chris24 Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Well, I've posted my story on here before, but in short: My first love and I broke up about 2 months ago - we dated for 3.5 years, she went away to college 2 hours away and that's when our 'problems' arose. We couldn't see or talk to each other as much and just fell out of love. She broke up with me and had a very hard time doing it, saying, "The hardest thing I've ever done is to have to break your heart and walk away from this." The healing has come sooner than expected with the help of many good friends, but I have come to realize many faults on my behalf why this happened. Before, I couldn't understand, I just couldn't realize WHY.. now I do. I realized I became almost 'bipolar', not in the sense that I was ever mean and than loving, but more like, I would be loving and then act like I just didn't care sometimes, maybe because the situation was very stressing for me too. I looked back over our conversations from the time she went off to college and read my responses and just felt awful.. I never acted that way before and now in my mind, felt like I was almost punishing her by leaving me for a different college. I can say all this soul searching, has done me so much good. I've really found a lot of things I want to change about me, whether its with her, or someone else. Finding what makes you happy and what can 'take the pain away' was necessary for me to start moving on. And as much as I do want that 'second chance' with her, I do NOT plan on jumping right back into things, I realize that is not how to go about things, but rather to take them slowly, start from scratch and prove that I want to change, not for her, but for me. Just wanted to say that happiness is around the corner, whether it shows its face for only a moment, it will return. I know I am too young to really understand a lot of this (I am 20), but I think the quote, "Let your wounds become your wisdom" has never spoken so loudly to me. Just felt like posting an update, hope everyone is continuing in the right direction.
jennisfora Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 listening to a song right now that says, "even on a cloudy day..i'll keep my eyes fixed on the sun"...that sums up what I am trying to do.
Author chris24 Posted April 5, 2012 Author Posted April 5, 2012 Listening to music, positive music, is a great way of completely changing your mood into an optimistic one
Author chris24 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 Just thought I'd post an update today: Thursday night I went down to my brother's apartment to stay with him before my orientation at my new University the next day. I went out to eat, actually ate at a place where the show Man vs. Food was filmed at, and just overall had a good time. Later that night around 10 p.m. I get a text from the ex, last time I had heard from her was about 3 days ago. "You're in [insert city]?" ..I said, "Yeah, staying with my brother." Never really asked why I was there, but she must've known, she found out I was where I was because of twitter, so she must've known why I was there. Today, I had orientation at my new University, where she currently goes. It felt really strange, simply because only a few months back, I was helping her move in there and walking around campus with her - it definitely brought back some memories, but I tried not to fixate on them. She text me, "Are you at orientation today?" to which I replied, "Yes." .. We talked for a little bit, then I said I should go. 10 minutes later, she texts, "Are you here alone?" ..In my head, I thought why does it matter? But who cares. I told her I was there with my mom and she just said, "Oh, I saw some other groups of people with their family." My mom, who was really close with my-ex, texts her while I was in registering for classes. "Hey [name], just wanted to say, it would have been nice to see you, but I understand the situation. I have no hard feelings and will always hold you dear to my heart." I only found out my mom text her because when I got to the vehicle, my mom was crying - she looked at my ex, as the daughter she never really had, and I could tell it was still eating her up. My ex replied and they talked for a few minutes, nothing long, and she didn't reply with much. I can only imagine how my ex felt though, I know she was really scared that my mom / family hated her, didn't want to talk to her, etc., so I'm sure when my mom text her, she probably got a little emotional as well.
lizardking8610 Posted April 7, 2012 Posted April 7, 2012 I've done in the past what you did, as far as the acting indifferent and then loving the next moment. When I was doing it I realized I was emotionally distancing myself and trying to protect myself from the emotional damage that might occur if she broke up with me or things didn't work out. My advice is Dont be too hard on yourself if it was meant to be it will be acting indifferent, I feel, is a normal emotional response to potentially negative relationship changes aimed at protecting yourself. No worries, be happy, if you weren't a "good person" you wouldn't be worrying about it now. Learn and Grow, Learn and Grow, thus should be the mantra of life (at least mine anyways)
Author chris24 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Posted April 7, 2012 I've done in the past what you did, as far as the acting indifferent and then loving the next moment. When I was doing it I realized I was emotionally distancing myself and trying to protect myself from the emotional damage that might occur if she broke up with me or things didn't work out. My advice is Dont be too hard on yourself if it was meant to be it will be acting indifferent, I feel, is a normal emotional response to potentially negative relationship changes aimed at protecting yourself. No worries, be happy, if you weren't a "good person" you wouldn't be worrying about it now. Learn and Grow, Learn and Grow, thus should be the mantra of life (at least mine anyways) Thank you for the response - it feels good to know I'm not the only one out there. I can really tell though, that I almost felt like I was becoming very self-centered around my issues (weight, school, money, etc.) and kind of left her 'high and dry'. Its something I wish I wouldn't have done, but I'm trying to learn from it, and like you said, "Learn and grow." That's exactly what a breakup will do for you, refocus your life on you. It's very important, to worry about what you can control and what you can't - love, while we try to control it, is really out of our hands sometimes.
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