Ihavefaith Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I want to begin by saying I'm not looking to hear "exes are exes for a reason" or "better to move on." I'm not a child. I am in my early 30's. I am well educated and mature. I have read so many threads on the internet, but none of them fit my situation. I have faith my ex will come back. I have to keep that. More than anything, I'm looking to see if anyone has ever known another in a similar situation and what the outcome was. You see, my ex and I were genuinely best friends for 2 years prior to our year long relationship. I was the friend that would set him up with women and tried to get him to date. I set him up with 2 of his girlfriends. I was there for him and he was there for me. Then my marriage failed to my husband and 6 months after my divorce, I started dating my best friend. (Do NOT tell me he broke up my marriage. My ex husband did that with his infidelity.) We were happy, in love and making plans for the future. We hit a snag tho... He was over my house. Telling me how lucky he was to be with me and how he woke up that morning smiling because "he knew he'd be falling asleep with me in his arms." We made plans for the weekend. He asked me to go with him to GA the following month to meet his grandparents. And then.... My ex husband knocked on the door and confronted him telling him he hated him and how he was the reason his family was no longer together. My boyfriend at the time took it to heart, got scared and broke up with me. (The next day) He told me immediately following the breakup that it he wished it was different, but he couldn't live in fear of my ex-husband. He even used the line "its not you and entirely the situation." I was devastated. I begged, pleaded, cried, begged some more. The harder I tried, the meaner he got. Within 3 days, the man that was professing his love for me was telling me he was mistaken about his feelings and wanted me to move on. He wanted to remain friends, but not close friends like we were. It took what feels like an army of people to help me through the break up. He knew how much pain I was in and ignored every attempt at getting back together. 2 months after the break up his mother contacted me wanting to know what happened. We met for lunch and she wanted to know how we went from where we were to where we are. I explained what happened and she told me everything made sense to her now. She told me my ex had been extremely depressed and when he is asked about the breakup all he could reply with was..."it just wouldnt work out." He told her he still loved me and missed me, but we were "too different." We are now 3 months after our breakup and he has started contacting me again. He has told me he missed talking to me, but still refuses to discuss the breakup or the reasons why he fled so quickly. I haven't asked him about it either. He is being sweet again. Everyone says they know he will come around. Everyone says he is just scared. He has admitted he still loves me and misses me to his mom. He isnt dating anyone and refuses to be set up by his friends. His family loves me, his friends love me. My family loves him, my friends love him. I'm waiting.... He is worth it. I was the love of his life for 3 years... True love can get through this, right???
lolavallejo Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Oh yes true love can definitely get through this... But I'm kind of confused why he just left you like that. Is your ex a felon or something? Was he violent or threatened with violence to you or your ex? I would keep talking to your ex.. Say sweet things and give him all the attention and love you think he wants, and he will come around. If he doesn't come around then there's probably more that he isn't telling you.
Author Ihavefaith Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 My ex boyfriend is very non confrontational, very passive and easy going. My ex husband is a foot taller and 100 lbs heavier. Basically scared him to death. He threatened him, yes. Ex husband is just a big bully. While my ex isnt a wimp, he is completely different personality wise. But, he never let go of me completely even after I told him I didnt think I could remain friends. He told me his feelings could change in the future.... I took that as "please don't let go yet" and I haven't. If he doesn't come back, I have no one to blame, but myself. I just know it was true love and when the situation settles, he will be comfortable enough to come back. This was his first "real life" confrontation. Ex boyfriend has never said a negative word about me, never been mean other than trying to get me to let go. Suddenly, he's being nice again. There was no other woman, no thoughts of breaking up prior. I'm certain. His friends have confirmed it. His family has confirmed it. He had told his mom over Christmas I was the one he was going to marry. 2 weeks later....he broke up with me after my ex threatened him.
budley12 Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 There is always hope. With that being said: There is hope of winning the mega millions lottery. There is hope I land my dream job. There is hope of world peace. I too have this hope of getting back with my ex ,we were each other's first loves and thought it would last forever. This hope was what kept me going after the initial BU, however this hope is the same thing keeping me from moving on. Hope is a powerful idea which is created by our mind and heart, however it is not tangible or "real"; it is strictly an idea. If we linger on forever with this idea and not move on with our lives, we will be incapable of living our lives to the greatest potential. 1
fucpcg Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 IDK but that's sad. If I'm threatened, I come back 2x as hard as the threat, but that's my approach, not your ex's. If he is fearful, I just don't know, cause I don't get it. My ex and her ex husband were horrible with each other, but he never bothered me. He's a much larger size to me, but hey don't threaten me or the ex, NOT gonna work.
Mr Scorpio Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 If he doesn't come back, I have no one to blame, but myself. I just know it was true love and when the situation settles, he will be comfortable enough to come back. This was his first "real life" confrontation. How about blaming your ex-husband for ruining your relationship? Or blaming your ex-BF for not standing up for the sake of the woman he wanted to marry? I don't really see any reason for you to blame yourself in any of this. 1
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