chiquita17 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 (edited) I have been with my boyfriend for about six months now; and suddenly I feel somewhat repulsed by affection/sex with him. I was attracted to him in the beginning but after we took a weekend vacation together, things changed from that moment on. I am a 30 year old woman, and I feel like I am being a little shallow; and trying to get over this feeling. Sometimes I feel like we just don't mesh well as we are from different backgrounds but we grew up in the area, and have been exposed to many of the same things. I have some experience with relationships, and have never felt like this so early on. Is it because he is such a nice guy that I am scared of being treated right? or is this clearly a lack of passion? I am not a cheater and would never want to cheat on him, but sometimes when we are out, I see guys who are more of my type. How can I get over this? Because when you get old and looks fade, it won't matter anymore. Thanks! Edited April 7, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Restore from duplicate thread
udolipixie Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Is it because he is such a nice guy that I am scared of being treated right? Is he one of the few or only nice guys you've dated? Do you tend to be attracted to or attract guys who treat you badly? Are you using his niceness as a reason as to why you should be attracted to him and are shallow/scared if you're not? or is this clearly a lack of passion? Were you physically attracted to him initially from first sight or did you grow to be attracted to him due to how he treated you or aspects or his personality? Curious as I find this rebound repulsion common in gals I met & know who've overlooked physical things because he's a nice/good/decent guy. Was the vacation eye opening in terms of compatibility and relationship l longevity? Curious as some gals tend to psych themselves out if they don't see a future with the guy.
prune juice Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 nice guys do finish last, which is why when i want sex i'm not nice.
veggirl Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Repulsed?! Ouch! Is it his looks? Or just affection, etc in general from him? Do you still enjoy his company in other ways? Has no guy ever treated you well or something...?
Author chiquita17 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 Yes I was attracted to him at first (thought he was good looking but not really sexy).. he never been with another woman before me, and at first this was hard for me as I did not want to be his first, etc. It felt like a lot of pressure. On the other hand, he treats me better/different than any other man I've been with because he is a different "type" of man, not my usual. So he was brought up differently. It could be that I am scared; and yes I do feel that I should appreciate the way he treats me. But in some ways I just feel he has no clue. Even though he's been doing great as a boyfriend. Not sure what my issue is.
Author chiquita17 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 @veg girl: I do enjoy his company as in hanging out and doing things, but sometimes when I'm feeling this way I don't want the affection. It can annoy me at times because it reminds me of him petting his dog. He has a dog which he pets the same way he pets me, but I know he doesn't do it intentionally - he just doesn't really have the experience. and then sometimes it just plain annoys me because I feel b*tchy...
veggirl Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Yes I was attracted to him at first (thought he was good looking but not really sexy).. he never been with another woman before me, and at first this was hard for me as I did not want to be his first, etc. It felt like a lot of pressure. On the other hand, he treats me better/different than any other man I've been with because he is a different "type" of man, not my usual. So he was brought up differently. It could be that I am scared; and yes I do feel that I should appreciate the way he treats me. But in some ways I just feel he has no clue. Even though he's been doing great as a boyfriend. Not sure what my issue is. Well you should leave your BF. don't get into a relationship with someone you aren't sexually attracted to! Sounds like you think of him more as a friend and were kinda forcing romantic feelings just cause he's a nice guy.
prune juice Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 guys perspective. the worse i treated gals the better i did. this is conterintuitive and doesn't make any sense on paper. buts it's how most gals are. being nice is the worst thing you can do if you want to be more than friends.
Author chiquita17 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 I am leaning more towards it's over too.. but i didn't want to hurt him. Thanks for your advice you are probably right!
Jane2011 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 That's super fast for sexual/physical attraction to fade. I think the sexual honeymoon period (to varying degrees, but still be existent) should last for one to two years. It's possible you're scared. I'm just thinking of a friend of mine who, after four months or so, started to become a little bit repulsed by her boyfriend (maybe not as bad as what you're indicating, though). With the help of her therapist, though, she realized she was just a little scared of the "realness" of him (more emotionally available than any other guy she'd been with before). She's still with him now, happily. a year and five months later. I have not experienced what you're experiencing, relationship-wise, but I have just in terms of attraction. There is a guy I know now who likes me who I am repulsed by (and it's not his looks; he's pretty good-looking). I just feel inexplicably repulsed by him. About a year ago, I thought of him as a possible prospect. Something about him freaks me out, though. I think it's because he likes me and would like to be with him, but I fear him. I don't question it too much. I like men other than him who are emotionally available. Something about him just freaks me out, and I'm not going to any therapist to convince me to want him.
Author chiquita17 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 Prune juice - i actually liked him in the beginning BECAUSE he was so nice to me. but then i think i just got used to it. Not sure what made things switch so suddenly. And he tries to be a little more edgy with me, to turn me on but it's not working because i know it's not naturally him..
Professor X Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Nice guys don't finish. Finishing last implies you got to the holy grail - even if you were last
Jane2011 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I think it's because he likes me and would like to be with him, but I fear him. Correction: *would like to be with me
Author chiquita17 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 Jane - You may be right.. we spoke about trying therapy together and I like the fact that he is willing to try. I think my main concern is being that he has never been with anyone before me, that his "niceness" is because he hasn't been exposed to what us women can really do. The real gem would be having a man whose been through some things with woman and still remain nice. I feel that it's no challenge having him because he is so pure. And it makes me feel like he's something I have the power to destroy and i don't want that power. I just want a guy with experience who is also good to me. As for you; I think you should trust your gut. Because you haven't gotten to know him yet, it's probably a sign that there is something about him you don't like. For me, I didn't really feel any signs until AFTER we started this thing.
prune juice Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Prune juice - i actually liked him in the beginning BECAUSE he was so nice to me. but then i think i just got used to it. Not sure what made things switch so suddenly. And he tries to be a little more edgy with me, to turn me on but it's not working because i know it's not naturally him.. you liked him because he was nice. but did you love him and become sexually attracted to him because he was nice? it's usually a resounding no for most gals. gals like edginess but its extrordinally difficult for a guy to fake edginess over time. you're not abnormal for a woman. you're going to have to break up with him carefully. if you were the first gal he was with an he's 30, he may be 35 or 40 or more before he gets another shot with a gal. you'll need to weigh how much to bend the truth.
Author chiquita17 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 he's a little younger than me actually.. he's 25
Author chiquita17 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 and he's not a bad looking guy, i'm sure he'll meet more women.. it's just for me i feel like im being silly for this.. but you are right.. women like edge and i have told him that a couple of times already. We kinda brush it off and continued. but after the trip I can't snap out of it this time.
prune juice Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Jane - You may be right.. we spoke about trying therapy together and I like the fact that he is willing to try. I think my main concern is being that he has never been with anyone before me, that his "niceness" is because he hasn't been exposed to what us women can really do. The real gem would be having a man whose been through some things with woman and still remain nice. I feel that it's no challenge having him because he is so pure. And it makes me feel like he's something I have the power to destroy and i don't want that power. I just want a guy with experience who is also good to me. As for you; I think you should trust your gut. Because you haven't gotten to know him yet, it's probably a sign that there is something about him you don't like. For me, I didn't really feel any signs until AFTER we started this thing. i'm not so sure that's the reason for his niceness. does he treat everybody nice? is his niceness genuine? do you want to try therapy?
Author chiquita17 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 yes he seems nice to everyone.. i haven't seen him in a situation where he wasn't reasonable. I do believe it is genuine and it's his nature. and the therapy im not sure if i want to try it, but i think i should at least try since he is willing to.
prune juice Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 and he's not a bad looking guy, i'm sure he'll meet more women.. it's just for me i feel like im being silly for this.. but you are right.. women like edge and i have told him that a couple of times already. We kinda brush it off and continued. but after the trip I can't snap out of it this time. you have to be careful. do not i repeat do not tell him that you are sure he will meet more women when you dump him. he's 25 rather than 30 so it's not as bleak as i had first thought but it won't be easy for him. most gals prefer guys with a lot more experience. that's the way it is and its tough luck for this guy.
Author chiquita17 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 thanks prune...why shouldn't i say that part? i would think that would make it sound better.. no?
Cracker Jack Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 What guys are "more of your type?" Also, Nice Guys don't necessarily finish last. Self-proclaimed Nice Guys finish last.
prune juice Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 yes he seems nice to everyone.. i haven't seen him in a situation where he wasn't reasonable. I do believe it is genuine and it's his nature. and the therapy im not sure if i want to try it, but i think i should at least try since he is willing to. why not try a few sessions? if it doesn't help you redevelop attraction for him, you're going to have to dump him. its unfair to both for it to continue too long without attraction. be prepared for him not to be nice when you dump him. because you've always seen him nice it will look dramatic to you since its out of character for him. if the therapy doesn't help in the relationship it could help him after the relationship.
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