veggirl Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Their mom will never like you, and they will always choose mom over you. NO BUENO, NEVER AGAIN. 1
Author Jane2011 Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 lol...I totally had issues with my long-term boyfriend being a Mama's Boy. He self-admittedly was one. At my most annoyed, I accused him of having an Oedipal Complex toward her. He and I have been broken up for two years, but have been good friends for a year and a half. His mama still doesn't like me, though. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 After some experience with it, I can say that it's one of the biggest turn-offs I can think of. Mom will always be their #1 lady, not you. When I'm in love, my man comes first, and it's gotta go both ways.
Author Jane2011 Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 Well, my ex-boyfriend's mother relied on him as a surrogate husband because her own husband didn't talk enough. Or was at work. Don't get me wrong, she had/has a healthy relationship with her husband. She was just bored, had no job, and no other child other than my boyfriend; therefore, all her focus was on him, and she needed to talk to him all the time because of the super-quietness of her husband. My ex-boyfriend used to phrase things in terms of his mother a lot. Once, I asked him how tall one of his exes was, and instead of just saying "5'8," he'd say "about my mother's height," "maybe a little shorter than my mother."
Author Jane2011 Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 Incidentally, my Mama's Boy boyfriend's mother did like me at first. We got along very well, in fact, for the first three and a half years. The latter year and a half, tensions arose. I think the Mama of a Mama's Boy can be nice. But she will ultimately become a bit protective and resentful if she feels she is losing too much power. She started to dislike me not coincidentally when he and I moved in together (he moved out of her house).
Author Jane2011 Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 Yes some boundaries need to be established. I used to be in the same situation until I got sick of it, my mom learned and now I can disappear for weeks and only talk to her a few times. I don't see what's wrong with saying something in terms of your mothers though. You have to be pretty sick in the head to assume "my ex woman was about my mothers height" means anything more than that. That was just one example, though. A lot of of things he said were unnecessarily referential to his mother.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Why do you have to pick? There is a Grand canyon sized difference between family love and romantic love, although I can see how it can be a problem with older more neurotic parents. Let's say there's an important decision concerning the relationship or our family to be made, and my man and my dad disagree. My man is going to win - because he's my man, we're grown-ups, and it's our life. The mama's boy will always wring his hands about what mom wants, bringing a lot of unnecessary stress into your life. I'm not Christian or religious, but there's this scripture that I think pretty well summarizes the natural course of development into adulthood and a family of one's own: For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. At a certain point, chosen family takes priority over family of origin - at least in my book. There are people who don't subscribe to that viewpoint, and that's fine. But I'd never get along harmoniously with a guy who wasn't on the same page as me on that.
Author Jane2011 Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 I want the guy to still love and respect his mother a lot. I just want him to make decisions without her input on every single last thing. Some people think that "loving," "respecting," and "honoring," means letting her have influence on any and all decisions. I don't think so. I love my mother so much, myself - more than anybody in the world. But I never let her tell me what to do. I'm pretty defiant toward her in general when I need to be. I guess I believe love and disobedience can exist at the same time.
threebyfate Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 There appear to be two types of mama's boys: Guys who love their domineering mothers and bend over backwards for them.Guys who have invasive, domineering mothers and because of their issues with their mamas, have attachment issues. 1
Author Jane2011 Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 Get with the times , dinosaur, this kind of thinking is just WEIRD. Will loving your mother get you a convertible BMW or George Cooney's d in your a? Loving your family is BORING and WEIRD. Haha, of course it's not weird.
Taramere Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I had a boyfriend whose mother was pretty scary. I expected her to hate me when I met her....and was dreading it, as I was going to be staying in her home for a full 4 days. She was quite a hard drinker, and seemed downright disapproving of the fact that I rarely drink. By the end of the four days, however, she'd learned exactly how easy I am to boss around and had come to love me for it. She bought me a present, did my laundry, ironed my underwear and at one point walked in on me and her son having sex. "OOOhhhh michty! Sorry you two!" After that, I received regular phone calls from her. By this stage he was working abroad. I received one call from her to say that she'd bought me telephone credits so that I could call him. Another to say that a girl from his past had called asking for his contact details and had been sent away with a flea in her ear. I ended up splitting up with my bf as he wasn't making nearly as much effort to stay in touch with me as his mother was. She was really upset about it. 2
insertnamehere Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Why do you have to pick? There is a Grand canyon sized difference between family love and romantic love Because evolution has hardwired women to cleave men from their families in order to ensure that the bulk of their time and resources are dedicated to nurturing offspring.
serial muse Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 (edited) My first thought was that I haven't had this experience, and then I read this: Their mom will never like you, and they will always choose mom over you. NO BUENO, NEVER AGAIN. and I realized I actually have, it's just been so long that I had forgotten. My college bf was a mama's boy in this sense...his mother disapproved of everyone he tried to date, and she was really rude to me. His reaction was, I guess typical - he didn't exactly "choose" her, in the sense that he didn't break up with me or anything, but he didn't want to openly disagree with her. Instead, he would tell me what she was saying behind her back to show solidarity with me. Which of course made me feel wonderful. It was when she got all obsessive about my height (I'm average - 5'6") that I realized something was up and began to have enough perspective to not take it personally. She's a tall woman, probably around 5'10", and her son (my bf) was very very tall, around 6'6". And she told him (and eventually me) that she felt that he should date tall women only, because they don't have anyone else to date. She then turned to me and told me I was short... I said, well actually, I'm average, you know - and then she turned to the dinner table at large and said, incredulously, "[serial muse] doesn't think she's short!" And then, on another occasion, she told him that he should be dating this other friend of ours instead (who is 5'3"). It was all just so weird and ****ed up, and unfortunately she lived near the college so we saw her fairly often. After we broke up, of course, she decided she liked me and made a point of being friendly. Man, that woman had issues. He got married a few years back and some mutual college friends who went to the wedding mentioned to me that she was still doing her thing, making it all about her and probably making things hellish for his poor wife. Not. Surprised. Edited April 6, 2012 by serial muse 1
Author Jane2011 Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 Because evolution has hardwired women to cleave men from their families in order to ensure that the bulk of their time and resources are dedicated to nurturing offspring. LOL, my older sister has turned her husband almost completely away from his family (mom, dad, and sister). It's pretty sad. (I'm exaggerating a little, but...he has to an extent crossed over to the dark side.)
Taramere Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 It was when she got all obsessive about my height (I'm average - 5'6") that I realized something was up and began to have enough perspective to not take it personally. She's a tall woman, probably around 5'10", and her son (my bf) was very very tall, around 6'6". And she told him (and eventually me) that she felt that he should date tall women only, because they don't have anyone else to date. She then turned to me and told me I was short... I said, well actually, I'm average, you know - and then she turned to the dinner table at large and said, incredulously, "[serial muse] doesn't think she's short!" What an old boot. 5' 6" is above average. 2
Author Jane2011 Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 Loving all these mama's boys stories. Here's one of mine: My ex-boyfriend lived with his mama the first three years he and I were together. One Halloween, he and I were set to go to a Halloween party, and I was in his room helping him put these feathers on with tiny safety pins. It was tedious, time-consuming work. At one point, his mother came in and started just asking questions and making suggestions about the costume, and maybe even joining ever-so-slightly in on the costume-assembly. I didn't want her to feel she had to help do all of that, so I very politely said (imagine polite, courteous tone): "Oh, you don't have to bother with this. Go ahead and go back to your t.v. program. I'll help him with this..." I said what I said purely to get her out of having to help. He later told me that she was very upset and that I'd "shoo'ed" her out of the room. I insisted to him that I did not, that I said what I said out of politeness, the same way you'd tell a dinner guest that he/she doesn't need to clear away the table or help with the dishes. He actually agreed with his mother that there had been rudeness in what I said. No there wasn't! I didn't "shoo" anybody out of any rooms. What can be done about Mama's Boys? I ask you.
january2011 Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I've never been with a guy who was closer to his dad than his mom.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I've never been with a guy who was closer to his dad than his mom. The guy that is working on me to date him right now (I'm leaning toward no, but am still undecided) told me a story that just put my soul at ease. He was telling me about this time he got hurt and had to go to the emergency room in an ambulance. He was disoriented and fighting it, but his dad was telling him he needed to go to the hospital. And his dad goes, "Do you want me or your mom to come with you?" And he goes, "You, Pops, you!" After other things he'd told me about his family, I was thinking, "Finally! A guy who has a healthy relationship with his dad and isn't tied to the apron strings." Of course, the next day, he told me his dad is always trying to influence his decisions to keep him close to the family, and not always in the son's best interest - so it's not necessarily any better. But still, I feel way more comfortable with the idea of a daddy's boy than a mama's boy. 1
january2011 Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I've never come across any guys who were daddy's boys. I'm guessing they're pretty rare. I do think though that regardless of which parent it is, a guy who allows that parent to have too much direct influence in their decision-making probably isn't a guy that would be compatible with me.
FrustratedStandards Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Their mom will never like you, and they will always choose mom over you. NO BUENO, NEVER AGAIN. Not true. I love mama's boys. They have a very high respect for women, and all the mama's boys I have ever dated were far better than the other men i've dated in that regard.
ThaWholigan Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Ahh, these mama's boy stories always get me, seeing as I still live with mum. She's always been a big influence, but I'm way different than she is. She's a very emotional woman so we always clash, especially given that I am quite distant and detached at my worst. I think she recognizes that I and my brother tend to make decisions on our own, even though she may not like it. There are things she does that really grates on me but I try to ignore because she puts up with my **** a lot . Perhaps more annoying is she doesn't really want me to move out any time soon, even though I'm getting on a bit and need space. I have a feeling I will end up clashing with her about who I date. She has already earmarked that she would prefer I stick to dating black girls only. As much as I love black women, I will probably date white girls too because they seem to be more open about their interest in me, as are mixed raced girls. What's funny is that my mum is like a quarter white and has Amerindian heritage from a way back . Speaking of fathers, I have only really become close to mine over the last 10 years, as he wasn't the best dad during my early years. I don't care though, it takes time for some guys to get used to fatherhood, I'm just glad I have an extremely strong relationship with mine. Indeed I often take to my father's advice and council a little more than my mother at the minute.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I've never come across any guys who were daddy's boys. I'm guessing they're pretty rare. I do think though that regardless of which parent it is, a guy who allows that parent to have too much direct influence in their decision-making probably isn't a guy that would be compatible with me. My last boyfriend was closer to his dad, too. And like this guy, he was masculine, go-get-'em, positive, proactive. Bold, brash, and sexy, with the drawback of bruising my sensitive feelings a little too often. Mama's boys are usually great for going shopping with you, giving you massages, watching chick flicks, and all that goddess adoration stuff.
Author Jane2011 Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 ThaWholigan, Living with one's mother doesn't necessarily make one a mama's boy. So that's no big deal. Also, you're young. You're not 30 and living with your mama. Not that even 30 and living with one's mother is bad. It's more about over-influence than it is just living situation. I have nothing against people living at home.
SadGrl Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 And we all know that adoration is the last thing woman wants, like the Ruby, who chose a jerk bad boy, who was bruising her sensitive feelings, something a nice guy would never do. Jerks and bad boys win again....treat women like dirt and she will stick to you like mud.....
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