camarad Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I was going out with a beautiful but incredibly insecure woman. She finished with me because of my attitude towards her which was admittedly disrespectful, although not intentionally. I've moved on since bar having this awful guilt over the way I treated her. Possibly because of her loving, warm personality despite the insecurity. Should I apologise unreservedly to her via e-mail to remove this guilt or just live with it?
TaraMaiden Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 how long ago was this? if you didn't specifically enter into No Contact, a letter confirming that you were a jerk, and "FWIW i apologise for the hurt my attitude caused you" may not be an entirely bad idea... 1
Author camarad Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 Over 2 months and NC since. I've no desire to get back with her and am with someone else but her friend told me I'd damaged her confidence. I just want her to know what a fantastic woman she is and how idiotic I was. But at the same time I dont want to open old wounds for her.
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 It depends. What do you want? Do you want to relieve your own guilt? Do you think she will tell you want to hear? What if she doesn't? The bottom line is you have to ask yourself; what do you want? 1
fucpcg Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 If you did something wrong to somebody you really care about (or anyone for that matter), apologize. I don't care want them back, don't want them back, how long ago, NC or not, whatever it doesn't matter. However, send a sincere apology, with nothing more or less added, and if you can't then it isn't an apology, is it?
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 If you did something wrong to somebody you really care about (or anyone for that matter), apologize. I don't care want them back, don't want them back, how long ago, NC or not, whatever it doesn't matter. However, send a sincere apology, with nothing more or less added, and if you can't then it isn't an apology, is it? While I agree with this, there is something to be said for knowing your audience. Sometimes an apology will just open the door to more drama, or open yourself up to a response that you were not expecting. I am not saying don't do it, but if you are going to then it's best to prepare yourself for whatever may come because it may not be what you are expecting. In fact it rarely is...
solobeary Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I had an ex apologise to me via letter for treating me disrespectfully and treating me in a way that heightened my insecurities. He apologised, said that I didn't deserve the hurtful things he said and did to me, said that I was a good person and listed a few of the strengths he saw in me that he'd never acknowledged during the relationship. I appreciated the gesture. If you do it, make it clear that the letter isn't about getting back together, but say that in a very respectful way. Which is easier said than done... 1
nature Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Be careful in how you word it, or she may feel you are wanting to get back together with her. Are you totally 100% certain you are not wanting her back? 1
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