counterman Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I have a friend who I study with. He's been in a relationship for almost a year now... but it wasn't until recently that I met his girlfriend. The weird thing is... he hasn't introduced me to her yet! He's introduced her to a few of my other friends, who also attend the same classes, but not to me. He's had plenty of opportunities to but whenever he's with his girlfriend and I'm around... he barely even talks to me. I'm pretty sure she doesn't even know I'm his friend. And yet, when we're in class or hanging out, we talk as normal. I once bumped into him with his girlfriend. I was walking in his direction but I was looking at something else and when I looked up, I saw him and he was making every effort to not look directly at me. I knew he saw me but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. But then every incident afterwards has proven to me that he just doesn't want her girlfriend to know I'm his friend. Today we were at the park with a other friends around and she was there. I tried starting conversation with him but he cut it short. I'm a little bit taken aback by this. It's not a huge deal but it makes me uncomfortable to be around him, knowing that he might be putting up a front when he's around me (without his girlfriend) just to get by in class. Or should I not even care and just let the sleeping dog lie?
InJest Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I'm guessing you're female. Maybe his girlfriend is the crazy type that distrusts every girl, and will yell at him for talking to other girls.
SadGrl Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 In that case he never thought of you as a friend bro. You said he is using you to pass a class and get good grades...well there is your answer....... In this cold sore covered gf of his any good looking?
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Well that's suspicious and to me means one of two things; A) He's embarrassed of you, and doesn't want to introduce you to anyone he knows or in particular his girlfriend B) You are attractive and he wants to keep those worlds separate so he can work on you...knowing his gf would may get jealous and ask him to stop studying with you Which leads me to believe that If it's B then he's interested in you but possibly keeping his gf on the back burner till he figures you out and gets through to you. He's avoiding you for a reason, and being that he communicates with you in class then he is likely not embarrassed by you. It's hard to say exactly, you've left out what kind of relationship you have with this guy but being you posted this in the dating section you probably are interested in him? So he either has a lack of respect for you, or a lack of respect for his gf...that's my assessment from what you wrote and the kind of behavior that is typical in men. Whatever you do don't trust the guy, and everything he says, he's acting shady at best.
SadGrl Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 ninja strikes again with his assumptions and zero logic....I guess he thinks he is Buddha as well as Socrates....
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 A) He's embarrassed of you, and doesn't want to introduce you to anyone he knows or in particular his girlfriend Even though surprisingly this was a guy, that was still accurate SadGrl However, this is the dating section and you are a guy...am I the only one that finds that strange?
Author counterman Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 SadGrl, I think you're right, he's most likely using me to get good grades. His girlfriend is pretty, I have to say. Ninja, I highly doubt he's interested in me... since I'm a guy and I'm pretty sure he's straight. But him and I, we were pretty close mates but not so much, mainly because he crossed the line once by being a real dick in front of our other friends but besides that, we're alright. I'm posting here mainly cause it elicits more responses and to see how I should deal with this situation should it arise again! (it's related to dating) Sid3, I'm starting to think that's the best approach. I know what the situation is and I can make a big deal of it, or just leave it and understand what this really is on the inside.
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 SadGrl, I think you're right, he's most likely using me to get good grades. His girlfriend is pretty, I have to say. Ninja, I highly doubt he's interested in me... since I'm a guy and I'm pretty sure he's straight. But him and I, we were pretty close mates but not so much, mainly because he crossed the line once by being a real dick in front of our other friends but besides that, we're alright. I'm posting here mainly cause it elicits more responses and to see how I should deal with this situation should it arise again! (it's related to dating) Sid3, I'm starting to think that's the best approach. I know what the situation is and I can make a big deal of it, or just leave it and understand what this really is on the inside. No, I don't think he's interested in you...I typed that out before seeing that you were a guy. I was going based on your attitude towards this situation, I was speaking in terms of assuming you were female. Anyway, I do think the guy has a lack of respect for you...sounds like he thinks he's too cool for you, his friends and social circle. I'm sure one on one he's fine and doesn't care but otherwise he's going to pretend not to know you. It depends on how far you push it, If you confront him about he might snap at you and be direct, blowing you off and making you feel worse about it. Otherwise he might just not really know what to say, I'll doubt he'll change his attitude, but It's really showing his true character and lack of confidence in himself to have to hide this mutual friendship, he's worried about what other people would think likely. If you're not happy with the situation, you don't have to study or be friends with this guy, plus he seemed to have disrespected you in front of other friends. I don't know about you but for me I wouldn't associate with someone that treated me that way.
january2011 Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I suggest asking him directly about his behaviour. You're not a mindreader and neither are we. If he doesn't have a perfectly acceptable explanation, which I'm guessing he won't, I suggest staying away from him and finding another study buddy. He's not a friend if he snubs you in public like that.
SadGrl Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Guys with hot chicks are like skinny blonds with bog boobs..they all think they are better than everybody else. I would not be friends with this prick from this point on. And for the love of me, please stop helping him with homework and stuff....
Author counterman Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 No, I don't think he's interested in you...I typed that out before seeing that you were a guy. I was going based on your attitude towards this situation, I was speaking in terms of assuming you were female. Anyway, I do think the guy has a lack of respect for you...sounds like he thinks he's too cool for you, his friends and social circle. I'm sure one on one he's fine and doesn't care but otherwise he's going to pretend not to know you. It depends on how far you push it, If you confront him about he might snap at you and be direct, blowing you off and making you feel worse about it. Otherwise he might just not really know what to say, I'll doubt he'll change his attitude, but It's really showing his true character and lack of confidence in himself to have to hide this mutual friendship, he's worried about what other people would think likely. If you're not happy with the situation, you don't have to study or be friends with this guy, plus he seemed to have disrespected you in front of other friends. I don't know about you but for me I wouldn't associate with someone that treated me that way. I agree completely with what you say. He does care about what others think and there was a particular Facebook incident that he blew up at me about...which any friend would never do. I don't think he does truly respect me, but because we have mutual friends who we see almost everyday, he feels he has to put on a front. Plus, we have group work together. I am not happy about this... because when it comes down to the cold facts, he's just using me at the moment and putting on this false guise of a friendship when it's just the two of us but when his girlfriend is around, I'm someone he doesn't associate with. It's silly of him to think (if he does) I wouldn't pick up on this as well. What does he expect me to do, to just disappear and pretend where not friends whenever he wants that to happen? I guess I'm just disappointed. I thought we were cool. I would like to confront him about it but I think that'll just make things awkward, especially since we're in a group together for one of our classes. I doubt he'll change too.Plus, we have quite a few mutual friends. However, I don't want to pretend that we're good friends either, as we have been talking (even about his girlfriend mind you) about personal stuff as well as other things. Is there another way I can approach it and not make things awkward?
Author counterman Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 I suggest asking him directly about his behaviour. You're not a mindreader and neither are we. If he doesn't have a perfectly acceptable explanation, which I'm guessing he won't, I suggest staying away from him and finding another study buddy. He's not a friend if he snubs you in public like that. I could and I've tried in the past for another incident. He basically kept making excuses, each one different from the other and I knew at that moment that he didn't respect me. That was two years ago. Didn't think it'll be the same now. I don't think he'll have a perfectly acceptable explanation. He's not really a friend, I guess, even though I thought he was. Guys with hot chicks are like skinny blonds with bog boobs..they all think they are better than everybody else. I would not be friends with this prick from this point on. And for the love of me, please stop helping him with homework and stuff.... He might be thinking that. The only issue is that we're in a group together, so I sort of have to help... but I won't provide anything else beyond that. And after this, I'm going to distance myself from him. One thing I really hate is him pretending to be my friend.
january2011 Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I think you have your answer, which I'm guessing you knew all along. You don't need toxic people like this in your life.
Author counterman Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 I think you have your answer, which I'm guessing you knew all along. You don't need toxic people like this in your life. I did know all along, just didn't want to believe it. I guess I'll keep things civil but it won't be as though we're good friends.
Oxy Moronovich Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 LOL @ people thinking a poster called counterMAN is a female.
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