Is this gigs???? I think it is?

[water4150]

Ok long story short.

2.5 years relationship. I'm 21 she's 24. She broke up with me. Break up occured 6 months ago, 5-6 weeks? of nc so and going.

 

Reason: wasn't spending as much time with her as much as she wanted.

My counter to her reason: I am a nursing student, lot of work and was trying my best to make a future for us.

 

So a month before the bu a guy was around. He was giving her driving lessons behind my back. She wanted to learn manual transmission. All along this guy has a gf heck the gf is his fiance. He is known to flirt behind his fiance back and do shady stuff.

 

Now my ex basically fell head over heels with him. I'm pretty sure its an infatuation and lust. And my ex and this guy bump heads becuase she wants stuff to happen but he is engaged. She is trying and she even knows that she is being dumb and stupid for doing so but for some reason she just can't stop.

 

All this information is coming from a mutual friend that favors me more. And she has told me that there has been no physical contact such as kissing or anything. She's a virgin and I highly doubt he is. She is waiting for marriage and I respected her wishes on that.

 

Also this guy is the complete opposite of her and me. For example, she is the innnocent nerdy/geeky shcool girl, doesn't like bars or drinking. This guy has no degree, deals with cars (didn't even go to a tech school) and is milking his fiance money and is also a "musclehead" and drinks. Me, I'm busting my ass in nursing school trying to get my life going forward, I don't smoke, don't drink, don't even like bars or clubs either.

 

Her personal life: Almost jobless. Her two month contract with a job is ending and she has no back up position. Tough luck...oh well. She basically hates that she is 24 still with her parents and still can't get a decent job with her degree.

 

To me, it seems as if her life has become a complete mess ever since leaving me. I have been improving on myself. I been working out as much as possible. During the break up I was 128lb, now I'm 142lbs and highly confident in my looks. And I have been putting all my focus to school...trying to atleast.

 

More information: The mutual friend told me my ex pretty much is mad at me since I'm hanging out during the weekdays. I wasn't doing that with her becuase I had a different class schedual. And also I was hanging out with the mutual friend who my ex tells her everything which finds its way to me. Mad to the point where if she was to see me should would have cursed at me. Yea right we never once yelled at each other or ever raised our voices at eachother.

 

I know I should keep the nc going and I'm going to do just that. But part of me doesn't want her back. I do want her back but I want the old her back. Right now she is just full of anger and it is somehow directed towards me.

 

I don't get why after 6 months she is still angry at me. Is that anger becuase nothing is going her way and mine is just normal? Is that anger becuase she is jealous that I was hanging out with another girl even though its a mutual friend. I have no feelings for this girl, if anything it was either my ex gf or nobody until I graduated college. Or is she angry becuase she knows that she is being stupid with that guy and is wasting her time but with out him and me she really has nobody else?

 

I know I made my mistakes in the relationship but it was never anything serious like cheating or abusing her. I just didnt' give her the attention as much as she wanted...I regret doing so but I was still putting myself first with school. I have more to lose then she does and she just couldn't understand the fact that I was giving it my best beuase I wanted a great future for us....

 

My cutting point for not taking her back is if she ever does anything physical with another guy before me. You know, rather keep the playing field even.

 

 

Is this her GIGS guy but without the actual relationship aspect?

 

Thank you and sorry for the long read...

[N0where]

You are sooo young, you have so much time to find someone better than her. Dump her, you are too good for her already and she has you wrapped around her finger. You feel blame because she isn't happy, gimme a break. She is allready cheating on you emotionally and she has not respect for your feelings (otherwise she wouldn't be hanging out with this other guy.)

 

What worse is that you have no respect for YOURSELF, otherwise you would tell her to get a job, and start contributing., The dream you have for the two of you.. have you shared it with her? I bet she doesn't feel the same way (at least her actions seem to indicate not).

 

Quit this crap, focus on yourself, finish school and land a decent job (oh.. and if you dump her she will beg you to get back with her for like the next 6 months). Then, find a woman that is more compatible and shares the same dreams and values that you do. Someone who is willing to WORK to get there. You have yourself a spoiled 24 y/o brat who doesn't want to grow up and who is acting likes she's 17!

 

Nursing, I hear that is tough, good for you. Life is hard, don't you want a partner who will work hard WITH you? You deserve better, I bet all of your friends would tell you the same thing if you confided in them.

[water4150]

She already broke up wirh me 6 months ago.

I just want to know if she is goibg through gigs.

I havnt spoken to her in over a month.

 

Sorry for typos im using my iphone to wrrite this.

[lizardking8610]

this will help me determine the answer so please answer this question for me.

 

Did she break up with you suddenly and without warning?

[water4150]

this will help me determine the answer so please answer this question for me.

 

Did she break up with you suddenly and without warning?

 

Yupppp

The week before we were pretty much talking about marriage. Not like it was actually going to happen right away but i was just the cutesy bf/gf convo.

 

I know if i was to strike up a conversation with her she would be hostile towards me. Why? Becuase "she is mad at the past for me not apending much time with her as she wanted" but 6 monts later and still mad?!?! Not making any sense.

Edited April 7, 2012 by water4150

[N0where]

Ok.. dump her from your memory then. Yes it was good, yes you loved the person she was. BUT that person is gone, you can't live in the past. Oh what I wouldn't give to be 21 again!

 

GIGS is not scientifically proven, you won't find it a peer reviewed journal. Its not necessarily a phase that people go through (because EVERYONE does NOT go through it).

 

Say its not GIGS - you should focus on yourself, do something you enjoy. Workout, buy some new clothes, new shoes (new car - slightly used sports car? or truck, whatever suits your fancy.. hell buy a new suit). Get a haircut, get a platonic girl or gay friend to take you shopping and get a flashy outfit, whatever you need. I don't know if you have student loans or not, but you have your whole LIFE to make more money, and the things you stress about now, you won't in 10 years. This stuff IS superficial yes I agree, but it will give you a huge confidence boost (and ladies love the confidence). Now go on a ton of dates, meet new people, make new friends, go traveling and have an adventure (south america, south east asia?).

 

Say it is GIGS - so what.. you going to wait around for her, terrorizing yourself with pain and agony, hoping that she comes back to you? No you still do all the stuff above. You'll only be prolonging the pain and putting yourself through more agony. And for what?

 

Either way, you have a bright future, and you should be looking for someone who will work TOGETHER with you on mutual goals. Use this time to reflect what your goals and dreams are.

 

Go on a ton of dates (1-3 dates, I am NOT advocating hooking up or sleeping around), with multiple women, at the same time (same time period, not speed dating or thinking your a mac daddy with 3 girls on your arm) to get to know these women and find out if you have common interests, goals, values. Be honest with all of them, tell them whether or not you are looking for anything serious, you are just dating to find out. Girls will not be turned off by you dating other women (in fact it will turn them on..), so long as you are NOT sleeping with them. This does not mean you can have multiple girlfriends though.. So then when you find someone you really like, per her.

 

Piece of cake...

[lizardking8610]

It is either GIGS or Borderline Personality Disorder and Both are DANGEROUS to your emotional health.

 

Run Away, Far Away

 

But if you really want to play with fire remember that you stand a high probability of getting burned.

 

My break up was the same way, saying "I love you, I want to marry you" the a couple days before dropping me on my head

 

She had certifiable Borderline Personality Disorder

[lizardking8610]

Like others have said here though at the end of the day it doesn't matter what she had, what matters is what you are going to do about the way you're feeling and thinking.

 

Do whats right for you, listen to your gut.

 

My gut said run away when she came back wanting more, if I had listened to my gut I would have avoided additional heartache

[water4150]

Yea i get what your all saying. I just wanted some insight and stories.

 

I have been workin on myself. For example at bu i was 128 been hittingthe weights hard ad now im 142 cut and everything. I feel confident n likethe way i look mow. Im not cocky or anything. Just more confident. And lol i wish i had the money to do all that stuff listed a bove...too much loans.

I even did the new haircut lol. And like i said i have been nc.

 

But i was thinking of just sayibg a happy easter in text on subday. Nothing more nothing less. Just a simple happy easter and im not expecting anythjng in return from her.

[N0where]

DON'T do the happy Easter thing. You might think its kind, but you as LK will say, "playing with fire" and there is a good chance you will get burned. Yes I understand that you still have feelings for her, but don't you believe me when I tell you that you can do soooo much better? Get a girl that appreciates you, one who treats you and cares for you like you do for her. Once you get older, it only gets harder, when you have kids, mortgage, dance lessons etc. etc... If she can't handle the stress now... there is no way she is a good partner for REAL life. Don't you want what is BEST for you! Respect yourself... you DESERVE better.

 

It's great that you working out, keep on gym'in it! Stay occupied, you can do so much better (especially if your 142 & cut).

 

Don't get hung up on a girl, it only invites pain..

 

Books I would recommend:

1) No more mr. nice guy

2) the art of manliness: classic skills and manners

3) Hold onto your nuts: the relationship manual

[N0where]

AND if you want some stories.. head on over the the DIVORCE section.. see what happens when you fight to keep the wrong girl, it can totally destroy your life... especially one you have kids etc. etc...

[wilsonx]

Yup GIGS~~~~~

[water4150]

Thank you n0whwre. Your right.

This is pretty hard but...it is what it is...

 

And thanks for clearing it up wilson thats what i was really lloking for.

If she comes bak it will boost my ego. Idk what i will do if she comes back but for now shes gone for good.