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Been chasing this girl for 6 months. Finally got a 1 on 1 with her at my place...

HughHardcastle

By HughHardcastle
in Dating

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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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Ok, I admit, you are also right.

 

But let's assume there is a guy who wants to be friends with you and you're not particulary interested although you had a good time talking to him. He asks for your phone number. What do you say?

Sorry, I'm not interested.

Oxy Moronovich Established Member

Oxy Moronovich

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Sorry, I'm not interested.

Yep. That's all you need to say.

PlumPrincess Established Member

PlumPrincess

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Sorry, I'm not interested.

Seriously, is this an answer you guys are fine with? Or are you just saying this, because you think you can handle it, only to come back later to this forum and complain because the woman was so blunt?

jobaba Established Member

jobaba

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Ok, I admit, you are also right.

 

But let's assume there is a guy who wants to be friends with you and you're not particulary interested although you had a good time talking to him. He asks for your phone number. What do you say?

 

Honestly, if you just met the guy and don't know him well, it doesn't matter what you do.

 

But that is not the case with the OP. She knows him ... well, and IMHO, he deserves more respect than that.

 

There's a big difference in etiquette between dealing with a guy you've known for 2 hours you have no interest in and one you are friendly with every day for half a year that you are not romantically interested in. And that difference (to me) defines a lot about what kind of a person you are.

jobaba Established Member

jobaba

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Seriously, is this an answer you guys are fine with? Or are you just saying this, because you think you can handle it, only to come back later to this forum and complain because the woman was so blunt?

 

Years ago, I developed a romantic interest in a friend I got to know over a long period. She was the coolest. When I made a move, she rejected me and when I prodded her, she said she just wasn't physically attracted.

 

As crushed as I was, she insisted on staying friends with me, and kept contacting me. Today, I am over her (way over) and she is one of my most loyal friends. I can totally count on her (and her husband is a cool dude too). I can respect the fact that a woman has no physical attraction to me, IF SHE RESPECTS ME AS A PERSON.

 

Life is about more than finding somebody cute to f@ck you and put a ring around your finger. It's about finding people you connect with and respect.

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PlumPrincess Established Member

PlumPrincess

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Honestly, if you just met the guy and don't know him well, it doesn't matter what you do.

 

But that is not the case with the OP. She knows him ... well, and IMHO, he deserves more respect than that.

 

There's a big difference in etiquette between dealing with a guy you've known for 2 hours you have no interest in and one you are friendly with every day for half a year that you are not romantically interested in. And that difference (to me) defines a lot about what kind of a person you are.

Get off my back. I already said he is wasting his time with her. His suffering could also get diminished if he gave up pursuing women who are not interested in him.

Oxy Moronovich Established Member

Oxy Moronovich

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Seriously, is this an answer you guys are fine with? Or are you just saying this, because you think you can handle it, only to come back later to this forum and complain because the woman was so blunt?

Some guys can handle rejection. Some guys cannot. Whether you're dealing with a man who can or can't, a clear response is the best.

 

I guess guys dislike it when women get an attitude, saying angrily, "Ugh! No, there can't possibly any way I'd even dream of dating you!" Saying, "Sorry, not interested" doesn't have an attitude or sugarcoating it. So it's the best response.

PlumPrincess Established Member

PlumPrincess

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Years ago, I developed a romantic interest in a friend I got to know over a long period. She was the coolest. When I made a move, she rejected me and when I prodded her, she said she just wasn't physically attracted.

 

As crushed as I was, she insisted on staying friends with me, and kept contacting me. Today, I am over her (way over) and she is one of my most loyal friends. I can totally count on her (and her husband is a cool dude too). I can respect the fact that a woman has no physical attraction to me, IF SHE RESPECTS ME AS A PERSON.

 

Life is about more than finding somebody cute to f@ck you and put a ring around your finger. It's about finding people you connect with and respect.

Seriously, stop projecting the issues you have with your women on me and stop making assumptions about what I want or don't want.

jobaba Established Member

jobaba

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Seriously, stop projecting the issues you have with your women on me and stop making assumptions about what I want or don't want.

 

Ok.........I was just speaking in general. Block me.

PlumPrincess Established Member

PlumPrincess

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Some guys can handle rejection. Some guys cannot. Whether you're dealing with a man who can or can't, a clear response is the best.

 

I guess guys dislike it when women get an attitude, saying angrily, "Ugh! No, there can't possibly any way I'd even dream of dating you!" Saying, "Sorry, not interested" doesn't have an attitude or sugarcoating it. So it's the best response.

Ok, I'll be honest, I consider this answer kind of rough, but on the other hand, if this is really what guys prefer, then why not. :confused:

Oxy Moronovich Established Member

Oxy Moronovich

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Ok, I'll be honest, I consider this answer kind of rough, but on the other hand, if this is really what guys prefer, then why not. :confused:

Something to consider: if you meet a dude and he ends up being a close friend, it's most likely he wants to date you.

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Oxy Moronovich Established Member

Oxy Moronovich

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Ok, I'll be honest, I consider this answer kind of rough, but on the other hand, if this is really what guys prefer, then why not. :confused:

I also wanna add that a clear response is the best. The OP is being used like a gas station to fuel this chick's desire for attention. It's his fault for deluding himself into believing he has a chance. But it's also her fault for leading him on. After a person figures out he's been manipulated, his resentment soars when he realizes it would have been better for her to clearly state she isn't interested, rather than being strung along.

 

Sure, that response may seem a little rough. But to be in the OP's situation is worse.

PlumPrincess Established Member

PlumPrincess

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Something to consider: if you meet a dude and he ends up being a close friend, it's most likely he wants to date you.

I don't really have that many guy friends anymore. Those I have usually do well with women. I know, I'm just one of many and they're simply better at reading interest. I don't have to spell it out to them that I'm not interested.

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HughHardcastle Established Member

HughHardcastle

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Wow, this thread certainly got active.

 

I will keep updating this as I progress with this girl. That way, you can all laugh in my face if I crash and burn, or I can gloat and brag if this girl turns out to be into me.

Oxy Moronovich Established Member

Oxy Moronovich

Posted
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Wow, this thread certainly got active.

 

I will keep updating this as I fail with this girl. That way, you can all laugh in my face if I crash and burn, or I can gloat and brag if this girl turns out to be into me.

I fixed that for you, Hugh.

PlumPrincess Established Member

PlumPrincess

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Wow, this thread certainly got active.

 

I will keep updating this as I progress with this girl. That way, you can all laugh in my face if I crash and burn, or I can gloat and brag if this girl turns out to be into me.

I'm sure everybody here has been in a similar situation, so nobody is going to laugh. I personally think, no matter how great the advice is, people need the experience of making fools out of themselves. You have to go through the disappointment until you're ready to learn. Been there, done that. Good old times. :rolleyes:

  • Like 1
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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Seriously, is this an answer you guys are fine with? Or are you just saying this, because you think you can handle it, only to come back later to this forum and complain because the woman was so blunt?

What do you think is worse, being blunt and telling him or...

 

Giving him a fake number, which he excitedly calls later only to be disappointed and possibly angry.

 

Give him your number, then turn him down. He wonders why you gave him your number in the first place.

 

Give him you number, agree on a date and then flake.

 

 

Wow, this thread certainly got active.

 

I will keep updating this as I progress with this girl. That way, you can all laugh in my face if I crash and burn, or I can gloat and brag if this girl turns out to be into me.

I wish you luck.

gaius Established Member

gaius

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You're leagues ahead of a lot of the guys here Hugh. At least you're putting in real effort.

 

Plum, it's not a great idea to be mean to a guy to his face. At least make him think it's your policy not to give out numbers to people you just met so he doesn't feel it's just him getting rejected. If you feel like talking to him again but not dating give it anyways. There are plenty of ways to indicate that when he calls.

RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

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I think a diplomatic response as soon as you know your thoughts on the matter is the most respectful. If you know that immediately, then say so in a diplomatic way and with a smile. If you know it after you give the number, then be polite enough to answer the phone and tell him that after more thought, you think maybe there isn't compatibility. Whatever. Noone likes to be strung along.

 

I mean, what would people do if a little kid were peddling candy in front of the grocery store. Do you say,

 

a) sorry brat, try the next person?

b) oh, maybe on my way out? (hoping they are gone)

c) or, wow, aren't you sweet, but I'm sorry, I don't eat that kind of candy.

 

I'd take c. Or b) if I really meant it and was sincerely going to chat with the budding entrepreneur on my way out.

 

Women hate it when a guy says he's going to call and doesn't.

 

Being a woman who has done her share of first approaches, I'd also prefer a straight answer myself.

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HughHardcastle Established Member

HughHardcastle

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If I was at a public place, or a bar, or whatever, and someone asked me out that I wasn't interested in, I would tell them as nicely as possible "I'm sorry, I just don't think we would work out. I bet you could probably find someone cooler and better looking than me anyways." Even if I don't believe it, it's letting them down in an easy way. What I would NOT do is pretend I am interested in them, give them my real number, and then ignore any communication they give me. It amazes me how many people will do that, or give out a fake number. Aren't we supposed to be adults? What, are you afraid you'll hurt someones feelings if you are honest and direct with them, and tell them you aren't interested?

sid3 Established Member

sid3

Posted
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I'm sure everybody here has been in a similar situation, so nobody is going to laugh. I personally think, no matter how great the advice is, people need the experience of making fools out of themselves. You have to go through the disappointment until you're ready to learn. Been there, done that. Good old times. :rolleyes:

 

Some of the very best of times. Crash and burn? That's a far better feeling than not giving yourself a chance.

BewitchedandBothered Established Member

BewitchedandBothered

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Those unfamiliar with my history with this girl, please check out my previous posts. Or read this: met girl in October. Asked her out in December. She flaked. We still get along amazingly well. Last couple weeks she's seemed to warm to the ideas of doing stuff with me.

 

 

So what happened was, I asked this girl I have been working with if she wanted to watch Game of Thrones on Sunday night. She gave me somewhat of a yes on Saturday night via text, but Sunday came and she told me she was too sick to come over. On Monday, she re-scheduled for

Thursday.

 

If you came here expecting some hot story about making out, sorry, you won't get it. We watched Game of Thrones, and then the new South Park, and she left. I loved it though. Just being around her makes me feel like I'm actually worthwhile to someone (other than my mom). And I almost get the feeling that she was testing me tonight. We've known each other for 6 months now, and I've never made it super clear how I feel about her, but she knows. She knows I have SOME kind of feelings for her, and tonight, I wonder if she thought I was going to act on those. I did NOT want to get her alone for the first time, and try to make a bunch of moves or anything like that. That's not who I am. She knows that now, and I hope she'll be more comfortable doing things with me, now that she knows I actually enjoy her company, and her as a person, and I'm not just out to get laid.

 

So my question is, did I blow it by not trying SOMETHING with her?

Sorry pal...I would dropkick you right into the friendzone...

BewitchedandBothered Established Member

BewitchedandBothered

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I think I am going to ask her to dinner, and then television at my house, next time. That way, I'll have a couple chances to initiate some contact with her. Plus, asking her to dinner first, then TV = date, I don't care who you ask.

I was so pissed off when my ex asked me over for dinner and a movie...and actually wanted to sit and watch the movie....which he fell asleep during. My skin crawls recalling that lovely memory.

sid3 Established Member

sid3

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So do you think you blew it? You must have a pretty good gut feeling by now. Seriously, you didn't even give her a kiss good night. Not even a kiss on the cheek? Making moves is a bit different, as long as you don't try grabbing some ass, your good. I get it, so you want to move slow. FYI.... Hands on her waist is always a nice substitute for 2nd base. Haha. Guess I am that kinda guy.

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HughHardcastle Established Member

HughHardcastle

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Sorry pal...I would dropkick you right into the friendzone...

 

Well, that kind of response makes me think I wouldn't even want to be friends with you. :cool:

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