simikeyako Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 To begin my girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years and have live together for 6 months. We've had our ups and downs but nothing to serious. A month ago we got into an argument where she slept at her cousins house (she told me beforehand) but did not call me that night. I was upset that she didn't not give me the courtesy to call me. She is just really gullible when it comes to things like this and its always happened throughout our relationship...but she continually works on it. When this happened I said I couldnt take her irresponsibility anymore and said im not sure I see a future with you anymore. With that said, she understood she was wrong on her part and said I'm sorry I can't be who you want me to be. The next night I talked to her about it to reconcile and get back together....but she said right now I feel like im not good enough for you...and I dont want you to lower your expectations. I was heartbroken she did not want to get back together. Since than she said it was not my fault but she had been feeling sad and not herself because of work, mom had been diagnosed with cancer, living paycheck to paycheck etc. She had to quit dancing which was a passion of hers. She said, "how can I make this relationship work if I myself am not happy and feel sad..." As of right now we still live together. She doesnt want a relationship...but still gives me signals.....we sleep in the same bed and cuddle. If I make the effort like holding her hand or giving her a kiss, intercourse she'll accept it...but very seldom takes the initiative. She always kisses me on the cheek before she goes to work never on the lips anymore...but she lets me kiss her on the lips.I always say "I love You." but doesn't say it back. If i ask her if she loves me she says she does... She doesn't call me unless I call her...and she'll return calls if she misses them. If I tell her to call me she does. If i got out she always asks who I was with and what I did today. We still go on date's but I can see deep down inside she's sad. Im trying everything to cheer her up. It has been 4 weeks now. She stays at our place M-Tr and stays at her parents house Fri-Sun to help with her mom's cancer and family. At this point I really do not know what to do...I know she's going through a lot in her life right now and if i bring up us getting back together she cry's. She lets me do whatever I want and even said if, "dating someone else make's you happy than that's truely all I want." She said all I want is for you to be happy." What would make me most happy is If i was back together with her....I really dont know what to do...shes going through a tough time and everything piled up on her all at once...but at at the same time I just cant live this life of uncertainty... Should I just move on? or wait....I truly just want her to be happy... and dont know if giving her space would be what she needs... She said she doesn't want me to move out and she doesn't want to move out either. I want her to be happy so WE can be happy together. Ultimately I want us back together....which she said doesn't want me to wait for her because she doesn't know when she'll start feeling like herself again....What should I do...?
N0where Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 (edited) Dude you are close to loosing her.. Tread lightly.. I recommend you buy the book men are from mars and women are from venus, ask her if she want to read it with you, as it will help both of you communicate better. If not, read it on your own. It will help you listen to her when you talk. Sounds like she is going through a lot right now (how old are you two?). See if there is anyway you can help her out with family stuff. Not sure if you have any sort of relationship with her family, but reach out to them, see if they need any help with things you can do (cut the grass, or fix the fence sort of thing). However, make sure you maintain your masculinity, still do things on your own with "the boys". Don't make her the center of your world or she will take you for granted. You need to be a gentleman with a Big Heart, but tons of respect for yourself, its a very fine line to walk. Whatever you do, don't seek your happiness from her. Encourage her to go out with he friends, and make sure she has space for girl time, so that she isn't trying to derive her happiness from your relationship (because she might have once but clearly isn't anymore). Support her, respect her, but respect yourself first. Make sure you are there for her, but don't be a doormat. Do not consistently always try to please her, she won't respect you for it. Best of luck, Edited April 7, 2012 by N0where added 1
esteem-jam Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Looks like she is emotionally checking out of relationship. And looks like she is seeking for a "reason" to deliver the breakup-blow: when she asks where have you been and with whom. And to top the cake she suggests open-relationship, like you going sleeping with other women. Any LS`er will tell you these are symptoms of a breakup. I agree with above poster about maintaining and being yourself, she comes second.
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