january2011 Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Ruby, if I wasn't with someone, I'd probably ask you where you're finding all these daddy's boys!
ThaWholigan Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 ThaWholigan, Living with one's mother doesn't necessarily make one a mama's boy. So that's no big deal. Also, you're young. You're not 30 and living with your mama. Not that even 30 and living with one's mother is bad. It's more about over-influence than it is just living situation. I have nothing against people living at home. I understand . I guess it's fortunate that my father's genes are strong. For all the influence my mum has, I'm way too much like my dad . (except he's much better with girls than I am, as are all my brothers, they're all spectacularly popular with women )
Ruby Slippers Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 And we all know that adoration is the last thing woman wants, like the Ruby, who chose a jerk bad boy, who was bruising her sensitive feelings, something a nice guy would never do. Jerks and bad boys win again....treat women like dirt and she will stick to you like mud..... The more masculine guys are less sensitive, yes - like a big, loping dog that knocks you over so you get a scrape. But (in my experience) mama's boys tend to tell you what you want to hear or even lie to placate you, because they are afraid of your anger and disapproval. So you never know what they're really about. A more masculine-oriented guy doesn't mind if you get mad. He'll listen as you unleash your fury, then explain himself. Then you decide if that works for you or not. But by then, he's probably got you laughing about something or he's wrestling you around, so you just forget about it. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Ruby, if I wasn't with someone, I'd probably ask you where you're finding all these daddy's boys! I met both of these guys online. The first I met in the Yahoo Jazz chat room, and we were chat buddies for years, both went through a number of relationships, before we ever met. We traded mp3s of our stuff and really liked each other's music, so that was the main common interest. Once we were both single, he asked if he could meet me. I fought it for a long time, but he was very persistent (and fun about it), so I finally went for it. That turned into a 2 1/2 year relationship, with him moving to my city. This latest guy I met on Yahoo Chicago chat. I've been chatting with about a dozen guys over the past few months, and of all the guys who really wanted to meet, he's the one I was most interested in meeting. He was also very persistent (and fun about it), always there to ask how my day was and make me smile. So on a whim, I finally said, OK, let's go out. He's trying to keep it going, but I don't know. He's probably best for light fun only. We'll see. 1
veggirl Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 There is a HUGE difference in being a mama's boy and simply being close to your mom. Close to your mom is great, that's an attractive quality in a man! A mama's boy is quite different. There is a line, when it's crossed you will know you are with a mama's boy and not just someone who respects his mom! 5
RiverRunning Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 My first boyfriend was a TOTAL mama's boy (not to mention TONS of other negative characteristics). We were 19 - 20, in college and both working. She would actually give him LUNCH MONEY every week! The first time I saw that, I just stared in horror. The moment I started working, I stopped asking mom and pop for gas for my car or for lunch money, even when I was working a minimum wage job. It was just unbelievable to see that. His car broke down for several months, and then he had it repaired (well, Mommy did). I had been driving this jerkbag to school, to work and just to hang out for MONTHS. He never paid me any gas money (and that was back when gas was above $4.50 a gallon. I was only working about 10 hours a week at school for minimum wage! You can imagine). So, I mentioned in front of his parents one day that he could drive me to school the next day. His mother SERIOUSLY said, "Well...we need to ease him back into it..." WTF? Our college was only about 6 - 8 miles from where we lived! Not exactly a LONG drive by any stretch of the imagination! Mommy took him to college and did all the talking and calling for him whenever there was a problem with financial aid, his classes, etc. A few years back, I ran into him and his mother when he was 22. She was going with him so he could change his MAJOR! After that encounter I rolled on the ground and LAUGHED until I thought my sides would split. His mom was overly involved in everything we did. One of the reasons we never slept together was because at 19 - 20, he felt he should tell his parents AHEAD OF TIME that we were going to because he was afraid they would find condoms lying around. I just sat there staring at him thinking - seriously dude? The thought of my parents knowing who I'm banging (for sure, anyway) makes me sick. For what it's worth, his parents had him when they were 17 - 18, so they would have been far more understanding than my parents would have been. I know that his mother felt sorry for me. There was one occasion when we were all playing a game together, and I made a mistake. He BLEW UP at me. His mom was quick to defend me, and then just gave me one of those pitiful, knowing looks. I ran into his sister about 2 years ago and she told me that she and her mom often talk about how they miss having me around (and told me that of the three girls he's dated since, I was the only decent one). It was a nice thing for them to say. His mother really raised him to have that kind of dependency and complex, but she was a nice woman. Do hope she's doing well.
Woggle Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I know this sounds funny coming from me given the relationship I have with my mother but why should a man not be close to his mother who gave birth to him and dedicated herself to raising him? Also I hate to say this but in most cases she will be much more loyal and willing to stick by him when things get rough than many wives and girlfriends are. If the relationship ends where does he go if he has forsaken his family?
serial muse Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 The more masculine guys are less sensitive, yes - like a big, loping dog that knocks you over so you get a scrape. But (in my experience) mama's boys tend to tell you what you want to hear or even lie to placate you, because they are afraid of your anger and disapproval. So you never know what they're really about. A more masculine-oriented guy doesn't mind if you get mad. He'll listen as you unleash your fury, then explain himself. Then you decide if that works for you or not. But by then, he's probably got you laughing about something or he's wrestling you around, so you just forget about it. I tend to think of it not so much as whether a guy is masculine or feminine, but more as whether a person is able to think for himself or not, and also whether he's pathologically conflict-avoidant. (So yeah, I don't think it relates necessarily to living at home either - it's about being an emotional adult.) In my case, I felt, frankly, like that ex-bf with the crazy mom was being a coward. OK, to be fair to him, he was rather young at that point (around 19-20), and it might take a while to figure out just how to stand up to a domineering parent, particularly when one's strategy for dealing with that person all one's young life has been to go along to get along, and/or mentally check out. I get that, but it doesn't mean I want to sign up for that dynamic. It was very revealing that his way of trying to stand up to her consisted of sometimes telling me what she was saying about me when she couldn't hear. Gack. Like he was placing me in the opposing role to his mom, with himself in the middle. Cliche, party of three. No thanks, I'll have mine to go. Perhaps it would have been too much to ask for him to charm the world with something like "well, she's the perfect height for me" but I would have had infinitely more respect if he had just given her a sideways look and said "Mom, wtf are you talking about?"
serial muse Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I know this sounds funny coming from me given the relationship I have with my mother but why should a man not be close to his mother who gave birth to him and dedicated herself to raising him? Also I hate to say this but in most cases she will be much more loyal and willing to stick by him when things get rough than many wives and girlfriends are. If the relationship ends where does he go if he has forsaken his family? Woggle, this is not about being close to one's mother. See my post, above, for what I think it's really about. I'm extremely close to my mother and I respect her immensely. Doesn't mean she makes my decisions for me. I would hope for the same. 1
Woggle Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Woggle, this is not about being close to one's mother. See my post, above, for what I think it's really about. I'm extremely close to my mother and I respect her immensely. Doesn't mean she makes my decisions for me. I would hope for the same. This is true. I agree with this but I have seen too many case where a guy was isolated from his family and friends and them when he has nowhere to turn she cuts him loose. I am not close to my parents but I let myself get cut off from my unofficial family once and it will never happen again.
serial muse Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 My first boyfriend was a TOTAL mama's boy (not to mention TONS of other negative characteristics). We were 19 - 20, in college and both working. She would actually give him LUNCH MONEY every week! The first time I saw that, I just stared in horror. The moment I started working, I stopped asking mom and pop for gas for my car or for lunch money, even when I was working a minimum wage job. It was just unbelievable to see that. His car broke down for several months, and then he had it repaired (well, Mommy did). I had been driving this jerkbag to school, to work and just to hang out for MONTHS. He never paid me any gas money (and that was back when gas was above $4.50 a gallon. I was only working about 10 hours a week at school for minimum wage! You can imagine). So, I mentioned in front of his parents one day that he could drive me to school the next day. His mother SERIOUSLY said, "Well...we need to ease him back into it..." WTF? Our college was only about 6 - 8 miles from where we lived! Not exactly a LONG drive by any stretch of the imagination! Mommy took him to college and did all the talking and calling for him whenever there was a problem with financial aid, his classes, etc. A few years back, I ran into him and his mother when he was 22. She was going with him so he could change his MAJOR! After that encounter I rolled on the ground and LAUGHED until I thought my sides would split. His mom was overly involved in everything we did. One of the reasons we never slept together was because at 19 - 20, he felt he should tell his parents AHEAD OF TIME that we were going to because he was afraid they would find condoms lying around. I just sat there staring at him thinking - seriously dude? The thought of my parents knowing who I'm banging (for sure, anyway) makes me sick. For what it's worth, his parents had him when they were 17 - 18, so they would have been far more understanding than my parents would have been. I know that his mother felt sorry for me. There was one occasion when we were all playing a game together, and I made a mistake. He BLEW UP at me. His mom was quick to defend me, and then just gave me one of those pitiful, knowing looks. I ran into his sister about 2 years ago and she told me that she and her mom often talk about how they miss having me around (and told me that of the three girls he's dated since, I was the only decent one). It was a nice thing for them to say. His mother really raised him to have that kind of dependency and complex, but she was a nice woman. Do hope she's doing well. Whoa, what's weird about this is that most of the time this guy just sounds incompetent and unwilling to take care of himself, and thus kind of sad...but then you get to the part where he blew up at you for making a mistake in a game. That is a whole other side of beef! Where did that anger come from?? Yikes.
serial muse Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 This is true. I agree with this but I have seen too many case where a guy was isolated from his family and friends and them when he has nowhere to turn she cuts him loose. I am not close to my parents but I let myself get cut off from my unofficial family once and it will never happen again. I hear this. I also find it odd and worrisome when people forsake family and friends for a new SO.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I know this sounds funny coming from me given the relationship I have with my mother but why should a man not be close to his mother who gave birth to him and dedicated herself to raising him? Also I hate to say this but in most cases she will be much more loyal and willing to stick by him when things get rough than many wives and girlfriends are. If the relationship ends where does he go if he has forsaken his family? "Forsaken"? That's a bit dramatic, don't you think? No one's arguing in favor of anything close to that. Prioritizing your woman's opinions and needs over your mother's when it comes to the relationship and matters of your own household is healthy, adult male behavior. I like when a guy has a healthy relationship with and respect for his mom. But when a mother tries to intrude into the relationship, and the son doesn't draw the line, it's a bad situation. I think that a mother who is healthy and loving has her own life, so she doesn't need to meddle in other people's. I have had very positive relationships with some of the mothers of guys I dated - those who were not smothering and intrusive. Moms who have their own lives love me, in fact. Sometimes the guys would have to pry me away from the mom, because we could talk for hours and have a great time. I'm still friends with an ex's mom, who lives in my home town, and I even checked in with him to see if he found this weird or intrusive. He said he thinks it's healthy and good for his parents to have a friendship with me, and he doesn't mind. (And the dads ALWAYS love me - that's easy.)
gibson Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 (edited) I agree with this but I have seen too many case where a guy was isolated from his family and friends and them when he has nowhere to turn she cuts him loose. This mindset / outlook you take is one of your MANY PROBLEMS and a prime example of why the pu55ification of man is disturbing! Will you please grab yourself by your nuts, take charge of your life, have some boundaries, get some confidence, believe in yourself, hold yourself accountable, quit blaming and giving women power and control over you and actually be a man for once! You are such a whinny little b1tch and the reason you are mistreated is due to the fact you have no self-esteem, self-worth and look for your approval, validation and identity in women. 1. A women can't make you do anything that you don't want to do yourself. 2. Where in the hell are you meeting all these crappy women?!?!? You and the circles you run in must be losers if all you ever meet is the women you go on and on and on about on here. My friends and I don't attract, date, associate or even meet the Jerry Springer women you do. If we do happen to run across one, it's rare and we have nothing to do with them. 3. You go for and apparently stay with women who you believe are going to dump you. 4. You think you should and expect to be dumped. 5. I've never dated or been involved with a women that even thought of isolating me from my family or friends. 6. Even if a women tried to isolate me, it's not an option and I would break up. 7. You are the common denominator in your problem(s), not women. Edited April 6, 2012 by gibson
Pyro Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I only know of one male who was close to his mom (ex friend of mine). He told me that his mom was one of his best friends and she is a cool mom, but the fact of the matter is that he can't keep a relationship to save his life. Coincidence? Maybe or maybe not.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 I only know of one male who was close to his mom (ex friend of mine). He told me that his mom was one of his best friends and she is a cool mom, but the fact of the matter is that he can't keep a relationship to save his life. Coincidence? Maybe or maybe not. You know what I think it is? The only moms who lean on their sons too much are the ones with poor husbands who don't pay them much attention. She trains her son to be her stand-in man, but the beta, mom-adoring version - who, with his behavior, is unattractive to his female peers. 1
Pyro Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 You know what I think it is? The only moms who lean on their sons too much are the ones with poor husbands who don't pay them much attention. She trains her son to be her stand-in man, but the beta, mom-adoring version - who, with his behavior, is unattractive to his female peers. Good explanation and it makes sense.
prune juice Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 Their mom will never like you, and they will always choose mom over you. NO BUENO, NEVER AGAIN. no reasonable guy will always choose one over the other. it doesn't have to be an either or.
prune juice Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 My last boyfriend was closer to his dad, too. And like this guy, he was masculine, go-get-'em, positive, proactive. Bold, brash, and sexy, with the drawback of bruising my sensitive feelings a little too often. Mama's boys are usually great for going shopping with you, giving you massages, watching chick flicks, and all that goddess adoration stuff. he didn't hot you, did he as lots of these bold and brash guys do way too often? you gals want it both ways. i'm not big on shopping, did rub the backs of my exes, don't watch that many chick flicks and don't know what you're talking about with goddess adoration. you box men into groups which is just plain ol silly.
prune juice Posted April 8, 2012 Posted April 8, 2012 The more masculine guys are less sensitive, yes - like a big, loping dog that knocks you over so you get a scrape. But (in my experience) mama's boys tend to tell you what you want to hear or even lie to placate you, because they are afraid of your anger and disapproval. So you never know what they're really about. A more masculine-oriented guy doesn't mind if you get mad. He'll listen as you unleash your fury, then explain himself. Then you decide if that works for you or not. But by then, he's probably got you laughing about something or he's wrestling you around, so you just forget about it. this right hear exemplifies how much of a pain you gals are. i don't need it. i have to get my needs met so i'm just going for sex now.
goldengirl11 Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 ThaWholigan, Living with one's mother doesn't necessarily make one a mama's boy. So that's no big deal. Also, you're young. You're not 30 and living with your mama. Not that even 30 and living with one's mother is bad. It's more about over-influence than it is just living situation. I have nothing against people living at home. How about coming up to 52 and still living with Mum, apart from about 3 years away when he was younger at uni/similar I believe?
Radu Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 It could be a major red flag, but that doesn't mean he's a momma's boy. Jane2001 was right, momma's boy is about the influence she has over him. I'm a guy, and i'm not gay but i met a few of these and my advice is to ... RUN.
Radu Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 You know what I think it is? The only moms who lean on their sons too much are the ones with poor husbands who don't pay them much attention. She trains her son to be her stand-in man, but the beta, mom-adoring version - who, with his behavior, is unattractive to his female peers. All of it is true, with one exception. It's not always about the poor husbands, the cause of the lack of attention can come from her as well. So she ends up growing her son into that perfect image what she wanted his father to do.
StripeyShirt Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 My ex-husband was a mummy's boy, and the way it manifested itself was that because she always bailed him out of any rouble - emotional, financial - he never took responsibility for anything that went wrong in his life. He ploughed ahead on ridiculous ventures, and when it all fell apart, blamed everyone but himself. He was always very selfish, and his illnesses and mental state came above anyone else. He had a nervous breaddown seven weeks after my mum died, because, as he freely admits (even in our court document for our divorce!) that when she died I wasnt "there" for him. Mummy's boys might not just be dependent on a woman for cooking and cleaning. It can show itself in much more destructive ways
darkmoon Posted May 10, 2012 Posted May 10, 2012 she would never see my POV, but would stoke his anger so i'd get a double whammy of opprobium laced with her amazement that i didn't want her son
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