ScreamingTrees Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Well I don't think this is enough to break up over. But Marriage is definitely out of the question for now. Thanks guys. I'll update if anything changes Honestly.. I hope I never end up like this. I'll never let someone use me as you blatantly are.. Don't bend over, this person's taking you for a ride, dude..
zengirl Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Sex declines. She brags about her dildo while not having sex with you. She told you to be happy you get any (you won't get any once married). She pushes for marriage. RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS. I do think that in a LTR or marriage, over years, that men can stop fulfilling the emotional needs of their partner and women the sexual needs (or various combinations, sometimes a man or woman stops engaging in both areas, etc), and that much of the advice given would be good in THOSE situations. I do believe if you want to keep sexuality alive in a marriage, you have to tend the emotional connection, etc. I do believe women see through attempts to get sexual reciprocation from kind acts or romantic gestures, versus truly romantic and kind acts and gestures done for their own sake. I do believe women can sense when they feel sexually pressured and grow weary of it. None of this is usually an issue at 9 months and, frankly, if "tending" the relationship requires conscious work at 9 months, it should probably not be tended. MMV, of course. So, sure, men can be responsible for the amount of sexuality they inspire in their mates over time. Absolutely. However, this is not that situation. Assuming the OP is relatively honest (and with no knowledge of this OP to the contrary, I don't see a reason to assume otherwise), it simply sounds like the GF has lost a lot of sexual interest in him. Even if she's currently pushing for marriage, I would be surprised if they got that far. This relationship is puttering out. That's not what less sex ALWAYS means by any means, not even always a 9 months, but often it is at such a date. The girl has probably not admitted it to herself yet because she doesn't want a failed relationship -- many people (women AND men) drag relationships out even once they've lost interest in them, and they don't always consciously realized their interest died. C'est la vie.
InJest Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 This is definitely something worth breaking up over. You are going to get progressively more unhappy. Sounds like you're content to the join the ranks of guys that settle for a tiny bit of sex for fear of not being able to get it elsewhere. If you don't want to break up, you should at least back off of her a lot. Start going after other girls just to see if you can get numbers. You don't have to actually cheat, but just get some female attention from outside the relationship so you're not so dependent on her for it. If you find you like another girl better, dump your gf then. 1
Quiet Storm Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Many men don't have the opportunity to find out prior to marriage and kids that their wives don't like sex (or sex with them). You are lucky that you found out now. She is showing you who she is- believe her!
Pierre Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 This is definitely something worth breaking up over. You are going to get progressively more unhappy. Sounds like you're content to the join the ranks of guys that settle for a tiny bit of sex for fear of not being able to get it elsewhere. If you don't want to break up, you should at least back off of her a lot. Start going after other girls just to see if you can get numbers. You don't have to actually cheat, but just get some female attention from outside the relationship so you're not so dependent on her for it. If you find you like another girl better, dump your gf then. The maneuver of insecure people is not to end a relationship until there is another fish firmly in hand. I suggest a clean break up as real men do when the relationship is not viable. No cheating! 1
phineas Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Many women marry the guy that offers marriage. Sometimes, the man the woman really wants is not available for marriage. I'm guessing op & GF are in their mid 20's. She's no where near her expiration date. So i'm puzzled why she needs to marry OP if she's young enough to start over with another man.
Woggle Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 If you think it is bad now just wait until marriage.
Woggle Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Not getting any, woggle....? I am getting plenty but my wife did not act like this before we were married.
TaraMaiden Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Oh right... gotcha now....... just joshin' with ya......
InJest Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Pierre, does the OP seem very secure to you? I was just offering him the solution that suits him best and will likely work for him. 1
Amorfati Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I think the most possible explanation is that she got bored from you. I also experienced the same. IT doesnt mean that you are boring person or something like that. When you spend so much time one of the sides can easily get bored and feel locked up in that relationship. Another possibility is that, she has another guy. Thats why she doesnt want to have sex with you. And to keep you with her, she is just giving minimum amount of sex to you and talk like she is making sacrifice for you by having sex with you. This is totally unacceptable. Dont let her use "sex" as a control mechanism. Or maybe she understood that you are serious with her, but she didnt feel ready to go on (marriage thought). This might made her afraid of. After that point, its better to look at what to do next. I think that, if she gives care to relationship, as much as you do, she would be more eager to fix it. From that point on, your romantic initiatives wont be successful. You need to play bigger. You need to show the value of your existence to her. If i were you, i would play this gamble and talk to her like " hey, this cant goes like this. its better to stay apart for a while. So we can think clearly and see what we gonna do" . If that works, fear of loss may shock her and she realizes what she is loosing. P.S. I have been in very similar situation like yours. I didnt do these things, that i wrote. But now i know that, these are the things that I should have done.
Pierre Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I'm guessing op & GF are in their mid 20's. She's no where near her expiration date. So i'm puzzled why she needs to marry OP if she's young enough to start over with another man. Many women marry the man that offers a ring. Whether he is the best man she ever dated is a moot point. 2
pteromom Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Before you throw in the towel, try flirting and being fun and being "cute" with her, like you would do when first dating. Don't touch her a lot or try to make everything sexual - just go back to when you were first dating and act like that. See what happens. It COULD be that she just feels uninspired to have sex and that you need to work to turn her on in a way that works for her. OR - It COULD be that she just has a lower sex drive, and once a week is perfect for her. (I am perfectly happy with once a week or even once every couple weeks, so we are out there.) If it's the first, you know you just have to keep the romance part alive if you want to keep the sex part alive. If it's the second, you have to decide whether you will be satisfied with the sex life you are being offered. If not, you need to move on and find someone who is compatible with you in that area. Lastly, it's not a bait-and-switch thing. At least, it wasn't for me. I didn't go into it thinking "I'll have TONS of sex with him and when he gets hooked, I'll take it away!" It was that at the beginning, he was fun and happy and SEXY, and I wanted sex with him. Then he got mopey and unappreciative and mean and never satisfied with what he had, and I no longer wanted sex with him.
thatone Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Before you throw in the towel, try flirting and being fun and being "cute" with her, like you would do when first dating. Don't touch her a lot or try to make everything sexual - just go back to when you were first dating and act like that. See what happens. It COULD be that she just feels uninspired to have sex and that you need to work to turn her on in a way that works for her. OR - It COULD be that she just has a lower sex drive, and once a week is perfect for her. (I am perfectly happy with once a week or even once every couple weeks, so we are out there.) If it's the first, you know you just have to keep the romance part alive if you want to keep the sex part alive. If it's the second, you have to decide whether you will be satisfied with the sex life you are being offered. If not, you need to move on and find someone who is compatible with you in that area. Lastly, it's not a bait-and-switch thing. At least, it wasn't for me. I didn't go into it thinking "I'll have TONS of sex with him and when he gets hooked, I'll take it away!" It was that at the beginning, he was fun and happy and SEXY, and I wanted sex with him. Then he got mopey and unappreciative and mean and never satisfied with what he had, and I no longer wanted sex with him. all of these replies (and similar) are bullsh*t, honestly. when she replied to you with "you're lucky you get any at all" that was the moment she got written off if the OP has half a brain in his head. she is no longer a marriage prospect or even a relationship prospect, she should be an activity partner until a suitable replacement is found. rewarding her bad behavior is only going to cause a repeat of it in the future. it has nothing to do with sex or lack thereof at this point, it's that she thinks she is owed a wedding and is behaving like a spoiled teenager to get it. veggirl is right. start shopping around, then end it whenever you see fit, OP.
pteromom Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 awhen she replied to you with "you're lucky you get any at all" that was the moment she got written off if the OP has half a brain in his head. I wasn't there, so I don't know the tone or intent of how this was said, or what led up to it. It could be that she is just a bitch and is mean. It could be that she is sad because she is wishing he'd appreciate what he DOES have. It could be that the OP has been acting like an a$$ and she truly does believe he is lucky he gets any at all. Only the OP and his GF know for sure what the context of that statement was.
thatone Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I wasn't there, so I don't know the tone or intent of how this was said, or what led up to it. It could be that she is just a bitch and is mean. It could be that she is sad because she is wishing he'd appreciate what he DOES have. It could be that the OP has been acting like an a$$ and she truly does believe he is lucky he gets any at all. Only the OP and his GF know for sure what the context of that statement was. we can gather from his story that she doesn't talk about her issues and that is not someone you marry. period, end of story. 1
Feelsgoodman Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Should this issue be strong enough to reconsider marrying her? or am I just being super shallow? Go ahead, marry her...if you want mediocre sex once a year, on your birthday, for the rest of your life 1
kaylan Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Its pathetic when men settle for women like this. You can only blame yourself OP when you end up in a crappy marriage. 1
Chubbi Posted April 11, 2012 Posted April 11, 2012 I wasn't there, so I don't know the tone or intent of how this was said, or what led up to it. It could be that she is just a bitch and is mean. It could be that she is sad because she is wishing he'd appreciate what he DOES have. It could be that the OP has been acting like an a$$ and she truly does believe he is lucky he gets any at all. Only the OP and his GF know for sure what the context of that statement was. I agree with this post. The OP has downplayed his role in the situation in his whole post. I think people are jumping down the girl's throat and have no idea what's really going on in the relationship. OP could have been being an ignorant, s-o-b and saying dumb stuff so she fired back at him. If he's pressuring or being whiny, that may cause her to lose her temper. In the end, they still need to work on communication all around.
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