mortensorchid Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 The other day, I looked up someone from my past on Facebook. We have exchanged a few emails and things, nothing will go any further than that as he now lives in another state. However, about fifteen years ago, he was living in the Indiana city where I was going to college. We met at some party, we were together for about three months. One day, he stopped speaking to me. Two weeks went by, I tried to reach him to tell him that it was over. WHen I finally got a hold of him, he broke it off saying he was not ready for a relationship, etc. Then we hung up after it was ended, and we hadn't spoken since just a few weeks ago. In our Facebook emails, he said something that I have discovered more and more often with people out there. He said it was hard for him to stay so emotionally detached from me, but he said it was the only way he could've ended things and moved on. I have no regrets, he did me a favor and I have had a wonderful life since filled with good things (traveling the world, friends, experiences, etc.). But I was saddened to hear that. He thought so little of himself that he thought the only thing for me to do was to act badly so that I would eventually break it off? You'd be surprised to hear how many people share this, knowing that the other person is really too good for you so you act weird or detached because you can't face it? It happens. I wonder what happens to people that they think so little of themselves that they can't reach for the stars, or that they are not worthy of something better or at least good. But, I realize the older I get that a lot of men out there really are not brave, but weak, and do not have high opinions of themselves. Has anyone else ever encountered this? Thoughts on it? I am curious to find out what others think.
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 (edited) Personally I see it as a cop-out and half-truth...kind of another version of "It's not you, it's me"... To me It's more of a "Here's as far as I'm willing to invest with you because of X excuse"...because It's not like they stop dating or don't end up in another relationship, so was that just a miracle or they got lucky? or was that girl just "less worthy" so that was more acceptable...hardly the whole truth. It might be easier to to accept it in that way, but I think for men they decide the level in which they are ultimately going to invest with you...regardless of fears, you might be scared to win or have a million dollars, but I hardly think you would reject it in the end...even IF you felt like you couldn't responsibly spend It...I'm sure you'd try. So In my opinion, while self-esteem can definitely play a factor in who they date and your expectations, once you are in the situation It is you who ultimately determines to pull the plug, and there's more to it than "you were just too good for me" in my opinion, that's way too condensed of a answer and only part of the whole truth...I don't subscribe to that ideal alone. To me It's just a form of an apology, and explanation never given...you messaged him, he didn't come to you, he feels guilty and likely obligated to give a reasoning for his embarrassing actions. When you paint this with a large brush, I think you'll find by looking deeper that there's a lot more to it, and different reasons why people act out in this way...and you only know a part of it, especially If you're a love interest. But that's just my opinion Edited April 5, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas 1
gaius Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 I wonder what happens to people that they think so little of themselves that they can't reach for the stars, or that they are not worthy of something better or at least good. But, I realize the older I get that a lot of men out there really are not brave, but weak, and do not have high opinions of themselves. Men aren't cactus, even the ones who are incredibly confident need to feel they are giving you something of value. They need a little real affection every now and then. You're easily one of my top 4 favorite female posters morten. I always read whatever you have to say and wish you would post more often but you don't strike me as a very affectionate type. If you're dating unemployed guys hoping that you won't have to water their emotional needs and they will love you because you're lowering yourself to date them then you're not going to have a successful relationship. Don't hate me.
Author mortensorchid Posted April 5, 2012 Author Posted April 5, 2012 Don't hate me. I don't hate you. I realize the further I get away from the last one that it was just wrong for him and me alike. But, we learn and move on. I acknowledge my mistakes rather than repeat them. At least, I try to.
wwwjd Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 God bless Facebook. Allowing healed wounds to be torn open and bled yet again since 2004. 1
Yookie Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 he thought so little of himself that he thought the only thing for me to do was to act badly so that I would eventually break it off? You'd be surprised to hear how many people share this, knowing that the other person is really too good for you so you act weird or detached because you can't face it? It happens. I highly doubt that people are thinking this when they act badly to get out of a relationship. More likely they are thinking that they don't want to face whining and crying from the other party if they just say "Hey, I want to break up with you." Also if they piss the other party off then they don't have to deal with the person begging them to give it another chance. I do agree that it is cowardly though.
Eddie Edirol Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 I highly doubt that people are thinking this when they act badly to get out of a relationship. More likely they are thinking that they don't want to face whining and crying from the other party if they just say "Hey, I want to break up with you." Also if they piss the other party off then they don't have to deal with the person begging them to give it another chance. I do agree that it is cowardly though. This is exactly what I think he was doing. I think he thought he was too good for you, and thats why he broke it off. But he doesnt want to deal with the fallout, so he detached himself, and disappeared. he's not weak, he just knows theres no reason to deal with the fallout. Frankly, if he was a weak person, he would have stayed in this relationship with you for much longer, because he was too chicken to end it, or because he couldnt be by himself. That would be weak.
Nextlane Posted April 5, 2012 Posted April 5, 2012 Being strong enough for a relationship means loving yourself more. I find with a lot of long term relationships that are dead end, a partner has changed in a way where they are slowly causing emotional damage to themselves.
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