dwf40 Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 after a period of no contact/limited contact, my ex (who dumped me) has now starting showing up where he knows i'll be on a regular basis....then gets angry with me for no apparent reason. even after the break up, i've always treated him with kindness and respect....and he never got angry with me when we were together. then we smooth things over and then it happens all over again. like every week for the last month. what is angry about? HE dumped ME! is he mad at himself? is this a sign of regret?
Philosoraptor Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Sounds like he is taking things harder than you are and is upset that you're not quite as unhappy as he is. Next time ask him to leave you alone and inform him that you will not continue to deal with this immaturity.
TaraMaiden Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 after a period of no contact/limited contact, my ex (who dumped me) has now starting showing up where he knows i'll be on a regular basis....then gets angry with me for no apparent reason. even after the break up, i've always treated him with kindness and respect....and he never got angry with me when we were together. then we smooth things over and then it happens all over again. like every week for the last month. what is angry about? HE dumped ME! is he mad at himself? is this a sign of regret? what you have to make sure you do, is that you are civil if you find yourself in the same location - but you remain distant and impersonal. He. Dumped.You. he is your ex-. You owe him nothing. treat him with courtesy, but make it the same kind of courtesy you'd give a fellow shopper, a fellow drinker, a fellow passenger on a bus.... Try to the best of your ability to maintain as LC as possible, and if you can make it NC, so much the better. the guide in my signature is the best I've ever read... and it's the best, because it works better than anything else know..... he's acting like an immature jerk. treat him like one....
Author dwf40 Posted April 5, 2012 Author Posted April 5, 2012 well...i know he's being immature, but he's not a jerk. he's a good man. really. and if he IS taking the break up hard...i'm probably taking it even harder. i just refuse to let him see that. we've been working at being friends over the last month and i actually want to work things out with him and reconcile...and i was kinda hoping him getting angry at me was a sign of regret on his part. its strange to me. we never fought b4.
fucpcg Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 My ex has nothing but hostility toward me since she dumped me. I have tried everything possible to be civil with her, and nothing worked. She doesn't hang out at places I go, but she does make an effort to keep in communication with some of my friends. Since splitting she has refused to talk with me, so there haven't been any episodes of us smoothing out then messy again, just pure hatred coming from her. I don't get this behaviour from someone who was once so vocal about how much she loved me, but whether I get it or not, I am witnessing it for a year now. I wish she'd choose a mature route over her current, but to steal a line from the movie Grumpier Old Men "you can wish in one hand, and crap in the other, and see which one gets filled first". I've often questioned if this is because she's just not over me, but honestly who knows why.
TaraMaiden Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Sorry... i didn't say he IS a jerk - i said he's acting like one.... if you read the NC guide you will also see why trying to be friends simply isn't feasible... it's just too much of a wrench, for those who still have emotional investment... and it sounds as if he has too... Maybe it would help if you actually challenged him about hsi temper, and asked him what the hell he wants, exactly - is there any intention on his aprt to pursue getting back together? If he confirms this - tell him he's going an odd way about it. If he replies in the negative, you revert to plan 'B'.... LC/NC.....more the latter than the former.....
Author dwf40 Posted April 5, 2012 Author Posted April 5, 2012 suddenly, i'm wondering if it is a test to see if i will come to him after he gets mad and storms off. i usually do...after a day or two so we can smooth it over. cause this last time...i totally ignored him afterward for over a week and i got a nasty email from him asking whether we were still on speaking terms or if i wanted him to leave me alone and where did we stand. and i really must emphasize again...this man is NOT a jerk. even though these posts really make him sound like one.
TaraMaiden Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 it doesn't really matter what he is, or what your opinion of him is. What matters is what he's DOING. And you know what they say - and keep saying: Actions speak louder than words. And what he's doing is playing mind-games with you, and keeping you dangling. he knows you have a kind, forgiving and generous nature. so he barks, and you go skipping to the yard, to see what he's up to.... As long as you enable his behaviour and keep responding the way you do - he'll keep barking. 1
Author dwf40 Posted April 5, 2012 Author Posted April 5, 2012 (edited) yeah, but tara, if you want to work on the relationship...you have to get to that friendship point/reinitate contact first and that's what i'm doing. you can't just go from nc straight back to a relationship. you have to start somewhere. and many experts do believe you should and can be friends with your ex, esp if you are hope to get back together. that's why i've posted this under the "SECOND CHANCES" forum. the Love Doctor: (as corney as the name is) has GREAT and practical advice on working with your ex to get your relationship back. She's Real. She practices out of Toronto. She's got great things to say and you may want to see what she thinks about NC to get some other view points. here's her website: Toronto Love Doctor || Love Coach || Yangki Christine Akiteng This article in particular is great: http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/no-contact-brought-back-my-ex-im-sticking-to-nc/ and you can also read the posts by readers and her feedback to the posts. i'm not saying NC doesn't have its place...but there's got to be a balance. Edited April 5, 2012 by dwf40
Author dwf40 Posted April 5, 2012 Author Posted April 5, 2012 so he barks, and you go skipping to the yard, to see what he's up to.... As long as you enable his behaviour and keep responding the way you do - he'll keep barking. true dat, tara, true dat....
TaraMaiden Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 all this comes to nothing - if he has no intention of having you back. and that's what you have to establish. He dumped you. does he want to try again? Does he want you back? Is this something you're both willing to work on? Because no amount of expert advice on reconciliation is worth a pinch of pie, if it's one-sided, and you're the one wishing hoping and doing the work. you can't do the work of two people. your second link is precisely what I'm talking about. the NC was complete, for 4 months - and the ex contacted the poster, wanting to try again. It quite clearly says in the NC guide in my link that the only reason you should respond to approaches by the dumper, is if they've done the 180 - and really want to try again; everything else is just breadcrumbs. He's playing with you. so go NC for a while, and see if he comes running in an effort to try again. Because what you're doing now - isn't working, is it?
Author dwf40 Posted April 5, 2012 Author Posted April 5, 2012 well...it sort of is starting to, i think. because tonite we are intentionally meeting up, none of this "oh i thought you might be here or i figured i'd see you bs". i refuse to say its a date...but its a start.
TaraMaiden Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 well... good luck... ut i think tonight would be an excellent time to put out feelers... Let us know how you get on, hun....
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