so and hurt

[lostinny57]

i have to get this off my chest, ive known a girl and been friends with her for over 12 years, we would lose touch then fall back in to touch every couple months or even years, well 3 years ago we both run into eachother and a instant bond is made, we talk / text all the time and just talk about life, i wasnt intrested in her for some time but after a while i grew to fall for this girl after a year i tol her so, she want feeling it but would still toy with the idea and flirt / text and call almost 4x a day, during this time she meet somone we both know and started dating them, me being hurt backed off and a month later after they ended she contacted me and are friendship / relationship of sorts / flirting started again, this time we started getting real close starting to hook up etc, after a month of that she vanishes and starts to date another friend of her familys, this ends after a month and she comes to me telling me that she madea huge mistake and wants to be with me, GREAT now im feeling 2nd best but i am all about this girl so i give it a shot, this gos fast and strong and we are in love in no time, vacations together spending free time all around eachother planning a life, looking at places talking marriage and all, all within 10 months mind you, the only problem is is that im scared of her vanishing again as shes done in the past, and the more she tells me how perfect and in love she is im just scared of the trust issue we have, so we get into a couple fights about how she hurt me in the past by always making me feel second best, she assures me those were mistakes with those flings and she knows im the one she loves me and will spend the rest of her life with me, i know i hurt her by bringing up what she did in the past with her cruel actions of toying with me while being with others but i just couldnt look past them and she started to sence this. well everything seems fine besides that, and i feel like maybe i should just work thru these trust issues altho she did everything make me feel this way, we did have a great relationship with alot of love so maybe im being crazy, we were planning our 1 year anniv to mexico and trips of the future and everything when one day she just says with her new work hrs (7am to somtimes 10pm, and problems with her family (parents divorcing) she needs time shes going crazy but knows she loves me, when i press her on this she comes out and says your fighting with me about the past hurt me and i dont know if i am IN love with you! she says shes so confused and loves me and cares but thats it nothing else, WHAT this is after she makes me look at places with her for us to move into, names are kinds, picks a ring and tells me everyday that im the one for her, i agree to give her space and do so, the next week i text her "thinking of you" and all i get is a "thanks" and when i ask if we can work this out she responds "i dont have those feelings anymore" how does a girl who is soooo in love just change and rip my heart out again, this is my fault because by her past i should have known she runs hot and cold but i figured people change esp when we are both approaching our 30s, im heartbroken, i feel used, is she really out of love? advice pleae, fyi its been 1 month of NC and nothing havnt heard a thing from her, and this is a girl that talked to me 24/7 when dating and before dating also, i really was in love with her as well as she was my best friend so this has come as a double hit for me for i never opened up to anyone like i have with her

[lostinny57]

is this GIGS or was i just some giant comfort for this girl, this is so hurtful ive never felt so down and to think she doesnt care is killing me, please advice anyone?