SJC2008 Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 If you are dating a woman late 20's+ and have a strong gut feeling that she hasn't been christened yet by the way she acts and other subtle things how do you ask her about it without embarassing her or hurting her feelings?? She'll probably be embarrassed and wonder how you knew but I have a STRONG feeling the last woman I dated is an older virgin. So how do you do it?
Author SJC2008 Posted April 5, 2012 Author Posted April 5, 2012 I think I need to start writing like a lawyer on this board to not be accused of judging. So what if I said older you know what I meant and I did not judge her or say there was anything wrong with it. But I'll reprase to appease " I have a feeling a woman I recently dated is still a virgin and she is in her early 30's. There is absoloutely nothing wrong with it but I do want to bring it up. That being said how do I do so without embarassing her or making her uncomfortable"
prune juice Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 you don't ask. whats your aim, to piss her off?
TaraMaiden Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 virgins don't give it up easily, so don't even ask. You'll know if you're the one she wants to date, if she tells you. If she doesn't come forward with the info - it's nor you she wants to give it up to.
Pierre Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 If you are dating a woman late 20's+ and have a strong gut feeling that she hasn't been christened yet by the way she acts and other subtle things how do you ask her about it without embarassing her or hurting her feelings?? She'll probably be embarrassed and wonder how you knew but I have a STRONG feeling the last woman I dated is an older virgin. So how do you do it? The issue may eventually come up in conversation if you develop an emotional bond with her. Who cares if she is a virgin or not? Why do you have to know? 1
CarrieT Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 You wait until you are in a strong, loving and non-judgmental relationship with her and - if it is true - LET HER TELL YOU IN HER OWN WAY. Anything else or any other way is just wrong and none of your business.
liverpool fc Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 The issue may eventually come up in conversation if you develop an emotional bond with her. Who cares if she is a virgin or not? Why do you have to know? he may find it a turn on or just wants to be careful if she is and ever gets the chance
oaks Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 If you think things are heading towards having sex, regardless of whether you think someone is a virgin or not, you could take responsibility for your sexual health by asking when they last had sex and when they were last tested for STDs. 2
oldguy Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 I hardly consider late 20's plus an older woman. Perception. When I was 19 I broke up with a HOT 28 yo because I thought she was too old Now I'm checking out the woman who make the cover of AARP :laugh:
oldguy Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 It kind of hurts when I hear the stories of guys breaking up with HOT girls for some strange reason that later holds false. You hurt me oldguy... ouch blaming your mistakes on youth becomes more credible the further you distance yourself from them with age Don't feel too bad for the hot 28 yo, I was just her 19 yo boy toy anyway.
Author SJC2008 Posted April 5, 2012 Author Posted April 5, 2012 None of my business if I was a stranger yes but let's say we were still dating. What if she's waiting till marriage? Well I don't mind waiting for sex at all and would prefer to get to know someone if were going to be in an r. But I'm not waiting until marriage and most people don't wait until marrige so wouldn't it be wrong for her to let things progress without telling me that? I mean we are adults. Hell when the roles were reversed the poster said she asked him and SHE said it "needed an explanation". Hell she doesn't have to explain, I just want it to be clear that I don't mind waiting but am not waiting for marriage. So maby I should bring it up but what if she's not and I'm wrong? I asked a legit question about an adult topic and once again when the roles are reversed it's none of my business but when it's the man it's reversed and a lot of women don't like it.
Author SJC2008 Posted April 5, 2012 Author Posted April 5, 2012 I don't care persay but I have the feeling she is because of how she acted on dates. She's done some subtle things to show interest but for the most part I couldn't tell if she was. When I do the math it adds up. There are more things to prove it that she has done or not done but it's too much to go into detail.
TaraMaiden Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Unfortunately men and women are different, think differently, behave differently and have different etiquettes... so yeah - damn right you're going to get different answers. because there is no pat same answer that fits both genders.... If a man might still be a virgin, then he hasn't sown his wild oats yet, had dating opportunities, been out with the right girl... but if a woman is a virgin, she might be frigid, waiting for marriage, saving herself for the right man, or be religious. so just as there are different 'standards' there are going to be different replies.... 1
oldguy Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 None of my business if I was a stranger yes but let's say we were still dating. What if she's waiting till marriage? Well I don't mind waiting for sex at all and would prefer to get to know someone if were going to be in an r. But I'm not waiting until marriage and most people don't wait until marrige so wouldn't it be wrong for her to let things progress without telling me that? I mean we are adults. Hell when the roles were reversed the poster said she asked him and SHE said it "needed an explanation". Hell she doesn't have to explain, I just want it to be clear that I don't mind waiting but am not waiting for marriage. So maby I should bring it up but what if she's not and I'm wrong? I asked a legit question about an adult topic and once again when the roles are reversed it's none of my business but when it's the man it's reversed and a lot of women don't like it. Are you dating or have you simply gone on a few dates with her? Why is it important for you to discuss this with her? <that is simply an honest question, nothing else implied or intended.
january2011 Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 You could try, "I'm very attracted to you physically and would like to take our relationship further when you're ready. How do you feel about that?" I don't think you can ask her if she's a virgin without her being embarrassed, but you can ask her how she feels about the possibility of sex with you. That's a perfectly reasonable question, in my opinion. And yes, the STD question needs to be included before you have sex.
oldguy Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Unfortunately men and women are different, think differently, behave differently and have different etiquettes... so yeah - damn right you're going to get different answers. because there is no pat same answer that fits both genders.... If a man might still be a virgin, then he hasn't sown his wild oats yet, had dating opportunities, been out with the right girl... but if a woman is a virgin, she might be frigid, waiting for marriage, saving herself for the right man, or be religious. so just as there are different 'standards' there are going to be different replies.... :) what else can I say?
PlumPrincess Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Don't know, just ask. What is all this fuss about?
Author SJC2008 Posted April 5, 2012 Author Posted April 5, 2012 I don't don't have to know but I think she is because I've offered her to ride with me more than once. I just feel bad because this whole time I thiught she wasn't interested but like I said things are adding up. Didn't want to sound like I was snapping and yes men and women are different so the answers will be different. I am fine with it but the jest I'm getting is to not ask. That's all I wanted to know, I just wanted to know how to approach her and not make her feel uncomfortable if we see each other again.
sid3 Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Don't know, just ask. What is all this fuss about? The fuss is all about whether she is likely to shag. Least that's my guess.
Chubbi Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 You could try, "I'm very attracted to you physically and would like to take our relationship further when you're ready. How do you feel about that?" For me, I thought this question was very sexy, and I'm a virgin at 22. Honestly, just be very forward but don't be pervy. I mean, don't say something like "I'll take off your clothes right now;" I don't think I'd like that unless you were my bf or H. Are you a virgin? Point blank. And the stereotype is that older virgins are religious, frigid, but that is not true. Is she very awkward? Some women are just very awkward and STUDIOUS. If she is both awkward, hardworking, and studious, she will probably be a virgin. I know a lot of women who keep their heads in the book for years on end making money.
Chubbi Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Regarding whether she will shag or not, I just want to say OP, if she is a virgin in late 20s, then obviously this woman is not impulsive. I am a daredevil myself but I am not impulsive, if that makes any sense. I have not ever been "caught up" in my emotions and ended up having sex with Mr. Loser like some other women. So, just be forewarned. If she wants to, and she is a virgin, she'll probably think about it or already be thinking about it. Sometimes it can be a relief to get rid of it- the title, the experience- all at one time or another.
Cypress25 Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 If she is a virgin, she'll probably tell you herself. If you can't wait for that, just do what my ex-boyfriend did (I was still a virgin at 24 then). We were kissing in bed but still had most of our clothes on, and he said "Can I ask you something?" I said yes and he was like "And I don't care what the answer is, but are you a virgin?" I wasn't offended by this for several reasons: (1) He made it clear that he wouldn't judge me either way; (2) He didn't assume that I was waiting for marriage; (3) He didn't ask me what I have or haven't done with other guys; (4) And he was asking because I seemed experienced, not because I seemed inexperienced. A little backstory. The previous night we had come close to having sex, but I stopped him because I wasn't ready. He was fine with that, but until that moment, he had assumed that I was not a virgin. He knew that I'd had several long-term relationships before him, and obviously I was comfortable getting naked with him, and he could tell I had a fair amount of experience with physical intimacy. What made him suddenly suspect that I might be a virgin was when I gave him an absolute "no" when he reached for a condom. (I guess only virgins get that close and then say no at the last second.) That's why he felt compelled to ask, because he really couldn't tell. On the one hand, I was clearly experienced; on the other hand, I suddenly slammed on the brake when he thought we were about to have sex. I could understand his confusion. What he didn't know is that I had already decided I would not have sex without telling him I was a virgin. He beat me to it, but I really was going to tell him. I wanted him to know. Mostly because if I didn't tell him, he wouldn't know to be gentle and first-time sex would hurt like hell. I was actually glad he asked, because he saved me from having to bring it up myself. Basically, just follow these guidelines: Don't be judgmental, don't try to guess at her reasons for waiting, don't be indirect by asking if she's ever been naked with another guy (I'd been naked with 3 guys before losing my virginity to the 4th one), don't use the word "still" (as in "Are you still a virgin?"), and don't act like her inexperience is the reason you're asking. You don't even have to explain why you're asking. Just be direct and straightforward: "Are you a virgin?" Make it clear that you don't care what the answer is.
Author SJC2008 Posted April 6, 2012 Author Posted April 6, 2012 Thankyou Cypress25 for saving the day!!! Great advice! Now I hope we date again (long story) but if we do I don't have a problem with it at all. Hell it takes a world of stress off of me for my inexp. I just feel horrible that I thought she wasn't too interested but when I do the math (too much to go into detail) I'm 99% sure she is. A coworker of mine even told me it sounds like she's a virgin without me mentioning my gut feeling when I talked about our dates and interactions. So if we date agian I know how to approach her!
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