False hope?

[spellcatcher]

Hi everyone, I haven't posted here much before but I thought I would give it a shot. I have spoken to many friends in the past and their advice was more or less unanimous. I have also written many unsent emails just to get it off my chest but nothing seems to help. So I thought I would share it with you.

 

And believe me, i do in every way realize how silly it all sounds, but emotions override logic at times.

 

Here's my story.

 

I met this guy over a year ago in January. It was not a conventional way to meet someone. You see, I'm one of those girls that always liked video games and played them alot through college and even now. (I am 28, educated, fit, and employed =p) I have fallen for guys I met in games in the past, but it never amounted to anything out of the internet so despite hearing some success stories, i decided it doesnt work for me and close the chapter on long distance dating. That's when met him.

 

It wasn't anything special... we just clicked. Somehow. Started talking on voice chat alot, everyday then, playing together, talking about our lives, texting eachother at work, until it really felt like we were part of eachother's lives more so than some people we knew in person. We had similar hobbies, similar interests and had a great time together.

 

However there was one hick up... yes... the distance.

 

I told him from day one when he confessed his feelings about me to myself and a few close freinds, that I have been hurt this way before and will need to meet him face to face in person before making any commitment. He accepted this at first but then began to get upset everytime i brought up the fact of us meeting. In the meantime things were still great in every other way.

 

Six months went by, and yet I still couldn't seem to get him to make a solid plan with me about any sort of meeting. This began to worry me and I started feeling very emotionally stressed. Like I was falling for something that would never materialize. I tried to share my concerns with him many times but he always only got more and more upset and concluded that I " didn't love him". I explained that I liked him very much and cared for him very deeply, but needed to meet in person before I could really take the love plunge with him.

 

I understood alot of the circumstances surrounding his work and his pets, and how difficult it would be for him to find the time to fly over for a weekend, but we always agreed that he would be the one to come visit. (many reasons involved that I don't want to get into). Eventually, I settled on just getting on webcam together, and made him promise to get one after i returned from a short summer vacation.

 

Long story short, it never happened. Despite making every effort, compromise, discussion, even sending him a webcam myself, I have never seen the guy beyond a couple of small photographs. This rly worried me and eventually when i told him he had to show himself or I could not do this anymore, he said I broke up with him.

 

I tried many times to talk to him and explain - and i suppose i shouldnt have - but I really cared about him in a way I cant explain. I still do.

 

It's been roughly half a year since the "break up" and we have never really stopped talking. We still txt each other everyday, and never really blocked one another, despite the fights.

 

I am confused however.

 

He still tries to involve me in some of our old hobbies together, but he would never reply if I ask him to talk on video or on voice chat.

 

Most messages are initiated by me, but when i stop messaging him, will usually get a text from him in a day or max 2. Ive heard from mutual friends that he drinks alot now, and works, and does little else. I am also pretty sure he hasnt formed any new romantic interests.

 

When I say I miss him, he would say the same, but when I once again ask if we can talk about it, I get no answer.

 

He says he is busy, but I don't buy that.

 

I also know he has blocked girls in the past (that we both knew) and never renewed contact. He never blocked me. So why is he still holding on?

 

Better yet... why am I?

Edited April 7, 2012 by spellcatcher

[january2011]

For whatever reason, he is happy to maintain the level of contact that you have now. He doesn't want to move to web cam or a face-to-face meeting. He has something to hide. It could be his physical appearance - he has low self-esteem about it. Or he could be married and have kids and you're just his flirtation on the side. Whatever is going on, he would rather break up with you than let you see or meet him.

 

This is a non-starter. Unless he explains himself, and you've given him ample opportunity to do so, you're not really going to be able to get to the bottom of this. You've already invested enough of your time, energy and emotions to be left with very little to show for it. I suggest going NC and cutting off contact completely. There's nothing here for you to make a relationship out of other than a virtual non-boyfriend who won't even let you see his face.