HungUp Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I have had a crush on a friend, but she's got a boyfriend. I've been there for her listening to her problems for quite some time and I just got really exhausted because it was killing me inside. I didn't want to stir the pot so I never really told her how I felt. Last night I simply told her I am going through a lot of stuffs and I need to take some time off. It seems she knows why without me saying it, she just said "it's ok, i understand, I'm sorry I cannot be a good enough friend to be there for you for this, good luck with everything". I didn't reply to that last message. Now the issue is her birthday is tomorrow... I've been really good friends with her for more than 3 years now and we always call each other on birthdays. What do I do? I don't have her email address so I can't send her an e-card. If I send a text, will it send a mixed message? If she replies, I don't want to continue the conversation. If she doesn't, I'll probably go crazy again with a fresh wound. What do I do? Please help.
january2011 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I suggest texting her or sending a card (good friend a don't have her address...hmmm), saying something along the lines of, "I'm still taking a break from everything but just wanted to wish you happy birthday." Otherwise, I actually think you need to pull away from this one and break away altogether. She's got a boyfriend and your feelings for her are not the ones of an impartial platonic friend because you're listening to her problems but inside probably wondering why she's with him and not you - not a great situation to be in. And if she asks and you're up to it, you could be straight with her and say that you've developed feelings for her and it's too painful to listen to her relationship problems and all the while want to be with her.
TaraMaiden Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 i would leave well alone. I know it hurts, but it would send a message loud and clear, and I think although she would be disappointed to not hear from you, that in itself would communicate how things stand with you. and that's ok. NC is for your benefit, not hers.....
CC12 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Are you "taking time off" from the friendship with the intention of becoming friends again at some point? If so, send a friendly happy birthday message. If you actually don't want to be friends with her again then say nothing.
TaraMaiden Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 He's in love with her. The only way to move on from those feelings, is to move on, until those feelings are over. And as he says, sending a 'happy birthday' text will result in a reply.... he can't bear to be in touch right now, because it hurts too much....?
CC12 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 The only way to move on from those feelings, is to move on, until those feelings are over. I don't disagree with this. But he told her he needs "time off" instead of just telling her he can't be friends anymore. She probably thinks they're still friends and would likely be hurt that he didn't even acknowledge her birthday. I mean, it does send a very clear message that he doesn't want to have anything to do with her, and if that's what he wants, then fine, but doing that on her birthday is kind of ****ty and it's going to burn bridges. But if he's done with her it doesn't matter.
TaraMaiden Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 kind of 'damned if he do, damned if he don't....'
Author HungUp Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 Thank you for the responses. No I am not done with her forever. We hang out in the same social circle so I will be seeing her around and I don't want to burn bridges. I think she knows I like her, but I didn't need to say it and she didn't need to hear it. I can't say "I'm still taking time off from everything" because it's only been 2 days. I think that will be assumed that I'm still on my time off. I think I will send a simple text message wishing her a happy birthday. If anyone's up for formulating a text that won't send a mixed signal, I'd really appreciate it!
CC12 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 TIf anyone's up for formulating a text that won't send a mixed signal, I'd really appreciate it! "Just wanted to drop you a line to say happy birthday. Hope you're having a great day. Talk to you soon." Then if her reply absolutely requires a response, like if she asks you a question, keep it short and polite and end it with a sentence that hopefully shuts down conversation. For example: Her: "Thanks for the message. How are you?" You: "I'm fine, thanks. Have a good one." Or, Her: "How's that thing going with the other thing?" You: "It's going well. I'll fill you in later." Or, Her: "Why do you not want to be my friend anymore?" You: "It's a long story. We can talk about it some other time. Have a good one." And then you can resume your time off.
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