Desensitized Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 (edited) It's been causing me a great deal of stress lately just talking to women and going on dates with them. 3 girls flaked out on me, 1 actually went out with me, and the other I'm still waiting to hear back from. But the overall message is this: I'm done for now. You would think that a guy that has goals in life and is pursuing an MD degree would have some luck, but I guess not. I'm not ugly, but I'm not super hot, either. It's gotten to the point that I am not even being myself anymore in hopes to score a potential girl. Sad, really. Why am I acting differently? Why am I so uncomfortable in my own skin all of the sudden? It's getting so bad that I am writing on this forum at 2:40 AM when I have so much things that I could be doing like finishing this speech or even studying for an exam next Tuesday. I've been wasting so much time approaching girls and overthinking this dumb sh*t that it's gotten in the way of my studies. The girl I saw today basically said she loved a lot of things about me, and that I was an awesome singer. She asked me if I was a singer for some band because I'm "good" and if I play an instrument. Granted, she did just break up with her boyfriend, but still... my luck frickin' sucks when it comes to meeting women. I vented to her and expressed my frustration (she's a psychologist, so figured I could talk to her). Tl;dr: No longer care for dating. Going to try to wait it out until I finish school. Causing me too much stress causing me to waste my time and not sleep/study and therefore causing me to perform poorly. Saying/doing stupid **** because I feel like I've gotten to a low point in "dating," if you can call it that. I've also been eating a lot of junk thanks to feeling ****ty. I guess feeling ****ty and getting rejected makes me reach for the pizza... i just want to be happy, and I feel like I'm doing more harm than good to myself than trying to find someone right now. Edited April 6, 2012 by Desensitized 1
DontWorryBHappy Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Lol, you must have just read my thread. JK, I hear you. Just focus on you... Never let dating get in the way of your studies. Dating should be fun, not stressful and bad for your health. Maybe try being open to it, but don't look for it. Focus on having meaningful interactions with people, and you'll feel more confident.
Author Desensitized Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 lol. I actually noticed your thread after I posted mine... haha. Thing is, I was focusing on me, and I have been for a while now. I thought maybe it was time to take a step into the dating world. I was wrong... Thing is, I don't know how to be "open" to it and not look for it. It's not like women are going to approach me anytime soon to go on a date, either. Only have had that happen twice and that was a fairly long time ago
USMCHokie Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Thing is, I don't know how to be "open" to it and not look for it. It's not like women are going to approach me anytime soon to go on a date, either. Only have had that happen twice and that was a fairly long time ago I was in the same boat as you...actively dating placed a lot more undue stress and expectation on my life, which translated to a less happy me...so I stopped forcing the issue. I stopped doing online dating. That was the key for me. But on the flip side, you also shouldn't place limitations and restrictions on yourself like you just have...don't say you're "done with dating until you finish school"...that's nonsense... It's not about who approaches who...you can approach 100 women a day with absolutely zero desire or expectation of dating any of them, and you could be as happy as can be...and I'm willing to bet you'll get more numbers than you would think... It's all about managing your expectations...write that down.
Author Desensitized Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 But on the flip side, you also shouldn't place limitations and restrictions on yourself like you just have...don't say you're "done with dating until you finish school"...that's nonsense... I know it's nonsense, but it's about protecting myself. As you can see, I've gotten behind on schoolwork and I'm not sleeping... It's not about who approaches who...you can approach 100 women a day with absolutely zero desire or expectation of dating any of them, and you could be as happy as can be...and I'm willing to bet you'll get more numbers than you would think... getting numbers doesn't really mean anything. I did this exact thing the first couple weeks of school started. Yeah, I got a lot of numbers, but when I went to text them, I realized I had absolutely no interest in some of them. The things some of these women would say would blow my mind haha. That's the way it works OP. When you're stuck in a rut, working your ass off, feeling hopeless, feel like you've got the whole world on your shoulders and could really use the soft loving touch of a woman as if its life or death, is when you get their scorn the most. No matter what you try. I know, I'm with you right now oh man, you leaped into my brain and expressed exactly how I feel. It's when you get that Ph.D , have the money to throw around on stupid crap, and life starts getting pretty easy that you'll have so many women you won't even know what to do with them. thing is, why would I want them then when they never gave me the chance when I didn't have my MD degree? I want a girl that wants me for me, who sees me for who I am. So difficult
DontWorryBHappy Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I was in the same boat as you...actively dating placed a lot more undue stress and expectation on my life, which translated to a less happy me...so I stopped forcing the issue. I stopped doing online dating. That was the key for me. But on the flip side, you also shouldn't place limitations and restrictions on yourself like you just have...don't say you're "done with dating until you finish school"...that's nonsense... It's not about who approaches who...you can approach 100 women a day with absolutely zero desire or expectation of dating any of them, and you could be as happy as can be...and I'm willing to bet you'll get more numbers than you would think... It's all about managing your expectations...write that down. This puts it exactly as I was meaning to say. Being open is just what Chokie says: You focus on talking to men and women (meaning, everyone) just as someone who enjoys life would. Don't approach women with dating being the goal. Approach them if you find some interesting reason to strike up a conversation, if you notice something about them, and make a little conversation. The dating may happen as a result, or it might just be a pleasant human interaction. Either way you gain something, and it's a healthier way to look at things.
Nikki Sahagin Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Hey OP, I wouldn't give up on dating, but I would put less emphasis on it. I think we all tend to put our eggs in one basket sometimes when we really like someone and then they let us down and we lose all our eggs (...so to speak...). I remember being sixteen and giving up on love entirely because I suffered with anxiety problems, wasn't maternal and didn't want to get married, so I thought, 'what's the point for me?'. A year later I fell in love... Life is weird and it will happen.
Recommended Posts