irc333 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Recently, you've seen all these "friends zones" threads, and what to do get out of them. Answer is usually, "Make a move as fast as you can, wether it be kissing or even sex after 3 days" People have seem to put a time limit on things, well, perhaps that works for some people. Doesn't work for me, because that's not how I roll. I'm more of a "Friends first and see where it goes, let it develop, and get familiar with each other." I'm sure you've all seen it in personal ads, "Friends first....." as their first line in their profile. There's a lot of women out there that can't stand men , when they expect sex after ...example, the 3rd date. .....and then move on, if they don't get what they want. And belive it or not, some men base their entire decision making process on moving forward with such a woman for the foundation of a relationship. Again, that may work for some, but not others. SOme people meet, kiss on a first date, and by date 2, they might as well be a monogamous couple. With others, this can take the course of weeks or so on to let thing develop. Anyone can then agree that there are some people that aren't cut out for the "3 date rule" while others don't? 5
threebyfate Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Totally agree! Timeline will vary per...drum roll...human being. 1
eleanorhurting Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I am definitely all for the friends and attraction first and then date. I have not had one single "date" progress to anything. Actually, now that I have started dating I noticed I have a pattern. 3 dates and they or I am out. Maybe is because I don't get physical (as in no kissing even)? When I get out it is because they did something to completely scare me away... like mention that they smoke pot are an alcoholic are unemployed or something to completely turn me off. I mentioned this in a thread before but all my relationships have started based on friendship and attraction before the actual "dating" started. And the person that I currently like/am seeing started that way as well. If this does not work out, I don't think I will go back to dating in the sense that you are saying. Maybe for company or fun but definitely not expecting a relationship or anything meaningful to develop from it. But I guess everyone has their own style. Just don't feel like you need to conform to anything that does not make you comfortable.
MrCastle Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 i dont do the friendship thing. there's two types of friendships i think. ones where both parties really only see the other as friends and treat each other as such, and it works. they give each other dating advice, maybe serve as a wing for the other to help them get other people. hang out, help each other out, etc. the other kind, the more common between a hetero man and woman is one party is attracted to the other, and the other party, fearing hurting the other's feelings, says "lets just be friends". it's not a real friendship as the one who does the friendzoning was just looking for a polite way to reject the other, and the one who is attracted remains attracted and tries to do things to get themselves out. i have no problem being friends with a female i am not sexually attracted to and vice versa. i have too much pride to get put in the friendzone with a girl i want to bang. my self respect has to come first.
Author irc333 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 i have no problem being friends with a female i am not sexually attracted to and vice versa. i have too much pride to get put in the friendzone with a girl i want to bang When you finished that sentence ending it with the word, "bang", chances are you'd be compatible with someone for the short term, but nothing long term, and especially not marriage material.
veggirl Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I'm not interested in friends first. It doesn't make sense. If I like you as a friend, I don't like you romantically. They aren't the same. I like you as a friend because I *don't* like you romantically. I get that you have to like who the person is and get to know them and all that; but for me that does not entail being platonic friends first. I'm gonna get bored with no physical touching / affection / kissing pretty quickly and move right along. Plus, as I've said in a few threads, I'm friends with other women, not men. I have no desire for a close friendship with a guy, tbh. How is taking a few weeks to become exclusive "starting as friends"? In your OP you are comparing people who take a few weeks to become exclusive and people who kiss and are monogamous on date 2. BF and I kissed on 2nd date and were exclusive after a few weeks. I would NOT say that is starting as friends. We were DATING, not hanging out as friends.
oaks Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Anyone can then agree that there are some people that aren't cut out for the "3 date rule" while others don't? Yes, I agree. Not everyone wants the same things. This is good.
veggirl Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 When you finished that sentence ending it with the word, "bang", chances are you'd be compatible with someone for the short term, but nothing long term, and especially not marriage material. That's a bit dramatic.
Author irc333 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 Right, but with some people, they have to start off as friends, usually these are the kinds of relationships that end up in probably a more stable long term relationships, perhaps even leading to marriage. I'm thinking people who just move too fast, simply aren't looking or patient enough to let something develop. Thus why some relationships tend to be short lived. A lot of revolving door dating going on. There's this one woman I had been talking to, apparently all these other guys are creeping her out because they're trying to move quickly, and has seen me as the kind of guy she trusts not to creep her out by ruining it by moving too quickly. It occurred to me this woman is different from other women who are okay with moving quickly. I'm not interested in friends first. It doesn't make sense. If I like you as a friend, I don't like you romantically. They aren't the same. I like you as a friend because I *don't* like you romantically. I get that you have to like who the person is and get to know them and all that; but for me that does not entail being platonic friends first. I'm gonna get bored with no physical touching / affection / kissing pretty quickly and move right along. Plus, as I've said in a few threads, I'm friends with other women, not men. I have no desire for a close friendship with a guy, tbh. How is taking a few weeks to become exclusive "starting as friends"? In your OP you are comparing people who take a few weeks to become exclusive and people who kiss and are monogamous on date 2. BF and I kissed on 2nd date and were exclusive after a few weeks. I would NOT say that is starting as friends. We were DATING, not hanging out as friends.
RedRobin Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 IME, men who have a third date rule are usually pushing for sex or as much as they can get away with on the 1st... Those men are ruled out as 'relationship' material immediately.
Author irc333 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 IME, men who have a third date rule are usually pushing for sex or as much as they can get away with on the 1st... Those men are ruled out as 'relationship' material immediately. Exactly, I know of a couple of guys, one that is now engaged...said EVERY woman he's dated exclusively, he's kissed on a first date. For some reason, I found that hard to believe. And he was usually expecting sex a few dates thereafter. I wonder why people think this is so important to them.
RedRobin Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Exactly, I know of a couple of guys, one that is now engaged...said EVERY woman he's dated exclusively, he's kissed on a first date. For some reason, I found that hard to believe. And he was usually expecting sex a few dates thereafter. I wonder why people think this is so important to them. I suspect that marriage will end as soon as a BBD comes along. Easy in, easy out...
veggirl Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I don't "move too fast". If I have sex on a 3rd date, it's not too fast for me. I DO NOT jump into insta relationships. I do not make someone I barely know my BOYFRIEND. Those things are moving too fast. I don't become emotionally invested in someone I haven't taken the time to get to know. So please, don't imply that I "move too fast". I move a lot more slowly emotionally than most posters I see on LS who are in love after a week or 2 great dates. Right, but with some people, they have to start off as friends, usually these are the kinds of relationships that end up in probably a more stable long term relationships, perhaps even leading to marriage. Where do you get this info?
xxoo Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I think the important thing may be to express your romantic interest early on, not necessarily making a move or having sex. Guys who are consistently "friend zoned" may be presenting themselves in ways that say "uninterested" to a woman, and not in a way that says "interested", sexually speaking. 1
veggirl Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 OP it seems that you're saying starting as friends just means not having sex early? Is that correct or are other people just steering the topic incorrectly? You can be dating and not having sex--that's not starting as friends.
Author irc333 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 I don't "move too fast". If I have sex on a 3rd date, it's not too fast for me. I DO NOT jump into insta relationships. I do not make someone I barely know my BOYFRIEND. Those things are moving too fast. I don't become emotionally invested in someone I haven't taken the time to get to know. So please, don't imply that I "move too fast". I move a lot more slowly emotionally than most posters I see on LS who are in love after a week or 2 great dates. Where do you get this info? Seems to be a popular question on this site. lol
Author irc333 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 Some even go by the "Whatever happens, happens" philosophy.
veggirl Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Seems to be a popular question on this site. lol Well, cause you're just saying whatever supports your opinion. I guess I could say "most relationships that work out long term don't start as friends" then?
Author irc333 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 Well, cause you're just saying whatever supports your opinion. I guess I could say "most relationships that work out long term don't start as friends" then? I don't want this to turn into like the other "what are the basis of claim?" or "Where did you get this info?" thread like so many other threads here.
Author irc333 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 Well, cause you're just saying whatever supports your opinion. I guess I could say "most relationships that work out long term don't start as friends" then? I could even say, "Well, even one night with a prostitute, and that prostitute, could wind up being your future wife!" I mean, it COULD happen, but not likely. But I'll end this derailment here, back on topic
veggirl Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I don't want this to turn into like the other "what are the basis of claim?" or "Where did you get this info?" thread like so many other threads here. Then don't throw out random claims. eta; okay, back to your topic. and I disagree romantic relationships should or need to start as friendships.
MrCastle Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 When you finished that sentence ending it with the word, "bang", chances are you'd be compatible with someone for the short term, but nothing long term, and especially not marriage material. correct. i should have been more specific. i'm a 24 year old single man who isn't interested in being exclusive with just one person. not now, anyway. so yes, i'm looking for short term, physical relationships. becoming friends first in my situation isn't necessary nor helpful to what i want to accomplish.
RedRobin Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 The OP specifically talked about the three date rule. Glad the other person clarified... kind of solidifies the concept of skipping anyone with a 3 date rule if one is looking for a committed relationship.
wwwjd Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 (edited) GAD I wish this place had tags to know who's female or male!!!! I'm male. you can also be developing a friendship that is ends up romantically BECAUSE of the friendship. I've never started a relationship by "Dating", that is getting together over "romantic intentions". I start by getting together to see if we could be friends or have anything in common in life. I guess I'm a weirdo because I have no sexual interest in someone just because they are hot looking and I have no idea who they are or what they are about. Yes physical attraction kicks it off, but I want to find out who they are, grow closer and more intimate long before going for that "Home Run!" So, if you are a girl, think I'm attractive, want to kiss on the first date and screw on the 3rd, better look elsewhere. I don't want to find out LATER you are into killing puppies, mocking handicapped children, and making meth labs... I'd rather learn that slowly over time, but that's just me. I could kiss ANYONE..... I could screw ANYONE.... that stuff functions easily. just want it to be someone more special and close than ANYONE Sex is the icing, not the cake. In a cake with icing, without the cake part, what have you got?* * granted, I could partake in just the icing part both literally and metaphorically here, but you see my point Edited April 7, 2012 by wwwjd 5
bbb8 Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 GAD I wish this place had tags to know who's female or male!!!! I'm male. you can also be developing a friendship that is ends up romantically BECAUSE of the friendship. I've never started a relationship by "Dating", that is getting together over "romantic intentions". I start by getting together to see if we could be friends or have anything in common in life. I guess I'm a weirdo because I have no sexual interest in someone just because they are hot looking and I have no idea who they are or what they are about. Yes physical attraction kicks it off, but I want to find out who they are, grow closer and more intimate long before going for that "Home Run!" So, if you are a girl, think I'm attractive, want to kiss on the first date and screw on the 3rd, better look elsewhere. I don't want to find out LATER you are into killing puppies, mocking handicapped children, and making meth labs... I'd rather learn that slowly over time, but that's just me. I could kiss ANYONE..... I could screw ANYONE.... that stuff functions easily. just want it to be someone more special and close than ANYONE Sex is the icing, not the cake. In a cake with icing, without the cake part, what have you got?* * granted, I could partake in just the icing part both literally and metaphorically here, but you see my point I agree with this post. I cannot count how many times I have become involved with someone prematurely based on chemistry and appearance only to find out later that this person has serious issues (eg. a daily drug habit, gambling problem, all their ex's hate their guts, they have anger or control issues etc etc...the list goes on). By this time your emotionally involved and may have even fallen in love. Getting out of this type of scenario not only takes time and is difficult, it leaves scars of feeling betrayed, and there is the possibility of getting harassed and / or stalked. Of course, moving quickly often does lead to a relationship but I wouldn't risk it again myself, based on results. Sex is definitely ONLY the icing on the cake. Using someone else to get off, IMO, is not a good way to start a relationship. I love the expression "easy to get in, easy to get out". Pretty much sums it up...
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