Been chasing this girl for 6 months. Finally got a 1 on 1 with her at my place...

[HughHardcastle]

So do you think you blew it? You must have a pretty good gut feeling by now. Seriously, you didn't even give her a kiss good night. Not even a kiss on the cheek? Making moves is a bit different, as long as you don't try grabbing some ass, your good. I get it, so you want to move slow. FYI.... Hands on her waist is always a nice substitute for 2nd base. Haha. Guess I am that kinda guy.

I only blew it if I don't get a second chance with her. And she enjoyed herself so much, that I am sure I will.

[sid3]

I only blew it if I don't get a second chance with her. And she enjoyed herself so much, that I am sure I will.

 

Good for you Hugh. I hope you do get that second chance. There's been a shortage of success stories on LS recently. Personally, I would seriously consider giving her some kisses, the longer you wait the more awkward it will become.

[sid3]

I'd bed her in an hour.

 

Bed her? Hahaha. Must suck being a Chode

[PlumPrincess]

You're leagues ahead of a lot of the guys here Hugh. At least you're putting in real effort.

 

Plum, it's not a great idea to be mean to a guy to his face. At least make him think it's your policy not to give out numbers to people you just met so he doesn't feel it's just him getting rejected. If you feel like talking to him again but not dating give it anyways. There are plenty of ways to indicate that when he calls.

So you would consider an answer like Somedude and Oxy Moronivich suggested to be mean?

 

See, you just can't make everybody happy.

[PlumPrincess]

I think a diplomatic response as soon as you know your thoughts on the matter is the most respectful. If you know that immediately, then say so in a diplomatic way and with a smile. If you know it after you give the number, then be polite enough to answer the phone and tell him that after more thought, you think maybe there isn't compatibility. Whatever. Noone likes to be strung along.

 

I mean, what would people do if a little kid were peddling candy in front of the grocery store. Do you say,

 

a) sorry brat, try the next person?

b) oh, maybe on my way out? (hoping they are gone)

c) or, wow, aren't you sweet, but I'm sorry, I don't eat that kind of candy.

 

I'd take c. Or b) if I really meant it and was sincerely going to chat with the budding entrepreneur on my way out.

 

Women hate it when a guy says he's going to call and doesn't.

 

Being a woman who has done her share of first approaches, I'd also prefer a straight answer myself.

What would you say in that situation?

[PlumPrincess]

If I was at a public place, or a bar, or whatever, and someone asked me out that I wasn't interested in, I would tell them as nicely as possible "I'm sorry, I just don't think we would work out. I bet you could probably find someone cooler and better looking than me anyways." Even if I don't believe it, it's letting them down in an easy way. What I would NOT do is pretend I am interested in them, give them my real number, and then ignore any communication they give me. It amazes me how many people will do that, or give out a fake number. Aren't we supposed to be adults? What, are you afraid you'll hurt someones feelings if you are honest and direct with them, and tell them you aren't interested?

I don't find guys always make it that obvious that they are interested in a date with you. It's more like a, "Let's do something together one day," and what are you supposed to say to that? "Sorry, I'm not interested in hanging out with you" or "Sorry, I don't think we're compatible" or "Sorry, I'm interested in being friends with you" when you had just spent the last half hour talking to them?

[RedRobin]

So do you think you blew it? You must have a pretty good gut feeling by now. Seriously, you didn't even give her a kiss good night. Not even a kiss on the cheek? Making moves is a bit different, as long as you don't try grabbing some ass, your good. I get it, so you want to move slow. FYI.... Hands on her waist is always a nice substitute for 2nd base. Haha. Guess I am that kinda guy.

 

Hugh... the above post reminded me of something one of my BF's did early on that I thought was very appealing... and also very classy. Definately let me know he was interested in something more without being a cad about it.

 

He opened the door for me, and when I walked through, he put his hand on the lower part of my back ever so gently and followed me through the door.

 

Think you can pull that off?

[PlumPrincess]

Some of the very best of times. Crash and burn? That's a far better feeling than not giving yourself a chance.

It's a learning experience, nothing more, nothing less. There's a difference between being true to one's feelings and pining endlessly for someone who is not interested in you.

[dispatch3d]

This discussion seems ridiculous to me. Its obviously going to be relatively hard to change the way woman go about rejecting men during dating. It's also relatively easy to change your own attitude towards woman's responses when you are trying to date them. If a girl keeps flaking out on you, or makes it difficult to meet up for SIX MONTHS then for the love of god try a new girl. You could have easily asked out 5 other girls in that 6 month period. One of them could have said yes. Etc. etc. Oneitis is bad mostly because you are wasting your life focusing on woman that aren't interested in you. That isn't a good way to get in a relationship!

[RedRobin]

What would you say in that situation?

 

I always smile and thank them, and kindly refuse if I'm not interested.

 

I should mention that I was not always this way. When I was younger, I probably did more of the lying thing to spare someone's feelings. I don't remember ever being rude.

 

Anyway, most people know when they are being lied to. So, in addition to the 'humiliation' of being rejected, you get treated to a rather condescending attitude that somehow you can't manage the truth.

 

Plus, it just feels better on this end.

 

On the other hand... I get it that if you are constantly being approached, or if you are having a bad day, then one can't always be at their best.

 

It is a habit that can be cultivated though.

[RedRobin]

This discussion seems ridiculous to me. Its obviously going to be relatively hard to change the way woman go about rejecting men during dating. It's also relatively easy to change your own attitude towards woman's responses when you are trying to date them.

 

I agree with this. I also agree that he could/should have pursued other women if this one wasn't being responsive.

 

However, it seems like the ball is still 'in play' here. I see no reason why we shouldn't help him figure out how to keep it that way... or, come quickly to a resolution.

[HughHardcastle]

Hugh... the above post reminded me of something one of my BF's did early on that I thought was very appealing... and also very classy. Definately let me know he was interested in something more without being a cad about it.

 

He opened the door for me, and when I walked through, he put his hand on the lower part of my back ever so gently and followed me through the door.

 

Think you can pull that off?

Yes, I could do that. The problem now is, she has a friend over this week, who just had her apartment catch fire. So, I probably won't be able to get her over within the next couple days. I am hoping she will be able to come over on Sunday, maybe watch back to back episodes. Will bring it up with her tomorrow.

[sid3]

It's a learning experience, nothing more, nothing less. There's a difference between being true to one's feelings and pining endlessly for someone who is not interested in you.

 

You're preaching to the choir sister. And it is far more than a learning experience.

[sid3]

Yes, I could do that. The problem now is, she has a friend over this week, who just had her apartment catch fire. So, I probably won't be able to get her over within the next couple days. I am hoping she will be able to come over on Sunday, maybe watch back to back episodes. Will bring it up with her tomorrow.

 

Hugh, her friend can surely entertain herself for a little while without her. Regardless, good idea bringing something up tomorrow, don't wait too long.

[HughHardcastle]

Hugh, her friend can surely entertain herself for a little while without her. Regardless, good idea bringing something up tomorrow, don't wait too long.

Well, if I was her friend, I would feel kinda weird sitting at my friends house alone for a couple hours while she is with some dude. That's not being a very good host.

[dispatch3d]

Yes, I could do that. The problem now is, she has a friend over this week, who just had her apartment catch fire. So, I probably won't be able to get her over within the next couple days. I am hoping she will be able to come over on Sunday, maybe watch back to back episodes. Will bring it up with her tomorrow.

 

Damn that is a super creative excuse lol. Anyhow dude seriously move on!

[sid3]

Well, if I was her friend, I would feel kinda weird sitting at my friends house alone for a couple hours while she is with some dude. That's not being a very good host.

 

When my house burned down a few years ago I stayed with a friend as well. I came and went as I pleased and my host carried on as if I wasn't even there. Although I stayed there for 3 months, if she's only there for a week I can see her wanting to be there.

[HughHardcastle]

Damn that is a super creative excuse lol. Anyhow dude seriously move on!

Wow, a lot of you people seemingly have serious trust issues. Her friend coming to visit was planned about 3 weeks ago. Thursday night, while she was over at my house, she got a text from that friend saying her apartment had a fire. The apartment didn't burn down, but a couple rooms in it were ruined.

 

Have women lied to you guys so much in the past, that you just assume they are always lying, all the time?

[HughHardcastle]

Hugh, her friend can surely entertain herself for a little while without her. Regardless, good idea bringing something up tomorrow, don't wait too long.

You don't think that, if I bring it up 2 days in a row, I come off as needy and nagging?

[sid3]

You don't think that, if I bring it up 2 days in a row, I come off as needy and nagging?

 

Bring it up once, if she says no, stick a fork in it Hugh, you're done.

[HughHardcastle]

After consulting with a friend of mine, I am going to flat out ask her out on a date tomorrow. "I think it would be pretty fun if, some night this weekend, we went out and got some dinner and drinks, and then caught up on Game of Thrones." That will tell her, point blank, what my intentions are.

[PlumPrincess]

You're preaching to the choir sister. And it is far more than a learning experience.

I've been there. I pined for someone for years. I just didn't want to listen to anybody at all.

 

The best thing to do is to move forward and use your experience to not repeat it again. That time will only be completely wasted if you don't learn anything from it.

[phineas]

After consulting with a friend of mine, I am going to flat out ask her out on a date tomorrow. "I think it would be pretty fun if, some night this weekend, we went out and got some dinner and drinks, and then caught up on Game of Thrones." That will tell her, point blank, what my intentions are.

 

No it won't.

 

You need to actually use the word "date".

 

Because if you don't, she will probably agree to the above & when you finally get the courage to make a move she will say "I thought we were just friends"

 

Then she will probably say "I didn't mean to lead you on" (when she knows that is exactly what she was doing)

 

Trust me on this, i've had women ask me out to dinner & when I make a move act like their shocked I thought it was a date. LOL!

 

You tell her it's a "date" & you watch her waffle, make excuses, or just flake at the last minute.

 

A woman who is truly interested in you will JUMP at the chance for an official "Date"

 

And real men have no problem asking for a "date" from a woman.

 

You would be surprised how much BS is eliminated from your life when you ask for "dates" instead of just to hang out.

[sid3]

After consulting with a friend of mine, I am going to flat out ask her out on a date tomorrow. "I think it would be pretty fun if, some night this weekend, we went out and got some dinner and drinks, and then caught up on Game of Thrones." That will tell her, point blank, what my intentions are.

 

No, don't suggest some night. That's Way too whimpy. Typically you should have a specific day and time in mind. I'd say, " I'm picking you up on Sat night at 8, I'm taking you to such and such place. She's says what should I wear?, you say dress to impress!, there's a good chance were gettinng our mug shots taken before the nights over. Or you could say, wanna watch game of thrones with me. Either way, go for it, before someone else does!

[RedRobin]

After consulting with a friend of mine, I am going to flat out ask her out on a date tomorrow. "I think it would be pretty fun if, some night this weekend, we went out and got some dinner and drinks, and then caught up on Game of Thrones." That will tell her, point blank, what my intentions are.

 

... with all due respect, I don't believe this provides much clarity.

 

All it shows is that you are upping the 'quality' of your time together.

 

If you want her to know you are interested in her romantically, then you should just say so directly, or attempt some kind of physical interaction that is not associated with friendship... or both.