jen_r Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 I'm really struggling to move on. It's been a while since our breakup. It was a long, LONG breakup, but it ended finally in november. I WANT to move on, badly. But I just can't seem to. Not only is my anxiety keeping me from meeting new people, but I am terrified about sleeping with someone else. Is that normal? How do I get over that fear? How long after you broke up, did you sleep with someone else? Did you feel awkward about it?
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 I'm really struggling to move on. It's been a while since our breakup. It was a long, LONG breakup, but it ended finally in november. I WANT to move on, badly. But I just can't seem to. Not only is my anxiety keeping me from meeting new people, but I am terrified about sleeping with someone else. Is that normal? How do I get over that fear? How long after you broke up, did you sleep with someone else? Did you feel awkward about it? Whooooaaaaa, Nellie;) hit the breaks a little bit there;) You are still in healing mode and are thinking of all of these things and overwhelming yourself. Heal yourself before thinking of being with someone else. YOU are your priority, first and foremost, YOU. When he is out of your system, you will feel confident about meeting people and becoming intimate===you may share a wonderful chemistry with someone new and forget about ol' what's his name:) Slow down and take your time;) There is no rush:) 2
Mr Scorpio Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 What B&B said. I can't speak to whether or not your fear is normal, but the way to overcome it is to take one.. step.. at.. a.. time.
msfreebyme Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I'm really struggling to move on. It's been a while since our breakup. It was a long, LONG breakup, but it ended finally in november. I WANT to move on, badly. But I just can't seem to. Not only is my anxiety keeping me from meeting new people, but I am terrified about sleeping with someone else. Is that normal? How do I get over that fear? How long after you broke up, did you sleep with someone else? Did you feel awkward about it? I feel the same way when it even comes to the thought of being with another guy. I get a little freaked out. My ex was my first time. So what can I say with little experience. I say if you find a person who you really connect....(after taking the time to be alone and love yourself).... with on a deep enough level and be comfortable we can both get it on lol.
Exit Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 You should be thrilled. You're at the non-psycho end of the spectrum! Good to know that some people still exist who find it strange to hop into a different bed too soon after a previous relationship. I've known too many girls who are quite the opposite. In no way does moving on need to mean that you're ready to be with someone else. Getting into a new bed is not part of the healing process, it should come long after. Like Bewitched said above, make this time about you. Life doesn't need to be a chain of relationships one after another like some people need to live. Be happy, you're normal, you can't switch your feelings off like a light switch and you can't just go out there and pick a new random person and recreate what you had with your ex like some jerks do. I can relate to wanting to moving on but feeling unable to, though. My lingering thoughts and feelings about my ex of over 4 months ago serve me no purpose and are a waste of energy, but I'm just not over it yet. 3
Author jen_r Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 I guess you guys are right. I shouldn't be worried about being with someone else. I just think about being with someone else and it scares me. I don't think I'm really looking for anyone to sleep with, just thinking about the future. I know that he is already sleeping with people (was sleeping with ppl during our long breakup) and it literally disgusts me. Sex doesn't mean anything to him except getting off.
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 You should be thrilled. You're at the non-psycho end of the spectrum! Good to know that some people still exist who find it strange to hop into a different bed too soon after a previous relationship. I've known too many girls who are quite the opposite. In no way does moving on need to mean that you're ready to be with someone else. Getting into a new bed is not part of the healing process, it should come long after. Like Bewitched said above, make this time about you. Life doesn't need to be a chain of relationships one after another like some people need to live. Be happy, you're normal, you can't switch your feelings off like a light switch and you can't just go out there and pick a new random person and recreate what you had with your ex like some jerks do. I can relate to wanting to moving on but feeling unable to, though. My lingering thoughts and feelings about my ex of over 4 months ago serve me no purpose and are a waste of energy, but I'm just not over it yet. I know way too many people who jump right in and try to fill that void==the common thing is that these people generally don't love themselves enough to heal and wait. A wise person on here used the expression 'taking someone's trash to another person's yard'--that's what people do when they are not over their ex and hightail it into another relationship. Then someone else gets hurt, but hey! the void was filled! OP is wise to be concerned. It will happen for you; just take a minute at a time:)
ThatDudeXO Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Moving on is sometimes long and painful but progress is always being made nonetheless. Think to yourself, are you happier than you were a month or 2 ago? If so then you are making progress, just be more patient 1
Author jen_r Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 Moving on is sometimes long and painful but progress is always being made nonetheless. Think to yourself, are you happier than you were a month or 2 ago? If so then you are making progress, just be more patient I am deffinetly more happy than I was. I'm still sad, lost and confused. But, I don't cry anymore. I may be making progress, but it feels like im moving at a snails pace. 1
Eddie Edirol Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I am deffinetly more happy than I was. I'm still sad, lost and confused. But, I don't cry anymore. I may be making progress, but it feels like im moving at a snails pace. Depending on how long you were with him, if it takes you another year or two, let it. You kept going back to him when he called, so that pulled you back to square one each time. Its been probably like a year since you last talked to him? It will take a while longer until youre ready to even start considering dating. What you can do now is just have fun talking to people with no expectations of dating them. it will bring you your confidence back eventually. Keep your mind occupied. Also make sure you dont lead any guys on. Dont give out your number, dont make any dates. Just hang out with the crowds. 2
Snow-white Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I cannot move on either. Something inside me is holding on to what my ex and I had. How can I let go of a relationship of 11 years (incl marriage)? I once did when I divorced. I still don't understand why I acted so cruelly and just pushed him away and just leiting him stand alone, with shatters of our wonderful life we built year after year. And now.... I live my life in another country and I all I want and ask for is our life back. Right after the divorce, I woke up asking myself what I had done to us?!?! Since then, I have been asking my ex-husband to reconcile. I guess I caused too much pain. I believe in his heart, I am the BIG pain now, not the beloved angel anymore :( And why should I try to move on? I still love him so much. I don't want any other men. Just HIM.
TaraMaiden Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I cannot move on either. Something inside me is holding on to what my ex and I had. the something inside you is a refusal to move on. Because you don't want to. the only way to move on is to open your eyes and finally realise IT'S OVER. How can I let go of a relationship of 11 years (incl marriage)? some people on here - including me - have been together, and married - for a whole lot longer, some less. It's down to the individual - the time together is immaterial....it's quality, not quantity.... I once did when I divorced. I still don't understand why I acted so cruelly and just pushed him away and just leiting him stand alone, with shatters of our wonderful life we built year after year. so was this completely and entirely your doing? And now.... I live my life in another country and I all I want and ask for is our life back. Right after the divorce, I woke up asking myself what I had done to us?!?! Since then, I have been asking my ex-husband to reconcile. How come you let it get that far? Did you guys not consider counselling? We need to know really, what happened before we can objectively give any concrete input.... I guess I caused too much pain. I believe in his heart, I am the BIG pain now, not the beloved angel anymore Like I said - too vague, and really, can't comment without more info. I would suggest however, you go back to your own thread if you want to fill in the details, and not thread-jack the threads of others. your thread is your story. this one is theirs.... And why should I try to move on? I still love him so much. I don't want any other men. Just HIM. well, looks like you've cooked your goose, if he's not responding. Carry on - in your thread.
ThatDudeXO Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I am deffinetly more happy than I was. I'm still sad, lost and confused. But, I don't cry anymore. I may be making progress, but it feels like im moving at a snails pace. Sometimes I feel like I'm moving at such a slow pace. What is it that hurts you that is stopping you from moving on? Shattered ego? Loneliness? (Just giving out random examples))
Author jen_r Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 Sometimes I feel like I'm moving at such a slow pace. What is it that hurts you that is stopping you from moving on? Shattered ego? Loneliness? (Just giving out random examples)) Well, before I met my ex, I never thought I'd want marriage, kids or even a husband! Then when we met, we clicked INSTANTLY. I had never had that type of connection with someone before and suddenly I wanted all those things (the husband, the kids, the house etc) . I'm not good with meeting people and opening up. I have so many walls up and now after this breakup I think there are even more. Basically, I'm afraid of meeting someone. Thats really it. It's not like I'm not attractive and can't meet anyone, but anyone that hits on me, I'm just thinking "UGH, leave me alone." And I feel like thats not normal.
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