f6524 Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 i was in a relationship for over 3 years and it is now over (for good). i miss him but i dont miss the drama that we or maybe i tried so hard to get passed. He did have some good qualities but the bad just superceded the good. I never knew what our day would be like from one day to the next. He was controlling, needy and very rarely was he affectionate. at times i felt lonely even with him right next to me. it just became unhealthy and unbareable, So what am i missing..right?I guess what i am missing is the moments when things were good. I have always been a strong woman, but now i have no confidence and low self esteem. Im lonely and i have been trying to stay bz so i have had some good days ...and then the bad days. I really wanted things to work for us because i did love him. at this moment im trying to keep myself from texting him. so i decided to go online.oh, i left march 16. im lonely but im not ready to date ..
betterdeal Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Hey you I'm sorry to hear about your break up and the upset you're feeling right now. It sounds like you've identified the problems in the relationship and while it does hurt to split up, you've made a good choice. Be proud of yourself for making such a hard decision, and surviving this. Things will get better, your confidence and esteem will grow. Life will feel good again. You will get there Do you have friends or family nearby you can turn to right now? And what pastimes or hobbies do you enjoy? Is there anything you'd like to learn or do but haven't got around to yet? Might be a good time to learn guitar like you've been meaning to for so long, eh? Do things that make you feel good, like have a bubble bath or go for a walk, or get a massage or a facial. Treat yourself! You're going to be fine, and now you can spend some quality time with the most important person in your world - you - without all that drama and nonsense you had to deal with with Mr Needy. This too shall pass. 1
Mr Scorpio Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Sorry to hear about your pain. There is a bright side though -- you were strong enough to walk away from a situation that wasn't fulfilling to you. A lot of people would have likely stayed in the relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. Now? You can move on to a relationship with less drama, with a man who is affectionate -- when you're ready. 1
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 So what am i missing..right? You are missing the routine, being in a safe and ordered place. When we breakup with someone our entire universe is flipped upside down, and even the most drama filled, back and forth, on and off again relationship can seem better than feeling adrift and alone. I am guilty of going back to bad news just to ease that initial pain and it was never worth it, all it did was prolong the inevitable. It's normal to feel that way, I am in the same boat so to speak. People are telling me that it will pass and I am clinging to that, you should too. 1
Author f6524 Posted April 8, 2012 Author Posted April 8, 2012 i thought i would mention that i was married for 16 years and lost my husband almost 5 years ago. a year after his passing i met (ted). it was unexpected and we met at a 40th bday party. he seemed real nice and with manners. my thought was i cannot let this man go, and i was lonely and missing my husband very much. it was also important to bring a good man to my 3 grown children and grandchildren. at first everything started so great, but i started to see things i didnt much like. Jealousy, needy and he called me all the time when we were not together. He would visit his friends when he got mad at me but never did he go when he wasnt. anyways, in my post i left in a civil manner. today is another day and im missing him, i am feeling lonely but i am not ready to put my energy into another relationship right now. Lord knows this last one took alot from me. I had a husband, house , car and job. I now live with my mom and no longer have the other 3 i mentioned. but i did manage while in the relationship to go to school, it was a 15 month degree program, so now i am looing for a job and i ride my bike alot which has helped me alot, not too mention losing some inches. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ he didnt do much talking when we had our last talk before i left, so im feeling like i need closure with him , i did all the talking, he would never ask me to leave but i made the decision becuz we were both unhappy. im just alone and dont want sex but someone to hold me. He was not too affectionate either.
Mr Scorpio Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 So then there are a few positives to bear in mind here. First, you managed to go back to school, which is a means to a better end. Second, even though things turned sour, you met your ex unexpectedly. This means that you might meet a new fella at any place, at any time -- especially considering your bike-rides. What guy wouldn't want to take a bike-ride with a gal and go get some ice-cream in the Summer?
Author f6524 Posted April 13, 2012 Author Posted April 13, 2012 thank you, its almost one month now. i still think of him and miss him, somedays not much and others alot. the rain sure does not help. but i am feeling a bit stronger. i have been keeping myself bz with friends...what would i do without them. recently there was a funeral , the person who passed was his childhood friend and his spouse was my childhood friend. I went to her home to give my condolensces and went to his viewing, during the day. I wanted to avoid ted at all costs. this funeral brought back memories of my husbands not too mention it was at the same funeral home. and the thought of seeing ted was too much for me. at this point im angry and i dont want to be. but more at myself for allowing this to happen to me. but i know i will be ok..after all that i have been through this does not compare.
rickys Posted April 14, 2012 Posted April 14, 2012 (edited) you can't go so far from the memories of person you really love.. Time may be hard for you, it will be.. If you want to get over this then you must keep yourself busy and away from his memories.. I know, its easy to say but implementation is the difficult part, so be brave....... Edited April 15, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author f6524 Posted April 16, 2012 Author Posted April 16, 2012 you can't go so far from the memories of person you really love.. Time may be hard for you, it will be.. If you want to get over this then you must keep yourself busy and away from his memories.. I know, its easy to say but implementation is the difficult part, so be brave....... I hope this feeling ends sooner than later. Thank you for your response and support. I have been lookin for employment and I've decided to volunteer my time at rescue mission. There are others who really have it worse than I. 1
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