Should I move on for good or tell ex girlfriend how I feel?

[patrickferry]

Hi everyone

 

I would appreciate your advice

 

I was with my ex girlfriend for about 1.5 years on and off. It was up and down most of the time, push and pull etc. There was game playing from both sides, because i think we are both quite dificult people. She would be flaky and difficult a lot of the time, and i wouldnt text her, id wait till she contacted me. I didn't text her because I didn't want to seem to clingy and maybe i was afraid of losing her. I don't really know why but I guess I lacked self confidence or self love. All my friends said why are you with her, she isn't good for you or your work and it's true. I couldn't get out. My mum and family dosent like her. She said the first time she met her she thought she was a trickster.

 

I split up with her in January, because she left my birthday party early. I send her a text saying I didn't want to be in a relationship with her that night. But it wasnt really how I felt it, it was more me being angry with what happened. She said she was sorry via text and could we meet and talk. But i said that was the nail in the coffin.

 

I then invited her to brazil for a week as friends in February. We slept in different rooms, I suggested we share rooms to save money but she didn't want to. I suggested I could change her flight to earlier because I was annoyed. I think she took that as me telling her to f off. I stayed on in brazil and she went back a few days later.

 

She didn't thank me for the trip or anything. We havent spoken since the trip, until last week.

 

the other night when she turned up to my dads concert with her best friend who is going out with my older brother and a guy she has started seeing. I believe she is only using him to get to me.

 

I told her to go home and leave, but she refused. I didn't want to see her, it was bad vibes. I was drunk I told her is was an ugly damaged bitch and told her to go home. She eventually did leave I think.

 

She sent me a text:

 

I felt you were unnecessarily rude to me the other night, but I don't want a vendetta, we're not 15 years old. I'm not saying lets be friendship

But enemies is a waste of time and energy. Sorry for my part.

 

I replyed

 

I agree. Being enemies is pointless. I'm sorry for what I said, no hard feelings. Take care.

 

This was last week....

 

I know she is not a good girl for relationships, but I think that is why I was attracted it to. I thought I could change her and make her better. She always said to people that she really liked me but she felt I controlled her.

 

I think that is true, she always made me react. I think it's because in a weird way I feared her. I was scared of her playing games with me, so unconsciously I would play them on her. Like never texting her during the day, I would always wait for her to text me etc.

 

I was attached to her, and I she knew it, so she could afford to be aloof and difficult knowing 'she had me' so to speak. She is quite a tricky girl, and I think thats why i liked her.vshe was a challenge. She is very pretty but very insecure and quite damaged. Her dad died in the tsunami in Thailand when she was 16, so that obviously dramatically affected her and her life.

 

There have been about 2 or 3 break ups from both sides. She would say i want to friends, then i wouldnt contact her for a month, then she would send a text saying, ' hey how are you?' or her friends would get in contact. We would then start being together again for a few months then she would do something that would annoy me and I would end it. Starting the circle again!

 

I have to admit she really did make me react, more than anybody in my entire life. Perhaps becadue she is the only girl I have felt real, strong feelings for. I didn't have those strong feelings for anybody before her, it just happened out fot the blue. I would worry about her, be jealous of her talking to guys etc and I she probably saw this as me controlling her. Shes Sagittarius so she likes to be free, I'm the opposite Capricorn that likes order so that didn't help. But maybe from the contrast we could have both taught each other something.

 

In reality I did really fall for her, but I know she wasn't good for me. I became very insecure and in turn I craved her love, because I had none for myself. I think maybe if I didn't try and control her and showed her that I really did care for her then maybe would still be together.

 

But in truth it would most likely be only be more of the same.

 

 

Thanks for your time

 

All the best

 

Pat

[liverpool fc]

hi buddy !

 

Sorry to here things arent the best

 

I sort of know what you are going through - i had a ex which was just like that

 

You deserve to be treated much better, sounds like she is being a bit immature getting with another guy and getting you to react in different ways

 

'going throught the motions' is pointless and trust me having a relationship with the same problems over and over again is not good, her being insecure and all doesnt help but it sounds like she has made you feel insecure about yourself about not loving yourself

[bigmomma1974]

in my opinion this is a very immature relationnship and is very negative for both of you. youu are both playing games with each other and it isn't healthy. I suggest you break complete contact with her and move on. Jealousy also is a very ugly feeling in relationships. It will get you know where. It is time for you to move on find a girl who is there for you and you are there for her without the games, This seriously sounds like stuff my teenage kids do. I am not sure your ages but if your older then teenager stage don't you think its time to have more mature relationships?

[TaraMaiden]

sorry patrickferry, but the immature one is you.

you go up and down, on and off, then you dump her - then you invite her to Brazil - then you push and pull again, then you get pissy because you get drunk and you're rude to her, then ....

oh for goodness' sake, you're a mess.

leave her alone, don't contact her, just keep out of her way, stay out of her life, and try to get on with yours.

you neither of you, obviously have what it takes to make anything work between you two, and you're never going to get on an even keel. so let it be....

Let her go her way in peace, and just start anew with yours.

but don't keep poking this, because nothing good ever seems to come of it when you do.....