3 years later....crying over her.

[Baby Gorilla]

I just want to get my emotions out.....

 

3 Years ago I broke up with my ex. I was 23 when I broke it off.

 

We were together for close to 5 years (high school into college), had a great relationship, we loved each other, each others first, etc etc.

 

When I broke up with her I loved her, but I was depressed with where my life was. For both of us, I ended it.

 

For me it was a relief, for her, she was heart broken. She did all the things you read about on here when people try to stay and be in contact. All it did was push me further away.

 

Eventually things got to the point where she would e-mail every so often. We would update each other on our lives. We haven't been in any contact for a little over a year and haven't actually seen each other in person in 3.

 

Over the past few years she has excelled and is doing great in life, masters degree, etc. I'm doing amazing in every sense because of this time I've had to work on myself, financially I'm where I never thought I would be, and for the first time in years my family, brothers dad and mom are all healthy.

 

Today I fired up the old facebook and searched for her. For the past year or so shes been dating a new guy, and I knew I would most likely see a picture of them.

 

My initial reaction was a positive one, I was happy to see her happy.

 

But I have to be honest, after a while I got the "break up" feeling, sick to my stomach etc.

 

I haven't felt this way in a long time. I'm sitting here crying because I miss her. I miss our friendship and I miss talking with her.

 

I'll be honest, my ego is bruised as well. She has with another man what we once had. My rational reaction is "good for her, im glad shes happy", but my emotional reaction is an absurd one "how can she be happy with someone else!?!"

 

The reality is, I still love her, after 3 years. I don't feel regret for breaking up with her, we both needed it, and we have both excelled in life because of it. But I do have a sense of " I wish I met her at a different point in my life"

 

I usually don't cry, but I'm a wreck tonight, and to have this happen 3 years later is a little unsettling. To see her happy in a weird way gives me comfort for myself, I knew how much she loved me, and she was able to move on, eventually I will too.

 

If you read this wall of text, thanks for "listening", I just thought it would be good to get my thoughts out while they are fresh.

[nature]

Have you not dated anyone since you broke up with her 3 years ago? Do you want her back?

[wilsonx]

 

That sucks, I empathize with you on this. And people say this doesn't exist or never happens.

[Nextlane]

Thank you for this post. My heart sank a little after reading such information.

[Baby Gorilla]

Have you not dated anyone since you broke up with her 3 years ago? Do you want her back?

 

I have dated, but no real long term relationships. My family has gone through a lot in the past few years and I didn't have the time for a relationship ( one of the reasons for our break up ) I've also been a bit of a work-a-holic getting 2 businesses off the ground ( another reason for our breakup).

 

Do I want her back? ..... I don't know. If she called me tomorrow saying she was single and wanted to meet or talk, I would probably respond favorably.

 

I'm realistic about my position, I don't want her to breakup with her current boyfriend, and I would never wish her a failed relationship. I hope she is happy, it's just that I truly miss her.

 

That sucks, I empathize with you on this. And people say this doesn't exist or never happens.

 

Thanks, it's funny that you posted a katy perry video. Have you ever heard the term doppelganger? Well the ex I'm talking about is a ringer for katy perry. When she broke a few years ago with the "I kissed a girl" song, my exes' friends, family and myself were freaking out over how much they looked alike.

 

So your post goes in my "life is definitely weird" folder

[Exit]

Ah, good ol' Facebook strikes again. Even years down the line, looking someone up can bring back the tears. Facebook hardly ever brings good news to people.

 

Sounds like all you can do is try to take the high road and maintain that "I'm happy for her" mentality and knowing that the breakup is part of why both of you succeeded. I can't really identify with your initial mindset about breaking up with someone because you were depressed and things weren't going well, if I cared about somebody I would still want to be with them. It's pretty much like you're saying "I loved her so much I broke up with her" but now you're hit with the reality that she is with someone else. Of course she can find a way to be happy with someone else, especially three years down the line. You mentioned "ego" and I think that's a key word here, if you really wanted this girl I don't think you ever would have let her go, and I think it's just your ego throwing a fit now that she's happy with someone else.

 

It might be worth exploring the question that someone else asked above, have you not dated someone else since then? I think that could be a major factor into how you're feeling, it would be an entirely different situation to look up your ex and find out she was dating someone if you were also in a happy relationship and feeling like it worked out for the best for both of you.

[Life Person]

Actually, reading your story I feel like you had a lot of guts breaking up with this girl. Even though you loved each other, you becoming very depressed could have strained your relationship a lot. Obviously you could both try to endure the rough times, and that would be admirable as well, but I also think there's some nobility of saving your girlfriend the pain of being dragged through the mud on a very difficult time (assuming you didn't do the break-up completely unilaterally).

[Frank13]

 

I haven't felt this way in a long time. I'm sitting here crying because I miss her. I miss our friendship and I miss talking with her.

 

I'll be honest, my ego is bruised as well.

 

I think it is your ego hurting more than anything else. You see it over and over her. Someone is pining for someone and wants them back. Then as soon as the other person says they will come back, the other person doesn't want them anymore, Why, because they got their ego stroked.

 

If she was single and had been for 3 years, would you still be crying, missing her, and the friendship?

[Chs]

I can relate in a way, last few months i have been feeling like i had moved on. I still wanted to be her friend but we haven't talked in a while which was the only thing that made me sad. I even knew she has been dating a guy since december, which is all fine. But today i saw on facebook that they are now official, it kind of crushed me. I mean it's good that she is happy, but i was hoping she still had some love for me like i do for her.

 

Oh well, all we can do is move forward and hope we meet someone that makes us forget them too.

[perryb13]

It's natural to feel that way, because when you're in a relationship, the two of you act like no one else could ever fill each other's position. Unfortunately, the reality is that as long as she has someone serious and you don't, it's how you're going to feel :/ I recently broke up with a girl that I swore was the one. I thought I was going to buy her a ring in the future. I still loved her even when I broke up with her, because distance was taking its toll on our relationship. It's only been a few months but I found out she's taking an interest to another guy and acting the same way she did with me. It hurts because she told me that she had never met anyone like me and that she knew this relationship was special.

 

Long story short, I think the feelings will pass. You made it a long time without feeling this way, and there's no reason to think you can't get back to just being happy with yourself and happy for her! Meeting someone else will almost surely help as well, although I know that's easier said than done.