Ever wish you had a stalker

[USMCHokie]

Stalking is a criminal act and it's a word that is thrown around inappropriately a LOT. Basically to most people, stalking is attention from someone they aren't attracted to.

 

Sid3, you have had "a few" stalkers? Really now?

 

If someone truly has a stalker, the police need to be involved. I guess the flippant usage of this word is one of my pet peeves. The vast majority of people will NEVER have a stalker...but oddly enough, the vast majority will claim they have had one / some

 

I'm actually not certain that "stalking" is even codified as a crime in any jurisdictions...simply because it's sooo subjective there'd be no way to define it. Stalking is completely in the eye of the "victim"...what one person thinks is stalking is another person's basking in the attention.

 

A simple example to illustrate: you're in a bar and two different guys approach you. One's hot and one's not. Subjectively, you have formed two different opinions of them. You'd certainly favor one approaching you over the other. Same goes for "stalking". Someone you're interested in could never actually "stalk" you...because you'd welcome such advances...until it got to the point where you feared him, but then interest would vanish and he could qualify as a potential "stalker"...

[USMCHokie]

These posts are getting more and more stupid as I read this site. lol

 

Like this one...?

[veggirl]

Okay, but here's the thing, actual STALKING is not just "attention on overdrive". If it was, it wouldn't be against the law. An interested girl isn't stalking. "facebook stalking" isn't stalking... so on and so forth.

 

And Hokie now you are lumping yourself in with the guys who get no female attention? You just broke up with a girl. lol. Cmon now.

 

eta; it's not against the law?

[DirtyDancing]

Stalking is basicaly when a guy is really angry at a girl who he refuses to engage normaly for not loving him back as much as he thinks he loves her because he calls all the time and watches her all the time like a maniac. He also probably wants to rape or hurt her. At a minimum he has no problem completely scaring her by acting crazy around her.

 

Exactly what happened to me with a scorned ex boyfriend. Not sure if he wanted to rape or hurt me, but he was angry that I rejected him repeatedly.

 

I consider myself an Elle Woods of sorts, and although the word gets thrown around loosely, stalking is a felony in my state and many others. There has to be some threat involved for it to constitute felony stalking though. Harassment is a civil matter and that's typically where restraining orders come in.

 

Unwanted attention is just that... unwanted.

Edited April 7, 2012 by DirtyDancing

[ponsettia]

No I don't want a stalker, I already had one.

 

Years ago I was a member of a penpal club type thing (pre internet), a mag was published quarterly with features written by members of the club and essentially if you found someone interesting you could write to them in between issues of the mag.

 

I used to write quite a lot of stories and whatnot for the mag, and I garnered a bit of a fan club. I hadn't given my address initially, but then I did submit my address for inclusion in the next issue. Before that issue came out I received a letter that had been forwarded on to me by the woman who ran the club (knowing I was 'available for correspondence').

 

In one issue of the mag someone had complimented my writing style and said they looked forward to every issue to see what I'd written and that they were looking forward to my continued contributions. I replied (albeit 3 months later) "well gosh, you sound like a jolly nice chap, and if you are over 6ft tall, I'd very much like to make your acquaintance! Shall we say St Mary's on the hill, 3 o'clock sharp this Saturday, I'll be the one in the white gown holding a bouquet!"

 

Obviously joking right? Well some guy (not the one I was replying to) took me seriously. He was 6ft, and decided he'd like to make my acquaintance... His first letter was just a chummy "I've been a member of the club for X number of years blah de blah" chatting, so I wrote back.

 

48 hours later I get another letter from him. A huge long, 5-sheets-of-A4-typed-on-both-sides letter. In it he mentioned frequently that he was single and that he had 60+ grand in the bank, and what a lovely girl I was.

 

I didn't answer.

 

48 hours later the phone rang. My mother answered it and shouted that there was a man on the phone. I picked up the extension thinking it was someone ringing me about a job interview I'd been to earlier that week. It wasn't. It was the guy from the pen pal club. He blathered away for ages before it clicked who he was ... then I thought "how did he get my phone number?"

 

I was stuck listening to him blathering away for an hour. I put the phone down. I suggested to my parents that the next time anyone rang for me they ask whom was on the line before handing me the phone.

 

48 hours later there's another letter. This one contained a small gift. I didn't reply.

 

48 hours later he rang again. This time my father answered, he asked who was speaking, indicated to me whom it was, I shook my head, so my father told him I was out and put the phone down.

 

This pattern of a letter followed two days later by a phone call, followed two days later by a letter carried on for weeks. For the most part my father would tell him "sorry, she's out" and put the phone down. My mother on the other hand would come looking for me and try to make me speak to him.

 

I had several furious arguments with her about this - she seemed to think the whole thing was a big joke and got a huge kick out of telling me my "boyfriend" was on the phone again, and told 'everyone' that I had a secret admirer.

 

In those days the term "stalker" hadn't been invented. There was feck all I could do about this man. I threw his letters in the bin, and refused (despite Mother's best efforts) to speak to him on the phone.

 

When my birthday came around he sent me a huge present that I had to sign for. Then he started phoning every day, varying the time of day in order to ensure he caught me at home.

 

I couldn't sleep, I lost weight and my hair started to fall out in clumps from the stress. I jump out of my skin if the phone rang and if anyone came to the door I hid under my bed (seriously!)

 

As luck would have it a male cousin of mine was around one evening and Mother was telling him about this boyfriend of mine. I explained the actual situation to my cousin, who wasn't amused at this man pestering me. The phone rang for the 4th time that day and Mother answered it, I could hear her gleefully telling the man "of course she's here, I'll just put her on, hold on!!"

 

I shrank back, my cousin grabbed the phone and asked "who's this?" he listened briefly then told him "piss off you bastard, don't you ever phone or write to my girlfriend again!" and slammed the phone down.

 

I never heard from him again.

[SSexySSadie]

secret admirer actions can also be persecuted like stalking actions now days, even if they are not as bad

 

Not when it comes to adults, If the 'admirer' and the 'admiree' are both adults and the 'admiree' doesn't like the way she's being admired and the 'admirer doesn't stop admiring...lol.. then her secret admirer has now become a stalker.

[wwwjd]

Not when it comes to adults, If the 'admirer' and the 'admiree' are both adults and the 'admiree' doesn't like the way she's being admired and the 'admirer doesn't stop admiring...lol.. then her secret admirer has now become a stalker.

 

Truth.

 

Question: how could a guy get away with the secret admirer thing and NOT have girls interpret it as stalking? I would think the first time a girl found ANY kind of note from a potentially creepy stranger they have never seen, they'd lock their doors, call the police, and have their BF come over.

 

I guess what I am saying is, I would LOVE to try to make random women's days by dropping cute little notes that say, "You are so beautiful, I just wanted to leave a note telling you someone secretly admires you" attached to a rose. How would girls respond to that these days? I haven't done that in, like, forever, simply because the whole "stalking" thing has been so in our face for the last decade. I feel this odd part of mysterious romance has gotten killed off.

[wwwjd]

No I don't want a stalker, I already had one.

 

 

 

I never heard from him again.

 

I feel for your situation and would never wish that on somebody, and am sorry you went through it. Kind of a taste of celebrity downside, huh?

[SSexySSadie]

Truth.

 

Question: how could a guy get away with the secret admirer thing and NOT have girls interpret it as stalking? I would think the first time a girl found ANY kind of note from a potentially creepy stranger they have never seen, they'd lock their doors, call the police, and have their BF come over.

 

I guess what I am saying is, I would LOVE to try to make random women's days by dropping cute little notes that say, "You are so beautiful, I just wanted to leave a note telling you someone secretly admires you" attached to a rose. How would girls respond to that these days? I haven't done that in, like, forever, simply because the whole "stalking" thing has been so in our face for the last decade. I feel this odd part of mysterious romance has gotten killed off.

 

Well, first of all you have to ease into these things. Start by leaving a simple rose on her desk or in her mailbox with a note saying...'just a simple hello from your secret admirer' See, one thing about secret admirers, they actually know the person they're admiring, so if you know that she has a boyfriend, then it's not a good idea, right? Another important thing to know about a secret admirer, they eventually make themselves known.....and if you play it just right it could be extremely romantic....it may even become THE story you tell your grandchildren....js;)

[OhHey]

I can 100% understand the "logic" behind wanting a stalker in your life, because I'd love to have one myself...it's quite simple. At least for guys, those who do not get much, if any, female attention in their life would welcome any form of it, and a stalking is essentially attention on overdrive. Someone who isn't used to receiving any sort of attention from women welcome with open arms a girl, albeit slightly crazy, who actually cares enough to even want to stalk him. It can be a very new and exhilerating feeling. And it's better than nothing.

 

 

I used to think like that and think how special I'd feel having some girl stalk me, but..... When you think about it, I think having some girl go ape-shiat on you when you pay no attention to her and she starts running up to you like a dumped GF, yelling "you're such a jerk!" and othe rwierd crap....It would get quite nerve wrecking.

 

So nah, I wouldn't want a girl stalker in the typical sense, but a girl stalking me at the club or mountain bike trails would be cool.

 

I mean, we all stalk our love interest do we not? I mean you have too in order to put yourself in a place(literally) so you can get noticed and strike up convos. When this is taken to extremes...then it gets into being harassment and all that.

 

I have no idea what I am saying.....

 

bye.

[gaius]

How would girls respond to that these days?

I would think women today would be turned off that the guy is hiding in the shadows instead of being bold and asking her out. Plus you give her the added fear factor that some guy she really doesn't want gawking at her might be gawking at her.

[wwwjd]

Right. The expected fearful reaction that used to be quaint and romantic. This level is lost for good it seems. Yet women love it if you do it right.

[gotye]

i have had sort of stalkers (people who tracked me down online and messaged me on every account i have ever owned) and a guy who would harass me through other people and wouldn't leave me alone

 

no matter how hot the guy is, nope, wouldn't. harassment is never good

[Necris]

I can 100% understand the "logic" behind wanting a stalker in your life, because I'd love to have one myself...it's quite simple. At least for guys, those who do not get much, if any, female attention in their life would welcome any form of it, and a stalking is essentially attention on overdrive. Someone who isn't used to receiving any sort of attention from women welcome with open arms a girl, albeit slightly crazy, who actually cares enough to even want to stalk him. It can be a very new and exhilerating feeling. And it's better than nothing.

 

Makes sense I guess while the logic is a bit unsound, I myself never get ANY female attention so if all of a sudden an insane woman is giving me attention I might be okay with it, its better than nothing I guess even if she's not the type of person I want to be around unless she's axe crazy or Alma Wade from FEAR.

[threebyfate]

I don't have the desire, expertise or patience to deal with the mentally ill. So no thanks.

[SSexySSadie]

Right. The expected fearful reaction that used to be quaint and romantic. This level is lost for good it seems. Yet women love it if you do it right.

 

Should we rather you do it wrong?...lol

[wwwjd]

Should we rather you do it wrong?...lol

 

You are a sassy one, aren't ya?

 

I been teasing someone for a couple months now, she knows very little about me, on purpose (but we talk face to face) and I think the mystery and intrigue is making her crazy, but in an excited, happy way. Probably get her to ask ME out shortly. That's what I mean doing the mystery right. Not doing the creepy finding home address to leave little notes at - because that was romantic in the past, now it is fear driving. Unfortunately.

[jobaba]

I was reading posts in another forum where this guy was saying he couldn't get a woman and he said he would love to have a female stalker so I was wondering do you guys ever wish you had a stalker?

 

I have good advice for you.

 

Don't ever mention this kind of thing in public. Some women have had very real and very scary stalkers, and you insinuating that being stalked is a 'desirable' thing will be looked at very offensively.

 

Trust me on this one. I know.

[SSexySSadie]

You are a sassy one, aren't ya?

 

I been teasing someone for a couple months now, she knows very little about me, on purpose (but we talk face to face) and I think the mystery and intrigue is making her crazy, but in an excited, happy way. Probably get her to ask ME out shortly. That's what I mean doing the mystery right. Not doing the creepy finding home address to leave little notes at - because that was romantic in the past, now it is fear driving. Unfortunately.

 

When I think of a secret admirer, I think of somebody I already know and who knows me too....somebody shy and terribly romantic.

I'm sassy and I know it...

[wwwjd]

ok... so... what if it was someone you DIDN'T know at all?

 

...dropping polite little romantic hints over a few weeks, culminating in a "I'll be at PF Chang's Tuesday Night, at the left side of the Sushi bar, wearing a tight white colarless shirt... feel free to walk by and drop your hankerchief by me..."

 

How would you, or women in general react to that? It is safe, public, fun, completely controllable situation

[SSexySSadie]

ok... so... what if it was someone you DIDN'T know at all?

 

...dropping polite little romantic hints over a few weeks, culminating in a "I'll be at PF Chang's Tuesday Night, at the left side of the Sushi bar, wearing a tight white colarless shirt... feel free to walk by and drop your hankerchief by me..."

 

How would you, or women in general react to that? It is safe, public, fun, completely controllable situation

 

I don't know about the other women you've known, but I'd be flattered.....and I'd definitely walk by...

[wwwjd]

I don't know about the other women you've known, but I'd be flattered.....and I'd definitely walk by...

 

cool. so maybe there IS hope for this kind of fun! Thanks. Good to know

[Star Gazer]

I'm actually not certain that "stalking" is even codified as a crime in any jurisdictions...simply because it's sooo subjective there'd be no way to define it.

 

Wrong. California Penal Code section 646.9 is a start, and I'm pretty sure many other states have similar statutes.

[Star Gazer]

Hows he wrong he said he isn't sure, are you saying he was sure?

 

He said it's so subjective there's no way to define it. Obviously, that's wrong, because it HAS been defined...in the very state he lives in.

[ponsettia]

I feel for your situation and would never wish that on somebody, and am sorry you went through it.

 

Thanks

 

Learned from it though...

 

Kind of a taste of celebrity downside, huh?

 

And how!