threebyfate Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Agreed. Men do want to get laid, correct?If you're willing to play in the gutter to get laid, it's your life and call.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Usually it's women who have been formerly abused as children (that includes getting your head messed about and dealing with a lack of valudation) that have the mentality to get used and dropped. They try to seek validation from people that won't be able to give the to them. Men who use and play games. Usually those men come from similar backgrounds and need to sample every flavor in order to feel validated and "like men." It's no surprise these two usually hookup frequently. I've had so many previous friends who just "couldn't say no to a guy" because they never learned how to. Then they feel kind of stuck with him trying to make things work. Really really sad.
Pyro Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Hmm it seems you and I have had this similar conversation a year or so back. You seem to (correct me if I am wrong) think women that enjoy casual sex are inferior, not quality women someone may want to date or have sex with. I have nothing against women who enjoy casual sex knowing that it is nothing more than that. The women whom 'players' BS to (tell them that they are special and that they are into them....monogamous type talk) and believe every word of it instead of matching actions and words together are the type that will stick around when a guy treats them like crap.
Pyro Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 See, you knew this all along. I didn't need to tell you did I? It works. Although, I never tell women they are special to me. Holy ****. I never once said that treating a woman like dirt will not get you laid at all. All I said was that only certain type of women (naive, lack of self esteem........the type that I just described in my last post) it will work on. "Special' was the first thing that popped to mind. You know what I mean though.
threebyfate Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I know what you mean, Pyro. And also understand this. Low self-asteem has nothing to do with it. Is it possible *gasp* women like sex too?You're flipping around faster than a spinning top. Any woman with any level of self-esteem won't stay with someone who treats them poorly. The reason I married my husband is because he treats me like someone important to him, someone he cherishes and treasures, someone worthy of his respect and love. In return, I treat him in similar manner. This is how healthy relationships begin and are maintained. Start jacking around with trust and respect and you've just pissed away love and long-term possibility, for immature drama. Maybe the women you slept with wanted to sleep with you. But if they have an ounce of self-respect, you'd only be considered a throw-away.
threebyfate Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Okay, well you take that up with the women. I don't want them to stay with me. Many men don't. We just know how to keep getting them to come back from time to time. It's a win win.So you dredge the bottom of the pond for low self-esteem women. Why not admit to the truth?
threebyfate Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 You really, really think that is what it is about. Is it your upbringing, religious teachings, schooling, romance novels, what the twilight movies tell you? You have no idea what you are talking about. I sincerely mean that. You have absolutely no experience in this palladium. Judge all you like my dear.Bothers you, doesn't it, thinking about only being able to "get" low self-esteem women. Pfffttt...nothing but a status seeker, where sex isn't about human connection but false machismo. I have no respect for people who use sex for validation. It points to many, many other negative personality traits.
threebyfate Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 What bothers me is self-righteous women that think they speak for all women. As if there is some sort of entitlement. They are usually the ones that complain because they can't get laid. By the way, respect is earned, not freely given.Speak for all women? Not once was this ever suggested. But I do recognize low self-esteem in both men and women. Case in point, using sex for validation. You'd think people would have more in their lives to self-validate, rather than chest puffing over one of the easiest things to get in life.
Frank13 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Avrage Joe is correct. If you don't believe him, go look through some of the threads on the "Coping" forum, especially the one that says "Post Here Instead of Contacting Your Ex". It is filled with women pining after guys who treated them badly. You will be hard pressed to find any that say "you were a great guy and you treated me well but I miss you". Nice guys are boring. 99% of guys are nice. Women want a guy who is different. They want to feel alive and not bored. The negative emotions of being treated badly make women feel more alive than the boredom of a nice guy. Nice gets you friend zoned. I have experienced this myself. Went with a girl who said she has had her share of bad boys and wanted a nice guy. Knowing this wasn't true I treated her badly at times. This just made her become closer and more affectionate toward me. When I knew the relationship wasn't going to work out, I switched to nice guy and she lost feelings for me. I think it was in a movie that a woman said the secret to keeping a woman (from falling out of love with you) is to treat her like s%#t but tell her that you love her. Also, from the book The Art of Seduction - "Wounding people binds them to you more deeply than kindness". Women will say they want a nice guy but when they get one they lose interest. 1
Pyro Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I know what you mean, Pyro. And also understand this. Low self-asteem has nothing to do with it. Is it possible *gasp* women like sex too? and what does that have to do with treating them like dirt to keep them around? A healthy and sane woman does not need to be treated badly in order for her to gain sexual desire for you.
wwwjd Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Avrage Joe is correct. This. Sorry ladies and gentleman, but Joe is speaking the truth out there from obvious tried and true experience, and it is not all about LOW SELF ESTEEM women. It's about regular, normal women. Point goes to AverageJoe 1
jennisfora Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 i would say it depends on the women. I think we all want to believe deep inside that people are inherently good. And, hot and cold behavior, pychologically makes people want to reach out more, and makes a person more likely to want to make it work, and to overlook problems. Is it mostly women who are this way? I don't know. I think if you look at the second chance forums, or the breakup forums you will see lots of posts from people who were mistreated and sometimes even abused, who want thier abusers back, sometimes even though they know they should be glad they are gone. Is it all women? I doubt it. I think there is something in us that makes us want what is forbidden, what we shouldn;t have, what we can't have.
KathyM Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 The only women who want an abusive man are women who have been mistreated during childhood and that is what feels normal to them and what they feel they deserve. Normal, sane, women will not want someone who treats them badly. Case in point, I dumped my prior boyfriend who didn't treat me well enough, and married the man who treated me well. My sister dumped both her husbands who cheated on her and all her boyfriends while single who treated her badly, and she married the man now who treated her well. My older sister divorced the man who was abusive. She's been dating the guy who treats her well for a long time now and plans to stay in a relationship with him. Women don't want to be treated badly, unless they feel like they deserve it or can't get any better guy. In fact, every woman I know are with men who treat them well. There is no woman I know who is still with a man who treated them badly. 1
carhill Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Kathy, if you had to speculate as to a commonality, what would you find to be the commonality between your sister's dynamics which impelled them to become attracted to and marry the men they did? I think that is the driving assertion of the topic. Something about those men caused your sisters to be sufficiently attracted to them and sufficiently in love with them to marry them. That's a pretty big deal, IMO, having been married. Any opinion?
KathyM Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Kathy, if you had to speculate as to a commonality, what would you find to be the commonality between your sister's dynamics which impelled them to become attracted to and marry the men they did? I think that is the driving assertion of the topic. Something about those men caused your sisters to be sufficiently attracted to them and sufficiently in love with them to marry them. That's a pretty big deal, IMO, having been married. Any opinion? The men my sisters married treated them well while dating, but soon after marriage (within the first two years) showed their true colors and started to behave badly. If the men had behaved badly while dating, my sisters would have discontinued the relationship. The boyfriends who treated them badly were dumped as soon as that trait surfaced, or shortly thereafter.
threebyfate Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 And you, you are married and aren't even in the dating pool. You talk as if you have a pedigree in what works and what doesn't for men. Tell me, how many women have you went out with? No one is chest puffing, I just like to tell men how to get results and not be a pussy. The estrogen around this place is suffocating.Curious how you create fictional paranoid scripts, from what I post. This aligns with needing to abuse partners, since your auto-response to a woman's input is fraught full of distrust and worst case scenario magical thinking. Unfortunately, I don't have the expertise to help anyone with a personality disorder. So...time to make like a banana and split from this thread!
carhill Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 KathyM, from your perspective, would you say the behaviors were pervasive, meaning throughout the men's relationships, both prior to and after marriage? As an example, while the man treated your sister well during dating, did he treat others, including yourself, well and then, after M, change in a consistent manner, treating others in a disrespectful/abusive manner like he treated your sister? I'm asking such questions because, in examining the past, I discerned inklings of future behaviors even within the apparent 'wonderful' and 'attractive' behaviors of the past; inklings I now call 'canaries'. Since your sisters apparently are with men who currently treat them well, what's the difference between those dynamics and the ones of the past? What are the canaries, in retrospect? IMO, unless a person is a true sociopath, authentic behaviors leak out over time, especially over the long period of time you alluded to. Perhaps it's some of that 'leaking' which is alluded to in the OP; a 'mix' which can be disconcerting psychologically for the recipient.
KathyM Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 KathyM, from your perspective, would you say the behaviors were pervasive, meaning throughout the men's relationships, both prior to and after marriage? As an example, while the man treated your sister well during dating, did he treat others, including yourself, well and then, after M, change in a consistent manner, treating others in a disrespectful/abusive manner like he treated your sister? I'm asking such questions because, in examining the past, I discerned inklings of future behaviors even within the apparent 'wonderful' and 'attractive' behaviors of the past; inklings I now call 'canaries'. Since your sisters apparently are with men who currently treat them well, what's the difference between those dynamics and the ones of the past? What are the canaries, in retrospect? IMO, unless a person is a true sociopath, authentic behaviors leak out over time, especially over the long period of time you alluded to. Perhaps it's some of that 'leaking' which is alluded to in the OP; a 'mix' which can be disconcerting psychologically for the recipient. With my sister's first husband, there were no indications beforehand that he would be a cheater, or that he would be verbally abusive. He never showed that side of his personality or gave that indication beforehand that he would be that way. With my sister's second husband, who had prior divorces, he did have a history of not investing time and energy into his prior marriages, which is why they failed. But he did invest a tremendous amount of time and energy into his relationship with my sister while dating, and treated her very well, which is why she married him. It wasn't until a couple of years after marriage, that he started to revert back to old ways, and their marriage then went downhill. Heaven knows, I tried to talk her out of marrying that guy, since his past behavior I think is a good indication of future behavior, but she thought he changed. The point is, she would not have continued with him or married him if he was mistreating her. My older sister's husband did not mistreat her before marriage. Men tend to be on their best behavior while dating in order to keep the woman interested. If they had not been, they would have been dumped. You only have to hope that what you see during dating is going to be what you get after marriage, and hopefully you won't ignore the red flags during dating that would indicate future problems to come. Certainly, being mistreated while dating is a huge red flag, and it will only get worse after marriage. Normal women are not attracted to men who treat them badly. Those with low self esteem who think they don't deserve better are attracted to those types.
Woggle Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I don't think all women are like this but I strongly advise a man to stay away from women who are used to being mistreated. Many of them damn near have a gag reflex towards any man who treats them well. After a man has been with a few of these women you can understand why he begins to think this. I have never known a jerk who mistreats women to actually struggle with women.
exquisitus Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Whenever we try to be better then the last person, it spells trouble. Anyone wailing about their ex very early on should be a HUGE RED FLAG. oh, crap, that happened to me, gf always complaining about previous bf...
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