Nikki Sahagin Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 No one knows women like women and no one knows men like men. A lot of us here are pretty frustrated trying to understand the other, so what advice would men give women on dealing with men, and what advice would the women of the forum give men on dealing with women? I'm interested to see the different responses
TaraMaiden Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 read "Men are from Mars and women are from Venus". 1
Professor X Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Don't try to understand is the best advice I can give ya, it's pointless. 1
LZ2000 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 No one knows women like women and no one knows men like men. A lot of us here are pretty frustrated trying to understand the other, so what advice would men give women on dealing with men, and what advice would the women of the forum give men on dealing with women? I'm interested to see the different responses Men love to spend away their emotional energy on the women they love or feel deeply for, and easily can lose themselves in it. It is possible that they may even be overly emotional and may seem to be a turnoff at times but it's really because we truly care. 1
darkmoon Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 men - all of you clean the loo - it's your turn seriously 2
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 My advice would be; - Don't listen to what a man says, in fact the better he is with words the more suspicious you should be - Don't give men that don't deserve it the best of what you've got, make him earn your trust and be consistent, and display genuine commitment - Don't give men everything you've got on a silver platter and for free, he'll expect it to be that way forever and not really value what you invest(ed) - Make a man meet you 50/50, you'll know If he's truly invested - Always trust your gut feeling, not your emotions...It will save you a lot of time - Make sure a mans actions match his words, however never solely depend on that to determine if a man really loves you, there's a level of sincerity and genuine quality that can't be faked, it is you who convinces yourself of lies because you know better - When you meet a man, consider the first two to three months his best foot-forward and try to see who the man really is after that, instead of being wrapped up in the beginning of a relationship overlooking everything happening now - Extreme charm and manipulation with men commonly go hand and hand - Just because you love him, doesn't mean you're in the right relationship - Whenever you want to know what the truth, press the man until he reveals it...this is much better than asking your girlfriends who don't have a clue - If you want to find true love, be patient and unafraid to sacrifice what isn't for it - Avoid unavailable men...whether emotionally or that fact that they're committed to someone else or aren't looking for anything serious...you can't convince a man to become available, he has to want that for himself...and no you can't make him want that either - If you want the truth be realistic, If you want the watered down version of the truth in favor of your dreams and wishes, be hopeful and optimistic - Let a man come to you instead of going to him in the beginning of the relationship, don't text first, call first, etc...see what he's willing to invest not just "get back to you" because you contacted him I could go on forever, but that's good enough for now 11
TaraMaiden Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 - Just because you love him, doesn't mean you're in the right relationship ^^^this sums it up......
EasyHeart Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Don't analyze everything we do and say (or don't do and don't say). Men are very simple creatures. When we first meet you, all we care about is that you're cute and you like us. After we've dated you for a while, we start noticing how much you whine, complain, and criticize us. As long as your cuteness outweighs your complaining and criticizing, we stay. As soon as your complaining and criticizing outweighs your cuteness, we leave. That's pretty much it. 1
RedRobin Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Let a man come to you instead of going to him in the beginning of the relationship, don't text first, call first, etc...see what he's willing to invest not just "get back to you" because you contacted him. I think it is time we get rid of this notion that only men should contact first. I contact men first if it occurs to me or I just, well, feel like it... and if he believes for two seconds that means I'm desperate or am settling, he quickly learns otherwise. The trick for women is to accurately assess his real interest if/when he responds back. Just because I thought of the idea first (ie, getting to know him better) doesn't make things less relevant. Just because he contacted me first doesn't mean diddly (which is what the rest of your list basically explains). I also think it is insulting to think I'm supposed to be standing back waving my fan and batting my eyelashes waiting for said man to 'notice'. What a bunch of crap. 1
RedRobin Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 oh, ok. I'll answer the question... take responsibility for your own junk. I'll take responsibility for mine. Don't sweat the small stuff The world doesn't revolve around you (or me either... I get it) Take a minute to notice what is going on around you. If you pay attention, there is something amazing happening right in front of your face most of the time.
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 (edited) I think it is time we get rid of this notion that only men should contact first. I contact men first if it occurs to me or I just, well, feel like it... and if he believes for two seconds that means I'm desperate or am settling, he quickly learns otherwise. The trick for women is to accurately assess his real interest if/when he responds back. Just because I thought of the idea first (ie, getting to know him better) doesn't make things less relevant. Just because he contacted me first doesn't mean diddly (which is what the rest of your list basically explains). I also think it is insulting to think I'm supposed to be standing back waving my fan and batting my eyelashes waiting for said man to 'notice'. What a bunch of crap. The point of that is a man who is interested is going to put in the work and make the effort...I see a lot of women put in all the effort and basically create the relationship and set the pace and then just expect the man to be interested and keep pace for their own security, closeness, expectations because of what they desire in a relationship. And then they end up feeling or realizing that this is the case and they wonder why said man isn't contacting them or putting in that effort once they stop, when really he never was from the beginning...not meeting you half way. I'm not saying you should be passive, or you can't contact men first at all...what I'm saying is let him come to you as well, let him show the interest and carry his weight instead of being all over the guy and letting the guy decide IF he wants to carry on or not...If he's not interested he still might give it a try just because you're interested and readily available, but that can work against you because men won't always pass up on something that seems like a sure thing, even If he's not looking for more or what you are as well. Hopefully that explains that...I think you may have interpreted what I was saying offensively because of your own feelings about it women being unable to pursue men initially, because I don't take that as a sign of desperation, just interest. Edited April 7, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas
RedRobin Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 The point of that is a man who is interested is going to put in the work and make the effort...I see a lot of women put in all the effort and basically create the relationship and set the pace and then just expect the man to be interested and keep pace for their own security, closeness, expectations because of what they desire in a relationship. And then they end up feeling or realizing that this is the case and they wonder why said man isn't contacting them or putting in that effort once they stop, when really he never was from the beginning...not meeting you half way. I'm not saying you should be passive, or you can't contact men first at all...what I'm saying is let him come to you as well, let him show the interest and carry his weight instead of being all over the guy and letting the guy decide IF he wants to carry on or not...If he's not interested he still might give it a try just because you're interested and readily available, but that can work against you because men won't always pass up on something that seems like a sure thing, even If he's not looking for more or what you are as well. Hopefully that explains that...I think you may have interpreted what I was saying offensively because of your own feelings about it women being unable to pursue men initially, because I don't take that as a sign of desperation, just interest. I worded things strongly... only because it is really annoying to me that we (as women) are given these cultural messages to be passive... until... we 'aren't'. Whatever that means. I look at it a little like a game of ping-pong. Someone has to put the ball in play. Whether it is him or me, doesn't matter. There has to be some back and forth, though. I agree. Noone is well served in an arrangment where one or the other is not an active partipant.
carhill Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 what advice would men give women on dealing with men Behave sincerely and authentically as well as respectfully in your dealings, even if/when such behavior may cause a man pain and/or hurt. When you discern a man being proactive and attentive in meeting your needs and wants, be proactive in your reciprocation, presuming sincere interest, which goes back to the first comment. I expect this all sounds like common sense but it is a dynamic I've experienced so rarely in my life that I felt it worth sharing. 2
wwwjd Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 [male here] if you look at us, we think there is a chance
PlumPrincess Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Don't analyze everything we do and say (or don't do and don't say). Men are very simple creatures. When we first meet you, all we care about is that you're cute and you like us. After we've dated you for a while, we start noticing how much you whine, complain, and criticize us. As long as your cuteness outweighs your complaining and criticizing, we stay. As soon as your complaining and criticizing outweighs your cuteness, we leave. That's pretty much it. Cool. I like that, hehe.
KathyM Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I'd tell men to treat their woman well when they have her, because there are plenty of other guys who do treat women well, and once she comes across that type of guy, you're going to pale in comparison if you don't. Don't take your woman for granted. Show her that you care about her and that she is important to you. Don't let yourself go once you are in a relationship. Continue to behave to her like you were still trying to impress her, still trying to win her over. Don't be a negative ned. Woman want to feel good around you--they don't want to be brought down by whining, complaining, and negativism. Cultivate a life that is interesting and fun. If women see you as an interesting, fun and exciting person to be around, that will be very attractive to them. 3
MrCastle Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 women: -start texting first once in a while. sometimes men get tired of chasing and/or move on because they think you aren't interested, when a lot of you are over there thinking "if he likes me he'll text first" or "i want him to chase me". obviously when you're in a relationship the contact should be mutual be i'm talking about early stages of dating/when you first meet someone.
FitChick Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Little things are more important than The Grand Gesture. If she cooks dinner, thank her for the delicious meal, clear the table and put the dishes in the dishwasher. When you are out and about, hold her hand or arm while you are walking. When you say you will arrive at 8:00pm, arrive at 8:00pm; if you will be late, call and tell her. Don't do activities she hates doing -- save those for your buddies; choose something you both like. If you are busy at work, a quick email or phone call is better than silence with an excuse later, i.e. "Sorry, honey, I'm swamped. Can this wait until I see you on Friday night when I can give you my full attention?" Ignoring, dismissing, avoiding, being irritable on a regular basis and then suddenly expecting her to fall panting into your arms because you took her away for the weekend or bought her an expensive bauble will just postpone her dumping you. 3
dasein Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 1. Equality under the law is a right we all share. Being treated as an equal socially, though, must be earned. If you act like a naive, helpless child when it suits you, we will rightfully think of you as a child instead of an equal adult. 2. Life is full of choices. You can not have it all, no matter what the TV and magazines say. 3. Accept accountability for your behavior and spare the constant rationalizations. 4. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Claiming you value communication one moment, then expecting us to puzzle out your thoughts and feelings the next is a thoroughly inconsistent position. Be consistent. 5. Look up the words "honor," "respect" and "reason." Most dealings with men worth knowing can be navigated along those axes (and problems predicted in their absence); they are the yardsticks by which adults judge themselves and others. Note that none of those revolve around how "fabulous" and exciting one's life is, what clubs one is a member of, what celebrities or wealthy people one is in proximity to, how much expensive food and drink one can cram down one's gullet, what self-help or diet book one is currently wallowing in, how many visas are in one's passport, designer furniture and fixtures, one's clothing, shoes or the level of drama going on in one's life at any given moment. 2
Feelin Frisky Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Dear women, don't assume your partner's feelings to be anger if he shows that he needs to figure himself out or works to figure out what's best before he commits to an emotion or a decision to avoid one--this sometimes takes a few nanoseconds longer than your fuses. If he's a good guy who works on his emotionality, this default to interpretation of him as "mad" or "angry" will always push him into defending that he's not the angry person you assumed--and this defense registers on the female brain AS ANGER (she just hears the voice get tenser and the volume get louder, and boom, she was right, it's anger to her). It leaves him no options and it often becomes the deal-breaker when this rush to assumption of his emotion as anger is just never fixed and repeated periodically. We need some latitude to figure out or have feelings and don't live in your mind or body. Now if you flipped that around and said "Dear men, please conform to our temperament assumptions so we could always be right in the moment and not have to figure anything out about who you are as an individual" would that not seem a tad unfair? ETA: If you're already good at this and deserve points for your particualr efforts, please ignore.
threebyfate Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Men, be yourselves. Forget the wooing stage since you can't maintain so what this does, is create an illusion of a man you're not. Once the illusion stage wears off, drama ensues since your treatment changes which causes emotional confusion within the woman, uncertain what happened. Better to be yourself from the onset so you can find someone who appreciates you "as is", who's compatible. This is called sustainable expectation management and should be something that women also adhere to. The above said, if you can't find a partner being yourself, it's time for some internal navel gazing. Are you a selfish arse? 4
Imajerk17 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 (edited) My tips to women can be summed up in one phrase: Take responsibility. I'll elaborate. (1) Say what you mean and mean what you say. At least more than you do now. Women for some reason often say "yes" when they really mean "no" (to avoid confrontation), or say "no" when they really mean "yes" (to test the guy to see how into them he really is). And then you are surprised when you don't get your desired result! There was a thread from someone on here who texted a guy she liked "This is where we go our separate ways" and she was surprised that it didn't get her a positive result! I know many of you women reading this think the guy was "supposed to" see this as a sign that she wanted reassurance and step up, but that is not how most guys work. The sooner you get this, the better. We aren't mind-readers ladies. Sorry. (2) Take responsibility for the situations you find yourself in. So many women say things like "it just happened" when they are in a romantic situation that isn't in their best interest; e.g., they are in love with a guy who is hard to respect. No ma'am, it didn't just happen, you allowed it to happen and you even did your part to help make it happen. Think about the consequences of your actions! There was a thread about a woman who was in a relationship with a guy who was mooching off of her and who led a lifestyle she hardly respect. Gee how did that happen? How did that happen indeed.... This goes in another situation. Some of you are doing Online Dating. You complain about all the lame guys you are meeting, but have you considered that you might be part of the problem? You show up for first dates with your guard up and expect instant chemistry regardless. So, how reasonable of an expectation is that really? (3) Are your filters really working for you? The women here who seem to have the most drama are the ones who seem to go primarily by feelings, the chemistry thing. (They are also the ones who don't seem to think their actions through too.) How is that working for you? Edited April 7, 2012 by Imajerk17 1
somedude81 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Men, be yourselves. Ha ha ha ah ah aha he heh eh ehe lol The above said, if you can't find a partner being yourself, it's time for some internal navel gazing. Are you a selfish arse? Eh, no. Try again.
Woggle Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Find a man who is already what you are looking for because trying to mold a man is an exercise in futility. Not all men are the same. Treat every man as an individual instead of lumping us all into one group. If you have an issue or something you need to tell him just come out and say it. 4
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