suckered Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I don't think it is possible for real love to die, unless something extreme happened like cheating or abuse. Can someone be in love (really be in love) for a certain period of time and then just leave and say they have no feelings anymore? I think it can only be true if the person never was in love.
Nikki Sahagin Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I think if you loved someone, although you may fall out of being 'in love' with them, you will always care for them. Love is quite rare. We don't generally fall in love with loads of people. Therefore those that make the cut will probably always be cared about, even if we are not 'in love' anymore.
Nikki Sahagin Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Well...just speaking from experience...my ex of 2 years broke up with me about 2 years ago now. We had a very intense, Romeo and Juliet thing going on. I NEVER thought I'd stop loving him, but I have. I still care about him and wish him well, but I don't feel those feelings anymore. They feel very distant and foreign to me now which I never thought would happen. So...the 'care' is there in that you wish them well, but there's not that same love intensity, but I suspect this is different from person to person. Some people always love love love their first love. For others it's a distant memory. 1
Author suckered Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 Did it take you a long time to get to this point? Are you still friends?
TaraMaiden Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I don't think it is possible for real love to die, unless something extreme happened like cheating or abuse. no, it's definitely possible, even outside these factors... Can someone be in love (really be in love) for a certain period of time and then just leave and say they have no feelings anymore? I think it can only be true if the person never was in love. no, it's still possible....
counterman Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I don't know what true love is. I really loved my ex, and I really cared for her. She told me she loved me and said to me, even though we may not be together, we would still care for each other. A few months later, she's dating one of my friends and she doesn't give 2 cents about me. I have heard of people that were in love and suddenly one person says he/she has no feelings anymore and then leaves, but I guess that person must have been feeling that way for a while; it just doesn't happen suddenly. That does raise the question, was he/she actually in 'love' with the other person in the first place? My heart was broken once from someone I cared deeply about. Turns out she really didn't love after all, looking back.
TaraMaiden Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I don't know what true love is.. i think it's probably one of the most difficult sentiments to define actually, so i don't think you're alone..... I have read that true love is wanting to have someone so close that you feel as if you're wearing them, body, heart and soul, and that you are consumed by a feeling of happiness at all times - but that when the relationship is done, you are able to detach with as much love, joy, compassion and kindness, and wish them nothing but well as you set them free.....
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 It depends on what your perception and experience of "true love" really is and whether you've ever really experienced it... If you were truly in love, that's a really hard one to get away from...I'm not sure that you can get back that piece of yourself that you have given. A part of you is always going to love and care for them even If you don't want to, It's not really in your control emotionally. I've not been the greatest guy in my past to say the least...I loved hard and intensely and used to be like a drug, once you got a little you wanted more and If I obliged I'd indulge her and myself in this whirlwind romance that was passionate, affectionate and you ultimately got lost in it. I went from 0-300 miles an hour in a very short time, surpassing emotions or experiences they may have even had in their long-term relationships, but I was the kind of guy that dove in and dove in hard. Therefore there are women in my past that claim they are still "in love"...some went on to get married, others afraid to enter a relationship again and stayed single, and some that crop up time to time and give me a call or shoot me an email out of the blue after years of no contact. From my perspective a lot of this was a result of me just being reckless and letting myself overwhelm them with that experience that most weren't familiar with...at the time I didn't realize that a lot of guys just weren't like that, I was in my own world, so I didn't know how destructive I was actually being and what I was doing to them in the long run. Therefore for them, I hope they realize that I was not what they think I was, I gave a lot, but that was because of what I was and how I used to be, I'm sure once they find someone else they have even more of an "in love" experience with, they'll forget about me and realize what it was...at least I hope the best for them. Anyway I've changed since then, held myself back from being that guy and kept myself chained up as much as I can, I've done my share of breaking hearts that I'm proud of, more like ashamed. I won't forget certain people I'm sure, however hopefully in the future If love still is in the cards for me and I'm even deserving of it at this point due to my rap sheet...that at least I believe there is something greater out there...maybe even for others to attain (not feeling sorry for myself just speaking realistically) I'm sure love goes even farther beyond what I have experienced and I've experienced it a lot and deeply, but I think people really underestimate the extent of it, and they'd realize how empty superficial relationships really are and how unsatisfying they are compared to the real thing and what could be...I don't think people would settle so often If they could see that. I honestly just don't know If guys like me, doing what I have done in my past, really deserve a chance or shot at it. And I'm ok with that, you gotta do the time for the crime(s).
snug.bunny Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Can someone be in love (really be in love) for a certain period of time and then just leave and say they have no feelings anymore? I think it can only be true if the person never was in love. Love towards another person simply doesn't erase overnight. If love is not nurtured, it dies. WE make a choice whether or not to nurture the love we have for/towards another person. If you want your love to die, just do nothing. It won't be long before the fire is out. So, is it possible that the person in the example you provided was at one time in love/loved the other person? Possibly. But, it is also possible that something caused the love to diminish enough so for that person to leave. There could be a host of reasons. Neglect, cheating, abuse, selfishness, resentment. You'd have to do some reflection/examination of yourself, the other person and the relationship, in order to get a clearer perspective. Often, we don't take the time to do that until it is too late. Unfortunately, human nature is flawed. 1
betterdeal Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 The bond that develops between two people is based on more than love, certainly if it can weather any reasonably significant storm. It's certainly more than lust or craving or needing the other person. It involves respect and affection, with desire and lust being but a part of it. Shared experiences are also part of the formation of a strong, flexible, durable bond. And time is another ingredient. Combining all those factors, your experience and personality will be shaped by and to that person. That's what makes you inseparable. You become moulded to fit that person's creases and fault lines and warts and bumps and all, and they you too. Like your favourite pair of jeans, you become customised to fit that backside and those legs. And it is in the tender blue light of affection that burns so brightly in all its exquisite fragility that you may hand over of your souls to one another so that you may carry them safely to the grave. 2
fucpcg Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I have had 5 loves throughout my life, all 5 still hold a very special place in my heart. The love does not end with the end of the relationship.
RiverRunning Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I think that after the relationship ends, the love involved - has- to change if you're going to be successful in relationships thereafter. I don't believe that if you love someone once, you will ALWAYS love that person. My first ex-boyfriend, for example. After we broke up, I did feel bitterness and anger. That gradually faded into ambivalence in the sense that I wish him well, I hope he has a good life, as I would wish upon anyone else. But if he ends up dead in a ditch or if he becomes a rock star making craploads of money every year, I really could not be bothered to care either way. The opposite of love isn't hate, you know. For me, no - after a while love does die and it does fade.
carhill Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I have read that true love is wanting to have someone so close that you feel as if you're wearing them, body, heart and soul, and that you are consumed by a feeling of happiness at all times - but that when the relationship is done, you are able to detach with as much love, joy, compassion and kindness, and wish them nothing but well as you set them free..... Oh, the joy of setting them free. Spot on. It's a great feeling, all around. OP, I've felt that elemental love enough in life to appreciate the peace of letting it go.
threebyfate Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I don't think it is possible for real love to die, unless something extreme happened like cheating or abuse. Can someone be in love (really be in love) for a certain period of time and then just leave and say they have no feelings anymore? I think it can only be true if the person never was in love.Disagree. Love is a verb.
daphne Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I agree with the above. I thought I was in love a couple of times, but it was more of a physical chemistry and addiction. Then I was in love. I no longer love him in that way, took a couple of years to stop loving. I do care for him very much, even though he's making some pretty crappy decisions in his current love life. But I think that love goes away when you let it. And you have to if you want it again under the right circumstances, with the right person, at the right time. I don't believe that being in love is some sort of Hollywood movie that is based on pure chemicals and infatuation feeling that never dies. That's wholly unrealistic. It's actually about doing the things that makes the other person happy and secure and adding to their well being, mutually. And being on teh same path and wanting the same things. To me, that's the nitty gritty after the infatuation fades.
Author suckered Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 OK: my situation. What if someone claimed he loved you for 2 years? That's how long we were together. Then he left me, saying that we were fighting too much and he is no longer happy. As he was leaving, he told me that he still loved me but that he has to do what he feels is right and that was a logical decision. Now 3 months later, he claims that he has no feelings for me but friendly ones. I question if he could have ever loved me as much as ha said and if he did it wouldn't be possible for his feelings to dissipate so quickly.
fucpcg Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 OK: my situation. What if someone claimed he loved you for 2 years? That's how long we were together. Then he left me, saying that we were fighting too much and he is no longer happy. As he was leaving, he told me that he still loved me but that he has to do what he feels is right and that was a logical decision. Now 3 months later, he claims that he has no feelings for me but friendly ones. I question if he could have ever loved me as much as ha said and if he did it wouldn't be possible for his feelings to dissipate so quickly. In trying to understand what happened between my ex and I, in my endless reading I came across advice that said beware of anyone who falls in love too quickly and has to repeatedly declare their love for you, because that person will fall out of love with you as quickly as they fell in love. Pretty simple, yet pretty powerful advice. Within 2 months of dating my ex all she could do is talk about how much she loved me, how great I was, had to say I love you after every phone conversation, etc. Now all she does is tell everyone what an abusive, crazy, psycho boyfriend I was. Next time I go out with a girl who has to obsessively tell me how much she loves me after two months, I will just end it there and save myself a repeat of the heartbreak I just had to go thru.
TaraMaiden Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 "Not always so".... I fell in love with my H maybe within days, at the most, a week of having met him. I knew i wanted to spend my days with him... 8 years later, still together..... 2
Itsnotsimple Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 I believe there are different layers of love. Think of it like a thick dry sponge. Tue love has the ability to penetrate water throughout the top until it reaches the bottom. True love is so emotionally deep and meaningful that it can last a lifetime. I loved my ex, but it wasn't to the extent that I believe was real true love where she was the only person that understood me or the first thing I thought about when I woke up. She ended up cheating, but it didn't hurt as much as I thought. It all came down to a caring love relationship. Once you step back to look at the big picture, it just makes clear sense.
Mr Frisky Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 I don't think it is possible for real love to die, unless something extreme happened like cheating or abuse. Can someone be in love (really be in love) for a certain period of time and then just leave and say they have no feelings anymore? I think it can only be true if the person never was in love. Love is an illusion,friend. It's a fairytale...Like the bible.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Love is an illusion,friend. It's a fairytale...Like the bible. There is no such thing as love. The sooner you realize this, the better. The only person you can ever count on is yourself.
january2011 Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 (edited) Having been in a very long-term relationship, I can say that I've run the gamut with one man. I don't love him anymore but I do still care about his wellbeing, just a little bit. Having so much shared history means that we have a bond that's difficult to break completely. Even if I never saw him again, there would still be a part of me that would still care about him, but it would be more along the lines of a relative that I used to be close to but didn't ever see again. I believe that each 'love' leaves their mark on us no matter how brief or superficial the relationship and that we never really know who our 'great loves' are/were until our death bed. Because until those final moments, we're never really 'done' with love. Edited April 9, 2012 by january2011 1
Confused_Chump Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 I guess I am one of those believers that if the relationship was based on more than just lust and passion (i.e. the love/care/respect was real), then how can it just "go away". I guess in the case where others have said where one back stabs the other, then the story might be different. If the end of a relationship was amicable, then I don't see why the "caring" portion not remain. In my case, I find that I still care/love my ex, but I am not "in love" with them anymore.
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