istilllovehim Posted June 16, 2004 Posted June 16, 2004 I cannot believe that I wrote all those things I did about MM. I was so blinded! How could I not see that he was bad bad bad for me? I see it now though. My eyes are wide open. I don't even miss him. I still talk to his wife from time to time. I know why she is calling me and I understand. She only calls me when he leaves and doesn't come back when promised. She is checking to see if he is with me. He's not. I wouldn't even let him if he tried. He knows not to try now. I told his wife that I have realized that I was not in love with "him", I was in love with the "image of him", or the "him he used to be". I do not love the man that he has become. He is a user, manipulator, self-centered drug addict. Where are the good qualities in that? I feel sorry for his wife. We have short conversations and usually it is about the kids. She is crazy and I believe that he partially drove her there. He works some kind of magic on women. When we were younger, all the girls were in love with him and he wasn't even that attractive. I don't know what it is about him but it has no effect on me anymore. I don't hate him, I'm not even angry with him. I really have no feelings whatsoever for him. I wish that we had not begun the relationship up again. It was best left in the past. Now we have hurt others with our selfish actions. His wife is not even close to understanding it or accepting it. I try to tell her that it is in the past now. I told her I was truly sorry and I am sorry. I told her how it was a mistake and that I realize that I do not love him. I am sure she told him but that wasn't my intentions. At least he will now know to stay away. I don't want that Dis functional life back. My affair was a mistake! Istilllovehim(whathewas)andIhavemovedon
EnigmaXOXO Posted June 16, 2004 Posted June 16, 2004 It's kinda funny when you look back on those things you once thought were so important, isn't it? You wonder..."My G-d---Who was that person, did I actually say and do those things?...What was I thinking?" This is your moment of clarity...that which only comes after the dust has settled. It's a gift. Be thankful for it. And guess what?....It didn't kill you like you thought it would! It seldom does. Instead, it has made you all stronger and wiser. You are no longer a victim...rather a survivor! Isn't it just amazing how life works like that?!
VivianLee Posted June 16, 2004 Posted June 16, 2004 Yay You!! Way to go! Now you can make things even better by using your experience to help others in a similar condition!! Take care!
Debster Posted June 16, 2004 Posted June 16, 2004 I know it was a hard thing to do but look at how far you've come! I am very proud to be proven wrong.
Pisces23 Posted June 16, 2004 Posted June 16, 2004 Originally posted by istilllovehim Pisces23, I am currently in your situation. How are you able to cope with not seeing, talking, and making love to him no more? To me if you really love and care someone, it's a very hard decision to leave them alone. I'm not judging you for your decision. I just want to know how did you do it? I still love my partner. Sometimes I feel I will not find no one as good as he is. I am a very attractive black female it's just that I've been knowing him since elemantary school and in love with him since high school. So, how can I leave him alone when we have a really unique friendship. Pisces23 I cannot believe that I wrote all those things I did about MM. I was so blinded! How could I not see that he was bad bad bad for me? I see it now though. My eyes are wide open. I don't even miss him. I still talk to his wife from time to time. I know why she is calling me and I understand. She only calls me when he leaves and doesn't come back when promised. She is checking to see if he is with me. He's not. I wouldn't even let him if he tried. He knows not to try now. I told his wife that I have realized that I was not in love with "him", I was in love with the "image of him", or the "him he used to be". I do not love the man that he has become. He is a user, manipulator, self-centered drug addict. Where are the good qualities in that? I feel sorry for his wife. We have short conversations and usually it is about the kids. She is crazy and I believe that he partially drove her there. He works some kind of magic on women. When we were younger, all the girls were in love with him and he wasn't even that attractive. I don't know what it is about him but it has no effect on me anymore. I don't hate him, I'm not even angry with him. I really have no feelings whatsoever for him. I wish that we had not begun the relationship up again. It was best left in the past. Now we have hurt others with our selfish actions. His wife is not even close to understanding it or accepting it. I try to tell her that it is in the past now. I told her I was truly sorry and I am sorry. I told her how it was a mistake and that I realize that I do not love him. I am sure she told him but that wasn't my intentions. At least he will now know to stay away. I don't want that Dis functional life back. My affair was a mistake! Istilllovehim(whathewas)andIhavemovedon [color=blue][/color]
Author istilllovehim Posted June 16, 2004 Author Posted June 16, 2004 I have thought about helping others in the same situation but the main thing that I have learned is that "the other woman" is going to think her situation is unique and that there will be a happy ending for her. I am sure there are times when that does happen but they are far fewer than the ones that fail. I am one of the lucky ones that actually saw the MM as he really is. I took him off of that pedestal and picked him apart (in my mind) and found that he is not special. I pictured myself as his wife 5 years from now having to deal with his infidelities and I do not want that. I want a man to love me and only me. I finally acknowledged his wife as a woman, not a psycho, having to deal with his drama. I feel so sorry for her. I feel sorry for their kids because they are also going to grow up with his drama. But I will not have to feel sorry for me or my son because we will not be associated with it. We will have a happy life, I will make it that way. I am still dating SG and he really has helped me a lot. I told him from the very beginning what I felt and what I was going through. He kept reminding me that I deserved so much more and I deserved a man who will be as faithful to me as I am to him. I do not know where things will go with SG but I am not holding back. He is so kind, affectionate and considerate of my feelings. So different from MM. I hope that I am not on the rebound! Ya'll wish me luck. I am about to take myself to the dating board because I don't belong here anymore....lol. I am not the other woman anymore and I am damn proud of that!
Author istilllovehim Posted June 16, 2004 Author Posted June 16, 2004 Piceses, This is what I found on another site and I have to share this with you. Its about Soul mates. When I first read this I decided that it was about MM and that I missed him but the more I read the more I realized that I want my true Soul mate. A true Soul mate will give up everything for you because you are truly his one and only love. You will take this piece as you wish because everyone will have their own view but it really helped me. I want my soul mate and I will find him and he is not a MM. SOULMATES When we are born it begins a journey. Along the way on this long winding path we eventually end up seeking many things. One of which is love. In the beginning, it is from our Mother & Father, then our family, community and so on. Eventually, assuming everything goes right, we begin to find we have a void within us, which other forms of love can't seem to fill. We have all known loneliness, a dark emptiness within our soul which seems to stretch for an eternity. We feel like we are apart of nothing, just drifting aimlessly upon the sea of humanity with no destination, nor land in sight. At times despair is like our wet clothing as we shiver cold and alone in the darkness. To distract ourselves we dream of "The One" and how they will lift our spirits and take away the emptiness, this absence of life. For some, eventually someone comes along and brings light to this darkness. But as humans, sometimes we are by this time so starved to be "touched" that we unknowing make compromises which, if we were rational we would not make. Thus, the saying. "Blinded by Love ". Because of these compromises, we may never find our true predestined love. Many of you now are not in a "Soulmate" relationship. The truth is you got tired of waiting and you settled for the best "offer" at the time. This was your choice, and now is your Karma. But in your heart, in your soul, you know if someone is your Soulmate, for it goes beyond just love. It is a form of joining. When you meet your Soulmate this person will have an instantaneous effect on you. A Soulmate is someone who makes your knees go weak and you want to catch your breath. With but a single glance they lesson your burden and but a smile, warms your heart. You will feel a sense of connection (affinity) with this person. They will touch you so deeply on so many levels, you will want to share your inner most secrets. For the first time in your life someone will make you feel almost like a god. Once you have met your Soulmate, for better, or sometimes worse, your life will never be the same. One of the things which makes this experience unique is the sense of a meaningful spiritual experience. You both feel like this is to be and that you've been together before. Normally for some, it is several months, weeks or days before physical intimacy (sex) occurs. But when you meet your Soulmate something happens, the pull or drive to become physically intimate overwhelms many, and one finds it happening basically in the initial meeting. There's a sense of safety with this person. You knowingly let go of your defenses as an empathic like bond is formed. Unlike other relationships, in the past, there will be no game playing or hidden agendas which plagued you in the past. Sometimes the best way to find something, is by not looking for it. With this in mind, you probably will meet your Soulmate when you're not looking. Since life revels in making things difficult, you'll probably meet them in the morning when you're on the grave yard shift. For many it will be after a bad relationship or several bad relationships. If you're lucky you won't have to wait until your 50 to meet your Soulmate. But if you do, well at least you'll appreciate it's significance more, than someone in there twenties. You have had the benefit of experience, the perspective of age, and the knowledge. Such love is once in a life time. The point here is "Serendipity", so forget about taking that "Singles" bus tour to the Circus. Sure you'll meet a lot of nice people and perhaps you really should get out, but just be prepared to ..Well, meet some real clowns. The universe is a funny place, don't be surprised if your Soulmate is older or younger. Soulmate's don't care about age. How much older or younger? From my observations, expect years like 7 to 20. In a true Soulmate relationship it won't matter, if anything it will make you stronger. Life is not neat, nor has it ever been. So why should it start now? There is something about the Passion you share with a Soulmate. It goes beyond "just body parts". For a moment in time you two are the only ones who exist in the universe. Hearts beating in rhythm as your souls have intertwined themselves becoming one. Your personal energies meld and you feel the flame of creation move through you like a wave of the ocean on a hot summers day. Soon you begin to lose track, of where you begin and your partner ends. From within the depths of your raw passionate union, your Soulmate will know how and where to touch you. It will be different, intense and more gratifying than lovers of your past. They will look into your eyes and you will feel your soul open wide. For some people, there is the "Rush". All the love, all the lust, all the need will surge forth from your soul like captives from a prison. At this moment you will know what it means to get lost within someone's eyes. You will experience a touch you have never felt before and your lust will rise to new levels. Often, in the case of true Soulmates, you can get so carried away you can actually hurt yourself. (I know...she caused me to pull several muscles one night) But in the end as you lay there, as the warm afterglow begins to fade, you will realize what just happened was not sex. "Sex, simply doesn't feel this good." To put it simply, your Soulmate will be able to make love to you in ways no one else will be able to match. It is within our nature as human beings to **** things up. The very thing which makes Soulmate love so special, is the one thing which can bring it down. The simple fact is, the unparallelled love & passion is terrifying to many people. We learned how to have relationships from our parents or primary giver. If your primary givers relationships were dysfunctional, then chances are, so are yours. There are many people in this world who in relationships maintain an extreme amount of emotional control. They take pride in the fact that their partner is madly in love with them. By being able to "wrap them around their finger" they feel safer. Thus, all their relationships become based on this pattern. Then one day their Soulmate comes along and wham!. Quickly they discover the control over their heart and the relationship is gone. Now they must relate on a level playing field, and for many, they run. For those of you who are runners, let me tell you what you already know. It DOES NOT work. You can move to the other side of the planet, marry someone else, or fill up your spare time with some cause. But the simple truth is, your Soulmate will be there in your soul. No matter how hard you try, no matter how busy you make yourself, everyday they will enter you thoughts. So then many try and **** them out. But that doesn't work either, for it becomes just sex and as you lay there afterwards you will feel empty and cheated. A good measure of this is a simple test. After you have just made love to the person who you are using as a safe substitute, do you find yourself wanting to "get away" from them? A kind of "Okay, I got off..now get away from me feeling"? This is assuming that you can still get off. In some cases your orgasms are just barely, if you're lucky. When you were with your Soulmate, didn't you feel the need to remain close, to pull each other tightly and melt into each other? That's the difference....and one which is very hard to hide from yourself. If you run, then you've made the conscious choice to doom yourself and the other person to be haunted for the rest of your life. Sure, you may eventually fall in love with someone who fits your preconceived image or expectation of what your partner should be (cute, rich, or successful). But as time moves on...you never forget, you always wonder and then you eventually regret. I have a saying: "The Soulmate relationship is worth putting up a fight, but there comes a time when you have done all that you can do...and you can do no more. At some point, the one who runs has to choose to stop and come to their senses. Life is sadly cruel, just as it is grand. Short of burying your child, losing your Soulmate is indescribable anguish." It is like having your tender soul ripped from your body. You feel lost, abandoned and betrayed. There is a sense of panic which permeates your very being and personal existence. You find yourself saying, "never again". You did something you had never done before, you willingly let another in....all the way. Eventually, after the shock, the depression comes, then the anger and then you just want it all to end. You wish you could just stop feeling...but you can't. And no matter how much you drink, smoke, or eat, you can't make the pain go away. Yes, regular love hurts too...and badly. But when you lose your Soulmate, no matter how enlightened, wise or talented, in both will and spirit you are...it is devastating. Many of us sadly, fail to recover and we truly never "Love" again. Those who are really weak, try to kill themselves. Be it with a car speeding on a wet winding road after drinking, or "J" walking on 42nd street, to just taking one too many pills. The end result is the same if we succeed, suicide is suicide whether you leave a note or not. In the end, we don't even want to see the person, because that just tears open the wound over and over. Right or wrong, that's just the way it is. Eventually, you go on with your life and you stop hating them...because like you...they will never forget either. Every now and then life gives us a happy ending. Sometimes, after trying to get their Soulmate out of their minds, the "runner" comes to realize what they had lost. A few are wise enough to do whatever it takes to correct the situation and get back into their Soulmates arms. Hopefully, not enough time has gone by so that the situation is salvageable. But often times it's not. All I can say is TRY. With Soulmates there is NO pride, and there CAN be forgiveness. We are destined to meet our Soulmate, what you do after that is "your" choice. We are born into this world alone and we begin our journey. If we are lucky, we find the right partner, "The ONE", along the way. With this person we grow, learn and experience the wonders of human existence. They become part of us, as we become part of them. Eventually, our journey must end, as we were born to die, alone. But in between these two points we hopefully have learned, experienced and gained some wisdom with the chance to pass it on. As I walk my chosen path I say to those of you who shall follow me, this is but one part of the road which lay ahead of you. In my lifetime, I found my Soulmate. I know the joys, the exquisite highs and the sense of oneness, completion and peace. Yet as we turn the coin on the other side, I also know the ongoing torment of losing one. I hope you never have to find out how it feels...to lose part of oneself. But if you do, know this: "You will survive. Your life will never be the same, but given enough time you will survive" At such a moment, you are not able to see that way. Once you do survive, the choices, good or bad, are your responsibility...and life will be what YOU make of it. The dedication was To: Kimberly...I waited all my life to find you...my Soulmate...and for a brief moment, YOUR thoughts were MY thoughts. MY goals were YOUR goals, YOUR dreams were MY dreams. The love was grand, the passion unrivaled and we both finally felt complete. Sadly for both of us, until YOU put in enough time on this planet...you may never understand the value of what was cast aside. "Experience is the greatest teacher of all".... Maybe...my love...we will get it right next lifetime. Author: Unknown
Mr Spock Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 It's good to read your posts (for me) thanks for sharing.
leilab Posted June 19, 2004 Posted June 19, 2004 istilllovehim, I cried my eyes out over the "soulmates" - too sad to wait another lifetime.
Author istilllovehim Posted June 21, 2004 Author Posted June 21, 2004 Thank you. It hit a nerve with me too, thats why I posted it. I want to find my soul mate, not an unavailable MM. That hurt too much. I have more feelings for SG now than I ever did MM. I guess it just goes to show that love hits you when you least expect it.
JarrodsLady Posted July 19, 2004 Posted July 19, 2004 Hi all, its me, Former IStillLoveHim now JarrodsLady. I am still with the SG that I told you all about. Things are great! I am so in love and so happy. I haven't talked to xMM since April. His wife still calls sometimes but I don't answer anymore. I am really busy right now but just thought I'd drop in with an update. Hugs to all, JarrodsLady
miz_barby Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 I'm soooo happy for ya! I tried to IM ya but couldn't because there is No "send a private message" button on your profile but none the less I'm soooo happy to see that you're outta this mess! Is this the SG you went on a date with or the SG who was a little younger than you that you had known (and dated i think) before? Hehehe either way I'm totally wishing you the best of luck!
ICantStopLovinHim Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 When you meet your Soulmate this person will have an instantaneous effect on you. A Soulmate is someone who makes your knees go weak and you want to catch your breath. With but a single glance they lesson your burden and but a smile, warms your heart. You will feel a sense of connection (affinity) with this person. They will touch you so deeply on so many levels, you will want to share your inner most secrets. For the first time in your life someone will make you feel almost like a god. Once you have met your Soulmate, for better, or sometimes worse, your life will never be the same. THAT IS HOW I FELT THE DAY I MET MY MM........and it has never changed.....not ever......and i hate him now more than ever for it.
InmannRoshi Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 The dedication was To: Kimberly...I waited all my life to find you...my Soulmate...and for a brief moment, YOUR thoughts were MY thoughts. MY goals were YOUR goals, YOUR dreams were MY dreams. The love was grand, the passion unrivaled and we both finally felt complete. Sadly for both of us, until YOU put in enough time on this planet...you may never understand the value of what was cast aside. Uh oh, sounds like Kimberly had to file a restraining order.
JarrodsLady Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 Uh oh, sounds like Kimberly had to file a restraining order. Lmao at that.... Miz-Barby: Its the single guy whom I went out on the date with. But remember that he is the one that I dated back in 95 previous to my xMM. He is great! I sometimes think that life had given me xMM to show me what it was like to love and lose so that I may truly appreciate what I have with me now. But thats just my opinion. I tried to send you a private message but was unable. I don't know if its you or me but I'll check my end and try again. So hows things going anyway? Hugs ((())), JarrodsLady
miz_barby Posted July 20, 2004 Posted July 20, 2004 Oscar is doing great, no more anxiety *had to quit the weed but it's cool* I'm glad you got a better chance at happiness with a better man! Sounds like you are alot happier and more content not dealing with the ex all the time and the wonder and stress of it all! I'm so happy for you! My PM's are on but who knows what's up I had probs getting into love shack earlier! hehe! ((((Hugs))))
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