Been chasing this girl for 6 months. Finally got a 1 on 1 with her at my place...

April 11, 2012

I'll call her tomorrow night. A Wednesday night invite to a Sunday night date? I don't see anything wrong with that.

No, that's perfectly fine.

No. Although I am going out with a friend of mine on Friday night to try and FIND some prospects.

And I don't get why everyone here is saying stuff like "it's a recipe for disaster". You don't know me. If she turns me down, I will take it like a man, and move on with my life. And I am not going to then just ignore this girl forever. I can live with the fact that she likes me, just not in a romantic, relationshippy way. I will go find someone else.

All good.

Hugh, you seem like a good guy. If you just be a little more assertive with your language and actions -- using words like date and making romantic interest clear, attempting some sort of a move, etc -- I think you will be better off; if not with this girl, then with another.

Just don't overthink it!

April 11, 2012

Well, that kind of response makes me think I wouldn't even want to be friends with you.

you don't want to be friends with this girl you're not-chasing either. you want to f*ck her brains out and be on the receiving end of many blowjobs in your near future.

but you're not going to get any of that.

April 11, 2012

A wednesday night invite to a sunday night date... NO

I hope you read this, if its to late and she said no ask her out again today for tonight or tomorrow night... or Friday night if none of those work.

Don't be so intent on getting her back to you place. I mean if you do get her back to your place a lot can happen... but you need to make the moves. You know hold her hand... touch her arm... kiss her on the lips not the cheek.

Sunday night is just a bad night for Dating. Its so far away. If things go well on a date tonight you can ask her out again for sunday night if there is something special about that.

Ask her out in person if you can. Obviously phone is fine if you can't. Also if you get a date with her tonight don't let it end with out making moves and trying to set up another date.

I will be calling her tonight. It would be too awkward for both of us if I did it during work.

When I ask her, I will ask her what her schedule is for the weekend. That way, it shows I have an idea of WHEN to go, but I am also flexible if she has plans for one of those nights already.

At this point, I am done looking for advice. I have heard about 20 different opinions on what I should do next, but it's time for me to just do it and get it done.

April 11, 2012

I'll call her tomorrow night. A Wednesday night invite to a Sunday night date? I don't see anything wrong with that.

Well, I do. Friday and Saturday are the date nights, not Sunday. Asking her out for Sunday is a mixed signal that will only confuse her. Do you want to make a clear move or not?

Edited April 11, 2012 by PlumPrincess

April 11, 2012

The reasoning behind Sunday is, the show we watched together is on that night. She hasn't seen last weeks episode yet, so I thought she would like to catch up on it. Alright then, I will ask her if Saturday night works.

April 12, 2012

No. Although I am going out with a friend of mine on Friday night to try and FIND some prospects.

And I don't get why everyone here is saying stuff like "it's a recipe for disaster". You don't know me. If she turns me down, I will take it like a man, and move on with my life. And I am not going to then just ignore this girl forever. I can live with the fact that she likes me, just not in a romantic, relationshippy way. I will go find someone else.

This is the problem with giving dating advice: people only wanna hear positive things, even be given false hopes than hear negative things that could be the truth. Hugh has been brushing aside all the negatives and saying, "You don't know me." But he hasn't been so brusque to all the positive opinions. How come he doesn't say, "You don't know me" when people give him positive opinions? It's because he only wants to hear the positive and act as if the negative opinions don't involve him in any way. That's a recipe for failure. It's also one of the reasons why people become jaded when it comes to giving advice.

April 12, 2012

This is the problem with giving dating advice: people only wanna hear positive things, even be given false hopes than hear negative things that could be the truth. Hugh has been brushing aside all the negatives and saying, "You don't know me." But he hasn't been so brusque to all the positive opinions. How come he doesn't say, "You don't know me" when people give him positive opinions? It's because he only wants to hear the positive and act as if the negative opinions don't involve him in any way. That's a recipe for failure. It's also one of the reasons why people become jaded when it comes to giving advice.

Depends on the person. I sought dating advice from another site not long ago, and the stuff people provided to me was pretty helpful. I've spread some of that same 'wisdom' around here.

But yes ... in this case a lot of guys have been where Hugh is and know the chances for a storybook ending are not good. But he's gonna see it through to the end.

And as much as I want to save the guy heartbreak, I'm kind of interested to see how it turns out now.

April 12, 2012

Depends on the person. I sought dating advice from another site not long ago, and the stuff people provided to me was pretty helpful. I've spread some of that same 'wisdom' around here.

But yes ... in this case a lot of guys have been where Hugh is and know the chances for a storybook ending are not good. But he's gonna see it through to the end.

And as much as I want to save the guy heartbreak, I'm kind of interested to see how it turns out now.

Yeah I've already been where he is going. And I have threads all over the place detailing my misadventures.

I wish him luck.

April 12, 2012

Depends on the person. I sought dating advice from another site not long ago, and the stuff people provided to me was pretty helpful. I've spread some of that same 'wisdom' around here.

But yes ... in this case a lot of guys have been where Hugh is and know the chances for a storybook ending are not good. But he's gonna see it through to the end.

And as much as I want to save the guy heartbreak, I'm kind of interested to see how it turns out now.

Yeah I've already been where he is going. And I have threads all over the place detailing my misadventures.

I wish him luck.

I look at it differently. He's 27, never had a gf, and obviously inexperienced. He should be looking to get a real gf and gain experience as quick as he can instead of wasting his time seeing something that has no potential to the end.

He's 27. 30 is around 2 and a half years. "Time flies" is a cliched term but it's true. I experienced the stuff he's going through when I was around 22. 22 yrs old feels like yesterday. It took me a few years to truly understand how I should and shouldn't make mistakes. So imagine Hugh at 30 or over and he's finally learning not to deal with women who waste his time. That would suck.

This might seem harsh, but a man over 25 yrs old who lets himself be friendzoned should be ashamed of himself. A guy over 25 needs to stop pining over broads that don't show respect and genuine interest. The longer Hugh waits to get into a real relationship and gain experience from dating, the harder it will be for him in the future.

April 12, 2012

I never said he wasn't wasting his time.

I'm pretty much convinced it's not going to work out. That's why I said that I've been where he is going.

Luck is the only thing he has going for him.

April 12, 2012

Yep. when a woman wants a man she'll blow her friends & family off to see him.

Someone has to be dead or dying before they flake also.

Until you have experienced this type of "want" from a woman you just won't get it unfortunately because you have no benchmark for true interest.

April 12, 2012

The reasoning behind Sunday is, the show we watched together is on that night. She hasn't seen last weeks episode yet, so I thought she would like to catch up on it. Alright then, I will ask her if Saturday night works.

So what did she say Hugh?

April 12, 2012

I just asked her, here at work. She told me she is going to be in a bull riding event this Saturday with her dad (this is not an excuse; she's big into horses and ranching and all that stuff). When I brought up Sunday as a possibility, she said that Sunday is her night to just sit around at home and take it easy. We talked about a few other things, and I told her that whenever she wants to catch up on the show, she can come over.

It wasn't awkward. She doesn't suddenly hate my guts. And I don't hate hers. And I also don't have any delusions as to what this thing between us could be. I do feel a huge sense of relief now, and I can move on with my life, and try to find someone who likes me as much as I like them. I'm still kinda bummed that things didn't work out with this girl, because I really do like her as a person, and we get along super well, but it is what it is, and there is no need to force the issue anymore. No more texts. No more invites to do stuff. I'll still joke around with her at work, but that's it.

Thank you to everyone for all the advice you've given me. I am still new at this, and I hope these last 6 months have given me some valuable experience to build off of. I doubt this will be the last time I post here, but as far as this specific case is concerned, it will be.

Thanks.

April 12, 2012

Good that you aren't taking this too hard.

Just forget about her and move on.

Maybe you'll get lucky some day.

April 12, 2012

Yep. when a woman wants a man she'll blow her friends & family off to see him.
Someone has to be dead or dying before they flake also.

Until you have experienced this type of "want" from a woman you just won't get it unfortunately because you have no benchmark for true interest.

You are a wise man. Can I hire you to be my wingman (when needed)?

I just asked her, here at work. She told me she is going to be in a bull riding event this Saturday with her dad (this is not an excuse; she's big into horses and ranching and all that stuff). When I brought up Sunday as a possibility, she said that Sunday is her night to just sit around at home and take it easy. We talked about a few other things, and I told her that whenever she wants to catch up on the show, she can come over.

It wasn't awkward. She doesn't suddenly hate my guts. And I don't hate hers. And I also don't have any delusions as to what this thing between us could be. I do feel a huge sense of relief now, and I can move on with my life, and try to find someone who likes me as much as I like them. I'm still kinda bummed that things didn't work out with this girl, because I really do like her as a person, and we get along super well, but it is what it is, and there is no need to force the issue anymore. No more texts. No more invites to do stuff. I'll still joke around with her at work, but that's it.

Thank you to everyone for all the advice you've given me. I am still new at this, and I hope these last 6 months have given me some valuable experience to build off of. I doubt this will be the last time I post here, but as far as this specific case is concerned, it will be.

Thanks.

Tough luck brotha.

Hopefully you've learned some valuable lessons about the way women work. It's going to be an uphill climb for you I think. But if you change your mentality, the odds will work in your favor.

1) ALWAYS give up at the first sign of rejection. I don't care what women say about wanting to be chased. No woman is worth being chased unless she puts in a little effort herself. And when you meet the right woman, you will see what that effort is, as Phineas said. Unless you don't feel anything for her. Then it doesn't matter how many times you hit on her. But that wasn't the case with you and this girl.

2) Once you get rejected, let her initiate contact. That will let you know if she respects you as a person, friend, or nothing at all.

It's gonna be tough being around her for a while, but you sound like a real trooper. I suggest avoiding her as much as you can. Sooner than later, she'll have a man again, and that won't be good for you. And remember, no matter what she says or does, she will never, ever, ever like you in a romantic way. Ever...

And take my original advice and go and hit on other women ... NOW. You've already been rejected and can't get kicked any lower. You should have taken my advice when I gave it to you in 2011.

Haha. Good luck man.

April 12, 2012

I never said he wasn't wasting his time.

I'm pretty much convinced it's not going to work out. That's why I said that I've been where he is going.

Luck is the only thing he has going for him.

Oh, my bad. You made a post that said, "I wish him luck" so I thought you were trying to say it could work out.

In any case, Hugh's thread is a prime example of how guys fail with women and they only have themselves to blame. True, she did gush over some of the attention he gave her. But for the most part, it was his fault. He deluded himself into believing she truly liked him and he had a chance. The majority of her actions said he did not have a chance. So this isn't a case where a chick leads to dude on only to flake out on him.

Like jobaba says, if she doesn't show direct interest then don't try so hard. It's best to move on.

April 12, 2012

This is the problem with giving dating advice: people only wanna hear positive things, even be given false hopes than hear negative things that could be the truth. Hugh has been brushing aside all the negatives and saying, "You don't know me." But he hasn't been so brusque to all the positive opinions. How come he doesn't say, "You don't know me" when people give him positive opinions? It's because he only wants to hear the positive and act as if the negative opinions don't involve him in any way. That's a recipe for failure. It's also one of the reasons why people become jaded when it comes to giving advice.

+100. Too many LoveShackers only want to hear the good things, even if it's a straight lie, to feel good about themselves/their chances. Too many harsh reality checks and they cry out to defend themselves and how their situation is somehow "different" from a million others in the past, and how their crush is somehow "different" from a million other girls.

Hell, I been THAT guy too many times myself.

I try not be that guy anymore.

I just asked her, here at work. She told me she is going to be in a bull riding event this Saturday with her dad (this is not an excuse; she's big into horses and ranching and all that stuff). When I brought up Sunday as a possibility, she said that Sunday is her night to just sit around at home and take it easy. We talked about a few other things, and I told her that whenever she wants to catch up on the show, she can come over.

It wasn't awkward. She doesn't suddenly hate my guts. And I don't hate hers. And I also don't have any delusions as to what this thing between us could be. I do feel a huge sense of relief now, and I can move on with my life, and try to find someone who likes me as much as I like them. I'm still kinda bummed that things didn't work out with this girl, because I really do like her as a person, and we get along super well, but it is what it is, and there is no need to force the issue anymore. No more texts. No more invites to do stuff. I'll still joke around with her at work, but that's it.

Thank you to everyone for all the advice you've given me. I am still new at this, and I hope these last 6 months have given me some valuable experience to build off of. I doubt this will be the last time I post here, but as far as this specific case is concerned, it will be.

I think this whole situation is giving you good experience, and coloring in a few shades you probably didn't know about previously. Honestly, it sounds like a post *I* would have wrote 2000-2011, lol.

BTW, make no bones about it, as "legitimate" a reason as she had Saturday night to NOT go out with you, it's still from the school of she's not into you to drop her original plans. Oh how many times did I say "No, she has a legit reason... she's doing blah blah blah."

I find it interesting also that you said you feel a huge sense of relief. I've been there and honestly, when you feel that way after it doesn't work out with a person, it's a signal for a couple different possibilities, if not all of the following:

1. You liked the IDEA of liking her more than you actually liked her as a whole person. The IDEA of a relationship is a very tempting thing for most single males in their late 20s. I know.

2. You yourself are not yet READY to handle a (mature adult) relationship. This is where relief can come in... knowing you're free to be single and not have to make plans next weekend to "entertain" your GF and grow the relationship.

3. You've hit the "breaking point" .... where instead of being crushed, defeated and retreating to a reclusive lifestyle and doomed to repeat similar failures in the future... you are ready to do an internal search; an honest, sober self-assessment that will help you to become the right man for the right woman someday in the future if COUPLED with a wise strategy plan AND action (i.e. constantly taking faith steps, no matter how small, because a little can become a lot over time)

I wish you well. Just one word of caution. Don't be the guy complaining on LS about the same issues week after week, month after month, year after year. Life is about progressing forward. We all fall, the winners are the one who get up persistently. Because the winners in life aren't always those who are stronger, taller or faster... but the one who believes in himself the most.

Take care of yourself, bro.

April 13, 2012

3. You've hit the "breaking point" .... where instead of being crushed, defeated and retreating to a reclusive lifestyle and doomed to repeat similar failures in the future... you are ready to do an internal search; an honest, sober self-assessment that will help you to become the right man for the right woman someday in the future if COUPLED with a wise strategy plan AND action (i.e. constantly taking faith steps, no matter how small, because a little can become a lot over time)

This. I am tired of being alone. I have so much to offer someone. I almost feel more like she missed the boat on me. There are a lot of girls out there like her, that I can find, but there aren't a lot of dudes out there like me, for HER to find. It may sound cocky, but at this point I don't care.

As for the whole "You don't know me" thing, that was directed at the people who were saying that this whole thing would end up being a complete disaster, and that's why you should never go after anyone from work. Well, after we talked, and she shot me down, we still joked around a bit, and went on with our day. There is no awkwardness between us. She didn't go running to the bosses to tell them about how I hit on her. And I am not sitting at my desk, plotting ways to sabotage her work and get her fired so I don't have to see her again. I was never worried about it turning ugly, because I am not the type of person who would behave that way after someone rejects me. That is why I said "You don't know me". When I get into work tomorrow, I will treat her the same way as I did when she had her first day in the office, her 50th day in the office, and her 100th day in the office.

April 13, 2012

I'd like to add that I've seen SO MANY threads over the years on this forum and others by guys who were so into a 'coworker', 'classmate' etc. that they are already know.

And they post asking what to do. Of course, everybody tells them to go for it. Never have I ever seen the guy succeed. Never. Always rejection. And it has failed for me every time too.

Must be something having to do with the woman sensing you're really into it.

I dunno.

April 13, 2012

I'd like to add that I've seen SO MANY threads over the years on this forum and others by guys who were so into a 'coworker', 'classmate' etc. that they are already know.

And they post asking what to do. Of course, everybody tells them to go for it. Never have I ever seen the guy succeed. Never. Always rejection. And it has failed for me every time too.

Must be something having to do with the woman sensing you're really into it.

I dunno.

Apparently, women only want to fu*k strangers.

*shrug*

April 13, 2012

Apparently, women only want to fu*k strangers.

*shrug*

Either that or if they thought you were hot or attractive, they would have thrown themselves on you long before a 'friendship' could develop...

April 13, 2012

Jobaba, this seems like it would be a good topic for a thread.

There's got to be a reason why thees approaches keep failing.

April 13, 2012

Sorry it didn't work out, Hugh! You'll find someone else. Just don't wait 6 months to ask her out!

I've seen it succeed. I don't know about on the internet, but I've told people, "go for it!" in real life, and it succeeded. I didn't have high hopes for Hugh (6 months is a long time -- he would've gotten a strong signal LONG ago if she was into it) but I still think he benefited by going for it. Only he can really say.

It doesn't succeed that often because (A) If the girl was into you and doesn't care if guys approach, she would've either asked you our or given you a HUGE signal by then, and (B) If the girl cares if guys approach, you missed out by not approaching within her timeframe. Many girls have them. I think it's silly, but I guess it depends on what you're looking for. I'm clearly an (A) girl.

But sometimes I've seen it work. It's when © The girl wanted to be an A in theory and has nothing against men not approaching in theory and no lady hard-on for Alpha males, but she doesn't have the chutzpah to ever make (A) happen really or (D) The woman had honestly never thought about it --- extremely rare --- and she's going to give it a shot because she's up for trying something different. (D) almost never gets you past date #1.

April 13, 2012

Sorry it didn't work out, Hugh! You'll find someone else. Just don't wait 6 months to ask her out!

I've seen it succeed. I don't know about on the internet, but I've told people, "go for it!" in real life, and it succeeded. I didn't have high hopes for Hugh (6 months is a long time -- he would've gotten a strong signal LONG ago if she was into it) but I still think he benefited by going for it. Only he can really say.

It doesn't succeed that often because (A) If the girl was into you and doesn't care if guys approach, she would've either asked you our or given you a HUGE signal by then, and (B) If the girl cares if guys approach, you missed out by not approaching within her timeframe. Many girls have them. I think it's silly, but I guess it depends on what you're looking for. I'm clearly an (A) girl.

But sometimes I've seen it work. It's when © The girl wanted to be an A in theory and has nothing against men not approaching in theory and no lady hard-on for Alpha males, but she doesn't have the chutzpah to ever make (A) happen really or (D) The woman had honestly never thought about it --- extremely rare --- and she's going to give it a shot because she's up for trying something different. (D) almost never gets you past date #1.

Well, I did ask her out back in December, but she couldn't make that date because she had gotten too drunk the night before and was sick and hungover. She ended up re-scheduling that to the next Friday, which was a semi work related function, and not the 1 on 1 date I wanted.

She was never that into me, I guess. Perhaps I have read way too many of those "Signs that a woman likes you", and they are all lies. Or maybe the problem all along is that she just isn't physically attracted to me.

Oh, by the way. I am going to Minneapolis tomorrow night with a friend of mine to go "hunt for muff", as he calls it. I'm not out to score or anything. Just trying to move on with my life and find someone else.

April 13, 2012

Jobaba, this seems like it would be a good topic for a thread.

There's got to be a reason why thees approaches keep failing.

Start asking out more girls the first time you see them.

Not "after trying to get to know them first."

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Been chasing this girl for 6 months. Finally got a 1 on 1 with her at my place...

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