zanzi Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I'm going to get rid of him forever. My ex. It's decided. He makes me feel so so bad about myself that I can't keep seeing him when he's involved with another girl. he cheats on her with me. the sap. But I'm going to ask my friends to hang with me when they can as the only reason I haven't stopped me and his contact/ liasons together is that I dont like being alone. The thought of nights alone thinking about him gives me a rash and makes my skin crawl but being around him sucks just as much. He is like poison to me. I would like to thank people who have already given me advice. I have done no contact before, now I plan to do it again no matter how hard it is. This time, I wont let him come back, but some pep talking today would be great. 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I'm going to get rid of him forever. My ex. It's decided. He makes me feel so so bad about myself that I can't keep seeing him when he's involved with another girl. he cheats on her with me. the sap. But I'm going to ask my friends to hang with me when they can as the only reason I haven't stopped me and his contact/ liasons together is that I dont like being alone. The thought of nights alone thinking about him gives me a rash and makes my skin crawl but being around him sucks just as much. He is like poison to me. I would like to thank people who have already given me advice. I have done no contact before, now I plan to do it again no matter how hard it is. This time, I wont let him come back, but some pep talking today would be great. Being with this fellow is like being alone. Do you think he cares about your mind and your life in general? No. You are an object to him. If he is cheating on you both with one another, he is cheating on you both with someone else. Being alone can be blissful. You need that alone time to find yourself and to learn how to love yourself enough to know it's okay not to rely on someone else for your happiness. And relying on this guy to make you happy...how's that working for you? You need to have a good relationship with YOU before you allow anyone else into the picture. Also, ask your friends to hang with you because you enjoy their company-not because you don't like being alone and are afraid to call this fellow. Cut him lose; sounds like he needs to find himself...and when he finds himself, tell him to get lost.
EgoJoe Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 he cheats on her with me. You allow this. You are responsible for your own actions and decisions. Take control and responsibility now. The cycle ends when you end it. 1
lizardking8610 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Zanzi, Read the link in my signature box I think it might help you
Author zanzi Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 I dont like being alone because when I am, I think about killing myself. Is it so wrong to be afraid of that happening? I cant go into the mental ward right now, I am at uni. I cant fail it.
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 You allow this. You are responsible for your own actions and decisions. Take control and responsibility now. The cycle ends when you end it. Could it be that I am agreeing with EgoJoe;)?? He is right; you have to stop allowing this to happen.
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I dont like being alone because when I am, I think about killing myself. Is it so wrong to be afraid of that happening? I cant go into the mental ward right now, I am at uni. I cant fail it. No one is worth doing that to yourself over. Have you heralded this fellow so much that you have such self loathing and low self esteem? The only man worth having those feelings for is the one with the golden penis that ejaculates chocolate and money. I highly doubt the fellow you speak of has these qualities. YOU have to get help for YOU. There are people at uni who can help you; you need counseling, like yesterday, if you are having suicidal thoughts.
Author zanzi Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 I have had depression for most of my life and have been wanting to kill myself since I was about fourteen. You think I havent sought help from councelling, from drugs, booze and cruel in the past, now clean. You think I sit in my room and shrug and say " oh well, I wont try to help myself." ?? you think I like hallucinating, crying and getting angry without warning? That I enjoy scaring my family and freinds? That I like driving people away? That I dont know that this guy is no good for me? Im here for support, not smugness from you.
lizardking8610 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Zanzi, my dear don't hurt yourself please you and everyone else, in my opinion, is a unique gift from God! Have you ever tried a support group? 3
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