wwwjd Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 k, so I come from a place where people are responsible, caring, respectful, have lots of integrity, I have a cell phone but I don't use it as a crutch to replace proper planning abilities. I plan something, I follow through, on time, people know I am ALWAYS dependable. Is the norm nowdays to expect everyone to have a cell phone and text constant changes and updates at the last minute? I might not be explaining this correctly..... Lets say I go shopping for groceries. I make a list, get what I need, and get out. I don't go and expect a cell phone call telling me to also get "this or that". And then get another call, seconds later, "Oh I forgot get this too"... lack of planning BECAUSE the cell phone lets us be lazy? This applies to dating. Starting to see and experience this personally. I make a date and time and stick to it. I get messages and texts, "are we still on?" "What time again?" "Where we meeting?" "Do you still want to get together?" Why would it be assumed I did NOT want to get together when I NEVER said anything like that. We made a plan, that is what will happen. UNLESS messages are passed... not assumed everything is off if many confirmation messages are NOT SENT. Have the days of responsible planning passed on thanks to cell phones? And don't bother saying, "it just makes everything easier". No it doesn't. How is constant texting and triple confirming plans easier than just planning once and following through responsibily? Before cell phones people some how managed just fine. Maybe even better in many ways.
Nikki Sahagin Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I hate flakes...although I have been one myself. I think it's easy for technology to enable people to be flakes when they want to; we can say we misinterpreted something or didn't hear from someone that day. I like people that stick to their plans too and I'm very organised, but when my heart isn't in something and I don't really want to do it, I can be a big flake. Then again, some people, like my manager at work for instance, live by their own kinda time. She is ALWAYS late but it never seems rude or absent minded, but just like she operates on her own little time schedule.
Imajerk17 Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I hate flakes...although I have been one myself. I think it's easy for technology to enable people to be flakes when they want to; we can say we misinterpreted something or didn't hear from someone that day. I like people that stick to their plans too and I'm very organised, but when my heart isn't in something and I don't really want to do it, I can be a big flake. Then again, some people, like my manager at work for instance, live by their own kinda time. She is ALWAYS late but it never seems rude or absent minded, but just like she operates on her own little time schedule. So you're a flake yourself then. Everybody keeps plans when they want to. The real test of someone's character is how they handle things when they aren't that excited. That you don't keep your word in those cases says something of your character... 2
lso802 Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Last month I had 2 girls cancel 5-10 mins. before the date via text. 3 other girls came through and on time. I've learned a long time ago just to plan dates to venues I'd want to go to anyway regardless of whether the girl shows up. Just ignore the ones that don't value your time. Don't sweat it. 1
Author wwwjd Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 I've learned a long time ago just to plan dates to venues I'd want to go to anyway regardless of whether the girl shows up. Although I am now sort of forced to agree with this, it is, at the same time utter crap. (that idea, not YOU, Iso802) That fact that people devalue others by cancelling 5 to ten minutes BEFORE is just rediculous. If a cell text was not there to get they message through, they would have just "stood you up" or "blown you off" which is obviously a negative that would piss you off. But with a text at the last second, that softens the blow. It is vieling over the stood up part with a weak excuse. Personally, I'm done operating with people like that. You get one shot. If you blow it, that is it. It's not a game, it's just stupid. You don't stand up your dentist apointment... you don't go to a movie an hour into it... just plan ahead and stick to it. That rich guy you are trying to land didn't get that way via loose scheduling, and probably won't have time to waste on you if you blow him off via last minute texts. Plenty of fish out there....
make me believe Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Texting makes it WAY easier to cancel dates at the last minute. Instead of having to make an awkward phone call and actually speak to the person, explain yourself (or try to), and hear their reaction, you can just shoot off a vague text telling them you can't make it. In your situation, with your dates texting to ask if the date is still on, I'm wondering how long you go without talking to them? For example, if you make a date on Monday for Saturday night and then don't call them at all during the week, I could see the other person wanting to verify that the date is still on.
Imajerk17 Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Thing is, dating is about momentum. There is just something awkward about setting a date a week in advance and then not communicating in the meanwhile. That holds even more true in today's ADD world, I think. I usually send a text 12--24 hours before saying something like "See you at x place at y time!"
dasein Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 It is ridiculous. Women who do the "bigger better deal" calendar mongering "me so busybusybusy!" wannabe publicist crap drive me crazy too, but you know what? Women of quality and higher social class don't do that, it's the trash that does, so they do you a favor by identifying themselves before you waste too much time on them. People of quality maintain a simple calendar, stick to their plans, and are responsible. People of quality may actually be really busy from time to time, but they won't affect that constant faux busy "lower class hustlehustle" nonsense that many insecure women do in a futile attempt to build the illusion of the most fabulous life. Yeah, lol, have run into bunches of these. Just write em off and move on to next. 1
Author wwwjd Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 ah ha. there it is. I choose to not participate in that "ADD" world. In my specific cases, planning a week in advance was the requirement as shorter notice, unplanned things didn't seem to be working out too well for her. Too flakey. Needed to plan ahead of time to make sure everything fit. And it is an old friend and we are not all that bothered with longer silences tween or any of that. I too, send last minute reminders, like "see you at 8" etc. Sometimes this is just get togethers, not "Dating" etc... just for me to comprehend and accept the mantality of the unplanned.
Author wwwjd Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 It is ridiculous. Women who do the "bigger better deal" calendar mongering "me so busybusybusy!" wannabe publicist crap drive me crazy too, but you know what? Women of quality and higher social class don't do that, it's the trash that does, so they do you a favor by identifying themselves before you waste too much time on them. People of quality maintain a simple calendar, stick to their plans, and are responsible. People of quality may actually be really busy from time to time, but they won't affect that constant faux busy "lower class hustlehustle" nonsense that many insecure women do in a futile attempt to build the illusion of the most fabulous life. Yeah, lol, have run into bunches of these. Just write em off and move on to next. This is really what I am seeing. NEVER has a professional level gal had to do that and juggle the cell phone calendaring crap with me. I think you are very right in that explanation. It might even sound harsh to some people, but seriously, it is true. I operate personal and professional life on a professional level, and don't enjoy working within levels less than that I guess. I guess that is MY issue, but I don't see any problems with it and refuse to accept less than that. Within that, I can be very spontaneous also BECAUSE I have life carefully controlled and developed to allow a lot of felxibility. So it is not like EVERYTHING has to be perfectly planned out weeks in advance, I just hate dealing with flakey. Thanks for letting me rant. And it is good to see others deal with this also. 1
FitChick Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Another cell phone hater here. I find constant calls annoying. It's one more thing to do.
Author wwwjd Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 Another cell phone hater here. I find constant calls annoying. It's one more thing to do. There's another whole thread there on text and call interruptions when you out with people, even on a date!
dasein Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 People worth being around turn their cellphones off when they are with other people socially and you will never see their phone unless they are travelling or have some real emergency going on. You can pretty much figure a person's social class and background by how often you see a cellphone in their hand. Note I'm talking social class, not wealth level, there are plenty of low class people with tons of money.
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