rejected_lost Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 (edited) Hi, I tried registering on this forum before but I never received any confirmation mail so just had to contend with reading suggestions provided by some experienced and mature people and I felt good. I hate to say this but my life is in tatters right now and this is without a doubt the most difficult time of my life... I'd really appreciate any suggestion or advice about how to get past this crap that I'm surrounded by cause I really want to get out of this... I'm doing my MBA from a decent college. My parents have a lot of expectations from me having spent so much on my education and the fact that we are not financially too affluent adds to the responsibility of passing with flying colors and getting a good job. While anyone in my position would be working his ass off to get good grades and planning for a bright future... my present and future seems to be ****ed up! I'm in a lot of pain as I write this and I do not no where to go from where I'm stuck up right now... First trimester in college went well... I used to attend regularly and scored good marks... the trouble began after that... 5-6 months back... I had 2 very bad experiences and that just shattered my faith in myself and the world... I would like to keep this as short as possible... I liked a girl and she liked me too... I had strong feelings for her but maybe she didn't feel that way and she started liking someone else and ended up saying that same old dreadful line "we're just friends"...she screwed me... she lied to me about her feelings and it seemed like she used me emotionally until she found someone of her type... this experience made my life come to a point where the damage done almost seemed irrepairable...I'm a sensitive person and I admit I'm not mentally tough. To see someone I love painting the town red with someone else made my heart sink... my life came to a standstill... I stopped attending college and confined my self to my hostel room smoking like crazy, not eating well and staying up late in the night... my academics took a back seat and I, who was once considered to be a bright student and someone with a very good reputation among my colleagues, started to change... I cut myself off from the world and was sinking into depression. It's important to mention that I'm doing an MBA from a decent college and my parents have invested a lot on me and have great expectations... I let them down... I flunked my exams... I consulted my family doctor and was on depression drugs for a couple of months... Just when I was starting to believe I can come out of this torture... it happened to me again... I got in touch with this girl who came across as very friendly and it seemed like she fell for me very soon... we're not in the same class so we didn't meet each other that often but she used to text me like crazy... we started to talk and eventually went out for lunch... it was not long before we went out that she told me she's committed but she's not sure about where her relationship is going... I was certain about not falling for anyone again after what happened with me before... I just kept it going the way it was and didn't think much... but somewhere I knew things could change... and they did... she did show a lot of interest in talking to me and meeting me and all... but never said she likes me... I gave in and I expressed my feelings... let me tell you that I'm not a player... I take such things seriously and I expressed my feelings after getting to know her well... I feel so stupid saying this but she didn't reciprocate... and here I am again feeling the pain... I have my re-examination tomorrow and have yet to open my book... I know I'm such a fool and I'm a useless person... I'm letting my parents down big time... but I just do not know what to do... suicidal thoughts creep in sometimes but I'm not mad enough to give in to those... but my life seems to be heading nowhere... I like this girl a lot and although she says she would kill me if I stopped talking to her when I told her I need to take some time off from our friendship after she said no... I feel terrible and it's hurting like hell... it's been 2 rejections in a row and I was serious about them both... this second experience is what's affecting me bad now... I like her but cannot do anything about her... if she keeps on calling me like she used to before I expressed my feelings, my expectations will keep on rising and I will feel pained to see her with someone else... I don't have many friends in college as I'm a shy guy... I hardly interact with girls too... one of the reasons being my first experience about which the whole college came to know and I'm now looked as someone who's a loser and who doesn't respect women. I'm a loser... I'm possessive and get hurt easily... my college life is in shambles... I have so many expectations to fulfill of my loved ones but I just cannot concentrate on what my priorities must be... I feel lost, useless and a burden on everyone... I like this girl a lot and I won't get her too... I really like her a lot... where do I go from here? wherever I turn my head I see problems on all sides... is there something wrong with me mentally? Please tell me what to do... It's getting too much for me to take. Edited April 5, 2012 by rejected_lost
rdb Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Dude, keep your head up. You will find someone eventually. The first girl friend zoned you, and this new girl was already in a relationship/was very confused. As an outsider looking in I can honestly say both of these things happen to a lot of people and both girls have their own issues to sort out. Just put yourself out their more. Plenty of single girls exist. You are in college: go out to a party or visit the closest coffee shop/bar to campus or join a club/volunteer somewhere. If that isnt your scene join a dating website like pof or okcupid. You will find someone eventually. Keep faith and take it slow. You sound like you still have a ways to go with your depression. I fight my own battle with it, so I know how it is. Stay strong and try to finish the semester on a good note. It is never too late to undo any damage that has been done.
immitable Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 (edited) I know how you feel. You are experienceing a change and it is a good thing. But, you need to have a little more faith in yourself. Don't give up so easily. It seems that your self esteem is suffering. It happens to all of us at some point in life, you are just entering the dating scene. Try listening to positive affirmations and try to look back at all your achievements so far and feel good about them. DOn't let this get worse as it can lead to depression, stay away from drugs. Sports will do you good. Edited April 6, 2012 by immitable
lolavallejo Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 It's ok to get attached and have feeling for somebody.. but if you want to love and be loved you're going to have to deal with rejection. You suck at dealing with rejection.. So what if she doesn't like you anymore. Screw her. She sucked anyways. All girls suck... Just remember, girls are like bus stops. There's a new one coming up every five minutes. If she isn't the right stop, just get back on and ride the bus some more sweetie!
Author rejected_lost Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 Thank you guys... your suggestions make me feel better... like I mentioned this is without a doubt the toughest time in my life so far... this day has been nothing short of a nightmare... had to meet the dean of our college who threatened me with suspension and my re-examination too didn't go well... Guys... this girl I like has been calling me and texting me like crazy in the last 2 days... but when I expressed my feelings she didn't reciprocate but still continued to call and text like before... I thought it would be better for me to keep some distance as her calls and messages only add to my trouble... inspite of making it clear that I should not expect anything like that from her side(liking and attachment), why does she keep showing so much concern and keeps on wanting to talk to me? I started ignoring her a bit and then she's like "why do I have to keep on calling you everytime!" this is to suggest that I never take the initiative of calling her... I called her back later but she cut the call... I asked where she was and she replied she's busy and will call soon... I replied saying I'm sleeping... after a couple of hours I called her back and she cut the call again saying she's sleeping and will call later... I know this comes across as just a normal reaction... but I can sense something is wrong and that either she's pissed off with me cause i do not appear as interested in talking to her as she is or it's because she's just trying to get away from me. I'm very confused and I feel helpless... I do not know what to do... should I just make it clear to her that I'm trying to move away from her cause of what I feel for her and her not seeing me that way makes life difficult for me when she keeps on calling me all day? Or should I just be normal and keep on doing what I'm doing... to just receive her call if she does call back and just act as though nothing is wrong? I know I could lose a good friend... but I do not know what to expect of her... when she isn't seeing me the way I see her... and she knows what I feel about her... why did she keep on calling me and texting me so much? And now she's acting weird and maybe just trying to teach me a lesson or something? Please tell me what's going on I don't know how to react...
EgoJoe Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Are you a man or a tool? You decide. How dare she say no to leaving your life. Be rude to her and tell her off. If you do what you've always done you'll get what you've always gotten.
esteem-jam Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Sounds like your parents care for you a lot, something that not all of us have. You could tell them your story and I am sure they will understand. As for the university- you can always take an academic break- a year off from everything, better than be dropped off due to absence.
lizardking8610 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 Yea what everyone else said.... but seriously stop letting all these people run your life...find some pride in yourself, do something well, make some money, study, and..... Stay away from relationships for awhile.... seems like you fall fast for these women! That is probably why they leave you, falling fast can be a warning sign for many! Especially if the feeling isn't reciprocated! Get a hobby or a dog! Both are a lot of work and the nice thing about a Dog is this.... A Dog will never leave you for someone with a bigger house and more money! A good hobby, especially one that is profitable, well that's just irreplaceable and can keep your mind off things! You're not a loser! You do need to stop seeking validation from external sources, ie Relationships. Look within and find yourself.... another good exercise, look at yourself objectively, if your best friend was going through what you are going through now what POSITIVE advice would you give him? Don't let other people run your life! The way I see it people have three choices as far as "who's the boss" 1) God 2)You 3)Everyone Else Choose the one you want for yourself! Give it a try, if you don't like it, try one of the other two. You have tried option 3, how is that working out for you? Not trying to poke fun, but don't be crazy, and trust me hurting yourself over and over again, dwelling on failures and labeling yourself a loser is definitely BAD behavior. Have some mental discipline and tell yourself each day for 30 days that you will do your best to be Happy, Joyous, Grateful and Free! Even if it is hard work and you're just faking it DO IT ANYWAYS. Start a free blog at blogger.com and document your results, or keep an online journal! This will help motivate you and be more disciplined. At the end of the day you have a two choices every day 1) Be Happy, content, grateful etc. 2) Be Miserable Option 1 requires MENTAL DISCIPLINE and HARD WORK Option 2 requires your conscious or unconscious decision to just keep doing what your doing and making yourself miserable. STOP HURTING YOURSELF BRO, The world truly is your oyster if you let it be, or it can be the biggest B*tch you ever met and will screw you six ways from sunday if you choose to see it that way. Perception is Reality. So what is your perception of reality right now? Sounds to me like its dismal and ONLY you can change it. Two Quotes From One Of My Personal Heroes To Get You Started "Everything is energy and that's all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be NO other way. This is NOT philosophy this IS physics" -Albert Einstein "Reality is an illusion, albeit a persistent one" -Albert Einstein 2
Author rejected_lost Posted April 8, 2012 Author Posted April 8, 2012 thank you once again for your advice... the worst thing that can happen to anyone is the person you love considers you to be just another friend... I'm feeling very bad right now as I think this girl now just considers me to be just another friend, not even a very good friend. We got in touch about 2 months back... initially it seemed as though she was very much into me... used to call me a lot, text me all day and so on... she used to call me every night before going to sleep and it was such a good feeling... this continued even after I expressed my liking for her... infact, I thought she was still into me as her calls and texts continued till 2 days back... but since the last 2 days, her behaviour has changed... she's not in a good mood these days maybe because she's had a fight with a very close friend of her(who's a male if that matters)... this friend of hers is a jerk... I've always doubted his intentions and I'm sure he got close to her and provided her with emotional support with the wrong intentions in mind... even my friends feel he's a jackass who's just looking for a chance to get physically involved with her... the thing is... she does every small thing with him... whether it's studying, eating, going out and so on... she doesn't spend much time with anyone else but this friend of hers whom she trusts blindly... inspite of her proximity with this guy, she still used to give me all the attention through calls and texts... but now that things between her and this guy aren't going well, it seems like she's keeping a distance from me too... in the last two days, she hasn't been the same with me... I understand the fight she picked up with this idiot has affected her... but it's like she doesn't treat me like being someone special anymore! She has a boyfriend in her hometown too... she used to do all the calling and texting before but now it's always me who initiates it and that emotion which I used to feel she used to exude when she spoke to me is missing... it's like she acts so casual and doesn't really bother about what I'm doing anymore... It feels terrible... but I need to make sure this doesn't affect me so much like before and I really need to make sure I keep my cool... it feels miserable to think that someone who was so into me till yesterday is now acting indifferently... I just do not know what went wrong in 2 days! is it cause the fight she had with her best friend has affected her so much that she doesn't care about me anymore? What do you guys think? should i keep taking the initiative since she used to do it in the past and give it a try and see how it goes? If she continues acting the way she has been... I can stop and then start that grueling procedure of getting over her... damn it every moment seems torturous...
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