dsw31 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I know I couldn't actually kill myself but, I feel like I want to die. I hate to feel so sad, lonely, hurt. I often feel like "who cares,if someone shot me in the head". Or- "who cares if I get hit by a truck". I can't imagine not being with my ex anymore.We have had 3 breakups now & I feel like he is not coming back this time.I think he has decided he is the one who is going to have to leave the asylum. Am I being irrational? I keep thinking to myself, no matter what, he will be back. Am I narcissistic to think ?- "how could he possibly want anyone but me?" I feel like I'm going crazy over this guy
sweetheart5381 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Clearly, you need to focus on your own needs, the ones that really matter and you DON'T need him. Your self-worth comes from within, find it and take care of it. Trust me, you don't want to die. When you have had your life attempted you will understand the difference between "I am unhappy, emotionally unstable" and "I am willing to die". You're not going crazy over him, you are sad and hurt... that's life unfortunately. Good thing is, life goes on.
SSexySSadie Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I think you just need somebody to talk to, which is normal, so talk, get it out in the open and then go on with your life.
jen_r Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I know I couldn't actually kill myself but, I feel like I want to die. I hate to feel so sad, lonely, hurt. I often feel like "who cares,if someone shot me in the head". Or- "who cares if I get hit by a truck". I can't imagine not being with my ex anymore.We have had 3 breakups now & I feel like he is not coming back this time.I think he has decided he is the one who is going to have to leave the asylum. Am I being irrational? I keep thinking to myself, no matter what, he will be back. Am I narcissistic to think ?- "how could he possibly want anyone but me?" I feel like I'm going crazy over this guy I felt/feel the same. I would rather just not exist anymore, but I wouldn't take my own life. Not sure how "normal" those thoughts are tho.
Author dsw31 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 Thanks for the replies, I guess I know that I wouldn't really kill myself.I think about how much it would hurt my family and my pets. I guess the real question is-why do I feel like I am better for him than any other girl?I feel like even if he dated 100 girls after me,that he will one day realize that he should be with me.I should not even want him now that I have no idea who is seeing/having sex with.But I still keep feeling like one day,he will want me back. This is our 3rd breakup so,maybe it's just the on again/off again thing?He has came back before so I think he'll be back again.I am devastated to think that he may really be tired of all of this now.That's what makes it so tough
Snow-white Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 All I can tell you is that I also had three breakups when I was in the relationship with my ex. We were young and we broke up due to rather stupid things. He broke up twice, I broke up once. This is about 9-10 years ago. When he was the one who left me the first time, I tried to contact him but he did not care. With my trying to contact him, I pushed him away. I lost 20 pounds, did not eat anymore for weeks... When he broke up the second time, I was - again - heartbroken. I tried to survive and live my life. One day he contacted me again. I took him back into my life because my love was still strong for him. We got back together after all and even got married and stayed together for 11 years. Then I made a very big mistake and left my husband... and got a divorce. Well that is another story. I still love him from the bottom of my heart. So... I wish you good luck and head up!
perryb13 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I know I couldn't actually kill myself but, I feel like I want to die. I hate to feel so sad, lonely, hurt. I often feel like "who cares,if someone shot me in the head". Or- "who cares if I get hit by a truck". I can't imagine not being with my ex anymore.We have had 3 breakups now & I feel like he is not coming back this time.I think he has decided he is the one who is going to have to leave the asylum. Am I being irrational? I keep thinking to myself, no matter what, he will be back. Am I narcissistic to think ?- "how could he possibly want anyone but me?" I feel like I'm going crazy over this guy As a medical student and someone who has felt exactly how you're feeling, I strongly recommend that you seek professional help. Trust me, there's no shame in seeing someone, ESPECIALLY if you have suicidal thoughts. It's not something to be taken lightly, and sometimes all it takes is encouragement from someone else to feel turned around. Nothing is worth your life, trust me.
fucpcg Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 I think there is suicidal thoughts because you just get tired of feeling pain, and there is suicidal thoughts because you think of yourself worthless, a loser, will never amount to nothing, etc. along those lines. If it's the second of the two, then really, really seek the help of a professional. If it's the first, join the crowd! Not to speak lightly, I was there about a year ago, after suffering heart wrenching breakups twice with my last two girlfriends, where both declared their love for me then both walked while refusing to talk about why they did. Fortunately I have a great network of friend that held my hand thru it. I dont have a low self esteem at all, I just can't stand heartache. Yes it can get very, very overwhelming.
Author dsw31 Posted April 8, 2012 Author Posted April 8, 2012 (edited) I think there is suicidal thoughts because you just get tired of feeling pain, and there is suicidal thoughts because you think of yourself worthless, a loser, will never amount to nothing, etc. along those lines. If it's the second of the two, then really, really seek the help of a professional. If it's the first, join the crowd! Not to speak lightly, I was there about a year ago, after suffering heart wrenching breakups twice with my last two girlfriends, where both declared their love for me then both walked while refusing to talk about why they did. Fortunately I have a great network of friend that held my hand thru it. I dont have a low self esteem at all, I just can't stand heartache. Yes it can get very, very overwhelming. Fucpcg, That was a pretty good answer.I think I am 1/2 & 1/2.(tired of the pain but also feel like I will never find anyone else that I have such incredible chemistry with so, in a sense, I do feel like a nothing)I find it very hard to truley click with other people.I hope no one thinks I am a bitch for this but, I just don't like many people.I can get along with anyone but ,I don't care to really be friends,or have any relationship with anyone but my ex. I guess I have alot of issues that I need to deal with, within myself.I am depressed but, come to think of it, I've been depressed... for as long as I can remember. I am unhappy with myself & for some reason,I am too lazy, sad, self entitled to do anything about it. How can I find professional help (a really good one) if I truley can't afford one? Edited April 8, 2012 by dsw31
Mr Scorpio Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 If you attend a college/university they likely have free/discounted therapists available. If not, there might be community clinics in your area that offer therapy at a discounted rate. Otherwise, therapy is expensive to be certain. At the least, you can keep posting here. There are plenty of good people who will listen. 1
Author dsw31 Posted April 8, 2012 Author Posted April 8, 2012 If you attend a college/university they likely have free/discounted therapists available. If not, there might be community clinics in your area that offer therapy at a discounted rate. Otherwise, therapy is expensive to be certain. At the least, you can keep posting here. There are plenty of good people who will listen. Thank you Mr Scorpio! I actually do not attend school. I'm self employed & don't even have health insurance. I love posting here though.I am new to LS but, so far, this place has been a great distraction to me.Thanks again!
CopingGal Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 Call 1-800-273-TALK You can chat too. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - With Help Comes Hope 1
CopingGal Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 Thank you Mr Scorpio! I actually do not attend school. I'm self employed & don't even have health insurance. I love posting here though.I am new to LS but, so far, this place has been a great distraction to me.Thanks again! If there are graduate schools in your area that offer clinical psychology programs or counseling psychology programs, they probably will have a clinic in which advanced students provide therapy to the public for free or low cost.
Phanpooh Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 I was in that mood, just want to die... Almost died in 6 times in 1 month... After all, I think it funny and stupid... I'm now in better place but there still sth missing... My advise: try to make yourself better, at first, respect yourself and then live ur own life with ur value
fucpcg Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Yes professional help typically comes at a cost, but take some of the advice shared in here about where to find without cost. Also, get yourself a library card and start spending some time there. I have found soo much help from books about relationships. They don't necessarily cover our specific situations, but every book gives me things I haven't thought about or considered, and give me insight into myself as well. The only good thing to come from my last breakup, was how much time I have spent on why it ended, and how to improve myself from studying what used to be "us".
Thieves Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Hey, DSW. First of all, I have to say that although your original post scared me a bit, I'm glad to hear that you know you wouldn't actually commit suicide. Still, having those thoughts on any kind of consistent basis is not very healthy, and as others have suggested, maybe it wouldn't hurt to talk to someone -- even if only for a few days -- who can help you sort out your thoughts while you're going through this tough time, as I know you are. Secondly, I want to say that while thoughts of suicide aren't exactly "normal" for every person going through a break-up, it is normal to feel like things will never be the same again, and that this person should be with you... not other people. After things ended with my ex a long while ago, I don't know how many times I kept thinking that he would come back after being with other girls and realize that I was the better one for him. But the truth is, he never did and never has, but in the end I know that I'm better off for it. I can't wait forever, nor should I. So you're not being narcissistic, you're just in pain like any person would be. The thing is, you just have to know that it's possible your ex won't be coming back. Yes, it hurts like hell to say that and I know the pain is unbearable sometimes, but think of it this way: the sooner you can grasp that things are over for good, the sooner you can move on. You sound like a really great girl who loves with all she's got, and it'd be a shame to waste all of that on a guy who doesn't even deserve it anymore. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone, as I went through this too and am still here. Keep us posted on how you're doing, and all of us at LS are always here to talk...
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