Bonz Posted June 16, 2004 Posted June 16, 2004 hi all this is my first post so ill probably take a bit to explain,so bear with me. I live in ontario,canada and about three and a half years ago,i met the most amazing woman online,shes from oklahoma,that june she moved here after her daughter went to college,she was in a horrible marraige with a guy for 23 years who near then end of it threatened her with a shotgun,and was just crazy basically,you would have to see this guy in action to believe it,anyways,we were together for three years here,but because she was here without a visa to work and such,and hiding from her ex(they are divorced in the meantime),she couldnt go back and forth as much as we would have liked and the fear of her not being allowed across the border is always there. I was running a small business for a guy when she got here so we both concentrated on that,it gace her something to do and helped with the daily expenses and such,she had been back to see her family about a year and a half ago,and it was hard to be apart from her,anyways,after spending three yeas together living and loving one another to death,she decided three weeks ago she should go back to oklahoma,to try to straighten out her life there as far as her divorce decree is concerened and her being here legally,i agreed to it and always told her that if thats what she wanted to do then i wouldnt stand in her way,i had promised her that from the beginning..... Within four days she has found work and is concentrating on that and trying to find some time to spend with her daughter who is in santa fe new mexico,but will be coming to oklahoma in august,and she is living with her parents,they have a new rv near the house so they told her to live there as long as she wants to.this is a good thing because its free for her. Before she left she asked me to marry her in november down there,then she would remain and i would come back,i have a12 year old i cant leave or i would be there in oklahoma as we speak.her idea was to be married in november and then for her to get a spousal family sponsorship,then move back here with me.I think that 6 months apart after being married will be hard enough,how do i marry her then leave her in oklahoma for the first six months of our lives as newlyweds?this is part of my problem, I should also explain the inner emotions i feel now too,maybe it will help,i email her about twice to three times a day and we talk on the phone once a day,anywhere from ten minutes to a half hour,and before she started working we would chat on instant messaging for about an hour a night.now she has to work afternoon shifts,and i am on days,if i dont call her at lunchwe dont speak,and there is no more instant messaging,because of the work schedules offsetting one another,so i am feeling a little lost most of the time,i cant concentrate,i worry bout her and i miss her,i can almost cry at the drop of a hat,i cant concetrate on anything but ways to get her back here faster,i want to go down already and see her,but money doesnt allow for that,i really am scared about a few things as well,relationship wise i think we are ok,im not worried she would cheat on me or that she lied about why she has gone back,i understandbut here are my fears..... She will find that being down there is a lot easier with not worrying about crossing the border and how she will make money once here,that maybe it will be easier to stay in oklahoma,her family is all there,as well as her daughter coming back from college for a visit,her ex is leaving for scholl out of state in sept so he will no longer be a problem as far as being anywhere near her(he doesnt know she has returned,she lives four hours away from where he is),maybe the love she feels for me will start to change,being that within a week the comminication has dropped significantly,and when we do talk,she seems kind of distant and odesnt know what to say sometimes.I also worry her ex has a huge decree against her moneywise,she doesnt know until it comes in the mail,or that her ex will find out shes there and try to do something to her. im just a basket case,i dont sleep or eat,im only happy when i talk to her,and go around thinking of nothing but her all the time and the current situation,i would never consider telling her i cant do this,she is hte true love of my life and i cant bear being away from her,i mean its ten days today and it feels like an eternity,anyone have any advice for me on how to cope,am i normal to feel like this?thanks for listening to me ramble on
moimeme Posted June 16, 2004 Posted June 16, 2004 One of the greatest things about true love is that it is sure. It doesn't allow for fears or worries. You can be apart or together, but you are always 'with' your love and your love is always 'with' you - in spirit. Either you are each other's 'one-and-only' or you are not. If you are, then she will want to be with you and won't easily replace you with someone else. If you are not, you'll lose the relationship soon. All sorts of couples have to bear separations - often work-related. If you can stop loving someone because they aren't right there with you for a few months, then I suspect you didn't really love that person in the first place.
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