Konagrl Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Confused! I am back in the dating scene after a 4 year hiatus. I met this great girl. We had three dates, but I am not even sure what the 3rd is. Anyway we spent all day saturday together. she kissed me at the end of the date. later that night she emails me to ask if i want to go to a birthday party to meet her two favorite people (8 year olds). so against my better judgement i said ok. only b/c i like her and wanted to spend time with her. she tells me before the birthday party that her friend liked me and said yes to us dating. i laughed b/c i am shy and don't know what to say. so off we go to the birthday party in 2 sep cars. now let me remind you i have been playing this day out in my head all day today. we barely spoke at the party. i mean i don't know these people. i talked to her friends a little. i was quiet. nothing wrong with quiet right? so she feeds me a bite of cake from her fork. i joked saying something about germs. she says we are past that. after the party i thanked her for inviting me. i mean i wasn't going to start kissing her in the middle of the damned street. i was polite. i haven't heard from her since. i emailed her monday around noon saying that i like her and think she's a lot of fun and that i would like to see her again this week. mind you she is attached to her phone and is constantly text message checking email i have heard NOTHING. i am so confused. i like her. i thought she liked me. what do you all think? was i wrong in telling her i liked her. was i wrong in being quiet at the party and not kissing her? like i said i have played this out a hundred times trying to figure out what i did. i wish she would just reply even if it was to tell me no way. that would feel a lot better than no response at all.
TaraMaiden Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 text her again, and ask her if she is zoning you out, because if she is, that would be a shame, you'd love to see her again... Try it. You have nothing to lose....
Author Konagrl Posted April 5, 2012 Author Posted April 5, 2012 I did email her again asking if i got the signals crossed. That i was confused. on tues She responded "she was super busy. Where is this coming from. Ok i guess? " I can tell you right now she was posting all over facebook all week so she was not super busy. I responded again on tues. no response. I am so mad, disappointed... Why would someone o that? She acted like she wanted to see me rhis week. Asked when i would be back after easter weekend. Wanted me ro take a yoga class this week. I am not emailing her again. She knows i like her. I told her.
ascendotum Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 There is nothing impolite about kissing a girl in the middle of the street (unless you live in Tehran). Don't give that as your reason if the topic ever comes up. I dont think not kissing her was a big problem (but who knows for sure). I think being really quite at the party would have damaged your chances more imo. You weren't wrong in telling her you like her, because you do and and she at least knows that now, whereas if she relied on your actions (no physical affections & being quite), she might easily not have realised you fancied her. I get that you're really keen to know if she wants you, but she just may be playing it cool and not wanting to seem too easy for you. Give her a follow up call on friday and see what she's up to for easter. Play it cool and dont complain about her not responding to your prior email and assume with her that a 4th date is up next...and dont hold back on kissing + touching this time.
Author Konagrl Posted April 5, 2012 Author Posted April 5, 2012 Ughh.... I dont know. I am not contacting her.see its weird bc she used to text me all day everday. Now nada. I feel hurt. I was apologized for being quite. At the party i even caught her looking at me admiringly. I met her on okcupid. She is still logging in. Anyway i disabled my account so i cant obsess. I have her on facebook which is even harder for me. I didnt kiss her bc we are both women. I didnt know how she felt about PDA. I was scared.
TaraMaiden Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 I didnt kiss her bc we are both women. I didnt know how she felt about PDA. I was scared. Yeah, I guessed this. I think you need to either up your contact, or cease it altogether, and see if she comes back to you. I feel the latter would be better, because then it would sufficiently arouse her interest and curiosity to find out why you've gone silent, all of a sudden.... i think you need to let her come to you....
ascendotum Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Ok, now I get the PDA bit + I saw your other post regarding contacting her again and she had a bit of an attitude + how she's spent plenty of time on FB....I can see why you are despondent over this. Maybe she wants a more bubbly or affectionate or assertive girl, and the party was enough for her to say your'e not her type. You have contacted her twice, told her you like her, just give it till after easter for her to get over her 'super busy' time, but don't get your hopes up. Having a couple of dates go really well, then total no contact, happens to a lot of guys as well.
phineas Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 (edited) In my experience there are only 3 reasons a woman would play the "busy" game. 1. she just isn't into you. 2. another guy is in the picture 3. She's retarded & thinks she needs to play these games to get you to chase her. For #1 I think everyone is giving good advice. Lay it on the line so you can stop wasting your time. However she will still probably not be truthful so all you can do is ask & if the answer is anything but "yes" just move on & stop talking to her because otherwise you will drive yourself crazy. When a woman tells me "busy" and I know it's BS I get busier, looking for a woman that won't play the "busy" game. You can play the "busy" game back and she will probably respond well however in my experience women like this are not long term material because they will keep playing power games with you. edit: "both women" yeah I don't know then. LOL! Edited April 5, 2012 by phineas
Author Konagrl Posted April 5, 2012 Author Posted April 5, 2012 It was a birthday party for an 8 year old with lots of straight people. There were no lesbians there. I felt weird being there in the first place. The two kids have some type of disease and can't communicate. One of the other kids had a brain tumour. Showing affection at this place was not called for. Actually I should never have been invited in the first place. Your right I am not going to contact her at all. I honestly don't think she is interested. What changed after spending 8 hours together with her making little comments that made it sound like she had an interest. I don't know. I don't think I will ever know. I hate this. I am crushed. Honestly. She even made a comment to me saturday that she doesn't want me to get sick of her too fast. WTH???? The kiss was amazing and she felt the same way. Oh hell....Frustrated
Author Konagrl Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 Ok I am done with this girl. Obviously I mis-read all the signs of attraction. She cannot even respond to my emails. I deleted her from FB. That's it. I hate dating, but not going to give up.
TaraMaiden Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 It's ok... have an easy weekend, and relax... remember, it's Easter and lots of family stuff happens at Easter.... i agree go NC, but she may try to get in touch soon. Just see what happens. If nothing happens - then you're right.
sid3 Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Ok I am done with this girl. Obviously I mis-read all the signs of attraction. She cannot even respond to my emails. I deleted her from FB. That's it. I hate dating, but not going to give up. You can't say for sure that you misread her signs. Who really knows what is going on in her head. It's nothing you should take personally, after all its her loss. Maybe she has a lot of issues and you dodged a bullet.
make me believe Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 Kona you are taking this way too personally! You went on three dates with the girl, what do you think she owes you?? An instant relationship? Yeah it would be a lot nicer if she would just be upfront with you and tell you that she's not interested in pursuing anything, but a lot of people are cowards and send their message by just ignoring the other person. It sucks, but what can you do? Why are you sooo emotionally invested and attached to this girl after only three dates? The first few dates are for getting to know somebody, seeing if there's any chemistry, and finding out if you want to pursue a relationship with them. It seems like she was attracted & interested in the beginning, but that doesn't mean much for long term potential. It's useless to try to analyze what happened and figure out "why" and what went wrong. Don't waste your time stressing out, and try to keep this in perspective -- you went on THREE dates. Realistically you barely the knew the girl.
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