starla33 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 So as a girl that hates waiting around for guys to ask me out. I have on numerous occasions asked guys out and they have always said yes. The thing is I feel that this makes them lose interest for some reason...either that or my super old fashioned gfs yell at me for "chasing" the guy. I wonder if I would have better outcomes if I just left it? And waited for the guy to ask me out?
january2011 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 There's nothing to stop you from trying that method. It may be that you're at a stage in life/location/age where some methods are more successful than others. Figure out what 'works' best for you.
Author starla33 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 Yeah the thing is ive been told by multiple guys I'm intimidating or they couldn't tell I liked them so don't know how that would work out for me. If a guy texts me "I really want to see you again" and I say yes...and then I never hear from him again (unless I say something). Makes me wonder what the issue is. This has happened numerous times to me now.
prune juice Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 So as a girl that hates waiting around for guys to ask me out. I have on numerous occasions asked guys out and they have always said yes. The thing is I feel that this makes them lose interest for some reason...either that or my super old fashioned gfs yell at me for "chasing" the guy. I wonder if I would have better outcomes if I just left it? And waited for the guy to ask me out? it doesn't have a thing to do with who asked who out. it has everything to do that they weren't interested. imagine being a guy. this is old hat for most guys to get turned down. 1
january2011 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I know it must be disappointing when that happens. Though you could look at it as them doing you a favour by taking themselves out of the running. If you really are intimidating (AKA a woman who knows her own mind and isn't afraid to speak it), you probably want an equal who doesn't feel cowed by you. This guy will meet you halfway, return texts/calls and be honest about his feelings. The guys who suggest a second date then don't reply, they don't have the guts to do any of that. Don't be disheartened. There is no rule book to say that you have to find someone today or tomorrow. Just keep trying different things and see what works with your personality and circumstances. 2
Professor X Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 So as a girl that hates waiting around for guys to ask me out. I have on numerous occasions asked guys out and they have always said yes. The thing is I feel that this makes them lose interest for some reason...either that or my super old fashioned gfs yell at me for "chasing" the guy. I wonder if I would have better outcomes if I just left it? And waited for the guy to ask me out? Mind sharing with the class the events that follow the asking out? Like, how are you talking with each other, etc. Just curious what could cause them to think you aren't interested if you did the asking. How do you ask them out?
Author starla33 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 Mind sharing with the class the events that follow the asking out? Like, how are you talking with each other, etc. Just curious what could cause them to think you aren't interested if you did the asking. How do you ask them out? Oh no the above is what happens if I don't ask them out! Usually if I do ask them out it works out ok. But I can never get it out of my mind that they seemed really interested. And texted me to tell me they want to see me again, but then didnt follow through and I had to go out on a limb and ask them.
Author starla33 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 I know it must be disappointing when that happens. Though you could look at it as them doing you a favour by taking themselves out of the running. If you really are intimidating (AKA a woman who knows her own mind and isn't afraid to speak it), you probably want an equal who doesn't feel cowed by you. This guy will meet you halfway, return texts/calls and be honest about his feelings. The guys who suggest a second date then don't reply, they don't have the guts to do any of that. Don't be disheartened. There is no rule book to say that you have to find someone today or tomorrow. Just keep trying different things and see what works with your personality and circumstances. The thing is the guys I like lately are nice, cute and nerdy....not alpha males.
january2011 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Nice, cute and nerdy guys can still meet you halfway, return texts/calls and be honest about their feelings. Though it does require maturity and self-awareness, regardless if the guy fits the stereotype of an alpha male or not.
Author starla33 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 Nice, cute and nerdy guys can still meet you halfway, return texts/calls and be honest about their feelings. Though it does require maturity and self-awareness, regardless if the guy fits the stereotype of an alpha male or not. I never said my texts are ignored though. If I reach out they do get back to me.
SJC2008 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 There's nothing wrong with showing initial interest but would be best to let the man take the lead from there. Reason being you don't want to be strung along just because you are there if that makes any sense. Many women wind up making all the contact etc so you don't want to lay that foundation IMO. It should be 50/50 at MOST for the woman, preferably with the man leading.
prune juice Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 There's nothing wrong with showing initial interest but would be best to let the man take the lead from there. Reason being you don't want to be strung along just because you are there if that makes any sense. Many women wind up making all the contact etc so you don't want to lay that foundation IMO. It should be 50/50 at MOST for the woman, preferably with the man leading. listen to this guy.
Author starla33 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 listen to this guy. Yeah I agree. I usually make an effort in the start to show im interested and then back off. Does that make sense?
Author starla33 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 It makes plenty of sense! Then why doesn't it work?
SJC2008 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Many ships pass in the night in dating. It sucks, especially when you really liked him/her. Too many reasons to list.
turt Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Yeah the thing is ive been told by multiple guys I'm intimidating or they couldn't tell I liked them so don't know how that would work out for me. If a guy texts me "I really want to see you again" and I say yes...and then I never hear from him again (unless I say something). Makes me wonder what the issue is. This has happened numerous times to me now. Let's put it this way, if they didn't ask you first, they'll probably never ask you. You're going to end up with guys who we say yes even if they aren't sure. This happens all the time the other way around. You're just going to have to pursue and if it doesn't work, go onto the next.
Author starla33 Posted April 8, 2012 Author Posted April 8, 2012 Let's put it this way, if they didn't ask you first, they'll probably never ask you. You're going to end up with guys who we say yes even if they aren't sure. This happens all the time the other way around. You're just going to have to pursue and if it doesn't work, go onto the next. So what is the point of them getting in touch right after they meet me then?
kaylan Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 If a guy or girl is really interested to begin with, it doesnt matter who asks who out.
amantis Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 If a guy or girl is really interested to begin with, it doesnt matter who asks who out. True , doesnt matter who asked first
turt Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 So what is the point of them getting in touch right after they meet me then? There is still a chance that they may not contact even if they are very interested. If they say they're interested in meeting you again, they may be assuming that you will initiate again based on prior experience.
amantis Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 One time i was dating an italian girl , she is beautifull . She asked me out , and i was like , really ??? lol i was a bit shocked that she asked me out first but i really liked that .. i was a bit scared to ask her we went on a date , very good actually second date i asked her out my point is , doesnt matter who asks first , you just need to feel that he likes you . i hate the rule that the man have to ask her out :S , doesnt mean **** if he he ask first .. you still dont know if he only want to have sex you and leave you
fishtaco Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 I donno, sounds pretty normal to me. As a guy, I do the asking. Many times they'll say yes, maybe even go on dates with me, then disappear. Since you do the asking, you are now in the same arena as men, and you are facing the same situations that men face. And I say, that's normal, hence I multidate, because you never know. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Very simple concept. You should try it too. 1
Author starla33 Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 I donno, sounds pretty normal to me. As a guy, I do the asking. Many times they'll say yes, maybe even go on dates with me, then disappear. Since you do the asking, you are now in the same arena as men, and you are facing the same situations that men face. And I say, that's normal, hence I multidate, because you never know. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Very simple concept. You should try it too. But I haven't asked...guy just didnt follow through. I know if I asked he would say yes.
zengirl Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Yeah I agree. I usually make an effort in the start to show im interested and then back off. Does that make sense? It depends HOW you back off and HOW MUCH you back off. What I'd suggest is either starting a bit softer (you can ask a guy out without carrying the communication burden or chasing -- it's the difference between getting a guy's number and getting him to take yours, etc) OR continuing at the same rate as you begin. If you change the way you are acting in the situation, that's going to hinder it. Just as it would if a guy asked you out, texted you, and then one day stopped and waited for you to be the one to start initiating. FWIW, I asked hubby out, as well as several other men. Obviously with hubby it worked out. Many other potentials fizzled, disappeared, or rejected me later. Just as many of the men who initially asked me out did. Most dates don't turn into relationships, and most relationships don't become serious, and most serious relationships don't become marriage, etc. That's just the way it goes. I donno, sounds pretty normal to me. As a guy, I do the asking. Many times they'll say yes, maybe even go on dates with me, then disappear. Since you do the asking, you are now in the same arena as men, and you are facing the same situations that men face. And I say, that's normal, hence I multidate, because you never know. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Very simple concept. You should try it too. But also this. It's just the way dating goes. 1
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