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Been chasing this girl for 6 months. Finally got a 1 on 1 with her at my place...

HughHardcastle

By HughHardcastle
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jobaba Established Member

jobaba

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Man, I really feel sorry for you. I know exactly how oneitis feels, and it sucks. My situations were a bit different. Honestly, anything's possible, but you would've been in a much better position asking her out much earlier. I know you've heard that more than enough times, but that's what it really comes down to.

 

You should still try regardless, just so you could know for yourself. Don't just take the easy way out and do nothing.

 

LOL. Oneitis. Believe it or not, I had to look it up...

 

Urban Dictionary: oneitis

 

So true, so true...:lmao:

Cracker Jack Established Member

Cracker Jack

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Ha, I remember when I thought it had a relation to arthritis at one point...:laugh:

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HughHardcastle Established Member

HughHardcastle

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So something interesting happened today, and I am probably overanalyzing again, but here goes: I bumped into the receptionist I work with at a local place I was eating my lunch. This is the same woman who has hosted the 2 movies nights that myself and this girl have gone to. We've worked together now for 3 years, and she would give a ringing endorsement for me to any girl who asked. Anyways, I get home from my lunch, and see that she posted a message on the Facebook page of the girl I am after, saying "I just ran into HughHardcastle while at lunch...jealous??".

 

Does this mean anything at all? My interpretation is, she associates me with this girl now, as if we are an item, or a potential item. Why would she post something like that if she wasn't told, or led on earlier, that this girl likes me?

 

I now plan on getting to work a little early on Monday, when it will be just me and the receptionist, and I am just going to straight up ask her if she knows anything. I know, it's kind of a high school move, but at this point, I don't care. If I can go into that second "date" knowing that she is into me, that will help ease my fear of making the moves I need to make to show her I am interested.

jobaba Established Member

jobaba

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So something interesting happened today, and I am probably overanalyzing again, but here goes: I bumped into the receptionist I work with at a local place I was eating my lunch. This is the same woman who has hosted the 2 movies nights that myself and this girl have gone to. We've worked together now for 3 years, and she would give a ringing endorsement for me to any girl who asked. Anyways, I get home from my lunch, and see that she posted a message on the Facebook page of the girl I am after, saying "I just ran into HughHardcastle while at lunch...jealous??".

 

Does this mean anything at all? My interpretation is, she associates me with this girl now, as if we are an item, or a potential item. Why would she post something like that if she wasn't told, or led on earlier, that this girl likes me?

 

I now plan on getting to work a little early on Monday, when it will be just me and the receptionist, and I am just going to straight up ask her if she knows anything. I know, it's kind of a high school move, but at this point, I don't care. If I can go into that second "date" knowing that she is into me, that will help ease my fear of making the moves I need to make to show her I am interested.

 

It means something to you. Does it mean something to your love interest? Maybe. Probably not though.

 

When I was out working with my own co-worker, clients used to imply that we were a couple. One time, she was chatting up one of our clients and saying she was single, and the client (female) suggested that I was cute and that she should go for me. That was before I liked her but I heard it loud and clear.

 

To her, I'm pretty sure it didn't register at all. Females with options are not going to think a guy they think is unattractive is attractive just because somebody implies that you 'could be together'. Most times, they will think the suggestion is comical.

 

I'm not trying to be negative. I'm just trying to show you that you are placing all of your eggs in the basket of a woman that has flaked on you multiple times. You're interpreting all of her actions to mean that she's coming around to you. A lot of guys have been there. I sure have.

 

But by all means, continue to pursue. This saga has become engaging for me. Just try to back off on "She's the end all and we get along so great." spiel. Remember what she's already done to you in the past.

Edited by jobaba
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HughHardcastle Established Member

HughHardcastle

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She hasn't flaked on me "multiple times". She re-scheduled back in December, and we did something. She was legitimately sick last week, re-scheduled, and we did something. And I will admit that yes, I do have all my eggs in this basket. Sorry I cannot be a Player like some of the people here who seem to be giving me advice. I don't have a phone packed with the numbers of other girls I can call if this one doesn't work out. And right now, I don't want any other girl. I wan't her. You can give it whatever bull**** PUA term you want, like "Oneitis". I don't care. There are millions of couples who have overcome much longer odds than the ones I have faced. You think those people just gave up?

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jobaba Established Member

jobaba

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She hasn't flaked on me "multiple times". She re-scheduled back in December, and we did something. She was legitimately sick last week, re-scheduled, and we did something. And I will admit that yes, I do have all my eggs in this basket. Sorry I cannot be a Player like some of the people here who seem to be giving me advice. I don't have a phone packed with the numbers of other girls I can call if this one doesn't work out. And right now, I don't want any other girl. I wan't her. You can give it whatever bull**** PUA term you want, like "Oneitis". I don't care. There are millions of couples who have overcome much longer odds than the ones I have faced. You think those people just gave up?

 

First off, I am far from a player. I'm trying to help YOU because I'm a lot closer to the kind of guy YOU are. Ergo, I have had very similar experiences to you.

 

You can chase all you want and as long as you want.

 

A buddy of mine chased a girl for 10 years, including waiting out her getting married to and having a daughter with another man. He's marrying her in May. He got lucky.

 

I'm just trying to give you my perspective from somebody who's been there. I could still be chasing my ex co-worker too. But in the end, I took a look, and there was nothing worth chasing. If you think yours is, then continue. But if you think she's worth it because she's 'the only option you've got', it might not turn out great. But who knows?

 

But I'm rooting for you dude. I really am. ;)

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HughHardcastle Established Member

HughHardcastle

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First off, I am far from a player. I'm trying to help YOU because I'm a lot closer to the kind of guy YOU are. Ergo, I have had very similar experiences to you.

 

You can chase all you want and as long as you want.

 

A buddy of mine chased a girl for 10 years, including waiting out her getting married to and having a daughter with another man. He's marrying her in May. He got lucky.

 

I'm just trying to give you my perspective from somebody who's been there. I could still be chasing my ex co-worker too. But in the end, I took a look, and there was nothing worth chasing. If you think yours is, then continue. But if you think she's worth it because she's 'the only option you've got', it might not turn out great. But who knows?

 

But I'm rooting for you dude. I really am. ;)

I wasn't implying you were a player, but most of those guys on Page 3. You've given me advice in the past, and I appreciate it greatly.
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

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She hasn't flaked on me "multiple times". She re-scheduled back in December, and we did something. She was legitimately sick last week, re-scheduled, and we did something. And I will admit that yes, I do have all my eggs in this basket. Sorry I cannot be a Player like some of the people here who seem to be giving me advice. I don't have a phone packed with the numbers of other girls I can call if this one doesn't work out. And right now, I don't want any other girl. I wan't her. You can give it whatever bull**** PUA term you want, like "Oneitis". I don't care. There are millions of couples who have overcome much longer odds than the ones I have faced. You think those people just gave up?

If you get some time, look over at the threads I made.

 

The vast majority are about one girl.

 

Everything you're trying with this girl, I've already done.

PlumPrincess Established Member

PlumPrincess

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You might think blowing a guy off (that you know and see often) and not returning texts because you have no romantic interest in him is OK.

 

I don't.

 

I know girls that won't, and I can get them, and I don't need to deal with women who don't respect me. Fini...

 

(And if the girl had interest in being REAL friends, she wouldn't blow him off either. Yes, I have REAL female friends too.)

Ok, then what kind of answer would you have liked to hear from the woman? She is not interested in you romantically and being friends with a guy who is into you while you are not into him is no option either. And the guy has not come out with his true feelings.

 

So, what exactly is a woman in this situation supposed to say?

phineas Established Member

phineas

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Ok, then what kind of answer would you have liked to hear from the woman? She is not interested in you romantically and being friends with a guy who is into you while you are not into him is no option either. And the guy has not come out with his true feelings.

 

So, what exactly is a woman in this situation supposed to say?

 

How about she doesn't flirt with him, doesn't go to his house & doesn't make plans with him?

 

Unless she is retarded she KNOWS he's digging her & she knows she is leading him on.

 

If you weren't interested in a man romantically & you knew he was interested in you romantically would you go to his house?

 

This woman is not a good person.

jobaba Established Member

jobaba

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Ok, then what kind of answer would you have liked to hear from the woman? She is not interested in you romantically and being friends with a guy who is into you while you are not into him is no option either. And the guy has not come out with his true feelings.

 

So, what exactly is a woman in this situation supposed to say?

 

Read it again. She agreed to tentatively meet him, and then she totally ignored him and he was all torn up about it.

 

OP is not some dude she met off OKCupid and they went on two short dates. He knows her well from work. He deserves better than that. She ain't a good gal. There's plenty of d@uchebags around that she can date.

Edited by jobaba
RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

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So, I've perused the posts for a bit...

 

As a woman who has, I think, navigated most romantic/work/friend relationships with men fairly well, I feel I have to chime in...

 

People have different ways of expressing themselves. They just do. Sure, there are 'bad' people who manipulate others and 'flake'. Some people are just conflict avoiders. Men do it. Women do it.

 

I personally wouldn't have them as a friend, much less a romantic partner if they disrespected my time repeatedly without a valid reason. I went through a period in my life where I was 'flaking' alot because of stress... my friends didn't bail. They sent me cards asking if I was ok. THAT's A FRIEND.

 

So, it is up to each individual to make their needs and perceptions clear. There is just no way around it.

 

If you, OP, are concerned with being perceived as a friend and your interactions are not proceeding towards a romantic relationship, then it is on you to make your goals clear. You can do that by opening up a respectful discussion or attempting physical contact. That usually clears things up.

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PlumPrincess Established Member

PlumPrincess

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Read it again. She agreed to tentatively meet him, and then she totally ignored him and he was all torn up about it.

 

OP is not some dude she met off OKCupid and they went on two short dates. He knows her well from work. He deserves better than that. She ain't a good gal. There's plenty of d@uchebags around that she can date.

I was talking about your co-worker.

 

I asked her today if she wanted to come over and watch it, and she said she might, if she wasn't too tired from working her 2 jobs today. Gee, where have I heard that excuse before? She never showed up, didn't text to say she was too tired, nothing.

Where does he say she ignored him. She said she might, if she was not too tired from working two jobs. Oh, but that's not a valid excuse. It's impossible that she really might be tired from that. :rolleyes:

jobaba Established Member

jobaba

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So, I've perused the posts for a bit...

 

As a woman who has, I think, navigated most romantic/work/friend relationships with men fairly well, I feel I have to chime in...

 

People have different ways of expressing themselves. They just do. Sure, there are 'bad' people who manipulate others and 'flake'. Some people are just conflict avoiders. Men do it. Women do it.

 

I personally wouldn't have them as a friend, much less a romantic partner if they disrespected my time repeatedly without a valid reason. I went through a period in my life where I was 'flaking' alot because of stress... my friends didn't bail. They sent me cards asking if I was ok. THAT's A FRIEND.

 

So, it is up to each individual to make their needs and perceptions clear. There is just no way around it.

 

If you, OP, are concerned with being perceived as a friend and your interactions are not proceeding towards a romantic relationship, then it is on you to make your goals clear. You can do that by opening up a respectful discussion or attempting physical contact. That usually clears things up.

 

Great post!

 

I absolutely love it when women can see men as people outside the context of somebody to f@ck and potentially give them a ring. ;)

PlumPrincess Established Member

PlumPrincess

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Guys are often not assertive enough to make a move or to express their interest clearly. But if a woman gives a similar vague answer, they complain. Have the balls and make it clear what you want, then you will get a clear answer.

jobaba Established Member

jobaba

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I was talking about your co-worker.

 

 

Where does he say she ignored him. She said she might, if she was not too tired from working two jobs. Oh, but that's not a valid excuse. It's impossible that she really might be tired from that. :rolleyes:

 

I made it extremely clear to my co-worker that I wanted to be friends with her. I'm not going to go into details of what happened next, but it showed exactly the kind of person she is. Not necessarily a 'horrible' person, but not somebody I want as a friend.

 

As for OP, we can only go on what he provides. And from the below, she sounds like a flake.

 

There's gals who won't pull this crap and tell you exactly where you stand. Notice how one second he loathes her and the next he is defending her. Been there. And I'll say the woman's interaction with him has something to do with it. Some women have the (proverbial) balls to tell you exactly where you stand.

 

 

I asked her today if she wanted to come over and watch it, and she said she might, if she wasn't too tired from working her 2 jobs today. Gee, where have I heard that excuse before? She never showed up, didn't text to say she was too tired, nothing. Once again, I've been burned. You were all right, I was wrong. This sucks. I am done trying to figure out what I am to her. It's pretty obvious I am nothing, and will always be nothing.

 

She hasn't flaked on me "multiple times". She re-scheduled back in December, and we did something. She was legitimately sick last week, re-scheduled, and we did something.
jobaba Established Member

jobaba

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Guys are often not assertive enough to make a move or to express their interest clearly. But if a woman gives a similar vague answer, they complain. Have the balls and make it clear what you want, then you will get a clear answer.

 

To me, it has less to do with men and women and romance than character.

 

I'm only going by what I can read, but the OP's interest I'd say has flimsy character. She's kinda leading the OP on, not really as a friend, not really as a potential love interest. In other words, she doesn't really respect him.

 

Guys pull this crap too. I met a female friend over the weekend and she was telling me about her new 'boyfriend' who doesn't take her anywhere, who she doesn't do anything with. To me, it seems like he's not really into her. Well, she should know better.

 

And I know better than to hang around with people who don't respect me.

PlumPrincess Established Member

PlumPrincess

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I made it extremely clear to my co-worker that I wanted to be friends with her. I'm not going to go into details of what happened next, but it showed exactly the kind of person she is. Not necessarily a 'horrible' person, but not somebody I want as a friend.

 

As for OP, we can only go on what he provides. And from the below, she sounds like a flake.

 

There's gals who won't pull this crap and tell you exactly where you stand. Notice how one second he loathes her and the next he is defending her. Been there. And I'll say the woman's interaction with him has something to do with it. Some women have the (proverbial) balls to tell you exactly where you stand.

I think you're projecting the situation with your co-worker on this one.

 

He should ask her out on a proper date and then he will get his answer.

jobaba Established Member

jobaba

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I think you're projecting the situation with your co-worker on this one.

 

He should ask her out on a proper date and then he will get his answer.

 

He's already done that. Search his threads.

PlumPrincess Established Member

PlumPrincess

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He's already done that. Search his threads.

He did? Then it looks like he's wasting his time with her.

Feelin Frisky Established Member

Feelin Frisky

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She was cool with you until she observed how into South Park you are. Game of over. :rolleyes::D

eleanorhurting Established Member

eleanorhurting

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LOL she used guys for attention and affection, I'm sure it turned out nicely for her and pretty badly for them. Classy ;) Poor guys.

 

 

It turned out badly

 

I am not saying I'm proud of it I am just saying that it is something girls do sometimes...

Oxy Moronovich Established Member

Oxy Moronovich

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Guys are often not assertive enough to make a move or to express their interest clearly. But if a woman gives a similar vague answer, they complain. Have the balls and make it clear what you want, then you will get a clear answer.

I have to chime in on this. Guys do not always get a clear answer. The frustrating thing is women are passive-aggressive. There are many, many cases when men make themselves loud and clear and women become passive-aggressive. Examples: a guy asks for a woman's phone number, she gives it to him, but she doesn't answer when he calls because she was only giving it to be nice; or she lies about having a boyfriend; or when he texts her for a date, she doesn't answer, and then lies and says, "My phone needed recharging, so I didn't get your message"; or when he proposes sex she'll passive-aggressively make some excuse, and then cut him off thinking he's only after sex; etc.

 

Your post is a total lie. Only a minority of the time do women give clear answers when guys are direct.

MrNate 2.0 Established Member

MrNate 2.0

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Get her back over there and try something. If a woman is at my house, alone, I rather get slapped trying something than not trying at all.

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PlumPrincess Established Member

PlumPrincess

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I have to chime in on this. Guys do not always get a clear answer. The frustrating thing is women are passive-aggressive. There are many, many cases when men make themselves loud and clear and women become passive-aggressive. Examples: a guy asks for a woman's phone number, she gives it to him, but she doesn't answer when he calls because she was only giving it to be nice; or she lies about having a boyfriend; or when he texts her for a date, she doesn't answer, and then lies and says, "My phone needed recharging, so I didn't get your message"; or when he proposes sex she'll passive-aggressively make some excuse, and then cut him off thinking he's only after sex; etc.

 

Your post is a total lie. Only a minority of the time do women give clear answers when guys are direct.

Ok, I admit, you are also right.

 

But let's assume there is a guy who wants to be friends with you and you're not particulary interested although you had a good time talking to him. He asks for your phone number. What do you say?

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