Titania22 Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I am wondering if there might be another element at play between the guys that are exceptionally good with women and all the other guys. Occasionally we get threads where some guy posts "why can't girls see what some specific guy is like? or do girls purposely allow themselves to be deluded by a guy?" I also wondered about why i can have differing levels of enjoyment when the penis and skill level of the man is essentially the same. And so I propose a theory to be discussed: Is it important for women that during the sex act (and possibly outside the sex act as well) itself the guy be able to allow us to (by not pulling us out of) or even contribute to create an illusion to accompany the sex act. This could be broken down into something akin to roleplaying, or it could be simply him avoiding reminding us in the heat of the moment (or in time immediately adjacent to the heat)that he has no interest in us other then sex and we better not develop feelings. I get it that guys get worried about misleading girls and getting stalked or trapped or something. But as an adult, I think I am mature enough to play one role in the bedroom, and know it doesn't translate to the outside world. I also know playing that role helps increase my level of desire and thus my enjoyment of the whole sexual experience. I wonder in my paragraph 2 if this "playing the role" thing is a factor in some girls going crazy for some guys who aren't actually seriously interested. And if this is true, could guys who are less successful with women increase their success, by feeding the female desire for fantasy, rather then quashing it continuously. Thought? 1
marsha80 Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Its all bull**** and moot. Men and women, both, fall prey. It's just that men have been talking about it openly for a lot longer, and women have been (and are still) trying not to be stigmatized as much as possible.
wwwjd Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Never forget something that it seems everyone tries to repress now days, is that SEX CAUSES A CONNECTION to occur that is more than physical. Be it emotional, mental, "spiritual" or whatever, it is there, and caused so much heartache... not to mention all those "husband kills wife's lover, wife, kids, and self" headlines. For those who think they REALLY shutoff all connections in sex, they are just back building for later issues. You can create whatever illusion or reality you want during sex, but making fantasy that he likes you or doesn't if he has made it clear he is just using you... well, the using you part is the real problem with your idea. Or maybe I read it wrong? There is a bond being made, whether people choose to accept it or acknoledge it or not. But if society has truly become a "Sex = handshake" society (which I don't see that it has) than I have no point. 1
wwwjd Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I wonder in my paragraph 2 if this "playing the role" thing is a factor in some girls going crazy for some guys who aren't actually seriously interested. I would like to say that I read somewhere that sex causes a physical reaction in the female mind BONDING with the male, but I can't recall where I ran across it and have no real proof. Other than me remembering I read it somewhere Anyway, that would easily explain girls going crazy
NeverDated Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Never forget something that it seems everyone tries to repress now days, is that SEX CAUSES A CONNECTION to occur that is more than physical. Be it emotional, mental, "spiritual" or whatever, it is there, and caused so much heartache... not to mention all those "husband kills wife's lover, wife, kids, and self" headlines. For those who think they REALLY shutoff all connections in sex, they are just back building for later issues. You can create whatever illusion or reality you want during sex, but making fantasy that he likes you or doesn't if he has made it clear he is just using you... well, the using you part is the real problem with your idea. Or maybe I read it wrong? There is a bond being made, whether people choose to accept it or acknoledge it or not. But if society has truly become a "Sex = handshake" society (which I don't see that it has) than I have no point. Why would you want that fantasy? I know there are some women who can have a ONS or a FWB situation and walk away clean, but it's also fairly common for us females to wonder if he's going to call or text. He did ask for our number, after all; or, we were friends for years before this, weren't we? Why muddy the waters more by creating a fictitious reality where he is interested? At least if he's open about the fact that it's just sex, there's nothing to really cling to the next morning.
Author Titania22 Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 Well my point isn't about whether sex causes a connection or not, people are free to create any delusion that they want (as they tend to do anyway in all parts of life). It was more about if a little delusion/illusion/allusion (whichever one) in sex can contribute to an all round more enjoyable experience, and if this is true (at least for women), could men perhaps become aware of that and keep that in mind when consorting with women? I think men on ls have commented before about when women say "they were used for sex", wasn't it a mutually enjoyable experience. I don't go into sex thinking oh he is using me. I go in to get my needs met. I want the sex I have to be as enjoyable as can be. My theory is that making sex clinical takes the enjoyment out of it for me and perhaps for other women.
Author Titania22 Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 Why muddy the waters more by creating a fictitious reality where he is interested? At least if he's open about the fact that it's just sex, there's nothing to really cling to the next morning. There's a difference between being open about something and harping on about it. I don't want want sex that is an cold and methodical as doing the dishes.
NeverDated Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I would like to say that I read somewhere that sex causes a physical reaction in the female mind BONDING with the male, but I can't recall where I ran across it and have no real proof. Other than me remembering I read it somewhere Anyway, that would easily explain girls going crazy You're talking about oxytocin. It's considered a "bonding" or "cuddle" hormone, released in large quantities during childbirth to progress labor and create the instant maternal bond during birth. When oxytocin is absent, humans like other animals do not bond with their young. It's also released during orgasm along with dopamine levels high enough to mimic heroine's effects. (An interesting article on the topic.) So women more or less become "addicted" temporarily to their mate.
xxoo Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I also wondered about why i can have differing levels of enjoyment when the penis and skill level of the man is essentially the same. The brain is the largest sex organ. Physical technique helps with physical pleasure and orgasm. The man who can key into your desire, however.....who can tease and build sexual tension, and make you beg for a touch.....oh, my. That is something else.
Author Titania22 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 It's also released during orgasm along with dopamine levels high enough to mimic heroine's effects. (An interesting article on the topic.) So women more or less become "addicted" temporarily to their mate. What about when orgasm don't happen during sex, does the woman still get the same effect?
Author Titania22 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 The brain is the largest sex organ. Physical technique helps with physical pleasure and orgasm. The man who can key into your desire, however.....who can tease and build sexual tension, and make you beg for a touch.....oh, my. That is something else. well that is exactly one form of what I am getting at. Sex is a sense thing I think, rather then a thinking thing. when guys say things that jolt me back into the thinking part of my mind, that takes me further from the pleasurable sensations of sex, and thus diminishes the enjoyment. Maybe this is related to flirting, i.e. flirting can be something that happens during sex, not just as a precursor.
ThaWholigan Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 well that is exactly one form of what I am getting at. Sex is a sense thing I think, rather then a thinking thing. when guys say things that jolt me back into the thinking part of my mind, that takes me further from the pleasurable sensations of sex, and thus diminishes the enjoyment. Maybe this is related to flirting, i.e. flirting can be something that happens during sex, not just as a precursor. There are sections of PUA which are dedicated to this (well, not exactly PUA, but this would be recommended by them).
Author Titania22 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 There are sections of PUA which are dedicated to this (well, not exactly PUA, but this would be recommended by them). I wouldn't know. I thought PUA was teaching guys to act like pricks to get girls. Please enlighten me if i am wrong.
ThaWholigan Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I wouldn't know. I thought PUA was teaching guys to act like pricks to get girls. Please enlighten me if i am wrong. It would seem that way, but there are a few "gurus" who espouse the "jerk/*******" theory and young bucks who don't know any better lap it up. The "inner game" gurus of PUA mostly teach men about expanding their horizons and become more whole and complete, it kinda goes beyond PUA and becomes lifestyle coaching, better health, style, conversational skills, advanced social skills, improved body language & fitness - some of the stuff I have personally downloaded that would be considered "PUA" material focused on adopting a proper code of conduct and being a man of true strength and character. Not just in the hopes of attracting women, but to have a better and more fulfilling life in general. Then again, most of the "gurus" that fall into that category of PUA don't call themselves "PUAs" anyway
Author Titania22 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 It would seem that way, but there are a few "gurus" who espouse the "jerk/*******" theory and young bucks who don't know any better lap it up. The "inner game" gurus of PUA mostly teach men about expanding their horizons and become more whole and complete, it kinda goes beyond PUA and becomes lifestyle coaching, better health, style, conversational skills, advanced social skills, improved body language & fitness - some of the stuff I have personally downloaded that would be considered "PUA" material focused on adopting a proper code of conduct and being a man of true strength and character. Not just in the hopes of attracting women, but to have a better and more fulfilling life in general. Then again, most of the "gurus" that fall into that category of PUA don't call themselves "PUAs" anyway Well I agree with that. Being a whole and complete person is awesome. It's kind of exciting to finally be at the point myself, where I am comfortable and confident enough, to be able to say, 'hey I am almost 40 now, and I want to work out exactly how to make sex fantastic for me". What the hell has being chaste and patient gotten me, nothing, and soon enough no one will want to have sex with me ever again, so to hell with their stupid labels. I want to go and work out a situation that brings me the satisfaction i want, and enjoy it for all it's worth. And on top of everything else, I can even approach men in the street and their rejections don't even bother me anymore. So now I just have to work out what it is i want and how to get it.
wwwjd Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 k, i think I get it now. I went over the "Connections" thing because I thought THAT was what you wanted to fantasize about during. And I'm like, why since it ALREADY happens during sex. My bad.
Author Titania22 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 I was talking about it with a friend, whilst this thread has been running, and i think it's partly, I don't too much talking during sex. It jolts me out of the sensations/feelings and back into mind space (thinking), where I would rather stay in the realm of body language and involuntary vocalizations (like moaning and grunting).
Nikki Sahagin Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 But isn't oxytocin also released in men during sex as well? So that wouldn't explain why men sometimes don't connect to their partner (unless they do in some way). I must also say I've had sex with a guy before who I was with for 3 months. The sex was amazing, but after sex I had no desire to kiss, hug or be close to him. Emotionally I was not connected to him as I was with my ex before, and sex didn't change that, whereas he was the opposite. Oxytocin can also be released from a kiss, and you can also be infatuated by someone you've never had any physical contact with aka infatuation, often confused as 'love at first sight'. Chemicals are weird!
january2011 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 But isn't oxytocin also released in men during sex as well? I read/heard somewhere that the oxytocin breaks down or is reabsorbed a lot more quickly in men than women (a half-life as short as a few hours to a day or two, if I recall correctly) - that's why women can ride on the bonded love feelings a lot longer but men need more sex and oxytocin release to feel bonded, apparently.
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