nofool4u Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 Also, kind of insulting to the wife, no? I mean, its as if when someone wants a 3-some, but then has to adhere to THEIR rules, then what the hell? Its as if the wife is some sort of performing circus animal or something.
Author whattodo44 Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 Also, kind of insulting to the wife, no? I mean, its as if when someone wants a 3-some, but then has to adhere to THEIR rules, then what the hell? Its as if the wife is some sort of performing circus animal or something. I guess you and your wife have a different relationship than we do. We don't make rules for each other, we make them together. It's more like a democracy. Also, I would like to know which circus you've been to where the animals are required to have sex. I've never heard of that, however it might be interesting. I would also like to point out again that she was the one that brought up having a threesome. I accept the fact that I don't have the biggest d**k, and I don't last as long as I used to, so I have no problem with her having her fun. It wasn't like I was asking her to give a command performance. Also, one of her pet peeves is a man that uses the term "the wife" as you do. To her that means that he thinks of the wife as an object, like "the car", "the house", etc. I'm not saying that I agree with that, but in respect for her I never use the term.
Author whattodo44 Posted April 9, 2012 Author Posted April 9, 2012 Your wife wasn't supposed to have sex with the OM - that was the rule. But SHE changed the rules during the threesome and they had sex. Doesn't sound like a democracy to me. Alice, what would I do without you. Once again you are correct. So how do you remember all of this?
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 9, 2012 Posted April 9, 2012 All I have to say about this is: cool story, bro.
stillafool Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 . I would also like to point out again that she was the one that brought up having a threesome. I accept the fact that I don't have the biggest d**k, and I don't last as long as I used to, so I have no problem with her having her fun. It wasn't like I was asking her to give a command performance. . Okay, then why are you worried? Let her have her fun and don't worry about catching her. Why do you have to be present for her fun? Don't believe for a moment that your wife has only had 3 affairs. You may only know about 3 affairs but I would bet the farm she has had more. You admit that you are a "weenie" and are too afraid to confront her about what you already know. I think you like "humiliation" and you get off on it. Stop the whining, I can't stand when children do it much less a grown man. 2
Bellechica Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I've never had a threesome nor do I ever desire to but it seems that by opening this "door" you have granted permission that it's okay for your wife to have sex with this man. Perhaps you should ask your wife if she wants an open marriage. Is there love in your M still? 1
Author whattodo44 Posted April 10, 2012 Author Posted April 10, 2012 Perhaps you should ask your wife if she wants an open marriage. Perhaps she wants a one-sided open marriage. I asked her about expanding from a threesome to a couple and she got very upset and said "NO!! THAT WOULD BE A GIANT TURN OFF FOR ME" So, I'm relatively sure that she would not be OK with me being with another woman. Is there love in your M still? In 2006 I thought she was going to divorce me, so I started preparing myself. In 2008 when she lied to me about setting up a meeting so that I could see that her "friend" was just a friend, I think my love for her went away. Yet, I still care about what happens to her. I would feel awful if I divorced her and she committed suicide because of it. I know that nobody understands this, but what I would really like is for both of us to have a good life, except without each other. I question whether she ever loved me. I think she married me for financial security.
Author whattodo44 Posted April 10, 2012 Author Posted April 10, 2012 I think you like "humiliation" and you get off on it. Stop the whining, I can't stand when children do it much less a grown man. I totally disagree that I like humiliation. In fact, I think that if I was totally unaware of what was going on I would be very happy. There's an old saying "What you don't know won't hurt you". However, you are probably right about the whining. I think this topic has been discussed as much as it needs to be. There's no need to continue beating a dead cow. Unless someone posts something different that I think needs to be responded to I won't post again. I do want to thank all of you that have offered your advice (even the ones that I disagree with) It has definitely helped me firm up what I think and what I plan to do. I will post again in late May or June after I have either have done something or chickened out.
nofool4u Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 I guess you and your wife have a different relationship than we do. We don't make rules for each other, we make them together. It's more like a democracy. So just what are the "rules" that you agreed to with regards to this introduction of other people into your sex lives? Also, I would like to know which circus you've been to where the animals are required to have sex. I've never heard of that, however it might be interesting. Don't be dumb, I said like performing circus animals. Correlating directing her what and who she can be with so you can watch to a bear balancing on a big ball. I would also like to point out again that she was the one that brought up having a threesome. I accept the fact that I don't have the biggest d**k, and I don't last as long as I used to, so I have no problem with her having her fun. It wasn't like I was asking her to give a command performance. Ok, so if she wanted to screw another man, why would it surprise you that she wants to go have sex alone with him? Like I said, either you allow her to get penetrated by other men, or you don't. Also, one of her pet peeves is a man that uses the term "the wife" as you do. To her that means that he thinks of the wife as an object, like "the car", "the house", etc. Not at all. But the part about being "the wife", or "the husband" for that matter includes "forsaking all others". Otherwise, why BE a "wife" or a "husband"? Someone need not view a wife or husband as an object or property to expect them to adhere to the concept of marriage and fidelity. Nice try. I'm not saying that I agree with that, but in respect for her I never use the term. Oh gee, not the term, "the wife". How horrendously dreadful!!!
nofool4u Posted April 10, 2012 Posted April 10, 2012 Okay, then why are you worried? Let her have her fun and don't worry about catching her. Why do you have to be present for her fun? Exactly. Like I told him, if I'm so off base that 3somes seldom turn up good for a relationship, then why is here. 1
Author whattodo44 Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 This is just an update. In my prior post I stated I will post again in late May or June after I have either have done something or chickened out. However, there is another option. Things have changed. I was waiting until late May because my wife and I currently have legal custody of 2 of her grandkids age 4 and 6. There was a custody hearing scheduled for May 15th and I wanted to wait until after that. However, the hearing has been postponed again and will probably not take place until mid to late July. That's over 3 months away, so now I don't really know what to do. My wife's "friend" is going to be visiting our city for two months in May and June and I've been hoping that she would meet up with him secretly during that time for a quick f**k. As long as she didn't know I was spying on her email I could catch her and then my decision would be easier. However, I think she's chickened out already. She told me last week that he had called her and she didn't answer and that she wasn't going to answer any of his calls. Tomorrow is her birthday and she sent me an email at work asking me to get her a "birthday dildo". So I suspect she's decided to be satisfied with a dildo instead of the real thing. I asked if she had any specific requirements and she replied: He should be fit and into high activity, high speed. No leisurely walks on a moonlit beach for him. He needs to have smooth moves but can quickly change to meet needs of girlfriend. Not too dominating. His balls can stay home where he probably needs them more. In a world where size IS everything, width rather than length has the greater advantage with this this lucky BOB. Why Lucky? Because if he plans his moves right, he won't be hidden away like his soon-to-be predecessor.
stillafool Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 Why didn't you tell her to buy her own damn dildo? Also of course she doesn't want to do a couples thing because she doesn't want to be the female who is the most undesirable. BTW, the OM probably canceled on her.
Author whattodo44 Posted April 20, 2012 Author Posted April 20, 2012 she doesn't want to do a couples thing because she doesn't want to be the female who is the most undesirable. I don't believe that's the case. She takes pride in her appearance and is still very desirable. It's me that would be the most undesirable. At least I believe that's her perception. Why didn't you tell her to buy her own damn dildo This is the only thing that she's asked for. I was undecided on what to get her, so this makes it easier.
Artie Lang Posted April 20, 2012 Posted April 20, 2012 i don't understand.....how does opening up your marriage, improve it??? i will never understand "open-marriages," but to each their own, i guess.
Author whattodo44 Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 Another update. Tonight's hopefully the big night that I either find out if Wife's lying to me or to OM. He's going to be in our area for 2 months and she told me Wednesday that he had left a message on her voice mail asking her to meet him for drinks after work tomorrow. She sent me an email stating: Got a message from J. Creep. Said he was calling 'while WIFE was in grocery store.' Said he'd be arriving Thursday (presumably tomorrow) and would like to meet for a drink after he's done with golf on Friday. That will never happen on any day. Got to get rid of him. I sent her an email back and said If you feel that way about J you should send him an email telling him that you don't want to see him again because of the way he treats his wife and that you don't want to participate in deceiving his wife. She responded: Since he's arriving today, I'll send him a text tonight asking that he check his email. I don't believe him when he says his wife knows and chooses to look the other way. Since I know her password I'll be able to read the email that she sends him. What I'm hoping is that she either doesn't send him an email or makes plans to meet him. If she makes plans to meet him I know what I'll do. I won't have to wait to catch her in the act. If she doesn't send him an email and tells me that she did I'll know that she's lying to me. However, if she does what she says she is going to do and tells him that she doesn't ever want to see him again I'm not sure what I'll do.
Owl Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Well, keep us posted. If she follows the pattern that she's shown up to this point, she'll try to hook up with him today/tomorrow while you're at work or unavailable. Hope you got means to track what she's doing as well as her emails.
Author whattodo44 Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 she'll try to hook up with him today/tomorrow while you're at work or unavailable. For some reason I believe her. I think she's over him. I have flexibility in my job so I can be available just about any time. She works too, and has less flexibility than I do. Also, she can't meet him tomorrow after work because she's taking her granddaughter to the doctor at 3.
Owl Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 She might be over him...no way for me to know from here. But from the emails you saw last month, I'm not sure how you get to that conclusion. Especially when you factor in that she tried to setup the exact same kind of "tryst" before...but only chickened out at the last minute.
Author whattodo44 Posted April 27, 2012 Author Posted April 27, 2012 Last night she sent him an email with a bcc to me. She sent me another one that said "Read this email first". In her email to him she said: Got your message the other night. I'm flying to <city name deleted> in the morning for 10 days so unfortunately I won't be able to meet you after your game. Which is a shame because I really wanted to talk to you. Here's the thing: Typically in your conversations you mention that you a have just a few minutes to talk because your wife is busy or she's away or something to that effect. Knowing that she's unaware of your activities causes me to feel complicit in the deception and the sexy evaporates pretty quickly. Not that I didn't have fun. I had too much fun if that's possible, but in retrospect, it feels as though it was at her expense. You say she knows but 'doesn't know.' I don't know what that means. I know you love her because when we're together or on the phone, not 15 minutes passes by without you mentioning her. It would work for me if she knew and consented. I'm thinking that's not going to happen. She lied about flying to Houston. In her second email to me she said she "chickened out" and told her she was going out of town. I can't figure out why she would need to lie about going out of town. He's going to be here for two months, so the two weeks really doesn't make much difference.
Owl Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Confront her, and ask her directly why she doesn't just tell him that it's over and he needs to stop contacting the two of you. Why does he JUST email her, btw? Another question to ask her. Spell out to her that you feel it would be better if all communication was to/from the both of you, so that he understood that this was how both of you felt.
Author whattodo44 Posted July 3, 2012 Author Posted July 3, 2012 I have been waiting patiently because my wife and I have legal custody of her two grandkids and I didn't want to do anything to affect the custody battle that's been going on between the parents (her daughter and son in law). That's drawing to a close and should be settled in about a month. Originally wife's boyfriend was going to be in our area for the entire months of May and June. I kept watching the emails and since there were none i wondered if she had created a new email account to use with him. However, apparently that's not so. It appers that the plans were changed because he sent her an email about a week ago that said that he was going to be here July 1 through July 15. He sent her an email on June 15th which stated I'll be in (city name) the first of july till the 15. I'll call you and we can have drinks at that bar on (street name). Her response was YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hmmmm.... I can't tell from that whether she really wanted to meet him or she reluctantly agreed to. Just kidding -- obviously that was a VERY enthusiastic yes. So they made arrangements to meet next week for drinks. In a prior email she told him that she she wouldn't have sex with him anymore unless he told his wife what he was doing and got her approval. Apparently she doesn't think that she needs either his wife's approval or mine in order to meet for drinks. What I'm trying to figure out is this. Should I show up at the bar and confront them and tell her that I'm getting a divorce? Or should I hope that she continues to communicate by email and that I can catch in bed? This is not black and white, but a gray area. Many believe that sexual immorality is the only reason for one to divorce. I kinda believe that way. If I can catch my wife in the act I have no difficulty divorcing her. If all I do is catch her sneaking around behind my back and having drinks with a guy, I don't feel as comfortable doing it. She would beg and plead with me and tell me that she didn't do anything wrong, and even if meeting him for drinks was wrong the punishment is far, far too severe for the crime.
drifter777 Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Re-reading this thread actually depresses me. With the threesome and possible cheating years ago along with the divorce threats then and now, all I can say is make a decision and go with it. I couldn't tolerate a wife who wants to hook up with some other guy for "drinks", but that's me. I wouldn't need to catch my wife and some guy in the sack to convince me I was "justified" in my decision to divorce. You situation has gotten tangled up to this point because you lack the courage and strength to make a decision and follow through. If you want to be a cuckold then fine. If you want more 3somes then fine. If you want your freedom then fine. If you want to spend your golden years with her regardless of the sex stuff then fine. Whatever your choices you face here you need to remember that you are running out of time and you only live once. You need to take action. Just do what you think will make you happy and if it doesn't work then do something else.
2sure Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 This crap happens all the time with couples who want to have threesomes or foursomes. One or cannot handle it in some way. Either there is jealousy or someone gets carried away and actually cheats. ALL the time. You have to consider some of your own responsibility in this , it's a risk you thought worth taking . AND you said that you were basically baiting her to have an affair so that you could dump her on someone else OR have reason to divorce. No wonder she drinks.
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