

 

I'm honestly taking a break from trying to get a girlfriend now.

 

This is the first girl I fell for in 3 years, and it was all in my head.

 

The feeling of love and intimacy is so hard for me to achieve that it's pointless basing my happiness on it, thats why I love my work, hobbies, family etc. If I'm in an intimate relationship fine, but I'm not now so I find joy in other areas.

Posted

When you get older and have been through this enough, not only won't you mind rejection, you will build up a wall around your heart so thick that when someone finally falls for you, you will feel nothing for them.

Posted

Hey you win some you lose some. Rejection just makes finding that one person you connect with much more enjoyable.

Posted

Well think of things this way.

 

If your single and you get regected...Next!

 

Imagine being married and constantly being rejected. That was my life for almost two decades. Your options are pretty screwed up when your married.

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Posted
When you get older and have been through this enough, not only won't you mind rejection, you will build up a wall around your heart so thick that when someone finally falls for you, you will feel nothing for them.

 

That's what I'm afraid of - I don't want to be jaded. Yes I want a relationship, but I'm going to be way more selective and only go for girls that show signs they like me too.

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Posted
Hey you win some you lose some. Rejection just makes finding that one person you connect with much more enjoyable.

 

I guess. It's just right now, I can't handle rejection. I used to try alot when I was younger, I can't stand it anymore. I will be fine, I am much better today.

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Posted
Well think of things this way.

 

If your single and you get regected...Next!

 

Imagine being married and constantly being rejected. That was my life for almost two decades. Your options are pretty screwed up when your married.

 

Yes, it's really not "next" for me. My ex I thought she was so beautiful I thought we had a great 5 year + relationship. Now I find myself single and find dating so challenging.

 

I am aware people get rejected while married too.

 

Also I am happy I saved 15 years of my life compared to others.

 

One problem

 

It's like falling in love triggers pain in me now. This recent girl who rejected me I think she's the first girl I fell for in 3 years. Since my break up. It's hard for me to feel that.

 

Today I was looking at photos of my ex - and it all came back.

 

Crazy how I never looked for the first year, then a little the second.

 

I sometimes come back to them.

 

The worst thing for me to hear ever is "Move on" "They moved on, so should you"

 

I put away the photos for a over a year once, then break under stress and look at her again.

 

It's like I hold this idealized image of her - when in reality she was a high school drop out, smoker, club girl. It would never have lasted.

 

I just wish I could find a another girl.

 

Whatever though, I believe that all I need to be happy is inside of me anyway.

Posted

Health we have something in common. We are both hopeless romantics.

 

I tend to fall in love very easily. This is both a blessing and a curse. But in this day and age it seems to be mostly a curse.

 

Being in love sometimes makes people do dumb things. You just have to stop and use your head every once in a while and not let your heart dictate everything you do. Just saying.

 

I remember getting the "you need to move on" thing from my XW a million times. And it hurt to hear that every single time she said it. But she was absolutely right. Again, just saying.

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