stu1234 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 She says she loves me but she isn't in love with me. we are discussing getting back together but when she said that I had no response. What can I say to that. She is worried that she wont be able to love me like she used to. Is there anything i can say to make her see that she could? If she can that is.I don't know either. Can yoi fall back in love with someone. Getting that early relationship feelingwith someone..
Mister Spock Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I'm not an expert, I never usually give advice seeing as my own love life is not going how I would want it to but I felt compelled to reply to this. In my own experience through a lot of relationships with varying degrees of love and emotion, YES it is totally possible to fall back in love someone, yes absolutely. However, and it's a big however, it depends on the reasons and the severity of why the person originally fell out of love. It also depends on the ability of you to remind that person of why they fell in love with you originally and to be that person again. So my opinion is: It's possible but it's hard and more often than not, it's unlikely. It definitely varies on a case by case basis, maybe your girl can love you again if you didn't give her too many reasons in the past to not love you or trust you. Also, I love you but I'm not in love with you is usually a nice way of saying I still care about you and don't want to hurt you but I don't actually want to be with you. With my ex we had a bad past but loved each other immensely, we've recently become very close again and talk/text all the time as friends, for me it's the only way I can show her I've changed and that she could be happy with me if we gave it another shot. It might not work, and if it does it will be a slow process, I might get hurt again or I might get the person I love back. You've got to try, so if you want her, take what she offers and be the person she used to love. This is just my perspective and other regular posters may point out that my advice is flawed so listen to the experts on here when they comment on your question, their advice is invaluable
Author stu1234 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 Thanks for the reply mate I'm glad you took the time to. In the relationship I'm referring too I was with her for a year and a half but the last few months were more difficult. We ddnt break through cheating or fighting but equally it wasnt mutual, it was her decision to do so. We have now reconciled 4 months down the line and she tells me she cannot imagine her life without me. However she questions whether she can ever love me again like she used to. She stresses great important on the feeling of being in love and I don't know how I can make her see we could get there again. Trust isnt an issue between us though we do seem like best friends. Its worrying though because thats not all I want and I fear it may end that way. Its a tricky one. Also with regards to your ex. I really hope it works out for you mate. If you can show her the guy she once wanted I'd like to think she would come back. Hope you don't set yourself up for a fall though, because the game your playing is long and hard. Again, as you said, my advice would be nothing like some of those on here who can offer better.
Mister Spock Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Again, I have to repeat that I'm no relationship guru, but what you say sounds positive. Often when girls want to be friends with an ex they are being totally sincere and genuinely just want you as a friend. That's ok, because whilst being friends with her you can attempt to show her how great you are and how happy she'd be with you again. The most important thing I can say is just don't talk about it. Don't mention getting back together, don't ask her or beg her (I'm not suggesting you are doing this by the way, just offering advice!) just be the guy she originally fell for, be fun, be happy, be positive and let her see what she is missing, whilst at the same time being there for her. I've gotten some great advice from a poster called EgoJoe myself (amongst others) and he suggests waiting for the right moment (maybe if you feel you are stuck in the friend zone and she is just not looking at you in a romantic way whatsoever) and telling her you can't be friends with her because of your deep feelings for her and just walk away into no contact. You could risk losing her forever, but if you've been supportive, fun to be with and happy then maybe, just maybe, she will miss the new you and decide she does want you back. Hopefully more posters will read your thread and give additional advice because I don't want you to take my word for it as my word may not work!
confused kitty Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 Stu, do you mind me asking how old you guys are?? IMO it sounds like she does still have feelings for you, (perhaps even still loves you) but it sounds like the "honeymoon" phase has passed (at least for her) and hence why she says she wants that in love feeling (warm, fuzzy butterflies etc) and cant inagine her life without you in it. Love changes and has many many different forms/layers. After time passes those butterflies will eventually fade, ask any couple that have been married 10+ years and see do they still get butterflies when they see theyre partner, Im guessing the majority will say not so much, but they are still together because they are still in love, its just a different, (deeper, in my opinion) type of love... I think that with maturity comes the understanding of this. Just because she doesnt have that warm fuzzy feeling all the time shes with you, doesnt mean that she doesnt in fact still love you. Perhaps try asking her about this and see does it clarify things for her??
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