stevedex Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Back in 2006, I dated someobody who lived in the flat below me (shes 55 im 45 ) , she had only just split with her ex and had moved there , she never lived with him, he had been too-ing and fro-ing between her and his wife for a number of years. We dated for 6 months and she left me and went back to him , I was upset but a few months later was over the worst of it. In 2008 she moved away , by then I was dating someone else , but my ex was still texting me , being friendly , I also liked her around , so kept in touch , eventually we started dating again in 2009, she told me she was completely over her ex, they were just text buddys , I wasnt convinced but gave it a go anyway. We dated a few months , she told me one day she was going to pack some clothes ( I had arranged to take her to the airport because she was going on holiday) anyway instead of packing her suitcase , she was with her ex , in his car , I saw her , she looked at me , I looked at her , the following day I took her to the airport and never mentioned it( Id totally fallen for her again, and would of done anything to keep her , that would of included letting her see her ex ... dumb ..I know!) , needless to say when she came back from holiday , she dumped me , just cut off all coommunication. I was very upset , I felt I had been taken for a complete fool again , more so because I should of finished with her but I didnt. That was 2009 , she was living away. I was upset , but started dating again , Ive been with someone now 2 years . Ive not heard sight or sound from my ex till 8 months ago when she moved back into the flats again! At first she wouldnt look at me , I completley ignored her, whether she is with her ex or not Ive no idea. After a while I started to say "hi" to her , I find it difficult to ignore someone , this acknowledgement was enough for me , but not for her , she would start turning up places where I was being all friendly and chatty with me like were we were solid friends ! One day I exploded and said "your not a friend your a neighbour and a cheating using one at that ! Im trying my best at being civil with you , leave it at that " Then I turned away and went. After that outburst several months passed , then she started to try and talk to me again (she doesnt want me back in her life as a lover that much I do know) at first I was polite , but now im wanting to tell her not to talk to me again . My girlfriend says I should be civil with her, that way it would show her that her presence doesnt bother me , id rather not be. She was dating a guy , shes not with him now , Ive no idea who shes with, I feel in a way she is trying to "control" a friendship between us , as Ive said to my girflriend , " I want nothing to do with her , friends or otherwise ! " It seems to be all about what she wants. Ive recently come back from St Lucia with my girlfriend , the last thing I want to do is see my ex, Id prefer it if she moved away, AGAIN ! Seeing her reminds me of how stupid I was , being friendly is something I cant be with her again , for a long time . Should I tell her not to acknowledge me when she sees me or should I be "civil" with her ?
Oxy Moronovich Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Tell her not to acknowledge you. Being civil hasn't worked for you.
TheFinalWord Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Back in 2006, I dated someobody who lived in the flat below me (shes 55 im 45 ) , she had only just split with her ex and had moved there , she never lived with him, he had been too-ing and fro-ing between her and his wife for a number of years. We dated for 6 months and she left me and went back to him , I was upset but a few months later was over the worst of it. In 2008 she moved away , by then I was dating someone else , but my ex was still texting me , being friendly , I also liked her around , so kept in touch , eventually we started dating again in 2009, she told me she was completely over her ex, they were just text buddys , I wasnt convinced but gave it a go anyway. We dated a few months , she told me one day she was going to pack some clothes ( I had arranged to take her to the airport because she was going on holiday) anyway instead of packing her suitcase , she was with her ex , in his car , I saw her , she looked at me , I looked at her , the following day I took her to the airport and never mentioned it( Id totally fallen for her again, and would of done anything to keep her , that would of included letting her see her ex ... dumb ..I know!) , needless to say when she came back from holiday , she dumped me , just cut off all coommunication. I was very upset , I felt I had been taken for a complete fool again , more so because I should of finished with her but I didnt. That was 2009 , she was living away. I was upset , but started dating again , Ive been with someone now 2 years . Ive not heard sight or sound from my ex till 8 months ago when she moved back into the flats again! At first she wouldnt look at me , I completley ignored her, whether she is with her ex or not Ive no idea. After a while I started to say "hi" to her , I find it difficult to ignore someone , this acknowledgement was enough for me , but not for her , she would start turning up places where I was being all friendly and chatty with me like were we were solid friends ! One day I exploded and said "your not a friend your a neighbour and a cheating using one at that ! Im trying my best at being civil with you , leave it at that " Then I turned away and went. After that outburst several months passed , then she started to try and talk to me again (she doesnt want me back in her life as a lover that much I do know) at first I was polite , but now im wanting to tell her not to talk to me again . My girlfriend says I should be civil with her, that way it would show her that her presence doesnt bother me , id rather not be. She was dating a guy , shes not with him now , Ive no idea who shes with, I feel in a way she is trying to "control" a friendship between us , as Ive said to my girflriend , " I want nothing to do with her , friends or otherwise ! " It seems to be all about what she wants. Ive recently come back from St Lucia with my girlfriend , the last thing I want to do is see my ex, Id prefer it if she moved away, AGAIN ! Seeing her reminds me of how stupid I was , being friendly is something I cant be with her again , for a long time . Should I tell her not to acknowledge me when she sees me or should I be "civil" with her ? Wow, did you type those ages in there right? Look, after you break up with someone it's about your happiness now, not hers. If you don't want to talk to her, don't talk. Trying to be something you're not (happy to see her and chatty) is a waste of time if it just evokes negative emotions. I recommend ignoring her. Don't tell her anything. What difference will it make? You talk to someone only if you want to resolve an issue. You don't want to resolve anything so just ignore her. 1
Author stevedex Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 I do think she is trying to talk to me to ease her conscience , Im not concerned whether she feels bad about things or not and I dont want to ignore her to hurt her , I simply want to try to cut her out of my life and move on with my girlfriend without her trying to be friends , civil or whatever with me .
TheFinalWord Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I do think she is trying to talk to me to ease her conscience , Im not concerned whether she feels bad about things or not and I dont want to ignore her to hurt her , I simply want to try to cut her out of my life and move on with my girlfriend without her trying to be friends , civil or whatever with me . She's not talking to ease her conscience; she's an attention whore. You started talking to her first, so she saw an open door. The only way to deal with these types is to not validate them even 1%. If you had to work with this woman, it might be different. But she just lives in your apt. complex. Easily dealt with. Just ignore her.
Author stevedex Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 Yes I never thought of it quite like that . I did initiate conversatioin by talking to her first, I felt awkward not talking to her , even though it was just "hi", give some folk an inch , theyl take a yard ! My best course is too ignore her , many thanks regards the valdation , I didnt see it like that.
mortensorchid Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Change your cell phone number. That's the only way to get rid of someone who will not stop texting or calling. I learned that the hard way with someone. He was relentless. He wouldn't even stop when I picked up the phone, called him, and screamed at him not to contact me anymore. And I would also consider moving if you two live in the same building.
TheFinalWord Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Yes I never thought of it quite like that . I did initiate conversatioin by talking to her first, I felt awkward not talking to her , even though it was just "hi", give some folk an inch , theyl take a yard ! My best course is too ignore her , many thanks regards the valdation , I didnt see it like that. No problem! I've had my heart played with my two girls like this before. So this is a lesson I've learned the hard way! You're a nice guy, and these attention seeking females play on that. Not trying to be harsh, just spare you more emotional trauma b/c life is too short to let a manipulator mess with your head. She doesn't deserve someone like you. And nothing you can do will make her appreciate you.
Author stevedex Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 I cant move , my flat is mortgaged , I bought a few years ago, when the price was high , now theyve dropped , the mortgage is actually more than the value of the propertey, my ex rents , so thats how she can come and go pretty much with ease.
Author stevedex Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 Ive found this break up with her more difficult and emotionally draining than any other Ive ever had ! I was married 10 years when we split in 2000, but I could proportion some of the blame back then , we raised children , had money worries , had good times and bad like any other couple , She eventually met someonelse , remarried , re divorced and did it all again ! Weve become "friends ", platonic not fwb or antyhing like that , that doesnt even come into play ) even after our children have grown up and left home. But my ex , I never used , hurt ,cheated , yes I was a nice guy to her , her ex was the one who kept using her when he fell out with his wife, but my ex was blinded by him , I hope they get back together , theyre not any good for anyone else. My girlfriend who Ive been with for 2 years is so different to her , we plan things together and follow them through , if she tells me shes going to see her sister then she does , I trust her and have no reason not too.Its inportant for me to know where I am in a relationship, I cant be bothered with the "runaround " anymore , or being strung along.
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