The problems I'm facing now as a late bloomer in my mid 30's

[PhillyDude]

If you make a profile on match but don't subscribe, every month or so they'll throw you a 'buy one month get one month free' deal (or at least the UK site does) to entice you in, so just wait for that to come around and get 2 months for $30 or whatever the monthly price is where you are.

 

Also, I've never been contacted by any fake profiles there, so if you aren't subscribed there's a pretty good chance whatever winks and mail you get (but can't see) are genuine, unlike a lot of other places.

 

Yeah I fell into the trap of getting a wink from an attractive girl and then bought a membership so I could respond and the bitch never wrote back LOL

[SJC2008]

Are you looking for a gf only? Or do you eventually want marriage? I want to get married, I want exp too but I think it really doen't matter once you mert that special somebody. I got a 22 year olds # last week at work. At most I'll date her, holefully sleep with her but I won't use her I'll be up front and tell her it won't be serious. If she backs out, fine I'm not going to use her for sex and lie to her. That's why this last one hurt so bad. I know she wants marriage and kids and I really liked her and for whatever reason it didn't go anywhere. How old are BTW?

[PhillyDude]

Are you looking for a gf only? Or do you eventually want marriage? I want to get married, I want exp too but I think it really doen't matter once you mert that special somebody. I got a 22 year olds # last week at work. At most I'll date her, holefully sleep with her but I won't use her I'll be up front and tell her it won't be serious. If she backs out, fine I'm not going to use her for sex and lie to her. That's why this last one hurt so bad. I know she wants marriage and kids and I really liked her and for whatever reason it didn't go anywhere. How old are BTW?

 

 

35 years old. I want a girlfriend for now and not really thinking about marriage but i know that is only the type of thinking for a 22 year old and not someone my age. I can't ever get those years back when I knew NOTHING about dating which was 17 to 28 and it sucks now most women in my age bracket is looking to be married if we click and be in a relationship.

[zengirl]

You have way bigger problems than this, PD. If you could behave like a normal person who doesn't have constant requirements for the "correct" way for people to reply to you and so forth, you'd get a lot farther with dating. You age and blooming late are the least of your worries. Really. There are plenty of women in their 20s who will date men in their 30s, if that's your goal. Whether they'll go out with a man who picks apart their every action and word is much more unlikely.

[PhillyDude]

You have way bigger problems than this, PD. If you could behave like a normal person who doesn't have constant requirements for the "correct" way for people to reply to you and so forth, you'd get a lot farther with dating. You age and blooming late are the least of your worries. Really. There are plenty of women in their 20s who will date men in their 30s, if that's your goal. Whether they'll go out with a man who picks apart their every action and word is much more unlikely.

 

I agree that I had too many rules on how to communicate with me but I think it's because when I was 21 no girl asked me things like this on the phone

 

 

Do you want kids

Are you thinking about buying a house

What do you do for a living

Do you like your job

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

What accomplishment are you most proud of?

why are you single?

 

Back then the purpose of conversation was to see if we had some of the same interests so we could go out and have fun. Not a phone screening for a future husband

[SJC2008]

The women asking questions are doing themselves a diservice. All the man had to do is give her lip service to get what he wants. They should wait for the man to say what he wants. Don't know what u meant by the 22 yr old part. Basically what I meant was is I want a serious gf that could lead to marriage. I used her as an example that yeah I might be able to get some but if have my eye on bigger and better things so my exp really doesnt bother me anymore except that it may turn someone off.

[xxoo]

I agree that I had too many rules on how to communicate with me but I think it's because when I was 21 no girl asked me things like this on the phone

 

 

Do you want kids

Are you thinking about buying a house

What do you do for a living

Do you like your job

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

What accomplishment are you most proud of?

why are you single?

 

Back then the purpose of conversation was to see if we had some of the same interests so we could go out and have fun. Not a phone screening for a future husband

 

Most people look for different things in a dating relationship at age 21 and at age 35. You don't?

 

It isn't just about having fun anymore for most people your age. They are looking for long term potential, yes.

[SJC2008]

I say date women your age or a little older with kids. They may just want companionship and not be looking for fill in fathers so give that a try.

[Anela]

I agree that I had too many rules on how to communicate with me but I think it's because when I was 21 no girl asked me things like this on the phone

 

 

Do you want kids

Are you thinking about buying a house

What do you do for a living

Do you like your job

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

What accomplishment are you most proud of?

why are you single?

 

Back then the purpose of conversation was to see if we had some of the same interests so we could go out and have fun. Not a phone screening for a future husband

 

Well, they may be in their twenties now, but if they end up falling for you, they will most likely want to get married and have children - unless they've stated otherwise. That's why they would ask those questions. They're just slightly younger versions of the women you're avoiding.

[PhillyDude]

Most people look for different things in a dating relationship at age 21 and at age 35. You don't?

 

It isn't just about having fun anymore for most people your age. They are looking for long term potential, yes.

 

I know that which is the basis of this thread which is why I said it's depressing that I can't just go out and have fun because of my age. And that's because at 21 I was not DATING AT ALL because

 

1. I was too shy and couldn't approach women in public

2. Dating sites didn't exist

3. I had no knowledge of telephone dating services

[PhillyDude]

I say date women your age or a little older with kids. They may just want companionship and not be looking for fill in fathers so give that a try.

 

That would be fine if one sent me a message who was attractive.

[zengirl]

I agree that I had too many rules on how to communicate with me but I think it's because when I was 21 no girl asked me things like this on the phone

 

Do you want kids

Are you thinking about buying a house

What do you do for a living

Do you like your job

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

What accomplishment are you most proud of?

why are you single?

 

Back then the purpose of conversation was to see if we had some of the same interests so we could go out and have fun. Not a phone screening for a future husband

 

Okay, well TBH, Where do you see yourself in 5 years? is a weird question. Not something I'd suggest brushing someone off for, but weird. And the phrasing of the accomplishment one is weird.

 

Almost everyone, regardless of age, who is an adult will ask about your job (when you do have one, you spend a TON of time there, so it's only natural).

 

At any rate, it's the myriad of other rules for when and how much communication you have that I find incompatible, particularly with 20-something girls. Maybe loosen that up.

[dasein]

But I may want to sample the site and may not want to commit 3 months. What happens if after a month no replies and no dates?

 

When I first got on match years ago, I took it as a joke. Put a picture of myself in a wifebeater, giant zit on my forehead, puffy face, frowning, unwashed uncombed hair, bloodshot eyes. Even that bad, I got a professional, good looking woman to come and have NSA in the second week I was on there. Now I did have to send out about 50-70 outbound messages, and had to hypnotize her over the phone when we talked, which is not easy, but prostitutes would cost $200+ and hour and she staid around all weekend. So the admission price is a bargain IMO anyway.

[grkBoy]

PD, it sounds like you want to have 20-something style relationships.

 

You want an attractive, childless woman who will date you for a number of years and won't push you into marriage and kids quickly.

 

In my opinion, it's unrealistic. In our 30s, the women now have kids or want kids or are too busy in careers to get involved with a guy unless he's nothing short of "amazing".

 

My advice: Don't rule out the single moms. Just find one who has her life together and thus wants companionship...not a quick marriage and replacement daddy for her kid.

 

You also have to realize a lot of these questions women ask now are their means to see if you're worth pursuing or if you're a waste of their time. If you're looking for just "fun", then they'll move on. They want the serious man who wants a future.

 

Late bloomer or not, you can't just decide you want the kinds of RLs your peers had in the past. Not unless you want to pimp yourself up and chase after younger girls who might be into older men.

[PhillyDude]

PD, it sounds like you want to have 20-something style relationships.

 

You want an attractive, childless woman who will date you for a number of years and won't push you into marriage and kids quickly.

 

In my opinion, it's unrealistic. In our 30s, the women now have kids or want kids or are too busy in careers to get involved with a guy unless he's nothing short of "amazing".

 

My advice: Don't rule out the single moms. Just find one who has her life together and thus wants companionship...not a quick marriage and replacement daddy for her kid.

 

You also have to realize a lot of these questions women ask now are their means to see if you're worth pursuing or if you're a waste of their time. If you're looking for just "fun", then they'll move on. They want the serious man who wants a future.

 

Late bloomer or not, you can't just decide you want the kinds of RLs your peers had in the past. Not unless you want to pimp yourself up and chase after younger girls who might be into older men.

 

 

 

The reason why women are asking these questions is because of how match.com promotes marriage in the commercials. Why promote marriage when you have to be in a relationship first to see if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone?

[marsha80]

PD,

 

I say this in the kindest way possible -- get over it.

 

Fact:

 

you are a man in his mid-thirties

most men your age are married/want to be married soon

most women your age are married/want to be married soon

 

Just face the music and accept the fact that you are a rare exception who would rather play around since love/marriage/children aren't a priority for you right now. Also, stop with the excuses:

 

when i was 21 there were no internet dating site, i was shy, i didn't know about telephone dating services.

 

OMG, dude... just effing get out there and start actually working for what you want.

[PhillyDude]

PD,

 

I say this in the kindest way possible -- get over it.

 

Fact:

 

you are a man in his mid-thirties

most men your age are married/want to be married soon

most women your age are married/want to be married soon

 

Just face the music and accept the fact that you are a rare exception who would rather play around since love/marriage/children aren't a priority for you right now. Also, stop with the excuses:

 

when i was 21 there were no internet dating site, i was shy, i didn't know about telephone dating services.

 

OMG, dude... just effing get out there and start actually working for what you want.

 

The problem is that most females in the 32-39 age range who are attractive

 

1. Are already married

2. Are already in relationships

3. Don't need the internet to meet men

[marsha80]

That's not true. log off this site, spiffy-up and get out and start meeting people.

 

dude, it takes more work than logging onto a website, browsing, adding a few potentials to the "cart" and then checking out with your fingers crossed.

 

If you want it, then i think you need to put a lot more effort than that.

[grkBoy]

The reason why women are asking these questions is because of how match.com promotes marriage in the commercials. Why promote marriage when you have to be in a relationship first to see if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone?

 

Riiiight...but now put yourself in the shoes of a 32 year old woman.

 

She wants a husband and to have a family. She knows she's 32 and many guys already see her as past her "expiration date".

 

So she might start dating some guy, and to be a "good girl", she doesn't bring up any of that...allowing the RL to flourish and grow. Suddenly it's a year or two later, and she's wondering why her man isn't popping the question yet. When it finally comes into conversation, he simply states that he doesn't want to get married or have a family in his life...or he evades the discussion.

 

Now here she is, 34 years old, and feeling like she just wasted two precious years of her life. She breaks up with her boyfriend, has a mourning/getting over it period...and now has to face the dating world looking even more "expired" in the eyes of men who do want kids.

 

You're again thinking like you're in your 20s with this. You cannot expect women in their 30s to just "hope" he'll want what she wants. They want some idea or not if they want to waste that year or two in a RL. Yes...they won't marry a guy instantly, but they also don't want that "surprise" 1-2 years later that he doesn't want marriage or kids.

 

It's like I told vehrzn in the other topic. When the biological clock is ticking, you're unfortunately under the gun to make something happen by a certain age, or lose your shot altogether. If kids are important to the woman, then she wants to know the guy she gets into a RL with will MOST LIKELY lead to marriage and family.

 

This is partially why I tell you not to rule out single moms. They had a kid or two already, and thus won't feel like they missed out if you and her never have any more. Some even are very burned on marriage (due to the fallout of their own) and thus might just want dating and fun for now.

[PhillyDude]

Riiiight...but now put yourself in the shoes of a 32 year old woman.

 

She wants a husband and to have a family. She knows she's 32 and many guys already see her as past her "expiration date".

 

So she might start dating some guy, and to be a "good girl", she doesn't bring up any of that...allowing the RL to flourish and grow. Suddenly it's a year or two later, and she's wondering why her man isn't popping the question yet. When it finally comes into conversation, he simply states that he doesn't want to get married or have a family in his life...or he evades the discussion.

 

Now here she is, 34 years old, and feeling like she just wasted two precious years of her life. She breaks up with her boyfriend, has a mourning/getting over it period...and now has to face the dating world looking even more "expired" in the eyes of men who do want kids.

 

You're again thinking like you're in your 20s with this. You cannot expect women in their 30s to just "hope" he'll want what she wants. They want some idea or not if they want to waste that year or two in a RL. Yes...they won't marry a guy instantly, but they also don't want that "surprise" 1-2 years later that he doesn't want marriage or kids.

 

It's like I told vehrzn in the other topic. When the biological clock is ticking, you're unfortunately under the gun to make something happen by a certain age, or lose your shot altogether. If kids are important to the woman, then she wants to know the guy she gets into a RL with will MOST LIKELY lead to marriage and family.

 

This is partially why I tell you not to rule out single moms. They had a kid or two already, and thus won't feel like they missed out if you and her never have any more. Some even are very burned on marriage (due to the fallout of their own) and thus might just want dating and fun for now.

 

And it's nothing wrong with a single mom if she has one kid and attractive

[SJC2008]

PD you keep saying attractive women. Honest question: Are you dating within your league? And no there are no leagues arguments please posters that's for another thread. I know my league: Plain jane, cute, semi attractive. I'm not going to chase a pipe dream and if I get luck be stressed out 24/7 about losing her to a "hot" guy.

[PhillyDude]

PD you keep saying attractive women. Honest question: Are you dating within your league? And no there are no leagues arguments please posters that's for another thread. I know my league: Plain jane, cute, semi attractive. I'm not going to chase a pipe dream and if I get luck be stressed out 24/7 about losing her to a "hot" guy.

 

Seeking a "plain Jane" type who is cute in the face and thick in the waist and not into BARS or CLUBS.

[DjinnAgain]

This is why I have no choice but to pay women from craiglist to spend time with me because I have limited options when it comes to dating

 

Your attitude is the problem, I think. This. Women can sense it. Girls (18-22) admittedly might not.

 

My ex husband is around your age with no intention but to casually date many women - definitely no more kids for him. He has dated a lot of women in the 28-35 age range that, while of course I know are certainly unattractive skanks, society wouldn't agree with my assessment. He is confident and believes any woman would be lucky to be with him. They notice.

 

Not that there isn't a lot of women who meet your description - at some point, you know what you want and you know wasting your time doesn't make sense. But I really think your attitude towards it (and patronizing prostitutes) is putting you up for failure for the others.

[grkBoy]

And it's nothing wrong with a single mom if she has one kid and attractive

 

Go for it!

 

Believe me, I used to be under the misguided conception of single moms as burned out party girls who chased bad boys and now want some nice guy to take care of them.

 

I then met many single moms who were just attractive good women who were betrayed by the men they married. They didn't sleep around or play things risky, they just did what they felt they wanted in life (marry and have a family), but the husband decided to cheat years later.

 

I still think they're wonderful people...and hope the right men will find them. One did find such a guy.

[PhillyDude]

Your attitude is the problem, I think. This. Women can sense it. Girls (18-22) admittedly might not.

 

My ex husband is around your age with no intention but to casually date many women - definitely no more kids for him. He has dated a lot of women in the 28-35 age range that, while of course I know are certainly unattractive skanks, society wouldn't agree with my assessment. He is confident and believes any woman would be lucky to be with him. They notice.

 

Not that there isn't a lot of women who meet your description - at some point, you know what you want and you know wasting your time doesn't make sense. But I really think your attitude towards it (and patronizing prostitutes) is putting you up for failure for the others.

 

They were not prostitutes, they were regular women who were struggling college students