angienw Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 This is my second post. And today is my wedding anniversary. It would have been 15 years today, but he left 7 weeks ago for his new life and new woman. My girls and I are still struggling to come to terms with our loss, we are grieving, we are still hurting. Last night he emailed me with suggestions I could use to divorce him that he found on the net, on the eve of our anniversary, its plan to see he just wants rid of me. I am trying so hard to hold it together for the sake of our children, without whom I could not have made it through the past few weeks. Just when I think I'm doing ok he comes back to pick us my youngest,or calls my other daughter. I just want to go to sleep and wake up when its all over.
january2011 Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 I'm sorry you're going through this. It's early days and everything is still raw. I can imagine that it's tough staying strong for your daughters when all you want to do is to curl up in bed and stay there. You can't go NC because of the kids, so you need to go LC (low contact). All communication needs to focus on three subjects: divorce, finances, your daughters. No small talk and helpful hints about what you need to do. Ignore/delete these and don't respond. You're going to cycle through a number of emotions, but each day that you get through is another day under your belt. You will have down days but just get back on your horse and cry when you've got a private moment to yourself. It's just you and your daughters now. You're a team and you're all going to put your best face forward and keep on walking, building a new and happy life for yourselves. 2
NeverDated Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Definitely what january said about LC. Even though my separation was primarily my decision, I still went through the gambit of emotions. My XH attempted to keep me on the line for months - we spoke regularly, met for breakfast before we each went to work, chatted on IM throughout the day, kept up on each other's lives...we even slept together a few times after the split. Looking back on it, it was really truly sick, but at the time we (I, at least) didn't want to let go of the supposed safety I had with someone I'd been with for a decade. It wasn't until I let go of that last bit of contact (when I began dating my boyfriend and the ex-sex stopped, giving him no motive to speak to me at all), that I was really able to grieve the relationship and move on. I still have days where I miss what I had and wonder if I did the right thing. Especially when something traumatic happens (like my mother dying) and I'm forced to go through it alone, I think, "This wouldn't be so hard if we were still together." From what I understand, those feelings never entirely go away. One thing that helped me was to remember that I couldn't show my daughters the weakness I was experiencing. Usually I try to be very open and honest with them to show them it's OK to be emotional. In my case, my XH was abusive and it took me years to end it. The last thing I wanted was to teach them that relationship dynamic is something to be grieved. While they're too young to really understand it now, I want them to have the lesson that strong women leave abusive relationships without second thoughts. Just keep your chin up, keep the contact brief, to the point and civil, and focus on the example you want to set for your daughters. Don't repress the feelings, but try to think of them like pain from a healing wound. It may twinge every now and then, but it can't last forever and will definitely dull with time. 1
windmask Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 read ur story its sad. but the thing is dumpers only think about themselves they see happiness they go after it doesnt matter who they hurt. at times they start believing in there own lies and think they havent hurt anyone but only done themselves a favour. i know how you feel its difficult waking up each and the feelings are still so strong. and its like a never ending nightmare. my gf actually broke up with me last year and its been a terrible year for me as well. to be honest i loved her with all my heart i was in college last year. her reasons for leaving her "well you arent educated enough","since your in school you dont have money","and reason am breaking up is because i dont love you anymore". and i was like what i was heart broken really. in her heart she believes shes not wrong at all for those reasons when i see her or spoke with her before she acted like she hated me. i dont knwo why....i asked why do u hate me so much am not trying to fight with you she says i dont. but clearly her being rude is an answer. like really the only thing you can do is get up and live your life what else can you do really. u dont need all this misery we both dont or no one does. i dont get why these selfish types of people exist i mean how can anyone convince themselves of doing everything right when in reality all they done is hurt people to gain more in life... theres no point in being all down because it wont make things easier for you. ur suffering but maybe u can be happy with your kids and hopefully someone whos as equally amazing as you will come in to ur life and brighten ur world again....lol i hope that happens to me too hope that happens to everyone who truly has an honest heart....god bless... 1
lolavallejo Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 He sucks. I understand your hurt but he is not the same man you married. He's a jerk. I remember one of my worst breakups I just pretended that the ex that i loved was dead, and this new person just has the same name and looks. So think of your ex husband as being dead to you. The person you fell in love with does not exist anymore. Just deal with the LC maitainance you have to maintain for your children. 1
rickys Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Yeah...its a very tough time for you and your family. You can't do anything now. You have to move on because, if you will stick with your past then it may be very difficult for you to move on. 1
Recommended Posts