Ted Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 (edited) I met this amazing girl 4 months ago, I am 30, she is 23, we met at a gallery opening then she asked me for a drink afterwards, we went to a classical concert together that weekend, we got along really well and kept in contact (mainly text and email). She took me out for a birthday drink about 3 months ago, I foolishly asked what had she got planned that weekend if she wants to come to a short holiday in another country with me for a couple of days, that put her off a bit, she thought I was joking. Then we didn't see each other for a while. I sent her an email to apologize, she replied and said its completely ok, I just asked the wrong person at the wrong time. We started hanging out again about 1 and half months ago, almost every weekend, friday or saturday, we would spend the whole day together 10-15 hours, we would get dinner, drinks, go to the movies, plant flowers together in the park, build sandcastles, watch the stars on the beach at night/early morning. We haven't even kissed each other!! I asked her out on the second weekend, she said she does not want to be in a relationship, she just wants to be on her own at the moment, she thinks that I am amazing, but she likes me as a friend. We still did what we did for another week, then I told her that it is best to spend sometime apart, it is really hard for me to be around her as a friend, she was upset but she said she completely understands. Then I cut contact with her for 2 weeks, on the weekend of the first week she texted me, asked me if I want to go and see a movie together, I told her that I would really like to but we shouldn't see each other; on the second weekend she asked me what had I got planned on saturday night, I said I am going to have dinner with a couple of friends in town, she asked if she could see me after dinner, I said yes, I was missing her so much, we spent like 10 hours together, she dropped me back home at 4 in the morning. The next weekend we had a roadtrip, and built sandcastle together again at a beautiful beach. I really wanted to kiss her, but I knew that she would move away... this is so hard... she wanted to come over to my place to make icecream for easter weekend (tomorrow), it is so confusing, I said we are going to have a picnic in the garden instead (this is going to be third time I see her after I cut her off). She also asked me to go to another city together later this month, then join her in another country for a month in May, where she will be going for a business trip. We got along really well, she is one of the most amazing girls I have met, really intelligent, kind, elegant, beautiful with a big heart. We share many many interests, we could talk for hours no end. Its so hard that she just wants to see me as a friend while still doing all the things that couples would do as if we were in an intimate relationship. I love her to pieces, this is so hard, it hurts me everytime I see her, yet its still so beautiful, because I know that we are going to have a great time together, there will only be wonderful memories, then I feel so sad when I am not seeing her, and keep on thinking about her. What should I do? How can I stop loving her? Should I just move on? I don't want to hurt her feelings, and the same time I don't want to be hurt anymore. Its also complicated that I will be working with her for a month too in a couple of months. Its hard to let go of something beautiful and say goodbye to her since we have only had good times together... Edited April 6, 2012 by Ted
WordvAction Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Make A Move, you'll never stop loving her until you stop hanging out with her so you might as well give it a shot 1
Author Ted Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 I have asked her out twice, she said she does not want to be in a relationship, she just wants to be friends... I just don't know what to do... I dont want to cut her off again, but I just cannot stop loving her.
CarrieT Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 All those months, all those hours together and not even a kiss? You have been friendzoned, I'm afraid. I would suggest one last attempt at a completely romantic attempt; nice dinner, candles, etc. And a kiss. If you are rebuffed, then there is nothing there for you except a one-sided infatuation - NOT love. Love is reciprocated and if she doesn't return the feelings, than there is nothing you can do but move on. 1
Forever Learning Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Make A Move, you'll never stop loving her until you stop hanging out with her so you might as well give it a shot All those months, all those hours together and not even a kiss? You have been friendzoned, I'm afraid. I would suggest one last attempt at a completely romantic attempt; nice dinner, candles, etc. And a kiss. If you are rebuffed, then there is nothing there for you except a one-sided infatuation - NOT love. Love is reciprocated and if she doesn't return the feelings, than there is nothing you can do but move on. Yes, make one more try at romance, and if it doesn't work move on before you go insane. I feel for you! Hope it works out. Be very clear that you can't just be friends and cut all contact if she doesn't want more, so that you can move on to find someone else who wants to be in a relationship with you. Fingers crossed for you, all the best and good luck.
BlazeOfGloryy777 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I've been in similar situations man its really hard. you can't make someone love you but you can control how you react to it. its hard but your instinct will lead you in the right direction i think, i'm struggling with sometrhing a little similar right now as well. 1
Author Ted Posted April 8, 2012 Author Posted April 8, 2012 I don't want to put any pressure on her, this is really difficult. I know that she friendzoned me, does it mean that it is impossible to get out? Should I hang around, just be her friend? I don't want to hurt her feelings by leaving.
fallenheart Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 What are you getting out of this relationship? Agony. Heartbreak. Misery. Having her in your life is causing more harm than good. She has made it crystal clear that she is in no way romantically interested in you and she never will be. Cut her off. You don't deserve the pain. And stop worrying about how SHE will feel....who cares? You need to forget her and find a girl that will actually love you back. 1
djmm Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 i am not one to say "never." I would be patient if you can but it sounds like that would be hard in this situation. I would be honest again with her and tell her your feelings. If she doesnt comply, then move on, don't see her or talk to her. She knows then how you feel and if she feels the same way at some point, she will contact you and let you know. 1
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