Eternal Sunshine Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 This is going to be more of a journal entry - 2 months anniversary since I moved out. I still have ups and downs, but ending things was 100% the right decision. I am just having really hard time getting detached from someone who knew me on such a deep level. I don't get attached easily, I don't say I love you easily, I don't move in easily and I don't let go easily. We had some contact recently (no, it doesn't set me back - in fact it makes me feel releived - my thoughts are that because I truly don't hope/want to get back with him, I don't get dissapointed if contact is just contact). He is healing. He even called me by his nickname for me for the first time since things ended. I asked him if he had any more thoughts on how things ended. He told me "In an alternate universe, if I wasn't me and you weren't you, things would have worked". That basically sums it up pretty well He still wants some more time to pass and then have a go at genuine friendship. He wants to sit me down one day and tell me why he felt that his seemingly cruel detachement after I moved out was the right thing to do. The only problem is, by then I truly won't care. I am sure I don't want a close friendship or anything, I don't want reminders of my past to drag me down. Just some civil contact every now and then, with no hang-outs is all that I want. I didn't tell him that - I don't feel it's needed at this stage. I have no idea what's happening with a girl he started dating. I don't want to ask or know. I am working a lot. I moved back from my parents to my wonderful house. I did some more decorating. I took on private tutoring of struggling students for cash in the evenings. I am funding my home decoration ideas from the money. You should all see my new kick-ass surround sound system. I switched from a PC to a Mac. I don't feel like socializing or going on dates. I just want to work and take jogs by myself, then retreat to safety here. I wrote 50 pages of my (future) novel. I adopted a kitten and named him after a planet This is f-ing hard and comfortable at the same time. I am more and more certain that I don't want to get that close to anyone ever again. There is no chance in hell that I will risk my heart. Everybody has their own path. Being on my own is mine. 2
Art_Critic Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Good for you for learning from this ES and good for you for doing the introspection needed to resolve those old feelings but honestly you really shouldn't be talking to him.
budley12 Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 I am honestly shocked at how well you seem to be doing at 2 months after. Was the break up 2 months ago or just when you moved out? I am at 4months in the BU and I am still a wreck, but am trying to move forward. But it seems like you are really getting your life together and trying to make the best of things! =)
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