SJC2008 Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 not initiating any contact with early on land you? Honest serious question as there have been variations of threads about women not initiating contact. I feel like there are different leagues (not saying better or worse) of "daters" or "theories" on dating. So does this tactic up the chances of getting a winner or is it a protection thing??
Author SJC2008 Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 Come on now. 62 reads and not one of 62 has been a woman that has done this?
CarrieT Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I don't actually understand your question. Neither do I....
sid3 Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Just how much contact in the early stages to be the most successful in dating? The answer will always be different depending on the parties involved. There is no right or wrong easy answer, just apply a good bit of common sense and you'll be off to a good start.
wwwjd Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 "So ladies, what kind of a man does not initiating any contact with early on land you?" What?? Is there a comma needed somewhere? I can't read it either.
TaraMaiden Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 No Contact is for when you've broken up - not while you're dating.... 1
Nikki Sahagin Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Just how much contact in the early stages to be the most successful in dating? The answer will always be different depending on the parties involved. There is no right or wrong easy answer, just apply a good bit of common sense and you'll be off to a good start. I don't know. Don't blank the person and don't bombard them with texts. Somewhere in the middle. Enough to show you're interested and want to talk.
sid3 Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I don't know. Don't blank the person and don't bombard them with texts. Somewhere in the middle. Enough to show you're interested and want to talk. I don't know either. Maybe the OP is trying to understand why some women don't initiate contact. Rephrase the question OP.
Andy_K Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I don't know either. Maybe the OP is trying to understand why some women don't initiate contact. Rephrase the question OP. Yeah, that's the way I understood it. "Ladies, if you never initiate any contact early on, what kind of man does that land you?" As opposed to the kind of man you end up with if you're much for forthcoming in your early contacting. The subtext being basically, does it weed out most of the decent guys as well as the needy ones? It's not hard to imagine a guy thinking "She doesn't seem that interested. I'll wait for her to initiate contact, just this once, and if she doesn't I'll move on and find someone who is more into me" Thus potentially leaving a higher proportion of guys who couldn't give a rats ass how keen you are, but just want to see if they can get you into bed
cerridwen Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I think I understand your question. "Why move on from a guy who you ladies perceive is showing little interest? What's to be gained by doing that?" One, time. I don't like wasting it. There are other men just as I'm sure there are other women for him. Two, I grew up with some Old World influences that have shaped my opinions. I feel most comfortable when the man pursues early on. Three, I prefer men with bold, expressive personalities who aren't shy about letting their interest known. Nine times out of ten, it's reflective of how they handle other parts of their life. Since I'm most compatible with a spirited go-getter or expressive romantic, what I perceive as lackluster effort turns me off. Lack of compatibility that IME, begins here but manifests later as well. 3
january2011 Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 If he's showing little interest, there's nothing to be gained by pursuing him. When I was much younger, I made it a rule that I was not going to accept hints. Ever. A man would have to be clear about his feelings or I'd consider that he didn't have enough gumption to be with me. I don't want to be with someone who is only lukewarm about me. 3
Author SJC2008 Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 Sorry for the confusion guys and I think Andy K rephrased best. Initiating some contact doesn't stop the man from being the pursuer if that's a word. I think it's either an old fashion tradition or testing to see his interest. If it didn't work women probably would't do it. So does this tactic target a specific "type"? Not no say all men who will still court a woman who does this is the same. Personally, I don't think it's how to date. But playing devils advocate I can understand a woman not wanting to come accross as needy/clingy. I think it could backfire too. What if a guy couldn't get dates easily and he's not too into her but notices that she still dates him without initating contact so he hangs around anyway.
Author SJC2008 Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 If he's showing little interest, there's nothing to be gained by pursuing him. When I was much younger, I made it a rule that I was not going to accept hints. Ever. A man would have to be clear about his feelings or I'd consider that he didn't have enough gumption to be with me. I don't want to be with someone who is only lukewarm about me. Good point but what if he's really interested and doesn't want to come on too strong? I really liked the last one but felt 3 dates wasn't enough to start telling her that I was really starting to like her because I didn't want to come on to strong. And I questioned her interest due to NC. They say if you like someone you can't come on too strong but you can smother anyone, regardless of how much they like you IMO
veggirl Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I'm thinking back to when my BF and I started dating. Initiating contact was fairly 50/50. He asked me on the dates (the first 4 I think, then I invited him swimming...altho I did plan our 3rd date after we set a day), but texting /calling was equal as was paying. We split our 1st date (2 activities, each pd for one), he paid 2nd date, I paid 3rd, he paid 4th...then I stopped noticing lol. We've been pretty 50/50 from the beginning, I think I've always been that way with guys.
january2011 Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Good point but what if he's really interested and doesn't want to come on too strong? I really liked the last one but felt 3 dates wasn't enough to start telling her that I was really starting to like her because I didn't want to come on to strong. And I questioned her interest due to NC. They say if you like someone you can't come on too strong but you can smother anyone, regardless of how much they like you IMO I value guys being direct if they have feelings for me. I think that too much is left to assumptions and hints in dating these days. It's like volunteering to build a foundation with a house of cards and you're blindfolded with one hand tied behind your back. Dating in this way creates too much misunderstanding and miscommunication. Thus you have threads that essentially ask posters to be mindreaders. I can't say whether or not my philosophy is right for your situation. All I can say is that if I were the girl, I'd prefer it if you were clear about your feelings rather than holding back. But you know the girl and we don't, so it's your judgement call.
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